Nobody Knew How Much She Blamed Herself ___________________________________________________________ Aranea had been taking her time going back to Abaven. Originally she lingered around Auster for a bit, maybe hoping that Ulric would change his mind and come after her. She was kidding herself though. Ulric was a much better man, certainly Aranea thought she wasn't worthy enough for him. It wasn't that Allegro wasn't a better man either, Allegro also had high morals and expectations for what he wanted for his life. It wasn't his fault the Aranea found herself in the arms of Ulric, and it wasn't his fault that she ended up falling in love with him. Aranea was undeserving of both of the men. She had eventually decided to move on to Abaven, trying to bury mistakes that had been made both in her time in The Hallows and after. But by the time she lingered here in Auster and made her way all the way to the eastern lands of Boreas, she had made the unnerving discovery that she wasn't alone. In the night that she left Ulric, it had been in the beginning of her heat season and she was now bearing his children. To the realization, she didn't want to confront Allegro. She would have rather him believed she stood him up on the offer again and hoped he could move on with his life because of it. She didn't want to face Ulric either though. She was conflicted with exactly what she wanted to do because she wanted both of the men to move on from her. It seemed she caused them nothing but trouble, she knew she was better off left outside of their lives. She had been wandering the lands farther from The Hallows, but also somehow she wished if she stayed close enough Ulric would find her and ask her to come back. She seemed to feel and show sooner with every pregnancy, though she had a feeling the ones growing in her now would all be fit for Ulric's size so maybe that played a part of it as well. She stuck by the forest of the dam, straying from the wetter ground from the melted snow and natural wet lands of the land here. It would be a good source of water, but she would move on to the more southern lands in a few days time. Walk "Talk" ___________________________________________________________ She Tried To Hide The Whiskey On Her Breath

He had managed well enough through the remainder of the cursed, wintery spring well enough. He couldn't tell if the trip to The Hallows had helped or hurt his children. It had hurt him beyond belief, but all he could do now was wait. Wait and see if Aranea held true to her promise, or if she would fail them and abandon them entirely. At this point he didn't even want her for himself, he only wanted his children to have a relationship with their mother. The days drew closer and closer to summer and be began letting himself grow excited for her arrival, preparing more space for her in their dens, creating a separate alcove for her just in case she didn't want to sleep near him - or in case it became to difficult for himself. He didn't know what to expect and it was hard being torn between disappointment and excitement.

As the beginning of summer came and went, he began awaiting her call, watching for her at the border whenever he wasn't busy with other things, putting the last finishing touches on a place for her to stay. But as the days ticked by, the more frustrated and doubtful he became. He had nearly given up on her, writing her off in his mind and deciding to himself that he never wanted to see her again. Then he caught a hint of her scent at the border. It was faint, as if she had been here only briefly, only to turn away. If he hadn't been looking for her so fervently he might have missed it entirely. But he hadn't, and as soon as he began following her trail and realized it was heading back down south, doubling back on itself, something came over him that told him that he had to find her. He had to have some kind of resolution. He couldn't decide if he was more worried that something had happened to her or if he just wanted to find her to tell her she was no longer welcome with his family.

He followed her trail further and further south, all the way into Auster, down to a dammed up river. It wasn't hard to find her once he neared the end of the trail and when his blue gaze landed on her pale form... he froze. She was such a small wolf, it made it easy for her pregnancy to be blatantly obvious, the swell of her sides familiar to him from when she had been pregnant with their children. But these were not his. They hadn't mated when he saw her last. "Aranea..." he spoke softly as he stepped a bit closer, emotions churning in his gut, watching her uncertainly as he tried to decipher which emotion would win out over the others.

