Sunlight shone on the waters, reflecting off and making the shore look like diamonds. The dame sat on the warm sand, her elongated tail trailing in the water. It fanned out, lone strands curling with the ebb and flow of the tide. Even though it was autumn, it was a nice cool down for her. She has swam all the way to this gathering of island, settling on the smaller of the three. The cooing of the doves was calming, and very rhythmic. It soothed her, it was constant. She needed something like that to keep her crazy emotions at bay.

Othello's optics looked out at the glittering waters, her violet eyes sad. It had been nearly two weeks since she had seen Crucifix, and it was a lot harder than she had thought. Her feelings seemed to grow for him during their time apart, and she longed to have him by her side. She sighed softly, scanning the waters as if he would pop up out of the waves. She huffed, knowing that it was quite a silly thought. But she imagined seeing him everywhere. He wandered in her dreams, and he danced across her vision, teasing her with his opaque shape. He was ghosted in her vision, and she just longed to feel his touch. His scent wafted over her, taunting her. She just couldn't get him off her mind...

She had yet to decide if she should tell him now or not. She loved him. Well, at least what she believed to be love. She had never felt it for anyone before, she was pulled away from her family at such a young age, that she did not know its true meaning. She felt like this could be what it was, but fear was stronger. What if he didn't feel the same? Othello would be shattered beyond repair if he let her down. So why would she jeopardize that? They might as well keep it simple for now, without the complications of feelings like love. The dame felt it in her heart, but there were so many other things there that she just couldn't focus on it. It was easy to bury it, but it shone dimly among all others.

The pale female just couldn't take being away from Crucifix anymore. She lifted her black decorated face to the sky and let out her song, calling for him. Her voice was honey sweet, a high and almost haunting howl. She prayed that he heard her, and that he answered her beacon. She needed him here, just to talk, and to simply be with him by her side. Cru seemed to be a part of her now, and that missing hole when he was gone was becoming larger by the hour.

The cool salty tang of beach air was a refreshing change of pace to the strong scent of wolves that mingled into every crack and corner of the Valhalla territory. As much as he adored visiting his sister, he could never imagine settling down and staying within the confines of a pack. This was his first visit to the islands and already he adored the freshness sanctuary it had become. His visit had already stretched out to cover the expanse of three days, and had already entered his fourth when an unexpected call sang out for him. His first thoughts, was how had any known he had been here another was a pang to the destruction of peace that had come with solitude. But all these thoughts would fade away to the honey tones, the familiar sweet voice that sang in delightful tones along the coastal air. It took him the measure of a heartbeat, but the name of the caller would come into memory, in the form of imprints of her touch and her warmth and her own heartbeat against his chest. More moments would pass, more beats of his heart against the wind and the song before his eyes would clear and return to the present and eyes would search against the world before him for any sign of the dear woman who called to him. With no sign of her in sight his steps would start, his pace free and stride long as he took off across the island in the direction of the call. He ran until her scent would touch his nose, and wash over him in ecstasy and pleasure to the familiarity. He slowed with the contact of that scent, slowed until when he came into view his stride was a measured walk. Violet eyes would find her form, would skim over her body and fall on her luxurious tail, before returning to her features. Her eyes an echo of his own, outlined and shadowed with black tones across a pale coat. He drank greedily against the sights, comparing her to memory and satisfied that she looked unchanged. He would dip his head to her as he came up before her, stopping a stride from her face and standing head on to the view of her beautiful face. ?My dear Othello. You summoned me?? he murmured, a twinkle to his tones. "words"

The heavy thumping of paws on the sand matched the pounding of her heart. The muscle pumped stronger at the sound, her very soul leaping into the painted sky with hope. Could it be the very beast that she called for, here on the same gathering of islands? Had their been something that pulled both of them here, or had their spirits planned something for their aware mind? Looking around with wide eyes, his wondrous form came into view. He looked better than his ghost self had, more solid and more... well there. Warm. A paw raised in anticipation, wanting to run to him and clash their bodies together. She withheld, although she really had to dig her rump in the sand.

The brute came up to her, and the female could not help but thrust her head under his neck, snuggling under his chin. "I missed you." She said, her voice sounding as if she had just run a mile. No, it was just the thudding of her heart when he was near. It made her feel breathless, weightless even. Only her physical body kept her grounded, kept her from floating off into space. In this moment nothing mattered. She heard nothing, only the beating of Crucifix's heart. The rest of the world was naught, for only Cru mattered. He was here, and he was with her. She greedily inhaled his scent, and it was better than she imagined. It was palatable, and it was entrapping her in its tantalizing smell. It swirled around her like the sweetest flower, sticking to her like burrs.

Othello took in a deep breath, finally pulling back and letting her purple hued eyes meet his. They were so similar in hue, that it looked like she was gazing into a mirror. She felt like she could breath once again, like she had been holding her own animation while they had been apart. It was almost scary how much he truly meant to her, she would be nonexistent without him. "Crucifix." She said, as if saying his name would make him more real. She felt like she had to make sure that this was not a dream. The dame giggled then, a wild and free sound. Like a caged bird being let free after years of being trapped. Sure, it was only two weeks that they were apart, but Cru had been on the forefront of her mind ever since they departed.

"What have you been up to?" She asked, her tail wagging behind her. She had forgotten that it had been in the water though, and droplets of water sprayed and then shattered across their coat. Othello froze for a moment when the icy cold liquid gripped its claws into her coat, a gasp o surprise passing through her lips. "Oops..." She said with a laugh, her eyes alight with the joy. So different she was since their last meeting. Her emotions did not plaque her so as they had before... the bad ones anyways. Her very substance seemed to be at peace, at rest and simply... true. That was the full affect this brute had on her, and the thing that she was most grateful or. She was laughing and playing, enjoying her life with him by her side. He truly was her better half, even if they were not fully committed.

