ardent

Lost Without You



Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
12-13-2016, 09:01 PM



She'd not seen Lark sine the day she got reaccepted into Abaven. Hell, she hadn't seen anyone. To be fair, she'd been extremely busy and had been scoping out her den, cleaning it out, and making it comfy again. Thankfully, with a den in rocks, it was much more simple to deal with than say... a den in the tree roots. Of course, Farrym much preferred the warmth of the earth, but he understood the difficulties with the snow. Then again, Farrym would be cold regardless; he just wasn't made for the cold temperatures. He survived the last winter, though, and this winter was much less severe, so while Lillie held sympathy for the little cat, she told him that he could just sleep on top of her for warmth. Which he would.

Now, though, with the den completely fixed up, Lillianna found herself wandering towards one of Abaven's many other lands, hoping to spy a certain tall figure whom she was afraid would not accept her again. She swallowed hard; she was so conflicted about going to find Lark. Should she? Should she not? She cared so much for him - and yet, this happened. She didn't know how to deal with it, or how to fix it. He'd not sought her out, but he didn't even approach her when she returned... so she wasn't surprised.

Still, she found herself near his den, and she paused nervously. Was he there? Would he even want to associate with her? Would he forgive her? What would she say? What could she say? What could she do? All of sudden, she wanted to turn back and go back to her den and get away from this, but she knew that she was already there, and that Lark already likely noticed her presence if he was nearby. Green eyes scanned around, though she couldn't see if he was in his den due to the angle she stood at. "Lark?" Inwardly, she cringed at the sound of her voice. It sounded so weak, so uncertain. And who knew if she'd actually get a response, though she felt she would.

"Speech" "Italian" "Farrym"




Lark

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Male
gems
0
size
Extra large
build
Heavy
posts
316

Famous
12-14-2016, 09:26 PM
Lark didn't even know where to begin in thinking about Lillianna's return. He'd been pissed off at her, and completely frustrated at the entire situation. He'd felt worse after knowing she'd been gone because she'd been hurt.. she hadn't been able to come back. Still, she'd left and gotten herself in a stupid situation and she was wrong for that.. even if she hadn't had bad intentions. He didn't know what to say to her, if anything. He knew one thing and one thing only - he was tired of people coming in and out of his life all the time. He'd never been the most personable of wolves, and he was growing less interested in maintaining any of his relationships when they all seemed destined to fail in the end, to little fault of his own.

He hadn't expected Lillie to come to him, either. Maybe he'd confront her eventually, in a fit of frustration, and lash out at her in some way. But hearing her now, her voice piercing the silence of his den, was startling. Lark had heard her approach, and slowly was roused from half-sleep at the sound of someone coming toward his den. Her voice made him recoil slightly, his chest clenching at the possibility of a confrontation he didn't want to face.

Slowly and cautiously, he made his way to his den's entrance. He swung his head out to face her, gaze wary as he found her standing there. "What?" he'd ask, his voice blank and lacking much confrontation at all, though also lacking warmth. The bluntness was not unusual of him, though his gaze held an uncertainty that was definitely atypical.





Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
12-15-2016, 07:22 PM (This post was last modified: 12-15-2016, 07:23 PM by Lillianna.)



She was standing there, facing him, and she was at an absolute loss of what to do. Of what to say. Of how to say anything. She stood facing him, bright green eyes meeting darker ones, and felt something inside of her break at the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes. There was... nothing. Nothing at all in his voice. It was expressionless, almost uncaring, flat, and she just wanted to shrink away. His eyes were even worse - they were cautious. Cautious, around her. Not the openness and even happiness she found before the shit that happened. No, this was distinctly... the opposite. Caution, and was that something darker that she spied too? Reluctance? Her jaw clenched as pain flashed through her, and she looked away even as frustration brought pricks of tears to her eyes. She tried to hide it, but she wasn't sure how well she did; she was a completely open book, especially around him, and it had always been that way. Now, whether he got it or not was generally in the air...

She still didn't know what to say. Sorry? She felt like saying sorry would lead absolutely nowhere, would just make it worse. How was he? Now that would be the epitome of awkward. That she missed him? That seemed to sappy, and though it was true... "I..." she trailed off. She did miss him, if that was even the right word. She wanted what they had - the easy conversations, the trust, the relaxation, and the more than that that they explored for such a short time. The night they spent together, even though very physical, to her it tied them even more closely together.