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Nobody Knew How Much She Blamed Herself ___________________________________________________________ Through the trees an unmistakable voice came to her ears, and she immediately turned to face him. Her own pained look went across her face, she did not expect or want Allegro to find her. Of course she thought little of his own tracking experience and maybe misunderstood his feelings. They hadn't necessarily fixed what was broken when he came to The Hallows, but they hadn't left things for closer. She knew she had promised coming back to Abaven to live with their family, but she expect him to just let go when she never showed up. In the end, it was Aranea's fault. If she admitted it to herself or not. Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't, but ultimately it came down to her. She struggled for a moment to get any words out, her mouth agape and closed while she searched for what she wanted to say. There was nothing to make him feel any better. She stepped forward towards him, as if he would still welcome her affection with open arms, wanting to place her head gently into his chest. "Allegro I... Didn't want you to find me." To see her like this, to know what she had done. She at least saw Allegro as fragile, was that a good thing? She didn't think he could handle another thing from her. Walk "Talk" ___________________________________________________________ She Tried To Hide The Whiskey On Her Breath

He stood frozen with disbelief, watching her with hurt and confusion in his eyes as she turned toward him, feeling the pressure of his own emotions squeezing down onto him. He had tried so desperately to move past her, to finally bury the love he had for her, but it had been nearly impossible. Some of it still lingered along with the small hope that once she moved back to Abaven they would be able to rekindle what they had, mend the relationship she had with their children, and finally be the family he had always wanted them to be. Any chance of that was gone now. He stood here in some godforsaken part of Auster after spending all day tracking her scent only to find her pregnant. Again. Not by him.

Allegro couldn't bring himself to move as she came closer, the feeling of her gently resting her head on his chest feeling more like a punch in the gut. "Clearly," he told her quietly, a hard bite to his voice. He turned away from her, pulling sharply from her touch as he walked a few steps from her to try and steady himself. It was useless though and the more he tried to calm down the angrier he got. All of the feelings and emotions he had been repressing since she left came boiling over to the surface and when he looked at her again all he could feel was the betrayal and the heartache.

"How could you?" he questioned, hurt and anger clear on his voice, his ears folded back against his head. He didn't yell, at least not yet, but it was clear that the simmering, brewing anger was lingering and just barely contained. "I forgave everything - all of it. Gave you a second chance to be with our children - no, my children. And you do... do this?!" Pain and disgust. All he could feel was pain and disgust. "That's it. I... I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm done." Never in his life had he felt this kind of anger, seething and churning in his gut. But standing here, seeing her pregnant with someone else's pups, when he had spent the last season preparing for her to finally complete their family... he was truly, genuinely furious.

"I never want to see you again." His voice was hard and final, spitting the words at her, hardly able to hold her gaze. "I never want to see you around my children again either. You're not a mother, you're..." His heart twisted and he just shook his head and turned away from her again. He couldn't stay here any longer. He had to go before he said anything else or lashed out any more. He started to walk away to begin the long walk back to Abaven, his gaze fixed on the ground in front of his feet.

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Nobody Knew How Much She Blamed Herself ___________________________________________________________ While Allegro's voice in his first word was not welcoming, Aranea thought otherwise. She didn't not expect what was coming, and she certainly could have never imagined Allegro speaking to her this way. The mother of his children, or just being a woman in general. When he turned away, she felt what she could have considered an equal amount of hurt, not that it was true if observed. He blamed her for what had happened, and while she was half on board with the idea she didn't want him to think so. She had gone back and forth in her mind about everything she had put Allegro through, and she couldn't help the way she felt about Ulric. Not that any of it was justified, and she had never intended to hurt or destroy Allegro the way she did. In the end it was pretty hypocritical the outcome of everything she had done. She was selfish, and she played the victim. None of it was right and she deserved every knife Allegro threw at her. All he wanted was to feel his family whole. He knew what Aranea had done to his children aside from his own desires. Allegro was not like her. "I did not ask for this Allegro!" She cried out at him, her voice cracking under the pressure, whether he chose to hear her or not. She could have never imagined Ulric impregnating her, not that she may have felt excitement after she found out. She didn't ask for Allegro's children either. Immediately tears started falling from her face, and while she didn't wish to rid herself from the love growing in her belly, there was a part of her in this moment that wished she could turn back time and set things right. Alter things for the heart of Allegro or never have met him at all. If Allegro thought he knew the extent of everything she had done to him and their children, he did not. If he knew what she had told Ulric the night he left The Hallows, he probably wouldn't even be here. And he wouldn't have to feel any more hurt knowing what she was carrying. Claiming the children as his own did little to her, but it would have been hard to notice as she fell into shambles, being called out for her neglect and for the things he didn't know she said about their children. Collapsed in herself, she cried out again, "I'm sorry, Allegro!" Through tears and sobs, there was nothing else she could say. There was no way for her to fix this. Or at least, she didn't want to fix it. If he left her there that was that. She wouldn't follow him, he would get his wish. But it wasn't to appease him, she still wanted Ulric to claim her. Walk "Talk" ___________________________________________________________ She Tried To Hide The Whiskey On Her Breath

