"Ezra! Ezra, wait!"

"Why... why were you in there?"

"Ezra, I can explain..."

"Explain what? That you were with... with HER and mom is still missing? That you left mom behind and now you're with HER?!"

Ulric slowly made his way back to the castle, his head hanging heavily while the failed conversation with his son continued to swirl through his mind. There was an obvious limp to his steps with a bloodied, torn bite mark visible on his right foreleg. He paid barely any mind to the wound though, the squeezing worry in his chest far more painful than any bite Ezra could have given him. The boy had taken off after their fight and Ulric had struggled to try and follow after him for a bit, but by the time they neared the border of the pack's territory he felt like he had to give up. Ezra was faster than him on a good day - much less when he was running with a limp.

He was at a loss of what to do next and eventually found himself near the training area in the courtyard as if his auto pilot had brought him here since he didn't know where else to go. He sat down heavily next to the storage building, leaning his shoulder against the corner of it with a sigh. Ulric lifted his foreleg to examine the bite Ezra had given him, rotating the limb to get a better look. Those serrated teeth that Ezra had certainly did some damage when the boy wasn't being careful. He kept replaying the moment in his head, trying to see what he could have done differently. Trying to explain what was going on to a young man that only felt betrayal and anger, knowing there was no good answer to give him, reaching out to him to try to keep him from running away again...

His teeth grit together as he lowered the leg to the ground again, closing his eyes as his head leaned into the wall beside him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to undo everything he had done, he wanted to find Azariah... he wanted to find Aranea. Maybe that was the most frustrating and infuriating part of it all. Even after all of this he couldn't make himself regret what he had allowed himself to have the night before. He should feel bad, he should feel guilty - at least if Ezra was to be believed - but he didn't. He only felt guilty over how he had gone about it. He should have had more resilience, had the strength to wait till he found some kind of answer or that enough time had passed that it would be more clear that Azariah would never return. He shouldn't have stayed through the night and made himself more vulnerable to being caught. There were so many mistakes and so many missteps, but... it was what his lonely soul had needed.

After giving himself enough time to push down the emotions that threatened to strangle him, he finally pushed himself back to his paws and started making his way into the castle. At first he started to move toward his own room, but instead his paws started to stray from their intended path and started to bring him instead to Aranea's room. He thought about how he had left in such a panic and had rushed out with little explanation. He wanted to check on her and make sure she was alright - or that was at least the reason he gave himself as he limped his way down the hallway toward the northern side of the castle. Figuring out the line between what he needed and wanted compared to what he should need and want was becoming more and more difficult to distinguish and the pain radiating from his leg certainly wasn't helping.

Walk | "Talk" | think

While the events that happened this morning had weighed on her mind, she was far from disappointed or upset over what Ulric may have believed could have made Aranea feel that way. She may have behaved like a young adolescent over night but over all she was more mature than to think she needed to be the most important thing on his mind. Having kids of her own would allow her to understand the meaning of his flee, but even just the act as a whole wouldn’t be wise to be flaunting around the confusing feelings they may have had for each other either. She stayed around the castle for the morning, walking the halls and corridors and observing others as was normal, and she would come to notice Ulric as he made his way to the storage room in his training center. Being in the tallest floor of the castle, she only watched as she saw him limp to the shed, there were questions though it seemed a little self explanatory to what had happened. She sighed herself, starting to make the travel back down to the ground floor of the castle. She made her way to the herb stores, grabbing a jar of the ointment that Luta and the other healers had crafted in the healer’s meeting. Though before she could make her way over to Ulric’s training center, they would cross paths each just a distance from her room. She ascended the steps as she saw him, meeting him just in front of her doorway. She held no grin or sign of happiness as she came to look at him, she did in fact blame herself partially for what had happened. Though she wasn’t embarrassed as she looked up to his ghostly eyes, only with a silent apology. Her gaze turned away from his as she examined the bite mark, it could have been worse though coming from Ulric’s own son it wasn’t expected to be as bad as it was. She pulled her head into the direction of her room before entering inviting him to get comfortable so she could treat the wound. He may have believed he’d be fine as he hadn’t come to her for a healer’s help, but she would prove to be more stubborn than others may have thought. Walk "Talk" Think

