She lingered and paced and waited and lingered and paced some more, up and down around the hallway out side of the castle's infirmary. Waiting for Sirius. Waiting for someone to tell her that he was going to be okay. She would have to find Artorias next, but once she ensured that he wasn't badly injured she decided everything else could wait. For now she had to wait on Sirius. She had to know he was okay. She had to protect him from himself.

Eventually, one of the healers, she wasn't even sure who, come to her, told her he was resting. Stable. Cut up, but okay. That was like the magic word. Okay. She very well knew that mentally he was far from it, but she could work with that as long as he was still here. She didn't wait for them to finish speaking, she just darted into the room, her shoulder and paws protesting as she forced them to go faster than they were capable of. Her chest hurt from squeezing so tight around her lungs, the stress and the worry wearing on her beyond what her body could stand.

And then there he was. Laying across one of the beds, treated and bandaged. She was aware of Gwynevere in the corner of the room and she gave her daughter a glance and waited till she had left as well, leaving her alone with Sirius. She walked over to his side, sitting on the floor beside his cot near his head, her ears folding back against her head.

I love you too.

"You know I'm still furious with you, right?" she questioned, even as she leaned her head down to lay it beside his, leaning her forehead gently into his.










"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Ocean eyes

He didn’t remember the journey to the medbay. He drifted in and out of consciousness from there. Aware of wolves hovering over him, sowing shut his flesh. Darkness. More sounds, people moving, the pull and tug of his skin. Darkness. The spots of consciousness became longer, someone was feeding him red meat and herbs for the blood loss. Then it was quiet, there was just one healer left in the room. Gwynevere.

Movement caught his eye, and he watched as Tamsyn entered the room. He yawned, exhausted beyond belief, and wondered if he could use sleep as an excuse to buy himself a little more time. His lip twitched as through he wanted to smile, but couldn’t quite manage it.

She sat on the floor beside him, her head rested on his head. He closed his eyes, and leaned his head lightly against her. He wasn’t thinking about Zee. He couldn’t think about Zee. He trembled slightly. Her anger was well justified “I have never been so foolish” he whispered softly to his friend.

"Speech"

Just hearing him speak was a relief. Seeing him breathing, yawning. It allowed her to breathe slightly easier. Of all the stresses and worries she currently had in her life, she hadn't imagined that Sirius would quickly become her most pressing, but somehow he had managed. "Hmm... I don't know about that. I'm sure you've found a way to be more foolish than that." Humor. It felt strange, but needed. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed or smiled - well, besides when she laughed at at him getting hit in the head with his own cart, but that hardly counted.

"I shouldn't have let you get that far," she commented softly after a few moments, her slight smile fading. "I shouldn't have let Artorias pick up that knife. I knew how you were, where your mind was at... I should have stopped you." She lifted her head away from his, flicking her ears uncertainly. "But yes, you were incredibly foolish. If Artorias had managed to stab a little harder or deeper or more straight and less angled..." Her teeth grit together, her brows pulling together with concern. He would have been gone. She wouldn't be speaking to him right now.

"I just... I just can't can't believe you would have actually let Artorias be the one to do it. Can't you imagine the guilt he would have lived with? How Briar would have looked at him?" Surely by now he had heard or seen how close their children had gotten. As much as Artorias wanted to deny it in his very young, pup-like way, she had a feeling they would end up together in the end, as long as life didn't pull them apart. She didn't really expect an answer to any of her comments, it was just things that needed to be said.

Thinking of Briar reminded her of what Sirius had said that had sent Artorias into a frenzy in the first place. "What happened? With Briar?" she questioned quietly, in disbelief that he could have actually done anything to any of his girls.






"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

If you jump I'll break your fall

He huffed a soft, weak laugh at Tam. she was probably right, he had been foolish many times in his life. But getting a kid to try and kill him? It was a new low, even for the Warlord. “I wanted him to get in a few good shots, let out his aggression, and talk it out.” He explained softly. He had heard the blame in Arts voice, and after… after realising that he was his Godson, Sirius hadn’t wanted to let it fester into hate.