Allegro heard her cry out, telling him that she didn't ask for this, and it stopped him in his tracks. He stopped mid step, staring at the ground as his teeth grit together, feeling almost as if something snapped in his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, his hackles bristling as he apologized with words that he knew were hollow. He wanted to just keep moving, but her behind him, focus on his children, but he couldn't. He just couldn't do it. He had put up with all of this for too long and there was not a single strand of patience or forgiveness left in his normally kind, welcoming heart. He had welcomed her in, let himself fall for her. When she showed up at the border, pregnant and upset, he had given up everything to help her, to raise their children. Alone.

He rounded on her, forcing himself to leave some distance between them so that he wouldn't do something that he'd deeply regret later. "Do you think that I did, Aranea?!" he demanded, his muscles tensed and hackles raised. "I gave up everything for those pups. I raised them alone, just waiting for you to come back to us. I didn't ask for anything from you except some decency and to show even a little bit of love to those pups. They are truly the ones that didn't ask for any of this." He swallowed back a lump in his throat, trying to keep himself from yelling and ultimately failing. "Yes, I'm heartbroken that I loved you and that was never enough for you, but this isn't about me. I am furious that you would bring those pups into the world and then just... just... abandon them for... for what?! To get fucked by someone else and end up in the same exact position that you had been in before? This is insanity what you're doing! And you're dragging us down with you!"

He drew in a shuddering breath, quickly blinking the frustrated tears from his eyes. He didn't know how to get rid of this anger, where to channel it, how to deal with it. He'd never been a fighter, never let himself get this angry at anything. And now here he was, facing the woman that he had once loved who very clearly had never felt the same, and he was going to have to walk back home alone and face his children and tell them that they were never going to see her again. He was trembling with anger, but when he spoke it was low and aching with pain. "Best of luck to you, Aranea. I hope every single second of fucking whoever the bastard is was worth it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my sick daughter and confused children and let them know that we'll no longer be expecting you." With that he turned and walked away from her, refusing to look back at her or stop, no matter what she said or did. He was done.

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Nobody Knew How Much She Blamed Herself ___________________________________________________________ He wouldn't stop, all of the emotional baggage he had been holding in, he wouldn't be gentlemen enough to keep it that way. She deserved it. Everything he was saying was true as much as she didn't want it to be. She should have stood up for her kids more than herself, and she didn't know until it was too late. She didn't know she would feel this way, she didn't know she would ruin more of her children. "I thought I could replace the ones I lost. I was wrong." She confessed, but it was still no excuse. "I needed to replace Ty." She couldn't find the strength to stand, it was probably expected of her. She had already shown Allegro how weak she was. Before Ulric, before the kids, everything. Barely anything was holding this woman together, not that it wasn't her own self harm from her decisions. "Please, Allegro." Her voice quieted down as it cracked, her paw reached out to him but her face was buried into herself and the dirt, "I love him." She wasn't really expecting Allegro to agree, to tell her everything was fine, to console her. There was zero chance of that happening. But if anything, she was craving the attention she was missing out of the arms of Ulric, out of the arms of Allegro, out of anyone. Something definitely was not right in her making, and there was too many things to pin point any one thing to the cause or the awakening. If she had to choose, it was Tyranis, but many others must have experienced what she had and not acted in the same ways. Walk "Talk" ___________________________________________________________ She Tried To Hide The Whiskey On Her Breath

He could hear her talking behind him at he began to walk away. Telling him how she tried to replace her lost children. How she had tried to replace her former mate. Pleading with him. That she loved him. That stopped him like a knife though the heart, making him wince as his claws ripped at the young grass beneath his feet. Him. Whoever he was. The love he thought they had wasn't enough. It never had been. He had dedicated himself to a pipe dream and that hurt more than he could possibly describe. He had known that his chances of having a real relationship with her after this infidelity had been slim, but this just told him that any hopes he had thought were there were just delusional on his part and he was furious at her and at himself for ever thinking otherwise. He was furious with whoever this other man was that had gone along with all of this as well. Had he not known about her children? Did he not care?