His gaze upon her was soft and warm, oddly protective and a strange hint of possessiveness in swirls of raw silver against his orbs. He was able to look down at her, through only just over his tender gaze. She would push herself into him, her head into his chest below his chin and instantly the soft feel of her body and her signature warmth was upon him. He lowered his head to the back of her neck, feeling every part of him that connected to her and welcomed the warm scent of her to her with deep inhalations. Her breath tingled against his fur with the parting of her mouth and her words where felt as easily as they where heard against his chest. The meaning behind those soft words took him by suprise and he let out a softly shaky sigh of pleasure, nuzzling his muzzle gently across the back of her neck. He could feel the beating of her heart against him, could feel her press against him, and every part of him was utterly aware of her being. He felt as through if he let himself run unchecked he would drown in her, drown in her being and her scent and his desires. When he felt and heard the laughter that ran through her body in astonishingly sweet, light tones he was momentarily captivated by it, his eyes closing as he absorbed the beauty of her music. She had pulled back and stood before him now, and he relinquished his grip on her only with reluctance, watching her pull back and meeting her gaze with a steady glow of his matching orbs. When she spoke again, he would sigh and stretch out his limbs before her before seating his rump against the earth. His smile was for her alone, and her words in answer to her question. ?A great deal, surprisingly, my closest friend, Day got himself into a bit of a mess? he said, without elaboration and a soft chuckle to his lips. Yes, Day certainly had and it could have been far worse for the other if Cru had not been there. At the time he had been unable to laugh, to worried for the fate of his friend, only now that it was over could he shake his head at the other boys folly. Even as he spoke her tail would swish behind her, her back to touch of waves and a spray would dart across them. He would laugh and duck at the spry that lightly enveloped them, shaking his head for the few droplets that had found their way there. Still laughing he would move forward, brushing himself past her as he continued on to the edge of the water. ?Ah, well, im already wet anyway? he said, turning just his head to wink at her before taking a plunge into the sea, ensuring that plenty of the droplets would find their way to her coat as he pranced in the water, turned around and faced her.

The damsel gazed up at the larger male, trying to read the emotions that passed through his mind. Was that a hint of protectiveness that she saw there? Her matched hued eyes glimmered back, a smirk parting her black lips. Another feeling lingered there, something that she had a harder time addressing. Possession... Othello had a very hard time wrapping her mind around that. She was unsure of her own feelings, so trying to mix his own in the mix was just a whole lot of confusion. She didn't want to think about it right now, she just wanted to be with him. It had been so long, too long. His touch is what she craved, what she dreamed, so pressing herself to him was not difficult to do. His nose found the back of her neck, touching her with a caress so natural, she hardly felt it. This all just felt so... right. How could that be? Why was this whole thing so hard to understand?

She didn't miss the fact that Crucifix had a hard time letting her go. She didn't wish to pull back from his grip, but it was rather hard to have a civil conversation when she was flush against his chest. As much as she would like to, she had a strong wish to see his face when he spoke. Was she searching for something there? Maybe an answer to her question, or maybe she was inquisitive to see if her soul matched his, if he felt the same way that she did. Othello was scared to admit her true feelings for this beast before her, but if she saw that he shared her own? Maybe that would make it easier. Perhaps...

With bright optics she watched the male stretch before her, and she found that she had to hold herself back from leaping on him and tackling him to the ground. Oh what fun would that be! But no, she had posed a question, and she was curious for the answer. Hopping on him now would stunt their conversation, and that was something that she didn't wish upon them. For the first time in a long time, she found herself longing for a conversation. Usually she ignored them like the plaque, but at the moment she couldn't wish for anything more. Well... there was something but that didn't involve much talking at all. Biting her lower lip, she shook those late night images from her mind and focused on Cru's moving lips. She relished the sound of his voice, his vocals so unique. His words though, caused her to become concerned. Help him out of trouble? She longed to ask more, but she did not push the topic. He did not seem to want to carry that part of their exchange, and Othello didn't want to push him. So she just smiled, shaking off her concern. He seemed to be okay with it, so she would be fine as well.

When she flicked the water, she was glad that Crucifix took it well. She was worried, for whatever reason, that he would be mad. It was an accident. Othello was that worried about pushing him away, she wanted nothing more than to have him closer. He pushed his coat along hers, and she watched with careful eyes as he walked past her. What was this brute planning? Turning, she found herself following behind Cru, not wanting to leave his side. Tilting her head, she lifted her paw and was about to ask what he was doing, when a large wave of sprayed the front of her form. The dame shrieked, the cool water drenching her cream coat and plastering it to her medium sized frame. "Crucifix!" She called, shivering and laughing at the same time. "How dare you get a lady wet? That is not very gentlemanly of you!" Her vocals were still somewhat shrill, the initial shock had still not worn off. He was facing her, and that earlier feeling to charge him rushed back. An oh so wicked smile split her maw, and Othello hit the ground running.

The dame kicked up sand as she raced for the male, letting out a giggled battle cry as she jumped into the sky, launching herself at him. If she had calculated her moves right, she would headbutt him into the water. She landed with a splash, another thrill leaving her mouth. So this is what fun was supposed to be like.

The feel that touched the cool air before them was almost electric with the unsaid emotions that surged between them. From his stretching moves and the glints he had caught with her eyes, to his touch to the sea and the waves that coursed over them both as he pranced across its depths. The undercurrents that held them where magical, and new to him. He was not a stranger to desire, but this held a different taste to, and he found himself immediately addicted to its flavour. On a sudden impulse he wanted to feel her against him, needed the soft touch of her coat to his and the warm of her skin to melt into his own. His eyes burned, a liquid and molten lava of his want like a living fire beneath those orbs. His eyes never lost her form, the shiver that she gave to the touch of the water would send a shiver through his own form, abide an entirely different kind. He found his lips parting, his eyes following each trace of her movement and devouring her form.



?I never claimed to be a gentlemen? he purred, through half slitted eyes, his emotions thrumming through him like a live wire, would only blow out of proportion as her paws touched the earth in light, free movements and each step of those paws would bring her closer to him. Her tail was smooth behind her, a flowing mass of curls, and the boy was transfixed and frozen by the display of her form before him. He didn't move as she touched air, he braced himself subtly, paws bracing against the cool air in a movement he barely even registered before she was upon him. From the absence of her beside him to the sudden feel of her mass before him he would gasp, and not from the impact. She landed against him ans he would let his body roll with the impact, and as soon as she was fully to him he would fall back into the water, aiming to bring her up on top of him as he fell against the shallow sea. He wanted nothing more then to feel her against him, and an exuberant laugh would escape his lips.

"Speech"
'thoughts'

The males words would be addressed later, at the moment she was too busy planning her attack. Flying through the air, her long tail billowed behind her like a cream coloured cloud. Her head connected with Crucifix's side, pushing him over into the shallow water. She was then turned to face him, the male pulling her flesh against him. Now they were both soaking wet, the tide pulling at their bodies as they rested in the sand. Othello couldn't help but take a gasping breath, every part of him was pressed so very close to her. She felt every curl and concave of his body, fitting with hers like a missing puzzle piece. It was a perfect match, they just slid into interlocking pieces. Her curled tail wound its way through the water and found his own banner, wrapping around it like a friendly serpent.

"Why hello there." She said softly, giggling as their wet fur flowed around them. She never thought that they would be here, the cool water no match for the heat that poured off of him and entrapped her in its comfort. This whole thing felt natural, and Othello never wanted to leave. Making no move to get off of Crucifix, she placed her paws around his neck, grinning down at him. "This is very nice." She said calmly. Her statement was one that was usually used sarcastically, but she was telling the truth. She didn't know how else to describe it, it was very nice. Very natural. She couldn't tell where her body ended and where his began, and that is how she liked it.