“...I could smell her burning. I lost it.” he opened his eyes, looking at the small black wolf that lay on the floor beside his bed. “I know that sometimes I seem okay, normal, but it's hard to remember that i’m supposed to be holding on.” No, he did not want to give Art that guilt. He knew he should be happy that Tamsyn stopped it, saved him. Again.

He let out a tense breath, closing his eyes again, and knocked his head lightly against Tams, as through that could chase away the thoughts and pictures in his brain. “She curled up with me after the funeral. I used to have night terrors, after I almost died getting Deathbelle to safety. Long before I first had kids. I didn’t want to face them, but she gave me an ultimatum. Get a grip on the terrors, or never have kids. So I faced it, and Io helped me get over it. They returned that night, and I woke with my teeth in her throat. She’s okay, but.. She almost wasn’t.”
“ Dammit Tamsyn, but are you really doing the right thing?” He asked hopelessly.

"Speech"

"Well, that certainly didn't go to plan, did it?" she questioned when he explained that he had only intended to let Art get a few licks in before they talked it out. More humor. Another soft chuckle. Slowly but surely, trying to build them back to normalcy. She needed that normal so badly. Even though all of this had happened in the span of days instead of years, that's what it felt like. It felt like each major event had been a separate life time ago and it made her feel like there was nothing of her left. She was trying desperately to hold on to the bit of herself that she had left and tried to protect it dearly.

Her expression darkened when he mentioned smelling the burning flesh. That wasn't something she was going to forget any time soon. She understood what he meant though. When surviving felt too hard, too painful. It was a feeling she knew too well and constantly struggled with. It got better, but it never really went away. "I know," she replied simply, her voice soft and knowing. She hated that he had to go through this. She wished she could make it stop for him, take it all away. She already knew how to deal with the feeling of wanting to end it all, she knew what signs to look for in herself. If she could she would just take it from him and put it on herself.

She was quiet while he explained what had happened to Briar, how he had woken up to his teeth lodged into her throat. Her eyes widened with horror, but she didn't pull her head away from his. A little trickle of fear creeped up her spine and she had to fight it off. It was just too close to home, too similar to what she had gone through with Resin. There were obvious differences in the cause, but it was just similar enough to squeeze at her, constricting her with the memory of how she nearly lost half of her face. She was very, very glad that Briar was okay, but it worried her that something like that could happen again.

She sighed at the demand he made, questioning if she was doing the right thing. She was quiet for a long moment, really trying to consider the question for him instead of outright insisting that she was. She knew how hard it was to keep going. To keep fighting. Especially when the enemy wasn't a physical being. She ended up not answering the question at all. He should already know the answer to that. She wouldn't be trying so damn hard to do it if she didn't think it was right. Instead she lifted her head from his letting her mint gaze find his.

Her tone was quiet and thoughtful as she spoke, her mind clearly far away as she dug through her memories. "Do you remember... when I first joined the Armada... You called me to come talk to you and introduce yourself. I showed you my scars, told you how broken I was, how I hadn't fought a day in my life. Do you remember what you told me? You said, 'You are my wolf now. No one will ever hurt you this way again and live.' That was the first time anyone had ever made me feel wanted. After a life time of being rejected and beaten within an inch of my life, you picked me up and you fixed me. Made me better than I could have ever dreamed to be."

Her vision started to blur with tears and she quickly tried to blink them away, as she kept going, "I can't let you go. You gave me my life back and now I want to give you your life back too. It's time for me to return the favor so you can keep finding lost, broken wolves and keep putting them back together. Can't you understand that?" Can't you understand that I've loved you since then? A thought crossed her mind and a laugh bubbled up from her, tears spilling down her cheeks as she reached up and tapped his nose with her paw, adding, "You dumb, selfish bastard..."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor

He snorted in self-deprecating amusement. No, no it had not at all. She listened quietly as he told her what had happened to Briar. At his desperate question, she was silent. But he knew the silence wasn’t agreement. She was gripping tightly to him, and he knew she wasn’t about to let him go just because he asked.

