Battered, bruised, and broken she would trek across the lands with a healing left leg that would scar over and a right ear that had recently been tattered. It was scabbed over, smothered with the selected herbs she knew herself to treat with. And she desperately wanted to return to the old lands of her home. Erani had offered her a healing position in the new pack she was creating in valhalla's stead. She had half a mind to accept the position, but then the other was fearful, very fearful. She could hear itu yelling at her in her head. She wasn't sure how much more she could take. "Mother. Can you hear me?" Vahva asked out loud, distraught as she looked at the sky. Was night watching her? Judging her? What did others think of her now, she knew Colman hated her. There was no way to erase that memory of the rage in his chest on how mad she had been to lose him. But she didn't want him to end up in Glaciem, but he had. Fallen into those clutches. And where was she, she sighed and lowered her head, pulling her scabbed ear painfully back. Speech,

It was still hard to believe that Valhalla was no more. The russet faced woman would part ways with Erani and the others, not quite sure what she wanted to do yet, but she knew that she would do her best to be there for her family. Support - they could still use her support right? Yet how could they depend on her at all after watching her fail them time and time again? The woman didn't feel like they should - it almost felt as if being with them now would put them in more danger than it would harm them. She was Glaciem's target, she was the ass to their jokes - not the rest of what was once Valhalla.

Her feet had taken her to the plains that she did a lot of her growing up. It was also the resting place of her father and her mentor... oh she hoped that they couldn't see her now. Half blind and a mockery of the leadership the two of them carried. They were so strong, held such pride and goodness - where had they gone wrong with her? The ex-alpha expected that she was alone here, she and the spirits, there was no other reason for anyone to come to Vericona... yet she would hear the whisper carried on the wind. Auds would twitch as her senses flickered to life, and she immediately recognized the scent that went with the sound. "Vahva?" She called out to the other female, her good eye trying to find some hint of her through the darkness.

Chrysanthe would follow her trail until she caught sight of the red eyed woman, and although she didn't have it in her to smile, she would gently dip her head toward the other if and when she looked her way. "A fine night to reflect." Her voice was smooth, but somewhat hollow. She had lost everything... but then again so had her once digamma. "I'm sure that she hears you. I know my father hears me - Cairo's grave is here in Vericona." Once she had been told that she was the reason that his heart gave out during her fight with Syrinx... but she knew that her father passed without any influence from she or her siblings. He lived a long life - and a good one.

Part of her honestly wished she had never taken that position of alphess in the north. Out of fear it had been with not the hopes of getting back here, but only for survival. Her emotions had been toyed with now and she wasn't sure what to do with the bottled up things that she had with this deep depression and no friends to share it with. She couldn't burden them in such a way, it wasn't right, besides they had their own problems at the moment. Then suddenly her good ear perked to Chrysanthe coming across the lands. What was the alphess doing here? Wait ex alphess, but she would always be a leader in Vahva's eyes. Strong, and ever so perplexing in those days. It was all too surreal really. She shyed away, but mainly because she longed for comfort and to comfort her friend. As she spoke of Cairo, it brought a sting to her heart. And she returned her gaze to the sky. "Cairo never approved of me...my mother couldn't even get buried, she was so small, and got crushed by a tree when I was barely a yearling. I always think about how horrible it was to leave her body there squished under that trunk, but I would never have been able to pull it off of her." It made her heart sting. As her red eyes looked over at Chrysanthe. "Cairo would be proud of you chrysanthe, many wolves would end up like me by now whose only hung by a thread with themselves. When it comes down to it, you're a fine strong young woman." this was her best efforts at trying to comfort her. Vahva didn't just lose her home, she had lost the trust of everyone in Valhalla. On top of that her son had taken half of her ear, and told her never to come near glaciem less he scar her worse than he had with her ear which had only happened maybe a few hours ago hence the herbs over her right tattered ear. The woman hung her head down low. Her shoulder blades sticking out as she gave a soft whimper. "I don't know how you are feeling right now Chrysanthe, I wish I could have done something more than just outburst. Now everyone that was in Valhalla hates me, again, like when I was a child. And my son became my enemy when he tore off my ear and swore loyalty to a glaciem woman. I don't know what to do anymore, and I don't know if I have the strength to pull myself up again. I feel helpless and afraid, like I had been when I was a slave in the north." She openly tried to share her feelings with chrysanthe. To get things off her chest if anything at all. Her red eyes moved over to the woman, and she raised a lip then lowered it in defeat. "I'm sorry, you have your own ailments to deal with, without hearing mine." she whispered. Speech,

Chrysanthe didn't know much about Vahva's family and their connection with her father. The ex-digamma's explanation on what happened to her mother came with a wave of shock - what had the woman done to deserve her father's disapproval? Why hadn't something been done about her mother? The russet faced woman would frown slightly, wanting to offer her condolences but the other female would continue on. She would say that her father would be proud of her, and in that - she would hope that the blue maned woman would be right. That he wouldn't be disappointed in her losses the way that she was... "Thank you Vahva." She would say quietly, "It would seem we have both lead and now have to continue on." Leaving behind her title, her authority it stung but what worried her more was whether she be leaving behind the trust and respect that she had supposedly earned from the wolves that once followed her? It would seem that Vahva still considered her commendable - but she was hurt.