Othello sighed softly, a sound that was more delighted than anything else. She didn't even feel the need to talk, the silence between them was peaceful, not awkward. It wasn't a thick silence, it was just... there. She just looked down at his silver and black face, those purple eyes that matched hers so well. There was very little that didn't seem to belong with these two. The cream female felt like they were meant to be together, it felt fitting for them to be here, together. "Can we do this every day? Can we try to stay at each others side?" She asked softly. It wasn't like she was asking him to fully commit to her, although that is what she longed for. But trying? They were worth than more then trying, she wanted it to work. Both of them were not used to committing, but Othello could no longer picture any point in her future that did not have Crucifix in her.

She thought that she saw identical feelings in those stunning optics of his, but there was no telling. Othello would not be true to herself if she did not admit that she doubted his emotions towards her. She was not a confident dame, but around him she felt no shame. There were still parts of her that held her back, that warned her she might be setting herself up for heartbreak. However, if it gave her more time with Cru before that happened, she didn't care. She would deal with the pain later, if it came. Othello would be a fool to focus on that now.

He had succeeded in puller her over him and he lay oddly breathless for a moment with his back to the sand and the soft trail of sea gently pulling and pushing at their entwined bodies. He could feel her now, exactly as he had wanted and needed it to be. Could feel her chest against him and melted into the soft recessed of her body. Her elongated tail would curl gently about his own to complete the entwinement and could no longer imagine there was anything of the world left but her. Her voice would touch out in the air before them now and he gave a soft and husky laugh, a baritone to her sweeter giggle.



?Very? he murmured, and it came out in an utterly content sigh. This boy was quickly becoming addicted to her, to her touch and the feel of her body to her scent and the familiar resonance of her presence. His utter contentment would be displayed in his half slitted eyes and the thrumming of a soft tone between his lips as a warm silence came over them both for a while, not broken until again she spoke. He would tense slightly beneath her, the comfort falling away like a blanket taken by the wind. Can we do this everyday? Can we try to stay at each others side? they had spoken of this once before and neither had committed nor denied the want to stay forever side by side. ?We can stay at these islands for a while, our time together? he allowed, spoken hesitantly as he tried to work through his own feelings and wants right now, to find something, to find an answer to give her.



He knew he needed her presence, it was becoming something more then a want, that beside her he felt utterly different, utterly full and brimming and content. Yet.. he was not certain he could fully give himself over to her as she asked of him. This was a commitment she asked for, to spend each day together. ?Othello... I feel as through I need you, which I barely understand. God. Beside you is like nothing i've ever felt before? it was spoken utterly honestly, but it was too much like a yes, when something else inside of him was saying no. So... here, here would be the part with the 'but'



?When I told you I didn't know how to stay it was not a lie. I need you, but there's something else I need as well. I need my freedom, to travel, to see and to...? how could he explain it, how it felt to have utter freedom in the world, to go as he wished and do as he wanted. The wolves he met became a piece of him, a piece he wasn't certain he could give up. He could feel her weight and heat upon him, and it was impossible not to look into her eyes like this, and nor could he deny her that. His violet orbs where puzzled and confused, more then that however there was a hint of something else.. hurt? He wasn't even certain himself what he was feeling. ?There's more even then that. Have I told you of my family? My sisters? My Twig? I have a responsibility to them as well..? he looked at her, hopelessly. He did not want to give her up, he was not certain he could sacrifice what it took to spend every day at her side. He knew that a part of what he was saying was not fair. How could he ask anything of her when he was not willing to give. He felt trapped now, as his gaze lingered on hers. He wanted her... without the price, and fully expected for her to answer with anger, braced himself for the hurt of it, this selfish boy.

"Speech"
'thoughts'

His sign matched her own, one that carried more pleasure than pain. She couldn't help but smile at him, he made her heart flutter like no one had. He was a new experience for her, many beginnings were started with him beside her and she wanted it no other way. Crucifix occupied most of her mind, so it didn't surprise her. He was an open door for her, freeing her from the cage that she had kept herself locked in for so long. He fixed her broken wings and allowed her to fly, giving her a freedom that before she had only dreamed of. He had saved her from herself, and there was no way that she could ever repay the favor. Othello's smile broadened as she thought about that, there was no way that he would ever understand the impact he had on her life. Did he know even a little? Did he know that he held the key to her very existence for the wolf she now was? Before him she thought that she was damaged beyond repair, that no one could love her crumbled soul. But now she was learning how to love herself, how to accept that her raging emotions were a part of her that made her who she was. Crucifix was teaching her how to bloom, and was the rain that fed her very being.

He froze below her so suddenly, like a cold wind had solidified his wet body. Othello searched his eyes, her own flickering between the two glowing orbs. Had trying been too much to ask of him? She felt an outer shell grow around her once open emotions, encasing her in a thin veil of mystery. She would not react yet, would not let herself fall victim to her emotions. She would not be a slave to her fear of rejection. She could tell that Crucifix had more to say, so she bit her pink tongue, daring it to slither from her maw. The sharp pain of her canines on the sensitive muscle helped her focus, as did her blockade. She would let him speak his mind, explain his reasons to turn her down. Were those emotions she saw in his eyes before just lies to keep her happy? Was he creating feelings just for her? Othello mentally shook those thoughts away, casting them aside like the unwanted garbage they were. She trusted him, and knew that he would never do such a thing. It wasn't personal, it was his own decision. She couldn't force his hand, nor would she. This feeling called love was complex enough without her trying to shove it down his throat. His speech was so hesitant, but she could feel the rest of his words lingering in the air between them. Othello didn't wish to pull herself back from him, but she needed to breath. She would wait, because she had his gaze captured in her own, urging him to speak.

His sweet words were not completely lost on her, her creamy audits straining forward to bask in their sound. She longed for words, but the infamous 'but' still roamed along the tip of his tongue. She could feel just how much power that single three letter word had, and it haunted her. The unsaid words were worse than those out in the open. So when he seemed to fight for the right words, her once fully perked ears pressed flat against her skull. Her eyes were devoid of emotions, blank slated waiting to be filled. Her walls held strong, her veil still entrapping her soul within it. And then it came, the words flowing as soon as he let them. He fought for the right structure of sentences to explain what lay beneath that skin of his. Conflicting emotions. Family. Responsibility. There was no room for her in his life. He wanted her, but not enough to fit her in. A ragged breath slipped past her barricade, ruffling his short face hairs at its exhale. She felt like she couldn't breath, like she was being shoved back within that cage of hers. She fought it, hard. Those iron bars would no longer trap her spirit, she was a free bird. Cru made her that way, and she would not give up the fight.