There was silence between them for a while, and when she spoke, she brought up memories from their shared past. Of the very first day they had met. He remembered it, he remembered it well because Zee had brought her into the pack. Tamsyn was the very first wolf she had invited to join the Armada, and the reminder brought hot pain to his throat. He had looked at Tamsyn and thought my wife wants this. This is a thing to protect he had been possessive and protective.
The friendship had come later. It had come quietly, in the days they had spent sparring together, teaching and learning from each other.
It had come when she had worked her way up to General. She had done that all by herself, and had deserved the role completely.
It had come when she had pulled him off the search for Malalia, when she had sat him down and told him ‘enough’ and he had trusted her enough to listen, despite how hard it had been.

His own eyes weren’t dry as his voice, suddenly rough whispered. “I remember.”

No, she would never let him go. She couldn’t.

Tears slipped past his guard and he leaned forward again, pressing his head against hers, needing the closeness. “I’m sorry Tamsyn, i’m sorry i’m a selfish bastard. I need you, I need you.” He whispered. She was forcing him to live, and slowly, piece by piece, she was becoming the reason he wanted to.

"Speech"

I remember. It was a short, simple whisper, but it was more than enough. She had no doubts about him remembering any of the time they had together, but just hearing him say it felt like pleasant stab in the heart - if there could possibly be such a thing. Her throat squeezed with emotion when she saw the tears in his eyes and she just hoped for a day when they wouldn't have to cry these tears any more. That day was far flung on the horizon, but she still hoped for it. Perhaps he would be like her where the pain of it never really went away, but then they could commiserate together. Like they always had.

Her head leaned into his happily when he reached for her, her eyes closing as her breath hitched past a sob that snuck up on her without her realizing. His words, hearing him say that he needed her, hurt more than she had ever thought they would. She couldn't explain way, at least not right now. Her emotions and her heart were too raw. Everything hurt, everything stung. Even the good stuff. Her head lifted just enough for her to shift forward, laying so that her left foreleg was tucked up against her chest, her right one around his head, draping her head gently over the nape of his neck.

She closed her eyes, just letting herself enjoy his presence and enjoy that he was still here. That she hadn't lost him. "I'm not going anywhere. I never will," she promised, her voice a whisper. Her Resin was quickly slipping away. Her children were nearly grown. The pack had been handed over to Ulric's capable paws. She needed to stay in her children's lives for her own sake, but there was nothing else for her to live for. She fell back into the one thing that had given her purpose from the very beginning. Proving to Sirius that she could be what he needed, that she was worthy.






"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

His eyelids drooped, and a yawn split his muzzle. He knew his abused body needed rest, and his mind was aching. He couldn’t promise Tamsyn that he would always be able to hold onto this feeling of being able to stay, but for the moment it was enough. He had her, and he would stay. For now, for now. He would see how many ‘for nows’ he could stretch for her sake.

Tamsyn’s upper body was half buried in him, and shaking back another yawn he gently pried himself free of her grip. But, not for long. He gently gripped her nape and tugged lightly, indicating for her to move forward, before nipping her side gently. Telling her without words, to hop up on the small, cramped healers bed. She didn’t need much encouragement before she was hopping up there with him. He had moved aside as much as possible, to give her room. When she joined him, he spread out his shoulder for her to lean against. Careless of his many injuries. He tucked his head into the nape of her neck. Feeling more comfortable and at home as he had for a while. For the moment everything was okay. Clinging to Tam might not be the healthiest thing to do, but she insisted he stay. She would have to live with the consequences.

"Speech"

She only laid against him like this for a short time before she felt him shifting, pulling himself out form under her. The tug he gave her scruff had her lifted her head, giving him a confused glance at first as he nipped at her side. But as he shifted over, making a bit more room beside him, she understood. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if this was best. He was severely injured, surely her leaning against him wasn't wise. She thought about Briar, laying with him only to be bitten in the process. But his silent plea in his gaze was insistent and she finally relented, lifting herself onto the bed beside him before settling down with him, resting into his shoulder and feeling his head rest against her neck.

Once her face was out of his line of sight, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying her best to ignore the crashing wave of emotion that slammed into her as she relaxed into him, leaning her head into his fur. It was the first time she had been held in a way that wasn't trying to comfort her or to hold her while she cried since before Resin attacked her. It was nothing more than two worn, exhausted friends snuggling together, drifting toward sleep, but the comfort and relief was overwhelming. A soft, shaky sigh left her and she pressed into him tighter, hiding her face from the world.