Ulric lifted his gaze from the floor and saw Aranea approaching him, carrying a jar of some sort of substance that he was sure she'd use in healing. He had been unaware of her presence before this moment, oblivious to the fact that she had spotted him outside and then came to find him in the castle. He didn't question how she had known to get supplies for his injury before coming to him, writing it off in his mind as something she had been doing before he found her. When she silently ushered him into her room he wouldn't protest and willingly walked into the space before finding a spot to settle onto this haunches with a tired sigh. Even though the bite was a good bit worse than a normal quick snap would be, it was still at the bottom of his list of concerns at the moment. There was so much he wanted to say and yet somehow none of it seemed right.

He watched her face while she worked since she seemed dead set on treating the wound. He wasn't surprised - that seemed to be a common trait among the healers he had met. "His adult teeth grew in sharper than normal and serrated," he explained briefly just to give some context for the state of the wound. He didn't feel like it was necessary to even say who "he" was. They both knew what happened here without him having to say. He frowned and looked out the window that opened up one side of the room, watching the ocean outside with a distant, distracted gaze while Aranea went to work fixing up the injury. Knowing how his wounds tended to heal, he had no doubt that it would scar over. Wouldn't that be fitting? The only other major scar he had was the one across his cheek that his sister had given him... and now scars around his leg given to him by his son.

"I'm sorry for running out like that this morning," he rumbled after a long moment of silence, bringing his gaze back to her. His expression spoke to how mentally and emotionally exhausted he was, but there was a clear apology in his silver eyes as well. "Going after him was pointless... I just panicked, didn't know what else to do." He sighed with a shake of his head, looking toward the window again. "Seems like a running theme for me as of late - not knowing what to do and making an even bigger mess trying to fix things." He winced slightly whenever she would apply something or otherwise mess with the bite, but otherwise held still and let her work.

Walk | "Talk" | think

Ulric more than willing to accept the help made everything go by much faster, and as he explained Ezra’s serrated teeth, she cocked her head to the nature of the bite, a relaxed nod of her head as she imagined Ezra meant what he had done and probably had no intention of returning baring gifts of apology. Setting the jar down, Aranea laid herself down face to face with Ulric though more concentrated on his wound than his attention. He seemed to have the same idea as his thoughts were lost in the beach in view of the window. She gently groomed the lacerations with licks of her tongue, she wouldn’t usually do this with any stranger that fell down in the castle. Finding where the marks were though not finished bleeding. She dipped a toe into the jar, trading the placement from one paw to the other so when she placed her paw onto the tears, it would be from her smoothest paw pad opposed to a more rough one. She tried to glob a healthy amount in each area though not wanting to overuse while resources were becoming scarcer by the day. She flattened the globs with her nose, wiping on the inside of her leg when she was done. Ulric apologized, where Aranea finally made her gaze back up to his face when his voice touched her ears, "Ulric, you will grow to know silly things like that won’t bother me." she did offer him a small smile before standing, one of her paws laying on his uninjured leg as she rose, instructing him to stay down. She walked to a shelving unit in her room, grabbing a cloth wrap she would end up securing around his leg to keep it clean while his duties were more strenuous than hers. She looked at him from the corner of her room with a pause as he spoke, returning with the supply, "I wouldn’t say it was pointless. It isn’t an easy thing to understand but there will be a day in his life when he will, even if he may not agree." It was obvious that at a young age and recently traumatized mind, Ezra would most likely not accept what he had witnessed. But he was bound to one day find someone who he truly cared about and loved where the thought of them not being with him was unbearable, and while Ulric found his release in what Aranea had shared with him, Ezra may have learned why the behavior was desired. In many years time of course, and there was no doubt that Ulric would suffer in time by his son who didn’t quite understand. "And he will look back and see what you did to try and reach him, through out this entire transition your family is feeling." Ezra’s feelings and future were impossible to be sure about, but it was like Aranea developed this way of speech to help others keep moving forward. There will be a day in his life that he will understand. Aranea knew nothing of Ulric’s past, but it appeared in his late age that this was his first mate and his first time being his own family man, so naturally the need to be a good father both in an understanding and an authoritative way would touch a little more stronger now than later. There were always mistakes to be had, though Ulric seemed to have a clear path of what he wanted for himself even if his mind was jumbled with the many emotions of loss and guilt. Aranea would not blame him. Finishing securing the wrap, "Your children are most important, but you are important too." her gaze came to meet his as she was done tending to him for now. It was funny how she was promoting self care while she for many years, and would even now rather suffer before rejecting what others needed around her. Walk "Talk" Think