Othello steeled herself, trying to be a brave girl. Anger was not the forefront feeling, instead it was shame. She should have withheld her words, but they had fought their way out. She had no control of them, and could not ask them to return. They were in the universe now, said and gone. She could run and try to track them until the day that she died, and they would still be ghosts to her. She shook her head to answer his question, unable to push any words out. Her maw gaped open, but simply stayed that way. Only a small squeak resonated, hardly loud enough to even call it a sound. She needed space. Breath. But she couldn't, not pressed up so intimately with the one she cared for. Othello couldn't get the proper fresh air she needed, because every breath she took in here carried his scent, choking her with its heady scent. So once again she broke their embrace, raising so quickly that the pressure of the little water on her broke, shattering like broken shards of glass. She trotted away from Crucifix and onto the sand, not even shaking her coat to rid of the cold liquid. Her elongated tail that was usually so full of life hung behind her, damp curls clinging to her legs. It dragged along the sand, pulling grains along with it. A piece of the beach was now a piece of her.

The dame felt weak, her knees shook and threatened to buckle. She held herself up by strand of hope, a small flame that refused to be put out. That very fire had been lit by Crucifix, and it was something that would never go out. He was a ray of sunshine within her darkness, whether or not he wanted to be with her. This was not something that anyone could take away from her, it was there for keeps. She was lost, dark tunnels stretching out in her mental map. No matter what she decided to do, the answer was wrapped in a dark cloak, not even her small flame able to light it. With no one to guide her, where would she go from this endless darkness? She felt like she had wasted her heart on a wild thing, something she could not tame. Crucifix was not one to be tied down, and that is what she was. Two wild creatures did not match, did not bind. Neither were sturdy, so how could they rely on each other? Wasted feelings. But not wasted time. She would never wish to return her time spent with him, both the good and the bad. He had shaped her into a better creature, and she wasn't sure if he was aware of it or not.

At last the female turned, her black tainted face a blank canvas. Nothing was showing to paint her pretty features, but she finally broke the silence. "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. Don't let me cut your freedom, I do not wish to tether you to a broken toy." Her voice seemed to be without emotion, unless one was listening closely. Hurt. Pain. Fear. And most of all, love. She loved him enough to let him go. Othello fully admitted it to herself, she loved Crucifix. Maybe if she was patient, he would one day grow to be fond of her as well. Right now though, she let out a heavy sigh. "You've got your life, and I've got mine. You're all I care about. You're all I have, and I will not give up the fight. I will not let you say goodbye, for my heart would not survive. Don't say anything if you're going to say goodbye." Her body betrayed her, the thin misty veil burning away. She just stood there, a question burning in her mind. Would he walk away, or would he stay with her today?

Othello's face crumbled up, a wild mix of emotions threatening to break the dam. She held it in, taking a shaky breath. She looked away from the silver and black male, her eyes watching the ebb and flow of the tide. Oh how well that represented their relationship, just as many high tides as their were low. But it was constant, steady, and always there. Even on the calmest of days the water rushed up to greet the sand, always taking parts of it back into the ocean. But would he take a part of her with him always like she did? Would she haunt his mind like he did to her own? Turning her head back to him, she settled her damp eyes on him once more, a broken smile looking so heart wrenching on her face. She needed to be strong, for if she broke he would surly run. "I long to be by your side, but I will wait. i will always wait for you."

He tried to see the her hidden beneath, to read and understand her as he spoke. He came up against a brick wall within the swell of her orbs. She seemed too smoothed over, hardened and pushed out anything that might ruffle a single feature upon her expression. His heart didn?t ache in that moment, it burned. He could feel the heat of it inside of him, tearing away the pure happiness he had felt a moment before as he looked into those eyes and knew he had made a terrible mistake. He could feel the raggedness of her breath and knew that she hurt and burned as he did. His expression twisted, he could not hide that as he felt her pain and knew it had been he who had delbt it. He could not be certain what he had wanted her to say in return, what he had wanted from her.. but he knew it was that he wanted her to remain in his life, to be a part of him even if it wasn?t spend together in every waking moment. Surely she could see that that was too much to ask, that he could not remain by her side eternally, but that didn?t also mean he had to leave her if he did not stand beside her. He wanted her, he knew that beyond a doubt, and well he wanted to give a lot of himself he did not think he could give his all. Maybe that was not enough for her? as he looked into her now pain-ridden eyes, could feel every inch of her beneath him in tense and upset coils



She didn?t seem capable of speaking, instead her maw would open and a sound of surprise would come forth. They seemed oddly frozen but for the changes of their expressions. Held tight together, him beneath her and still they could not seem to move from the terrible impact of the moment. It was as though she sensed that too, for one minute they were enveloped together, a single part, a whole and the next she was tearing lose, springing free of his form and to him it felt as through torn of his flesh. He gasped in the pain of it, the feeling of her sudden absence from his side. He couldn?t breathe for a second, he could not move. More moments passed, and then his breath hit him, smacking him in the face with a gasp as he filled his lungs once more. He blinked rapidly, though he could not say why.



He pulled himself to his paws with the effort of an old man, as through his very essence had begun to ache. He staggered before he would balance, and his gaze would look after her. For a moment he was struck with an indecision, to leave her to space she may well need, or to fill it with his presence and find the right words to fix this. He felt that to leave this now would be the coward?s way out? and besides, if he left her now that might be forever, he was not certain he could bare such a decision. He would move forward with the elegance of a slow pace. He would stop as she turned towards him, and gave him a full glance of her tortured face. Her words where not right, they did not seem to fight in what he had been trying to say, and he flailed for a moment in speechlessness, uncertain how to right this wrong.



Her next words cut even deeper than that, he gasped once more, once again her words felt like a physical blow and he fought to keep the pain from his expression or stance. Instead he would take a moment to find his breath again, to breathe, to look upon this beauty he had come to know so intimidly. Then he could stand it no more, the distance between them and he was surging forward. His steps seemed more sure now, more stable beneath him, and his expressions where fierce, and oddly decided. He would stop just before her, lowering his gaze to meet evenly to her own orbs, willing her not to look away. ?Surely you can see by now that I want you, dear Othello. Surely you can see by now that I want to be by your side. I am willing to give you a part of me, I am willing to be with you? but I cannot spend every day at your side. I want to give this to you, but I do not know if it will be enough for you. I am not certain it reaches the amount of me that you deserve ? could she not see how much he needed her? Could she not see the pain thinly veiled by his fire and life, that spoke of what it would do to him if she decided it was not enough. And yet.. and yet he still could not find a way to offer her more.