The same thought crossed her mind that this probably wasn't the healthiest outlet for either of them, but she wasn't sure where else to turn. She didn't want to be any more of a burden on her children than she already felt that she was and after the way she broke down the way she had the last time she went down into the dungeon she didn't want to try seeing Resin again - it didn't do either of them any good. It felt better to lean on Sirius, knowing they could lean into one another in their grief and their pain. Supporting him gave her task and a goal. Keep him alive so that she didn't have to say goodbye to anyone else.






"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

He shed a few silent, exhausted tears into her coat as she curled up against him. He needed, craved, the closeness. He had always been a physical wolf to those he called friends. He had grown accustomed to a full den of bodies to curl up against. It had been one of those gifts in life that he had no idea he was missing until it was suddenly filling a hole. Now, in the rough days since he had come crashing into the Hallows to see Resin. Sleeping in the dungeons near her, and then his Wife's death. Wolves were pack creatures, they needed each other.

So he curled up against his dear friend, felt the rise and fall of her chest. He grunted slightly when she brushed up against one of his wounds, but he otherwise ignored them. He hurt so much he could barely pinpoint any one ache, anyway.

He needed her, and she was here. It was like this that he drifted slowly into sleep, breathing in the familiar and comforting scent of. It told him home and pack.

---

Burning
He awoke, and they were on fire. The med bay was on fire, the bed was smouldering. He could feel the smoke in his lungs, and the heavy weight of Tamsyn beside him. She wasn’t moving.
No, no, no, no
Pain clenched his heart. He needed to get them out of here, he needed to move why wasn’t he moving? It was like his body was made of stone. He could not get it to budge. Had his muscles cramped into uselessness overnight? He couldn’t move. He opened his mouth to howl, but he could not make a sound. He tried to pull free of the weights holding down his body. His mouth opened in a soundless cry as the fire crawled closer, and closer.

And then suddenly he was free, and it was morning, and there was no fire.

He was on the floor, and in his thrashing he had pulled Tamsyn down on top of him. His eyes showed almost entirely white, and his breath was painful gasps. Terrors. Terrors. Had he hurt her?

He frantically started to pat down her body. “Tammy, Tammy, did I hurt you?” he gasped desperately.

"Speech"

For the first time in ages she was deep asleep. Her broken, worn body needed this sleep so badly and the moment that she found herself curled into Sirius and that initial wave of overwhelming emotion finally began to fade she was out like a light. She had fallen asleep so quickly that she hadn't even realized that she had gone to sleep - not at least until she was jerked awake. When her eyes popped open she was in motion, falling toward the floor, far too late to try and catch herself. She landed on top of Sirius with an "oof", unhurt but very startled and confused. Her gaze found his and she saw the panic and the worry in his eyes, feeling his paws patting all over her to find some sign of injury. There was a distinct difference in his question that she quickly picked up on. It wasn't "are you okay?" it was "did I hurt you?"

Tamsyn smiled softly, catching one of his paws with her own as it tapped across her shoulder. Her heart was pounding from the rush of adrenaline just from being shocked awake in such a manner, but she was completely unharmed. "I'm fine, I'm fine," she assured him, her paw flexing to grip his. "We just fell off the bed, that's all." No bites. This time. She understood his fear, especially after having gone though it so recently with Briar, so she just did her best to soothe him and bring him back down to her. "Are you okay? Was it a nightmare?" she asked while still taking stock of herself and him. She could tell from the way he reacted that it had to have been more than just them shifting and slipping off of the small bed. He wouldn't just ask if he hurt her for nothing.













"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

His heart was leaping in his chest. Fool. he was such a fool. The terrors hadn’t been a one off thing, and the comfort of Tamsyn had not spared her from the consequences of one. Even Zee had not been safe when he was in the throes of a terror. She grabbed his paw, and felt it squeeze gently over his larger one.

She promised him she was fine, but his brain had gone from zero to a hundred too fast and he was struggling to catch up. He was locked on the image of her burning, as Zee had burned. Of Briar, with his fangs in her throat. He could have killed her. She could be dying right now above him, her brain not catching up with the injury.