Screw it. She'd just say it. She took a deep breath, swallowing hard before once more lifting her head, attempting to meet his eyes. "I miss you." It was barely audible, so quietly spoken. It wasn't a whisper, either, no, it was just her tone of voice that was so hushed. It was present tense, too, because the absence hadn't gone away. There was no solution to their split, because even with her return there was a split, and somehow that split was more painful than being stuck away, healing, and no way of communication. Now that they could communicate, and weren't... somehow all the worse.

"Speech" "Italian" "Farrym"

Note: Lillie has scars over her right eye and down her cheek. She also has scars under her chin and on her jaw. Her tables and art will most likely not reflect this. Unless it is specified otherwise, assume Lillianna is accompanied by her companion.



Lark

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Male
gems
0
size
Extra large
build
Heavy
posts
316

Famous
12-19-2016, 12:38 PM (This post was last modified: 12-19-2016, 12:39 PM by Lark.)
Lark wouldn't deny that he felt bad about her getting hurt. He wasn't necessarily the most thoughtful of creatures, and he certainly wasn't the kindest - but he was far from malicious, and truth be told he did care about Lillianna, as angry as he was with her too. He would never hope for her to get hurt. Hearing that she had been injured had been a bit of a relief though - that meant she hadn't simply run off because she felt like it. At least there had been a reason. Why Vali hadn't returned to let them know, though, was beyond him. And why she'd tried to take down such an animal on her own..

He tried not to shake his head as she fought for what to say. She seemed visibly tormented, and he let her wallow in it for a long moment as he watched her unblinkingly, falling into his own confused thoughts. It took a long while before she spoke, her voice soft and uncertain as she choked out a single word. He dropped his gaze, eyeing his own paws momentarily before glancing back up at her as she finished her thought.

She'd missed him? Why hadn't she.. found some way to let them know she hadn't abandoned them? Lark couldn't imagine being injured and tending to his wounds in some far-away land. He'd come dragging himself to Abaven, battered and bleeding before letting his family think that he had left them of his own accord. But Lark was a different wolf than Lillianna.. she didn't have a father here, nor did she have siblings here. His eyes closed for a moment, feeling his blood pounding in his head.

He cleared his throat after a long moment of silence, sea-green eyes searching for her own. "I miss you too," he said finally, though a bit somberly too, his voice tinged with frustration still - but he felt his chest sink and felt much of the anger he'd held there fall away with the admission. "I was sure you weren't coming back."



Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
01-09-2017, 02:48 PM (This post was last modified: 01-09-2017, 02:50 PM by Lillianna.)



Was it just her, or was he truly as apathetic as he seemed? He just watched her, unblinkingly, emotionlessly. What was he feeling? Thinking? She couldn't tell, and it scared her to death. What if he was angry, and an anger so deep that she couldn't fight through it? What if he was just... just done with her, completely? Some part of her whispered that was irrational thinking, that no, that wasn't the case; that if that had been the case then he wouldn't still be standing here, that he wouldn't have listened at the border, that he would not have cared one way or another. Yet... all three were true.

When she finally managed to speak, he closed his eyes for a long moment. That actually made her pause, her brows furrowing in a slight confusion as she tried to think something normal of the situation. Why'd he do that? What did it represent? She didn't have to pause for long, though, because it was only a moment that his eyes were closed. Perhaps he had been trying to get his bearing on this... this mess.

The silence only grew longer between them, and Lillianna was torn between looking away and keeping her eyes on the wolf who somehow grew so dear to her. It was when he cleared his throat, though, that her eyes snapped to his, and she saw that he was not emotionless, he was not apathetic. When he finally repsonded, she drew in a shaky breath, swallowing hard. It felt as if her entire body was shaking, her heart pounding in her ears, her breath caught in her throat. That breath was let out in a rush as he moved on his his next statement, and she was already shaking her head back and forth as eh reached the end of it.

"No," she whispered. "No." That time, the word was stronger, more certain, unwavering. "I will always come back." The promise was strong, her eyes shining with mixed emotion - but mostly conviction at her own words. No, she couldn't abandon anyone; she couldn't do that to someone. Not to - not to anyone. Quieter, softer, more an admission than anything, she also added, "I never want to leave again."