As seemed to be a running theme with his conversations with Aranea, she offered him a different perspective - one that wasn't so skewed with grief, frustration, and helplessness. His gaze followed her as she went to get another item for her treatment, following the silent instructions to remain where he was. Even if in this moment if felt impossible that she could be right about Ezra one day understanding his actions, he did hope she was right. He was trying. If all his children remembered from this time was that he was trying to be there for them then that's all he could really hope for at this point. It felt like he was never doing enough for them and it made him wonder what was actually enough or what that actually meant. When he was the only one setting the standard for himself then it always felt impossible to reach.

As her gaze met his once more and he listened to what she said about his importance being there along side the importance of his children, Ulric couldn't keep the doubt from creasing his brow. He gave a small shake of his head, though he didn't pull his gaze away from hers. "No... No, I'm not," he replied quietly with another shake of his head. He couldn't explain why every other wolf around him took such high importance in his mind and his own well being was an after thought as best, but that was the order of things that made sense in his mind. He had been a caregiver from such an early age that caring for others and protecting others was all that he knew. "Every time I've ever done something for myself... everything just goes wrong."

He confronted his sister about how she's caring for her children out of concern for his niece and it starts a fight that ends with them both scarred and their relationship beyond strained. He left his mother and niece with his sister to go strike out on his own only to have his sister abandon them and force him to start caring for them again. He convinced Azariah to join The Hallows with him so that he could learn from Resin which caused him to be pulled away from her more and more with the duties he had to complete for the pack. The same move to The Hallows caused him to leave his aging mother alone and she passed away without him. He went on ahead to Auster with the pack to make sure the move went smoothly and then Azariah goes missing. He indulged his desires with Aranea and then what little relationship he had with Ezra was shattered. There was a pattern there that he couldn't ignore.

Ulric pulled his gaze away from hers and looked down at her paws, his ears folding back against his head. "I... I don't want to be important... I've always wanted to lead a pack, but not for the glory or the power... I just wanted somewhere to keep my family together in one place to make sure they were safe. So then maybe I'd... Maybe I'd stop losing them and failing them." The more he spoke the more strained his voice became before he finally gave up on speaking around the tight lump in his throat. His jaw tightened with frustration at his own situation that he couldn't control - something he tried so desperately to fix only to fail again and again.

Walk | "Talk" | think

A frown came across her face as Ulric insisted he wasn’t important, and that he in fact believed that he was never allowed to have one good thing. But she would give him the moment to release his thoughts, watching though caring as he struggled just in front of her. Her front legs spread to place them on each of his own massive paws, careful not to put a paw on the wrapped injury. Her nose pulled in and she peeked from below as if she would be able to sneak a way into his gaze while he felt a heartthrob of pain and frustration. Her voice smooth and gentle as if in attempt to feel what he felt, "I won’t tell you that what we shared was okay because I don’t want you to feel like you had to for me. The only thing you can do is your best, you are only one man." She shook her head as her gaze went away from his face though quickly returning after her first few words, "There is little we can do on the matter of Azariah and for that I cannot express how sorry I am. But your remaining children need you to be strong for them, and you cannot let yourself suffer because what kind of standards would they set for themselves?" it was Aranea’s truth, but she could not imagine Ulric openly letting his children see his suffering, "I do not believe you let your children see what kind of pain you may constantly feel, but it is a pain you all share. And only finding your happiness will help you and them move on, or discover what is next for you." Aranea wouldn’t assume that Ulric would find his happiness in her, though to be honest with herself, she wouldn’t like the idea of not being able to take him again. "I do not expect you to want me though Ulric, it is a decision only you can make." she could not hide the bit of disappointment she felt that he could decide to never again see her in a way he did last night, but she would attempt a smile in his direction as if she was accepting the fate. Walk "Talk" Think