"Speech"
'thoughts'

Pain was an ugly and horrid thing. It ripped memories of happiness away, replacing them with a raw and empty feeling. She felt the strength being sucked out of her body, her legs not wanting to support her fragile frame. But as always, Crucifix was matching her. He tried to push it away, be she had been looking for it. She saw it flash across his eyes like a shooting star, teasing her with its meaning. He had been gasping and fighting for air like she struck him in the chest, which left the dame awfully confused. Why would he be hurting in all of this? He is the one who said no, he is the one who pushed all her advances away. It took a lot of personal strength to say those words, and he pushed them aside. For the first time, a lick of anger flamed its way across her cream body. It was a very dangerous emotion for her, it was the one that she could trace back all her problems to. So she shut her eyes and just focused on breathing in and out, praying that it was only a flicker. So she lingered on the thoughts no more, just focused on the sound of the lapping waves that represented their lives together.

When Othello was sure that the anger would not persist, she opened her eyes to the world once more. She saw Crucifix standing now, missing his stumbling ordeal. She blinked a few times, trying to place herself into a calm manner. But how could she when she felt as if her entire world was crashing down at her feet? Oh what she wouldn't give to turn back time and gobble up those words that started it all. But she had to say it, she had to push him. She didn't even deserve his kind treatment, his willingness to even try to be with her when his freedom was at stake. She was the enemy in all of this, the straw that broke the camels back. If only she could read that brute's mind, answer his questions and prayers that lingered in that noggin of his. She wanted to ease his pain, right the mistake she had made. Would he forgive her for what she was trying to press upon him? All of the sudden, she longed to caress him, to plead with him to say. But no, she would not be the needy wolf she had been as a child. She was a grown woman now, she needed to act as such.

That damned mouth of her. His painful gasp made her flinch, her body wanting to curl into a small ball that nothing could bother. She wanted a shell to hide within, but she was stuck in reality. So she searched the man before her with dampened eyes, though still no tears fell. She was being strong, just like the girl her father always wanted her to be. And then she couldn't look at him anymore, it was too much. Tension crackled between them with electrical forces, strong enough to knock them back if they weren't careful. However, it seemed to propel Cru in the wrong direction, towards her. For a brief moment Othello thought that he was charging for an attack, his passion growing into something more. But no, he stopped before her, the force of his burst of movement kicking up grains of sand. Blinking them away from her eyes, she sheepishly looked up at his larger form. She wanted him to hold her, to tell her that everything would be alright and that he would always be here. While she didn't get her wish, he did speak.

Othello would be lying if she said she wasn't shocked. Quite surprised in fact. She had to ponder over what he said, trying to grasp it. She just didn't understand. If she meant so much to him, why was it so hard for him to stay? 'You're not good enough.' Her mind hisses at her, nasty thoughts colouring her mind with grotesque colours. They were not wanted there, but they stuck like the worst kind of glue. They were frozen there, hanging in front of her better thoughts, choking them out like the weeds they were. Mentally growling, she pawed at them and sunk in her claws, pulling down the spider webbing of nasty thoughts. She instead focused on the rest of his speech, dissecting the better half of it. He said he wanted her. But only for a few days. She shrugged her delicate shoulders, she got sick of herself sometimes. Then she stopped, her body freezing. Not enough... for her? A laugh actually burst from her mouth, although it was bereft of humor. "Not enough for me? You make me laugh dear sir." She said, shaking her head and looking up at those lavender eyes. "I do not deserve one as good as yourself, and I am selfish for wanting more of you. But I need you, I crave you. When you are away from me, I feel as if you have walked away with half of myself." She paused, searching his face again. "I am nothing without you. We belong together, don't you see that?" The dame stopped herself, but before she could hold back any more words, even more tumbled out. "You've got a piece of me, and honestly my life would be very different without you in it."

Why was she digging herself a deeper hole? Maybe she truly did belong in the dark. She saw the hesitation in his face, he wanted to give her everything but couldn't part with his wandering ventures, or whatever males did when they were alone. She didn't have the heart to take that away from him, yet she pushed him. She wanted to take a literal step back, but she was greedily basking in his warmth, wishing to connect their bodices but unwilling to make the first move. If she kept yammering on, he may just turn and walk away. So she stayed silent, sneaking her gaze away from him. She just kept pushing and pushing, eventually she was going to fall flat on her face. She was taking chances, but was a little to close to the edge. Was she going to slip into the darkness below, or would Crucifix hold her up on the cliff top? She suddenly remembered what he had said before about a family, about Twig. She felt a pang in her heart, her own family was either dead or simply dead to her. But he had a sister. Othello realized that they really didn't know much about each other, they were either to busy.. uh... getting busy or in emotions grips it seemed. "Would you ever take me to meet your sister? Or your friend Day?" Her vocals were soft, she was aware that it was a large jump in their conversation topics.

For some reason, Othello suddenly felt very self-contentious. She shuffled on her paws, still not looking up to meet his eyes. Instead she hung her head as if in shame, trying to keep herself away from those lilac eyes that tore down all her walls. She couldn't hide herself from him, not for very long at least. Maybe she was feeling that way because she blamed herself for this whole ordeal. That and because Crucifix was beginning to make her question how she felt about her own self, about her not deserving to be treated with kindness. She was still baffled that he thought he wasn't good enough for her, when he unlocked her cage. Finally looking up, a faint smile teased her lips. "You hold the key to my freedom Crucifix. You taught me in our time together that I can be myself without being shunned for it. You taught me that I am worth someone's time, and that emotions are not my prison. You did that. I have you to thank for a lot of things, more than you can ever know. You let me out of my cage so I could fly as last." Blinking slowly, her smile was still soft and sweet. "So you see, I deserve nothing better than you, because I could do no better than yourself."

The negative emotions about them, the fear and heartbreak, the loss and sorrow that each in their own time felt was so heavy upon him now. He felt he almost sagged beneath the weight of all they meant. He wished it had not had to come about, and his thoughts flashed back to mare moments early. To her embrace, to the feel of her against him so that he might drown against her presence, lose himself in an entirely different and good way, lose himself to the love and desire she brought about him. It was all gone now of course, replaced with this sorrow that melted the strength from his bones.



He stood before this dear wolf, this strong, fragile being who threw him so easily that he did not know how to fell, that one moment could be happiness and the next this void of misery. He stood before her and yet the distance between them now was greater than it had ever been before. He was not certain how this would end, if he could come away more hollow and empty then he had begun, if he would come away with empty hands and empty heart. His words did not make the mark they intended, once again they fell short and he struggling inside himself, fought? and gave up. His face would go slack with the misery of the moment. Perhaps it had never been the how perhaps it had always been the what. What he was trying to say to her just wasn?t good enough, and he never should have thought for a moment that it could be. How could he ask for any of her if he could not give all of himself in return?