The ex-alpha trusted this woman, and despite what had happened on the battlefield, she still trusted her. Perhaps it was knowing that her own husband had once mouthed off to Glaciem that she was willing to forgive the transgression, but for the same reason she knew that it never ended well. "Everyone in Valhalla does not hate you. I don't hate you." She could speak for no others but herself. "What you did was wrong - but you know that. You knew it then and you know it now. I may be rankless, but I won't let anyone give you grief about it, alright?" She had surely been looked down upon or even scolded - but if they wanted to give Vahva a hard time about her loss then they should be doing the same to her shouldn't they? Vahva had lost to Isardis, a proven fighter and strategist if nothing else - while she had fallen victim to a yearling.

"I'm sorry about your son, Vahva. I... he might not consider you family but he can't fight what's in his blood. I can't imagine being mother to a child that chooses to betray, but... you're still his mother, you're already proving your strength by not hating him for what he's done." If Odette decided to pledge herself to Glaciem and leave everything she stood for and against behind, she would be tempted to do such - but at the same time, she knew that she would always love her daughter. "You are not helpless, you've overcome everything life has thrown your way. I don't think you have anything to be afraid of... " She was not weak in any sense of the word - despite her scars and bitter memories, when Chrysanthe looked at her she saw a fellow leader and someone she could depend on. One good screw up would not change her entire view of her.

"I'm not your alpha anymore, I'm a friend. You can always speak with me." Chrys couldn't say she had a plethora of close friends, especially after Demonio's disappearance. A part of her was slightly apprehensive about calling someone else close, as she had a good streak going of loosing those that she cared about... but she wouldn't let the shit cards life had been dealing stop her from appreciating anything else. "Who is your son?" She wasn't aware that the other had children - perhaps if she ran into the brute she could speak with him herself. It was hard to believe he hated his mother for no reason - but then again Glaciem was poison. If he spent long enough there he could be convinced that up was down if that was what Isardis wanted.

That was exactly it though, she was afraid, she had always been afraid and never had wanted to admit it. In deep dark ice cavern, but she had no right to show it since she had to protect her friend Itu at the time. When she returned to Alacritis, she had been afraid of exactly this, her bearings had slipped on the reality that was hers. She had Chrysanthe to trust though, and the words dug into her little by little even if some of them were less believeable. She dug in a deep breath, and it was probably the longest sigh she had ever taken in her days of living breathing and moving around. "It's funny how fate plays out, I have the ancient blood of kings in me. Yet I was enslaved and ruled out of fear for my own skin." Vahva would seek to inch closer to the woman. Be allowed to lean a shoulder on her, sitting the way she was. Vahva hoped she would not be rejected such comfort or touch even. They were no longer leaders, but the least they could do was depend on each other for help if anything. Her tail curled around her haunches as all the words sank in. "I was in the wrong though, he made fair points and I pushed him. I just think....he fell in love with the wrong person. His name is Colman, I also have a daughter Koi but she is missing." Vahva explained coming with terms the fact that it was her fault Colman had lashed out. She couldn't exactly give a lecture about love, their father had bred her out of frustration when she was a slave. They were slave born children, but then created something of themselves that was for sure. Vahva shut her red orbs for a moment but then opened them again. "Can I tell you a story, the one how I was born, and how I've always been hoping that Cairo would one day forgive me and my mother." Her mother told her this story over and over again of the mistake she made. And why Vahva had been looked at like a hethen for so long in her youth. "My mother was Night Hutashi, lead healer of Valhalla ex princess of Kingdom of Raal where some of my relatives resided until it's fall. She was a short woman, shorter than most wolves so she did all she could to help with herbs. My father, was Sani, he was a warrior of Valhalla. I didn't spend much time with him, but I got my red eyes and mane from him. One night, my mother had been treating a wolf that was in a lot of pain. So she accidentally got intoxicated by the poppyseeds when she was in heat. Sani also had accidentally gotten intoxicated by poppyseeds at the time as well. Sani already had a mate, or rather someone he was in love with. I wasn't supposed to be conceived, I wasn't even supposed to be born. Cairo punished both my parents, Night wasn't allowed to leave the territory until the Volcano erupted. Everyone looked at me like I was the devil I remember though. And somehow I feel like Cairo was angry with me for such reasons." Vahva said those words with ease, and it was the story that had been held in the back of her head for ages. "I may not have anything to be afraid of....but that's what I am. Afraid. Right back where I started. Starting over is harder than everyone had let it out to be." She shifted flicking her torn ear, feeling odd with it not there anymore. "I couldn't stand my son being in Glaciem because of what they did to Valhalla. They slaughtered and defiled my aunt, sister of my mother. They killed my cousin and left his children defenseless where the only survivor was adopted by Maverick and Epiphron. So here I am, after trying to help Tortuga, I ended up here again. Chrysanthe I am forever thankful to your family, and it's service to mine. I only wish I could pay it back ten fold." She said and gave a soft smile. Maybe things would look up to the better. Not everything was about her and she couldn't waste her time around herself forever. Vahva wasn't exactly off the ground yet, but in time she would be. She would get happier, come to terms with things and then perhaps Valhalla would make better use of her healing skills. Make her mother proud, and seek forgiveness from Cairo. She had from his children at least hadn't she? Speech,