Ulric watched Aranea's paws shift to rest over top his own, for a moment distracted from his painful emotions and thoughts by the sheer size difference between his oversized paws and hers that were delicate and dainty. He of course understood the fact that he dwarfed her drastically - a fact that was fairly true for a lot of wolves he encountered - but something about seeing that stark difference like this caught him off guard. Her attempt to bring his gaze up to hers didn't go unnoticed and he willingly lifted his head enough to let his silver eyes meet the clear blue pools of hers. He listened to each soothing word she said as if it was the only thing holding him together, which wasn't that far off from the truth. There were some things he immediately had responses to, but he held them back for now and just let her speak. Hearing her voice was calming and helped him work through his own thoughts far better than he would have if he was just left to his own devices.

After a long, quiet moment of continuing to search her gaze and process his thoughts, he glanced down to her paw that was resting over his on his uninjured leg. He shifted the stacked paws over till they were centered between them and slipped his other paw free from hers, bringing it over to rest on top of hers - gently holding her paw between both of his. "I don't regret our night together. I don't want you to think that I do," he quietly insisted as he brought his gaze up to meet hers again. "Please know that I... I do want you. I'm not sure what will happen if Azariah returns and I don't want to hurt you in the process, but... I do think what we shared was okay and I would like to share more moments with you... if you'll have me." He knew that he was a broken man, damaged by time and the events of his life. It was still a shock to him when anyone actively took an interest in him. Perhaps that's why he had fallen for Azariah so hard and so fast. He couldn't say that he was nearly healed enough or ready to do the same again, but finding a small bit of refuge with Aranea whenever time allowed was something he'd allow himself to indulge in.

"Mostly because... you're right. I don't let them see my pain - or at least I try my very best not to. Sometimes I slip, but I do want to be strong for them. I just... I don't know if I can do it on my own. Being alone... That's worn on me more than anything else." He wasn't sure what the right or proper answer to his suffering was, but Aranea was at least offering him a bit of companionship and affection if nothing else. He felt like denying himself that would only hurt himself more in the long run and would wear him down till he could no longer care for his children the way he wished to.

He paused, searching Aranea's gaze again while his paw flexed over top of hers and gently squeezed it between his paw pads. "But... What about you? I feel like I've only brought you my troubles in exchange for... for what? There are other men that could keep you company if that's all that you want that would be far less messy to be with. So... Why me?"

Walk | "Talk" | think

His understanding to her words and himself was more than admirable. But there was a bit of troubled feelings that brewed inside Aranea.  Sure as he stated, she could have chose to be with anyone. Anyone outside the Hallows or anyone inside. And while it was honestly not demanded that she felt deeper feelings toward the other, it certainly made the hole made in her heart feel completed more than if not. She let her thoughts of Allegro surface that she had been burying the entire time she spent with Ulric, because with each passing moment they were together they were bonding just as equal or even more than she had with Allegro. Almost like their loss or betrayal made them similar in a way. Not that it was something acknowledged for now. Her tone may have turned more equal to his, shifting through thoughts while being reminded of the many harsh things about her life that evidently brought her here. His question hard for her to choke up because while he felt he didn’t want to hurt her, she felt the same. ”You don’t need to worry about hurting me Ulric, I can suffer through it." it was almost like should would openly expect to be his second choice in Azariah’s return. But she wouldn’t admit, the more they spent even just regular outings together, the more she knew what she had accepted to be his choice was harder to swallow. Azariah was the mother of his children, and she wouldn’t demand to put in her place, it wasn’t an easy task but it also wasn’t expected for his own children to accept her and the help she wanted to give them. "I feel like there are things I understand about you Ulric, or that we do in each other." His question still wouldn’t fall into sense in her mind but she could only speak the words as they came to her, "But seeing and being reminded of what you are going through makes me want to be here for you while no one was there for me." her desire for helping him heal was enough for that when he chose Azariah over her, she would come to terms with it, no matter how destroyed her heart may have felt. "I know you are a good man, you stay together for the sake of your children, and you continue to push through to help The Hallows thrive in a time of need." Walk "Talk" Think