"Speech" "Italian" "Farrym"

Note: Lillie has scars over her right eye and down her cheek. She also has scars under her chin and on her jaw. Her tables and art will most likely not reflect this. Unless it is specified otherwise, assume Lillianna is accompanied by her companion.



Lark

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Male
gems
0
size
Extra large
build
Heavy
posts
316

Famous
01-09-2017, 09:42 PM
Apathy was a word Lark would've been surprised to know surprised him. Perhaps it was just that he seemed apathetic, because he knew his demeanor could be a bit.. aloof. Hiding his feelings just seemed far easier than sharing them, truth be told. Safer, too. He eyed her, watching hemmthe gears turn inside her own head, wondering how she felt. He wasn't surprised that she didn't apologetic - she'd always been a stubborn one, he knew that - but he hadn't expected her to speak so openly. Truthfully he hadn't thought much of what he might say to Lillie when they finally got the opportunity to speak privately. He'd been avoiding it, but he didn't have the option to leave now.

Her promise was refreshing. She would always come back. It was something he feared now.. those he loved leaving.. though it was hard to admit it was a sore spot for im him,  even if others realized it. His brows furrowed as he gazed at her, fighting the sudden urge to move closer. "You better," he said firmly, voice laced with seriousness. He didn't like picturing a world without her. That was why this had hurt him so badly. "I.. guess I like having you around." Being so frustrated was exhausting, and slowly he felt the anger slip away from him as he cracked the smallest smile in her direction. Saying he liked her was an understatement but that was something else far too trying to figure out right now.



Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
01-12-2017, 01:01 PM



Honestly, it didn't even occur to her to apologize out loud. Completely, 100% escaped her. She didn't think she was in the right; far from it - the opposite, in fact... but it still just never occurred to her to apologize. She felt awful, yes. She was apologetic, yes. But never did she think to actually voice that. Instead, she voiced just about... everything else.

She couldn't help the little half-smile that formed on her face at his first words, all serious and determined and... some emotion in it she couldn't interpret. It seemed the apathy melted away, and the emotionless, leaving something else that was echoed in his voice. A softness, almost. It was a tone she rarely heard, and only ever from him, and it just... made her smile. And, of course, speechless; she had absolutely no idea how to respond to that simple two-word sentence.

Perhaps it was because she knew he cared. That might have caused it. His next words, though, made her laugh a bit, even as she became hyper-aware of the distance between them... and not liking it. It felt as if her breath had shortened as her heartbeat quickened. She wanted to move closer, but was afraid to; she wasn't sure why she was so hesitant, why she didn't just move, but something kept her rooted on the spot. She did, however, give a half-smile back in return. "Good," she said softly. "I like being with you, as well." Like being an understatement, of course. Wait, what? What did she just say? Her eyes widened a bit as she ran those words through her head again. That wasn't what he said; that was completely different! Oh, shit.


"Speech" "Italian" "Farrym"

Note: Lillie has scars over her right eye and down her cheek. She also has scars under her chin and on her jaw. Her tables and art will most likely not reflect this. Unless it is specified otherwise, assume Lillianna is accompanied by her companion.



Lark

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Male
gems
0
size
Extra large
build
Heavy
posts
316

Famous
01-15-2017, 07:44 PM
Lark was stubborn. Really, really stubborn. Letting things go was hard for him, especially after so many many wolves had walked in and out of his life - forgiving them was difficult. This was different though, and he had to keep reminding himself of that. Lillie had been foolish to leave, and foolish to attempt such a hunt by herself, but she hadn't intended to abandon anyone. As soon as she had been well enough, she had returned. He had to keep reminding himself that.

She seemed pleased by his words, even laughing softly. But she was still as she stood there, smiling lightly at him. The expression made his chest tighten, and his heart beat just fast enough for him to notice a change. She enjoyed being with him? That wasn't quite what he had said, but.. it was true of him too. He just hadn't said it quite so plainly. A bit of amusement danced in his eyes as he watched her, wondering if she'd meant to say it quite that way.  "Do you?" he breathed a quiet question, a slight smile tugging at his lips now.  "Is that part of why you never want to leave again?" He was curious, and a bit of playfulness touched his voice now too as he eyed her, tail curling around his hind legs.




Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
01-18-2017, 08:20 PM



She knew, the moment the light shifted in his eyes and he seemed oh-so amused that he had caught on immediately onto what she said... and the fact that it was an accident. Her eyes widened even more, and she was ever grateful for being furred; she could feel the heat of her skin underneath her fur, and her ears flicked back slightly in embarrassment. Emotions warred within her; she couldn't decide if she regretted saying that, or... not. On one paw, she was absolutely, completely, mortified that she had just admitted that. On the other paw, she couldn't stop the warmth that pooled in her body, so reminiscent of her time in heat, though... different. Less instinctual, less reactionary, and more... emotional as well? It was weird, but damn did it feel good.

That heat only grew when he spoke, his voice so soft it sent shivers up her spine - a pleasant, electric sensation. The question, too, and even the slight smile; she blinked at the sudden pace change of her heart, and the hitches in her breathing. "Perhaps," she answered just as quietly, her green eyes focused on Lark intently. Did she sound as breathless as she felt? And yet, there was something else, something that this glorious sensation that was driving her crazy with all sorts of wants was able to help her say. Something, that in the haze of things she both understood and didn't understand, she was able to ignore the thought of the consequences. "And perhaps the other part is I don't want to ever leave the ones I love again." Her voice was even more breathless than before, quiet but also unwavering, those green eyes focused on Lark with such an absolute intensity as she voiced the thing that she'd been torn about saying, torn about accepting, torn about... the existence of it. It was now in the open, and Lillianna found herself almost not giving a damn about the negative consequences that could come of saying it, dismissing them as she would a slight breeze.

"Speech" "Italian" "Farrym"

Note: Lillie has scars over her right eye and down her cheek. She also has scars under her chin and on her jaw. Her tables and art will most likely not reflect this. Unless it is specified otherwise, assume Lillianna is accompanied by her companion.



Lark

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Male
gems
0
size
Extra large
build
Heavy
posts
316

Famous
01-18-2017, 08:53 PM
He couldn't help but be amused at her accident, noticing right away that she hadn't meant to say it. It was something to break the awkward tension in the air - and he found himself grinning at her slightly while she spoke. What did surprise him, though, was that she didn't try to backtrack. She simply said perhaps, which only made the corners of his lips twitch upward slightly more. Interesting. His tail twitched where it lay against the ground, gaze fixed on her as she spoke again. Her words this time, though, surprised him quite a bit more.

She.. didn't want to leave the ones she loved. Lillie meant him? Briefly he wrinkled his nose, looking a bit confused before his expression softened. He felt his chest tighten, a bit uncomfortably, though her words sent an undeniable feeling of warmth through him that took him by surprise. He ought to have expected her bold words; she'd never been one to hide what she felt, for as long as he'd known her. Still, they'd never really discussed what happened that day, and they certainly hadn't discussed their feelings about it or about one another.

"I.. agree," he fumbled over his own words, not quite sure what to say. Did he love her? Was she saying she was in love with him, or simply that she loved him? They were two very different things.   "That's.. why I was so upset that you left. Waiting for those you love to come back after they leave.. it hurts."  His gaze lifted to find hers again, wondering how she might react at his off-hand admission, if it could be considered that.



Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
01-18-2017, 09:14 PM



The grin, the amusement... the grin that simply grew at her simple response. Despite, or perhaps because of the emotions - and desires - running rampant through her, it brought a slight sense of... normalcy back as she huffed at him, eyes glittering with a quiet, fierce joy. She grasped onto that feeling before the emotions drove her insane again, and she cracked her own... little smile. This one was a little mocking, a little challenging, a little... bite me if you dare. A small, shit-eating grin, if you will.

The grin faded when she spoke again, though, and she watched as his face moved through the subtle expressions of surprise, and confusion. It was surprising to her that she caught the subtle movement, that she noticed the slight shift that likely wouldn't have been noticed by others. And then... it smoothed out, and then went even softer than that; a light of understanding, perhaps, if she was correct. Some part of her, deep inside, relaxed at that gesture, because it wouldn't have come unless the reaction was a positive one.

Then he spoke, and it was her turn. She blinked - first once, then twice, then a few more times as she studied him, absorbing the words. Did that mean... did that mean he... loved her? She didn't know quite how to react to that one, and her mouth started to open before closing without making a sound. It was fortunate timing, too, that Lark continued in that moment, and her chest was at once feeling constricted and free. It took a minute to process it all, what they meant at face value and also what they implied. That she had hurt him, first and foremost, with her disappearance. Hurt him deeply, because she was one of those... she was one of those that he loved that he had waited to return. Which meant... he loved her?