She would laugh, an outburst that caused a jump of his muscles, and his downcast eyes to find hers once more. His expression puzzled and for a moment he thought he had driven her to insanity, until she would begin to speak. His unhappiness would be replaced by anger, his purple eyes would burn to his as she spoke, as she told him it was she who was not good enough. A growl would slip his tones, low and warning beneath his breeze. ?Whoever taught you this lesson was a fool. Othello. ? his breath hissed between bared teeth as he struggled with an anger of his own. In the past it had been when upset happened to his siblings that pain and revenge had coursed through his veins. Now? now a lot of that anger was faced towards himself. He was a fool, he was belittling her and worse than not see it, she believed it, believed herself a lesser thing. ?Don?t you see? Your willing to give up a part of your life to spend it by my side, you are truly honest with yourself and your feelings and you?re willing to sacrifice and give! Her I am asking if I can give less of myself and you have the gull to say it is you who is the lesser being?? He stopped his storm of words. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaws shut before he could worsen it further with his anger. But? by the gods he had more to say. He wanted to hold her gaze to his, to see it in the deep and true honesty of his soul how he believed and knew her worth. Instead he could not move for fear of his anger lashing out.



But she had said more than just that and in his anger he had almost missed it. As he cooled and waited behind his closed shutters and jaws he would take a moment to chew it over against his fangs. What she had said spoke again of her love and devotion to him, of how his lack of commitment was betraying her. Why couldn?t he? Why couldn?t he give himself wholly over to her? He ached to do so now, but again he could not. Something was holding him back and he felt to do so now would be to almost lie to her. He needed to do some soul searching first, he needed to travel, to find himself and hope to god he could come back more whole for her then he was now.



She would speak again, softly, and apart from the conversation they had just had. He could breathe again, the change chasing away his rougher emotions. ?I think I would like that..? he said softly, and he meant it, he would love it if she could see those that held a piece of him. Perhaps it would bring them closer, perhaps by meeting a person who held a piece of him it would help her become a part of it until he truly could give himself wholly over to her. He let the anger go, and it left him empty and exhausted. He sagged, and sat his rump heavily against the earth. He still couldn?t open his eyes, he didn?t want her to look at him and acknowledge the anger he had felt. Did not want her to know it was a part of him even if in the past it had always been used as a tool to guard, protect and fight for those he loved. He had raised his voice to her, he had snarled at her in his anger.. and he was utterly ashamed for it. He did not know what expressions she held, despite a burning desire to see and understand them. No, he wasn?t sure anything could get him to open his eyes again.



Then of course she would speak again, her words so soft and made for him, made to break free of all that he was feeling now, for she spoke of accepting herself. This was what he had needed and longed to hear, this was the why behind his anger. He could not bear for her to think less of herself when it was he who was being the asshole. Because still.. still! he could not promise all of himself to her.



Yet again she would open her maw and speak, to fill the silence he had left in its wake. She would speak, and shame him further. She would speak of him being the best for her, when he knew that it was a lie. A lie that he had somehow built, and she somehow believed. All his cocky self-assurance had melted away and he was seeing a side of him he had never seen before, a side of him wallowing in self-pity and a side that he despised. He breathed deeply again, and through closed eyes would speak for the first time since his anger. ?You are a far better wolf then I could ever hope to be?


"Speech"
'thoughts'

Oh how quickly things had changed for them. Would this happen every time that they joined? This was the second time that they had met and the tides had turned on them. Would this be their fate from now on? If that was the case, then Othello questioned if they should even pursue being together. If they were to fight like this, her heart could not take it. She would surly die of a broken heart before they could even get far with... whatever this was. She let out a soft, almost defeated sigh, the first emotion to show though her shield. She needed to guard herself, she was too afraid of showing just how much she needed him.

She saw all things simple slope off of his face, leaving it slack and lifeless. Had he given up the battle for her? Had she driven him to the edge and simply pushed him over? He was rocking on the highest peak, and she drove him there. She shoved him so hard that even at his highest low point, still she nudged him closer. It was her fault, it always was. Crucifix would have been better off not meeting her, he would be safer. He wouldn't be standing before her, his usually life filled face dry off all emotions. She gazed at him with sad eyes, but would not allow herself to comfort him. She would be better off backing up, not moving forward. She was the problem, she always was the problem. Would she have been better off not meeting him though? No. She didn't regret it, because she was stronger still. Her heart beat strongly in her chest, begging her mind to listen to its plea. But no... she would not. Her veil was up to stay, for his own protection.

His own flash of changing emotions took her by surprise. Blinking her wide eyes, she was shocked to see the anger the boiled in those lavender eyes. She had never seen him like that before, and honestly it scared her. He looked like a beast of a whole different sort, steam seeming to roil off of his silver form. What had she done? Racking through her brain, she didn't have a chance to place it before the brute spoke. Othello lifted a paw, startled to the point where she almost backed up. He showed her his fangs, which was the first stick on her fire. Her own anger reared its angry head, wanting to combat his own fueled flames. It was her strongest emotion, and one that would always come on top. It always beat her down, and Cru was playing a dangerous game. Placing her raised paw down, her body dropped into a crouch, her auds pressing flat against her skull. She was ready to fight if it came to that. But could she? Could she really bit into the flesh of the one she loved. 'Yesss, of ccccourssse you can.' Hissed her inner beast, the monster that anger created. Her violet eyes grew darker, a warning growl forming in her throat. But still he spoke, only pushing her forward. "And why would you give to one so worthless? Why would you ever waste your time on someone like me? I am worthless!" She cried, her own fangs baring as she crouched even lower on the ground. "I am needy and I'm desperate. I'm insane! No one can ever love me." Her vocals were strained, anger combating her sorrow. Tears trickled down her rage filled face, a strange sight indeed. "No one can care for me, and I was a fool to think that I would win your heart. I am dirt, nothing. And you..." As quickly as it came, her anger left. She collapsed onto the earth, a sigh rushing out of her lungs. "You Crucifix, are quite the opposite. You are kind and caring, you protect those you love. You have a family, and friends. I have nothing... except for you. But will you have me?" Her eyes begged for him, but she scolded herself for allowing to get her hopes up. Why? Why would he have her? Her thoughts were everywhere, fighting each other. She wasn't making any sense, her own words contradicting themselves.

He was fighting himself, just as she was. So there they were, sitting in silence. The world around them seemed to hold their breath, a few brave doves cooing into the endless gap of a soundless landscape. Even the ride held itself at bay, not daring to disturbed the quarreling wolves. They were not battling with each other, but instead with themselves. It was the worst type of war, to clash with the inner workings of your own body. Resting her head on her paws, she wanted to curl into a ball and just let the world fade away. Maybe she was better off to just disappear. It would just be easier, wouldn't it? No hassle, and no more pain. Just blackness and her own inner demons.