A frown creased his expression when she insisted that she could suffer though the hurt. He didn't want her to have to suffer for anything - much less for him. He was the very last wolf in Auster or Boreas that anyone should have to feel any sort of pain to be with. However, he also had to recognize the fact that until Azariah's fate came to light then he was going to risk hurting anyone he was with. So then his choice became forcing himself to be alone and not form any ties to anyone else until that day came - which could very well be never if the truth of her disappearance always remained a mystery - or he risk hurting her in order to be happy. It felt entirely wrong in his self sacrificing mind to chose being with someone else, but he also knew that's what he needed. How he felt with her the night before emphasized that fact pretty clearly.

When Aranea spoke of how they understood each other and seeing things from her own situation in his, wanting to help him even though no one was there for her... They were all things that resonated with him, things that he could feel and hadn't been able to put into words. It was how they were able to speak so easily with one another and he didn't feel like he needed to hide any of his emotions from her because he felt like she would understand. At this point in his life, understanding was all he could really ask for. He couldn't predict the future or what difficult choices he might have to make eventually, but then he had to ask himself - did he want that to hold him back from living?

He was quiet for a moment after she finished giving her reasoning, letting himself think over his decision one last time before he responded since he knew that from this point on there was no turning back. It would be one thing to break things off now while there was only one mess to contend with. It was a whole different thing to follow this path only to change his mind days or weeks from now. But he knew what he wanted, he just had to allow himself to have it and be prepared for the consequences that might come in the future. As much as she wanted to help him, he wanted to help her as well. No one deserved to be alone and if he could be there for her and help support her to help her flourish then... maybe it was worth the risk.

He finally let himself lean forward and press a gentle kiss to her muzzle, silently giving her his answer. Their lives had crossed paths for a reason and even if he didn't fully understand that reason yet, he didn't feel like he could be one to disagree with fate. Once their lips parted, he let go of her paw so that he could reach one large foreleg around her, hooking her around her side and easily pulling her small form into him. Of course he was careful not to move his injured leg too much, but after all of this heart ache and pain he just wanted to be close to this woman that he was quickly becoming his main source of sanity and relief in all of this. He knew she deserved so much better than he could offer her, but he was willing to give her what he could for as long as she desired him.

Ulric shifted to lay more on his side so he could hold her against his chest with her back against him, spooning her as he nuzzled his face into her neck with a heavy sigh. The tension immediately fell from his shoulders as he held her tight and pushed away all of the trepidation he held against their time together. "Let me help you too," he whispered to her against her skin, squeezing her gently in his embrace. "This healing doesn't need to be one sided... The only reason you understand what I'm going through is because you're hurting too."

Walk | "Talk" | think

Ulric gently pushed in to her to steal a kiss after he took a moment to sift through his thoughts and emotions. Aranea only lingered as he pulled back away, the more lustful feelings of last night turning into more than just that lust. Her eyes stayed closed until he stirred, moving her into him which she carefully moved into place as he wanted. Her head moved to search her gaze towards his face, but at the angle she couldn't. But it was probably a good thing because even though she enjoyed that he wanted to embrace her, and didn't seem to be afraid to move forward, the more comfortable she was getting with him the more Allegro was becoming more prominent in her mind. She didn't have much to say to his last statement, it was something she could agree to herself but while he may have made the decision to try and move on from his abandonment, Aranea knew it wouldn't be easy if and when Azariah returned. And there was no doubt in her mind, even if her thought were wrong when the time came, that Ulric would chose Azariah over her. She let Ulric keep her for a few long moments, though a bit of worry was still on her mind that other's would be walking the castle, she shifted to pull herself away from him though her paws were reached out still in touch with his body. "You'll have to take it easy with your leg, but I'm sure you still have to get back to your duties." She offered a tiny smile back to him trying not to show the easy to see darker feelings she would still need to go through, even while being with Ulric and continuously ignoring them. "You can let the wound breathe when you sleep, I'll re-wrap it in the morning." Walk "Talk" Think