His free paw continued to feel down her body, he peered into her lime green eyes for any sign of distress. He clutched her to him tightly, perhaps even painfully so. Burning Why did it have to be burning? Why had the dream changed. In the past, it had always been the same thing. Shifting through it on repeat, every other night.

He almost killed her.

He gripped his paw tightly behind her ears and pulled her head down towards him. He was kissing her, holding her towards him. Passionate, and deep, and desperate.

It was about then that his brain finally caught up to him, and he released her. Scrambling out from under her, and hitting the other side of the room with his back he moved so fast.
"Speech"

Her questions fell on deaf ears and no amount of reassurances seem to convince him that she was okay. "Sirius, I'm okay, I promise," she told him softly, calmly, gently petting the foreleg attached to the paw she had grabbed. He was still too gone, too lost in the fear of it to hear her and she just continued to try and soothe him, waiting for him to fully realize what had happened - and more specifically what had not happened. He hadn't bitten her, hadn't hurt her. Startled her for sure, but nothing more. She let him keep tapping along her body, let him squeeze her tighter to him. If it would make him feel better she'd let him check from head to tail just to prove that he hadn't hurt her.

But then she felt his paw behind her head and suddenly he had pulled her down to him, claiming her muzzle in a kiss, making her eyes go wide. It was like a jolt to her fragile heart that she had been carefully keeping held together, shaking it loose. It happened so quickly and shocked her, making her react before her brain could process what was happening. She kissed him back with a sudden flood of longing that soothed the deep, aching loneliness that she had been hiding from and ignoring. Her eyes closed, she gave over to the desperateness of that kiss, the release they both needed.

And just as suddenly it was gone and the world shifted around her again as she tumbled off of him, rolling on to her side and hitting the floor with a soft thud, blinking with shock. She rolled back to her stomach and turned her head to look at him, her eyes wide and confused and... hurt? Or was that longing? It was so hard to pick the different emotions apart. The feeling of his lips against hers felt like it was burned into her brain and it made the loneness all the more pronounced. It was like grazing a claw against an itch and not being able to really scratch it.

"Sirius..." she breathed, her ears folding back against her head, her brows pulling together uncertainly. It tugged at feelings that she had long since buried, making her chest ache. As they trained together, as they grew closer, those hints of emotions had wormed their way into her heart and she had immediately stamped them out. He had Zee. He had Zee long before he ever had her. And then she had Resin. Resin had taught her how to love, taught her what it meant. She still loved Resin, but she loved Sirius too. But she had beaten it down, hidden it, disguised it as friendship.

She pushed herself to her feet and lingered there, hurting and pained and longing and lonely. But a thought kept whispering in the back of her mind, one she couldn't let go. She'd never be Zee. He said it himself. It had always been Zee. That's all he had ever wanted. She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat, finally pulling her gaze away from his to look at the floor, fighting with her inner conflicts, fighting with what was right. Can't you tell that I've always loved you?

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

Shame flooded him deeply. He didn’t know what had come over him. His emotions had been out of control. In the last few days he had been bouncing around from pain and helplessness and loneliness and hurt. Thinking that in that moment he had hurt Tamsyn, or that she had burned, burned to death well he stood there and did nothing? It was too much.

But he had taken advantage of her. She had been shocked awake as well, and he had grabbed her, and pulled her into it. Tamsyn, whose Wife lay locked up in the dungeons beneath the keep. Whos family was slowly breaking apart while she watched.

And Zee
Oh, god, Zee.

His Wife's body was barely in the ground, and he was kissing another woman. He was crying again. He was so sick of crying, of the horrible helplessness and rage and grief. He had never cried so much before in his life. He staggered to his paws - forgetting for a moment, that he was injured. He placed weight on the paw pad Art had skewered straight through, and cried out as it refused to hold him, forcing him down to the ground again. He was a mess. He couldn’t look at her, he couldn’t meet her eyes. He didn’t want to see the judgment in them. “Forgive me” he whispered.