She didn't even hear his words. Her body was raising, her form shaking to rid her creamy fur of the sand. Endless grains sprinkled down, joining the rest below her paws. She turned her body, her luscious tail faced Crucifix now. The curly banner was flying low, dragging along the beach as she took a few steps away. She froze, hesitated. She could feel a single cord that tethered her to the wolf behind her. It was frayed, but it was strong. It stopped her in her tracks, making her unable to move away from him. It was painful, tugging away at the rope. It hurt her very soul, and it felt like she was tearing strips from herself. She looked over her shoulder, her eyes locking on his form. This was it. She just couldn't leave. She was stuck, love held her captive. So she turned around, but kept the gap between them. "I can't..." She whispered, baring her very essence to this male. She could not, and did not, have the strength to walk away from him. His eyes were closed, so she was unsure if he noticed it. Did he feel the pull as well? The tug of that connection that the recess's of their hearts had? It was the strangest thing that she had ever felt, and she didn't know what to do.

Still Cru didn't open his lovely eyes, so at last she took a few steps towards him. He spoke of her being better than him, and she sighed yet again. "Don't you see Cru? You are a good wolf, and a blessed one at that. You have an amazing life, and a great crew of wolves to stand behind you. All I am asking is that you let me stand beside you, as a friend or as a..." she paused, choking on the intimate word. 'Mate' is what she wanted to say, but couldn't. "partner." There, less touchy feely sounding. Huffing, she walked a few more steps and pressed her damp nose on to his forehead. "I don't want to push you any further on this. It is a huge decision. All I know that is that I cannot leave your side, and if you need me to be a friend for now, I can do that." She giggled softly, running her nose up until her lips rested by his ears. "As long as we can still have fun every now and then." 'Fun' of course... that is what they both wanted. The craved it before they exploded, and she felt its warmth run through her body. Licking Crucifix's cheek with the most delicate touch, she sat before him. She worked her head under her chin, not that difficult because of their size difference. "I'm so sorry... for everything." She said softly, a soft chuff sounding.

Othello sat there for a moment, just enjoying the fact that she was pressed up against him again. It was his heat that calmed her raging beast inside, shut a lid on it and kept it at bay. He was the only one that could calm her raging seas, and who could set them up so easily. It was frustrating, but lovely at the same time. Maybe that is what love was, this infuriating emotion that was such a mix of beauty and pain. She let out a sigh of a whole different emotion, much calming. He was the shelter for her soul, a resting place from the craziness of the outside world. He was her light in the darkness, and her anchor in the sea of life. "Please don't make me leave, I cannot stand being away from you. I want to meet your friends and family, I want to be a part of you life. Even in a small way." She refused to give up her position, she didn't want to pull back. She was afraid. Was that normal?

She waiting for his words, the words that could set her free to be with him. Not even forever, she just needed to have some sort of time by his side. She craved to have him near, for the feelings that he allowed her to feel. So many emotions that she had been deprived of for so long. It was a whole new world with him, and she felt as if she could go the distance with him. Crucifix had made a woman out of her, her true self had been shown. For so long she had wondered who she was, and she hated what she saw in her reflection. She didn't know who that was for the longest time, but how she was picking up the missing pieces. "I want to thank you for what you have done for me Crucifix, even the bad." She said, laughing softly. Even the bad was somehow positive for her, it still taught her so many things. For that she would be ever grateful, even if he made her walk away.

Exasperation, upset, frustration where only the tip of the iceberg to the emotions that filled and overflowed the dark eyes of this brute. Despite the words he had just spoken, despite his very anger that served only to further prove his conviction, her words would still contradict him. He was past angry now, he was furious. His rage had in the past been a thing he almost feared, for he was not himself when it came to play. He was not himself now, as he looked to her self-pitying orbs and could do and say nothing. If what he ahd already said meant nothing to him, what could he possibly say next that would get through? Nothing. He finally reached the point where he knew his words would do nothing to change what was happening here, nothing to break the anger, the hurt, the self pity.



The very end of it all, after turning his words against him and calling herself worthless she would ask him if he would have her. Still he could not speak, still he fought the waking beast inside of him, fought and lost. He was too far gone in anger, all her words, all her self-pity crying out to him that she was worthless when he well knew she was not...



The beauty was gone, her elegance and the manner in which she had seduced him was nothing to what she had become now. Through his anger he could see it clearly, he was in a state of full awareness, even as he was so far from being himself. He could feel and see what he had done, and in his anger he could not fix it in the manner the gentler Cru might. Still he did not speak, he held the awareness and waited, waited for her to finish all that she had to say, waited until her words where to the world. He held his silence, held his eyes in darkness and held onto his awareness like the lifeline it was.



He listened, as her emotions rose and fell like disjointed music, as she went from her self-pity, to pledging, to softness once more. When at last she had said his peace, his maw would open. Despite the waiting, despite the long moments of holding onto it, the anger had not dimmed. When his eyes finally fell upon her, they were livid and living, they rolled with dark tones and spices of silver beneath their purple hues.
?You hate yourself. You love me. You want to me by partner and believe yourself worthless. Are you sure you are ready to be on equal terms with me? For our lives to be one? Are you sure you have found enough of yourself to share it, Othello??
His voice was hoarse, not from shouting, but from the anger that burned his throat and lips.
?Because I do not believe you are. If I am not enough to convince of your worth then you must find it another way. You cannot be mine until you are yours. Find yourself. Find your worth. And if you are able, come back to me?
His throat clenched beneath him, he fell silent again, and closed his eyes. He fought the urge to punctuate his words by turning and walking away. It took every ounce of his will power to force himself to stay, to remain, and slip his eyes closed and see what she could decide from here.



He could not handle the self-pity, he could not handle that she could not believe it when it came from his own lips. And if she could not, did not, believe him that truly she must find it by herself.

Everything was forgotten after the words that Crucifix spoke. Nothing mattered, because her heart was breaking bit by bit. She pulled back from the comfort of his chest, his warmth feeling more like a felled flame. It was too hot, too much anger. His eyes scared her, and she flinched away from him as if he was going to strike her. And by the sounds of his words, she almost wish she had. A strike would heal with time, but those words cut deeper than any claw could. Tears poured down her face, a horrible sob breaking free from her maw. Othello stumbled back from him, needing to get away from the ugliness. This was not the being that she cared for, this was a reflection of her own inner being. He snapped, she had finally pushed him over the edge. Scrambling backwards, she stumbled over her own paws and fell, landing on the earth with a thud. But that was nothing, nothing compared to the pain that he had just caused her.