Her mind balked at the thought, at the terror and also the joy that was brought with it. It was both excited and fearful at the same time. Her thoughts and ability to think essentially paralyzed, she found herself moving instead. She moved closer to Lark, if allowed, her muzzle reaching out and up to brush against his cheek, shaking ever so slightly from the onslaught of emotions. There, she murmured, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I hate that I did." She almost added more, that she wouldn't leave again, that he wouldn't have to wait for her to return again, but she'd already spoken those words - and Lillie knew they didn't have to be repeated.

"Speech" "Italian" "Farrym"

Note: Lillie has scars over her right eye and down her cheek. She also has scars under her chin and on her jaw. Her tables and art will most likely not reflect this. Unless it is specified otherwise, assume Lillianna is accompanied by her companion.



Lark

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Male
gems
0
size
Extra large
build
Heavy
posts
316

Famous
02-01-2017, 03:16 PM
Lark wasn't used to feeling uncertain about anything, ever. He was supposed to be the one who had everything together. The strong one, the protector. Not the one stumbling over his own words in front of a woman he had confusing feelings for. The more he tried to place what he was feeling, the less certain he felt, though the thoughts were hard to shake from his mind.

Her expression sent a flurry of butterflies to his stomach. Not that he'd ever admit anything like that aloud. He wasn't aware that a simple smile could make him feel so.. alive, and the feeling took him by surprise. The smile he wore grew slightly as she, too, seemed caught off guard. What had she expected him to say? Nothing at all? Surely not what he had said, it seemed. Amusement danced in his eyes as he watched her, partially enjoying her own discomfort while also struggling with his own.

He only got to enjoy it for a moment, though, before he felt his own breath hitch in his throat. Now that was something he hadn't anticipated. But he didn't pull away as she leaned forward, her muzzle brushing against his cheek. Returning the action was more difficult than accepting it, and he froze for a moment, even after she spoke.

She was sorry. That wasn't something he heard often. He was amazed at how much weight he felt lifted from his chest at the apology, a burden he hadn't been realizing he'd been carrying there. "It's... okay," he murmured quietly, knowing they didn't need to reiterate what had already been decided upon. "I'm just glad you're back home. Really." Exhaling softly, he leaned forward to slide his muzzle beneath her own, tipping it up in a gentle motion.



Lillianna

Loner

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
139
size
Medium
build
Medium
posts
525
player
keanai

Famous
02-05-2017, 08:31 PM
Lillianna was all too used to feeling conflicted, uncertain, and torn - but never in a manner such as this. True, she'd been through emotional turmoil before, but this was somehow... different. Different emotions, different scenario, different wolf. She'd gone through it when her adoptive parents passed away, though that was mostly conflict on what to go, where to go from there. She knew they were dying; they made no attempt to hide it from her, and while it grieved her, she had made her piece with it long before they made their final goodbyes. She'd gone through the turmoil when Finch had nearly died, freaking out and then not knowing what to do after that. She'd gone though it again with Starling, and him leaving repeatedly, time and time again... and each of those were different, each of those were grief.

This was the first time she'd ever been so uncertain in a... positive manner. She was excited, joyful, yet there was still a little bit of thrill and a little bit of terror, but the ultimate reaction left her uncertain what to do, and an electricity in her body that she recognized as a more muted version of what she felt with him while she was in heat. But it was something... more than that, too. While she recognized the physical desire, she realized in that moment that it wasn't just that desire, but just a desire for his presence period.

Him freezing underneath her touch and her words was something that was anticipated; she gathered it would happen, because it was something they both did. Still, his accompanying words were reassuring, and she sighed quietly - at least, before his own movement made her breath catch and she froze under him as his muzzle gently tipped hers up. She froze, because of the absolutely vulnerable position it put her in; her neck exposed, his jaws a breath away from the most tender spot on her body, where it is literally the easiest to kill. It made her heart thump hard in her chest, and it only took a moment for her to realize that was from excitement, not fear. No, she wasn't afraid at all; she trusted him completely. A light brightening in her eye, she tilted her head even more and slightly to the side; an almost completely instinctual gesture as she exposed even more of her throat to him, something that unmistakably told him that she trusted him without a doubt.