"Speech"

Tamsyn heard the scuffle of paws as he tried to stand only to fall back to the ground in pain and her worried gaze snapped up to him. She saw the tears wetting his cheeks, saw how he couldn’t seem to look at her. He asked her to forgive him. A soft sigh left her, a soft tremor going through her as the tension fell from her shoulders, her battling thoughts releasing her. Slowly, she managed her make her paws obey her as she moved closer to him, laying down in front of him so that they were facing each other on the floor. She reached out with both of her paws, holding his uninjured one. Her much smaller paws were dwarfed by his and even with both of her paws combined she could barely cover his. How could someone so big, so strong, so utterly ruthless at times break her heart like this?

"There's nothing to forgive," she told him softly, gently squeezing his paw as her eyes lifted to find his. She tried to pull a smile onto her face, but it wasn't entirely successful. She tried to hide the pain and confusion she felt, but she wasn't sure if that was entirely successful either. He had always seemed to see right through her, breaking apart any walls she had ever tried to build for herself. "You... You just reminded me of some feelings that I tried to forget. That's all." No physical damage was done, she didn't hate him, she wasn't angry with him - though she wondered if he would feel better if she was. Maybe it would make more sense to him if she started yelling and blaming him. That seemed to get through to him better.

She looked down at his paw that she held between hers again, trying to ignore the tears welling up in her own eyes. "I've loved you nearly since the day I met you," she confessed softly, her ears folding back against her head. "I never wanted you to know. You had Zee. I couldn't compete with Zee - I didn't want to. I... I still can't complete with Zee. I know I'll never be as important as Zee to you. And... I had Resin... have Resin." Guilt twisted in her gut. Resin. Her Resin that was still locked away, slowly losing herself. Why was she even considering any of this?! Her loneliness was rearing its ugly head and eating away at her slowly, but surely. Wearing her away just like everything else.



"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

She approached him quietly, her gentle, tiny paws wrapping about his own. Always trying to comfort him, while he just dug them into a bigger mess every step of the way. His brows furrowed at her words on emotions. He had reminded her of Resin, of course. Of her wife, locked in the dungeons below. He folded his ears to his head, thinking also of Resin. She should be the one here with Tamsyn.

Tamsyn looked down at his paws, and his eyes followed, looking at his giant pads, thinking of the sheathed claws that were just about longer then Tams little paws.
I've loved you nearly since the day I met you

Dumfound shock, surprise registered in his eyes, though he didn’t try to move. He just sat there, listening. His stomach rolled as she spoke of Zee and Resin. The great loves of their lives, and losing them. But she had liked him even before then, when he had seen her as his great and loyal friend.

He had the sudden desire to say something to hurt her, to open his maw and say that their friendship had only ever been conditional of Zee liking Tam (nevermind that the friendship had grown on its own, true and undeniable) he closed his mouth tighter, fighting the urge to push her away. Why did he feel compelled to? Was it Zees memory, as fresh as the overturned earth in Armada lands?

Once he had control of himself he gently flipped his paw over, trapping Tams beneath his. “I… I don’t know what to say to that, Tam. I can’t. Zee…” ...Zee it showed in the pain in his face. He would never stop loving his wife.

"Speech"

With her gaze fixed on their paws, she watched as his paw shifted to rest over hers. Even though she had said herself that she couldn't compete with how he thought of Zee, even though she knew nothing could ever come of her confession, and no matter the fact that Resin was ever present lingering in the back of her mind, it somehow still felt like a stabbing pain in her chest when he told her that he didn't know what to say. That he couldn't. Zee. It was always Zee. "I know... I know," she told him, her voice a little too hard at first and she corrected herself, softening her voice on the second try. Why did it hurt so badly even though she knew it couldn't be? Did she really just want to bend reality that badly? Or was she just that lonely that her heart was willing to ignore the facts and the reality of her situation? Logic felt so far away and everything hurt.

She couldn't look at him. It hurt too much. She wished she could gather up the words and put them back in her mouth and lock them down where they had stayed until this moment. Tamsyn pulled her paw out from under his with a forced laugh, shaking her head, trying to play it all off, pulling a small smile onto her lips. Don't look at him, you'll break. "I'm sorry, I... I shouldn't have said anything." Biting the inside of her cheek to fight off her own emotions, she got to her paws and began to move to his side. "Do you need help getting up? Let me help you," she offered, trying to think of anything she could do to stop the conversation in its tracks. It has to be Zee, it's always been Zee. "Are you hungry or thirsty? I can go get some breakfast for us." Who do you think you are, confessing your love like that? Ridiculous.