Terrible sounds poured from her maw, such a broken cry one would think she was dying. At this moment, she almost wished she had. Shying away from Crucifix, she pulled herself to a standing position, although she was crouched low in an almost submissive way. "F-f-find my-y-yself?" She slurred, her crying making it hard to choke out words. She shook her head furiously, scattering tears onto the sand. "H-how c-c-can I lo-love my-myself when n-n-n-no one ha-has lov-loved me?" She asked, her hurt eyes searching his face. Was her dear Cru in there somewhere? Couldn't he see that he had been helping her? She tried to show it, tried to tell him that she was getting better. She hadn't donned on a mask around him, she thought that she didn't need to. Clearly she had been wrong. She was right to fear herself, because this is what happened. She pushed him away, and it tore her up inside.

Othello didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted to run, but didn't even have the strength. She wanted to plead with him, but was afraid to open up again. She had guarded herself to the point where no one could get in, and as soon as she had, they destroyed her. All hopes of him ever loving her were dashed, and it was all her fault. "I th-thought t-th-that you s-s-s-saw th-that I h-have been try-try-trying. I w-w-was b-b-beat-en f-f-for th-th-three y-years b-because m-m-my own fath-ther cou-couldn't l-l-love m-me. I'v-ve be-been try-trying. I... I n-n-need y-you. O-only y-y-you can s-sh-show m-me." She was pleading, begging him. Othello had told herself not to, but panic was starting to set in. What would she be without him? He was the only one who had cared about her enough to even show her that she could be worth something. She hadn't seen it, hadn't even noticed that he had tried to prove it to her. He told her that she was, but she didn't believe it. Or was it that she wouldn't let herself see it? For so long had she been suppressed into a dark corner, that it almost became her comfort zone. It had been all that she had known, her security blanket. When Cru tried to show her out, she had been afraid and had dealt with it the only way she knew how, which was to push him away.

She didn't dare take a step forward, but she needed to do something with her cowering body. The sobs were making her chest ache, so when she tried to step back once more she tripped again and fell on her belly. This time the air seemed to whoosh out of her lungs, the impact as well as her already sore chest leading to her knocking the air out of her own self. It didn't last long, she only gasped a few times before another cry of sorrow pushed its way out. Pathetic, she knew she was. But she was so hurt, so... broken, that she didn't know what else to do. "P-p-please d-do-don't le-leave m-m-me. P-p-please Cru-u-ucifix." Begging, groveling. Although she was scared to, she crawled towards the silver male, licking his paws and his legs as soon as she could reach them. Her tears fell around them, and the broken fae looked up at him. She couldn't let him go, she just couldn't. It was too hard to picture, too hard to even imagine him not being there. "Crucifix." She said, coating his legs in her sweet, sad kisses. "I-I'll d-d-do an-anything. An-anything. P-p-ple-please." She turned her body and curled herself around his front legs, resting her head on his paws as she tried to get herself sorted. She needed to calm her tears. Squeezing her eyes shut she focused on her breathing as it skipped from the tears, trying to get her sobbing in order so she could actually talk like a normal wolf.

"P-please sh-show me how to l-love myself. S-show me the j-joys in li-life that I was de-deprived of." Othello said shakily, her vocals somewhat stronger than they had been before. She stumbled over a few words, but other than that it was as clear as it could be at the moment. Maybe if he explained it to her again, maybe if she allowed him to truly tell her she was worth his time, she would listen. Maybe she would finally take his lessons to heart. "J-just answer m-me t-this. Am I w-worth your t-time?" Maybe from this answer she could grow, and they could develop together. Just... maybe.

Othello looked up at his face once more, resting her neck and chin on the incline of his legs. Her purple eyes were rimmed with red from the pressure of her tears, but she needed to see his face when he answered her. It was all in his paws now. If he said no, she would leave and he would never have to see her again. But if he said yes, and allowed her to stay with him, only then could she truly have faith that they could do this. She wouldn't be able to live without him, so if he said no she didn't know what to do. Would her inner demon take over like Crucifix's had? There was no way of knowing until the answer came to her.

His closed eyes didn?t block him from the sound of her pain. It was as though he had physically striked her. His words had been peaceful, asking her to find herself, promising her something to come back to. Her response was a punch in the gut, the sounds of her pain like one in torment or the throes of a nightmare. He didn?t understand her, he could not? He was lost to this and all he knew now was that she was lost even from herself. He had thought that if she had understood how badly she needed to find herself that this could be ok, but her response was far too brutal to see reason.





He couldn?t let go yet, he couldn?t give up on her especially feeling as though he was the one who had done the breaking. Oh how this was such a far cry from the girl she had been. A piece of his heart already longed for her, for what seemed now to be lost. Here sass and strength had stolen him, it everything he sought for in a girl? but this, he did not know how to handle. She broke apart before him as through the shell she had held herself in had been made of nothing thicker than an egg shell.





He struggled to find words, to bring her to understanding. ?Yes Othello.. Find yourself. I can promise you that you are loved, I promise you this with all my heart in fact. But your allowing no room in your heart for that, not if you can?t love yourself as well. You are more then what has happened to you Othello, prove that, and understand yourself?





He folded in on himself, this was a nightmare. Surely she could see that he did not have the power to save herself, he would not even know where to begin. She was special, and amazing, and beautiful and he knew there was a spark of that sass within her. If she could just see it for herself and understand the amazing person she was she could rise about this, and be someone everyone could love? because that was already what he had seen inside of her.





Oh god. He wanted to run from this, from this mess he had caused. He wasn?t a man of wisdom, he wasn?t someone special, or amazing, or a saviour. He could easily spin a good joke, he could easily spring his own personality on any situation and bring out his sass? except for a case like this. There was no jokes in this, no flirtatious, no solid ground for him to stand upon.





She would begin to beg, to grovel, and he would shrivel up that little more. Whatever she was seeing in him, whatever she was expecting him to do... surely she could see he was not the amazing being she seemed to think of him. He was made up of anger, and bloodlust. Of his special mix of flirtation and sass, he wasn?t...





She wound herself around his paws as through he could save her, ground her, make her whole again. Hell. He couldn?t even ground himself, he could not beat the beast inside of him. He would lower his head and let out his breath like it would be the last he had ever let. Let it out in a big gust before him, as through with it went his life. This wasn?t his strength, not by a long shot. ?Your worth my time, I know the good in you Othello? but this? I don?t know how to handle. I don?t know how Othello. I need you to understand, listen to my words, all [/]I of them, not the ones you pick and choose. I don?t know [i] how to put the pieces back together again. All I can do is hold you and hope you can find it yourself. Hell. My sister was raped! And all I could do was want the blood of her killer. I could not make her whole again. My own sister! I can?t handle this Othello. You are beautiful and sexy and amazing.. but maybe.. maybe you need someone who can find you. Since all I know is that you should find yourself? he shook his head, groaning and feeling as though he himself was in the throes of a nightmare.