He stood there, facing away from her for a long moment, gritting his teeth and searching for anything to direct his anger toward. He wanted to solely be mad at her, he wanted to lash out, he wanted to make her feel the pain that he felt. But he couldn't. Even though he was seething with anger that he didn't know how to feel or how to control, he still couldn't bring himself to hurt her. Actually hurt her. She was still carrying children - children of the bastard that had stolen her heart from him, but children none of the less. He couldn't risk harming the innocent children in his own presuits for revenge. But he could focus on the other half of this equation. The man that had put those children there in the first place.

"Who is he?" he asked through clenched teeth, a snarl pulling at his lips. He had asked her this before and she had refused to answer, but this time he demanded it as he turned back toward her again, crossing the space between them. He hooked a paw around her jaw, forcing her head away from where her face was hidden from him, giving her no choice but to look him in his pained, blue gaze, his dark cheeks stained with tears. "Who is he!" he demanded again, a sob catching in his throat, his paw squeezing at her jaw.

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Nobody Knew How Much She Blamed Herself ___________________________________________________________ She felt a relief when he stood over her, like maybe he would turn around to comfort her before he went away forever. But she was gravely mistaken. A gasp surged through when he grabbed her, it wasn’t harmful but she couldn’t have imagine Allegro doing it to her. "All-egro!" She pleaded, wishing he could understand. She knew he couldn’t. She almost knew she was delusional. Her eyes were hard to open as he forced her to look at him, demanding who to throw more blame at. She wouldn’t expect his intentions to go far, even while he seemed to prove her wrong in many ways during this encounter. She still didn’t speak at first, maybe pained to put more admittance into what she had done. But if Allegro wanted it to move on, she was now willing. "Ulric." It was still through tears and broken tones, she paid no attention to Allegro’s own frustrated, pained form. "He’s the Alpha." She still couldn’t find it in herself to look at him. Through guilt or fear alike. But now after he had grabbed her, she was hoping it would be enough for him to leave. She wanted so much to make her crimes understandable, acceptable. She knew she was kidding herself. In this moment though, it was masked mostly by her delirious mental state, but she was scared of him. Walk "Talk" ___________________________________________________________ She Tried To Hide The Whiskey On Her Breath

He hated how much her gasping his name, fearful and shocked, hurt him. He didn’t want to be this way. He didn’t want to be pushed to the brink, forced into emotions he never wanted to feel. But here he was, gripping her jaw and demanding that she tell him who it was that ruined his chances of having the family he craved, who it was that had given into her just as he had, who else he could point blame at and loathe.

Ulric. The alpha. That made him pause, standing there for a moment before letting her go and quietly turning away. He looked off in the direction of the Hallows for a moment, but he knew it was futile. He wasn’t a fighter. He’d never given the lifestyle a thought, but he was certain that an alpha had. Any alpha he had known had been very skilled fighters. Prepared and ready to defend their titles. He wouldn’t stand a chance if he tried.

For a twisted moment he actually thought about doing it anyway. Challenge the brute to the death over his lost love. How poetic. Then he could be done with this, all of it. Escape this life he never wanted. Pin the blame on the man who was weak like him and gave in to this traitorous woman.

But his children. His children that hadn’t deserved this. They had already been abandoned by their mother, he couldn’t abandon them as well. His own sense of duty and how much he loved his children probably saved his life in the end and somehow he managed to find a little bit of resentment at that.

Hanging his head, he trudged back to Boreas, back to Abaven, back to his children. Back to the life he didn’t want. Never looking back at Aranea again, always having the sound of her saying how she loved this lover man looping through his brain.

-exit-

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