"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

The bite to her voice surprised him. This was all recent news to hi, but to Tam it had been simmering for a while. If he had had any idea, he might have done more to stop his emotion-driven kiss. He hadn’t meant to hurt her.

Then she was freeing her paw from his, and trying to help the giant to his paws. “Tam, Tam, stop.” he said gently, capturing her paw again. He didn’t know what to say, he did not know what he could do to make this right. Maybe nothing could, but she had dragged him from the brink. She had dragged him back, and he realised now that he wanted to stay.

“You are my greatest friend, and I have all the love in the world for you. Fierce, platonic love. I’ve saved your life, you’ve saved mine. You understand my loss as no one else. Is it enough? Can that ever be enough?” he ignored her pulling, her requests for food. This was important, and the giant idiot wasn’t going to brush it under the rug.


"Speech"

Tamsyn bit the inside of her cheek harder when she felt him grab her paw, stopping her frenzy of trying to do anything other than talk to him about what she had said. The pain helped take the edge off of her self-induced panic, but it wasn't enough, especially not when she heard him saying her name in this gentle, calming way. She was supposed to be helping him, calming him. What had happened to that? She had let her dumb, dumb heart speak for her, the broken pieces wishing for some fanciful fairy tale. She stood there, unable to move with her paw captured under his, her skin crawling with embarrassment and hurt, tears burning her eyes, her head turned away from him, refusing to face him. She had ruined everything, she knew that with a certainty that couldn't be shaken.

Her ears flicked and her eyes squeezed as he told her about his fierce, platonic love for her. That had been enough for so long, why was now any different? She had allowed herself to bear her heart to him and now she wanted to take it all back. She wanted to just go back to how things were, she didn't want to remember how it felt to have his lips on hers. How it felt to have him holding her. She felt like an idiot, thinking that his frenzied, fear driven affection could have been anything more than an accident. Her face was hot under her dark fur and she dreaded having to look at him, but eventually she would have to. Because as much as it hurt to have to face him again after the fool she had been, she couldn't bear to think about cutting him out of her life entirely. That thought hurt far more than the rejection of something that could never have been in the first place. She just had to keep reminding herself that he would pick Zee every time. It was always only Zee.

She was quiet for several moments, just trying to work air into her lungs to steady herself and steel her nerves before she finally turned her head to look at him again. She couldn't lose her friend, not over something she never had to begin with. Quietly, she sank down to the floor beside him, her side against his, leaning her head into his shoulder. "It is enough," she said softly, still fighting a slight hitch in her voice from the tears that still hurt her eyes. "I'm sorry... I... I don't know what I..." she gave a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes. None of the words felt right. Everything felt like she would just make things worse. "Just... Just forget I said anything, please? Just... I shouldn't have said it. I don't want to think about it any more." She needed to be thinking about Resin. He should be thinking about Zee. She shouldn't be thinking about him kissing her.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

A thousand words

Maybe… if things had been different. But it didn’t matter what emotions writhed under his skin. Tamsyn was his friend, he needed her as a friend. The loss of Zee was too painful, too fresh, for anything else to be the truth.

He held her paw, and waited for her to sort her emotions out. Holding her gently, but firmly. Letting her go would be too difficult, too impossible. He needed her, she was his. He wouldn’t give that up easily. He had to find a balance that didn't tar Zee’s memory, but still kept Tam in his life. The desire to take her and Art, and flee to the Armada with them was still there. Pushed aside, but not forgotten.

Then she was leaning against him, head to his shoulder, her voice soft and broken in a way that he could not fix. Her heartbreak was obvious, and painful, and he growled softly, gripping her tighter. “Mine.” He snarled. “Mine.” He couldn’t give her the love she needed, but he still felt for her fiercely and the need for her had only grown as she had pulled from the edge time and time again. No doubt his words wouldn’t help, but he couldn’t keep them at bay. He was hurt, and woozy, and the lingering taste of his nightmare still sat on his tongue. He would hold Tamsyn to him, whatever it took.

"Speech"