[[Tag For:: Deviant]]

The landscape was a mess of white. Her heart ached with such sickness, such pain. Guilt ate at her and yet Des could not bring herself to approach them. Bane and Tahlia’s family... She gave a heavy shudder, head lowering down before her chest. The eldar’s death had hurt all of them deeply, and the woman could feel her heart crying out for him. It... Was wrong. She knew it was wrong. To still have the sort of feeling for the man. Yet Destruction could not help it... And it was that guilt, the feeling that in having those feelings towards Bane that she was betraying her friend, that she could not bring herself to face Tahlia.

But she watched them from a distance. She saw how the children had to fetch their mother and make sure she did not stray... Make sure she ate. Destruction only felt her guilt rise then. She couldn’t face Tahlia... And now... She shook her head, giving a soft growl to herself as she lifted her gaze.

Alone.

That was how she spent much of her time now, unsure of what to do. Destruction felt lost, faltering in the season of her birth. Ears would flick back, head tilting back as a sorrowful song left her muzzle and rose into the air.

Maybe, something in her subconscious whispered. Maybe it was not so much she held feelings for Bane, but the recognition she too was growing old. Old and still single, even if there was a kind tri-color brute who had caught her attention. Yet Des would not pray for a miracle. She was sure she was fresh out of those to be granted.

He had been nearby, actually, coming to see the woman when he caught her call in the winter air. Ears swiveled around atop his skull as Deviant tried to pinpoint which direction it had come from and how far she was from his current position, head tilted to the side at the same time when he caught it. Something was wrong with Destruction, how howl giving away probably more than she had intended. With a heavy sigh, a stream of visible vapor pooling from his lips, the man would give a whip of his tail before setting out, pace steady at a jog. It had begun to snow by time the large man was able to pick up the woman's scent in the snow, as well as her footprints. He inhaled deeply, paws carrying him around a couple of trees till he was able to spot her dark form in the sea of white. “Destruction.” He called quietly, warmly. Large, thick flakes were falling all around, making visibility difficult anywhere beyond twenty feet. Slowly he approached, head lowering, neck stretching out. Just within a foot of her head would brush his cheek against her shoulder, golden eyes warm as he tried to meet her gaze. Carefully he lowered himself to the snow covered ground, tail wrapping around his leg, shoulder barely touching her own. "normal. speech. thought. you."

Snow had begun to fall, a scene fitting that of her heart. The world was such a cold place, so barren. The woman's heart was so low in her chest. How she wondered how simple it might be, how simple it would be to fade into the world and be buried in the snow. She would swallow, laying there, growing colder, with no will to leave. What was there left for her? What was there that was keeping her in this world?

Just as the thought came to her mind she would hear the quiet, warm call. One who called her name, and one she knew well enough. Destruction would open her single orb, seeing the tri-colored gentleman come close. He would come close, offering comfort. Destruction wasn't sure if she would be pushed away, nor in her current state of mind did she care right now. She wanted to be close to someone. Wanted to know warmth... the warmth and company of another again.

"Deviant..." His name was a cracked whine. She would lean on him, ears lowered still against her head, as she squeezed her good eye close.  "Oh gods Deviant I... I don't know what I'm doing anymore... what I should do... I feel like I'm fading away..." The night she shared with him, as well as their other brief daytime encounters, were enough for her to put her trust in this man.

Ears folded at her voice, his throat tightening to hear her in such a way. Something was very wrong, eating at her insides, something he had felt not very long ago before arriving in these lands even if he didn't know what was causing it just yet. And so he would let the woman lean on him, his head leaning over her own, wrapping his warm neck over her. It was what she needed right now, that he could no deny. Destruction was giving herself to him in a way that screamed that she trusted him, seeking his comfort. She told him that she didn't know what she was doing anymore, what she should do, felt like she was fading away. Deviant lay a paw over her own, moving his head very gently from left to right in a short rub. “You are not fading Destruction.” She spoke quietly, small puffs of vapor forming in the air. “What happened my friend, what is making you think like this?” He questioned, removing his head from off her, placing it beneath her chin to lift her head. His golden eyes sought her single red orb, head puling back so he could get a look at her. Snow was collecting on their pelts, making Destruction look like she had a thin blanket over her frame, as did he. He lifted his skull to see how much time they had left in the day, not wanting to be out here too long once night rolled in. The sky was darkening, allowing enough light to where the two could see each other clearly, but with the trees around them there was many shadows cast around them. As much as he thought it was fitting, the man didn't like that it looked like her mood was setting the land like this. It was eerie, like something old was being buried away. The thought made him look back to the woman beside him, keeping his paw over hers. “I am here for you.” "normal. speech. thought. you."

Destruction felt like breathing itself was a chore. The snow falling around them in a blanket, coating their fur, would make the woman shiver. How she wanted to let every emotion out, spill out every feeling and lay her heart in the snow before her for Deviant to see. So much hurt... so much guilt plagued the poor woman's mind. She didn't know what she was going to do with herself. When was it she last felt so lost, so broken? The woman thought she was past this and yet... here she was again. Life was something never easy, taking some and tossing them about as if they were a rag doll in the wind. She would swallow hard, clinging to Deviant's presence. Something real... someone to keep her sane.

His paw was placed over her own, a sign of comfort. They both knew loss. They understood the pain it brought and how broken it could make you feel. The inevitable question came. Destruction expelled a heavy breath. How did one begin telling their tale of their burden? Of such pain? The dark woman would let out a heavy sigh, letting her single orb meet his golden gaze. Oh gods what would he think of her? Was she trying to make herself out to be a monster when she was not? Or was there truly just something horrible within? Where did this guilt truly lurk, where was it's heart?

"I believe I told you in one of our earlier meetings that I had a son, right?" Her eye shown with grief. "His... his father went to join him... I..." Destruction lowered her head, heaving a sigh. 

"I was the godmother of his children with his current mate. They... were my family. I just... when he died... I... I don't know. I felt guilty. As though I didn't belong there with them. Like... like I was a burden with my very presence..." The woman closed her eye.

"I don't know if I can stay here... I... I see my friend, his mate, dying with each passing day. She has no will to live... her children are trying so hard and... it tears my heart apart staying here. I... feel like my life is moving on without me and I'm not sure where it is... where I'm supposed to be." The woman opened her eye slightly. 

"I feel old... I... had this longing for love still in my heart... something faint... and... I'm worried I'll never truly experience it, experience the joys of being a true mother, before I'm dead and gone. I keep asking myself what my life has been for, Dev, but I don't know. I don't feel like there is anything at all..." Destruction let out a deep sigh. Even if she wanted to cry... she could find no more tears to do so. All that was left was to find answers.

He would give her his full and utmost attention, this was her time to spill what was plaguing her soul, to find release in this life. As she began he would give a small nod of his head when she brought up her son being mentioned in one of their earlier meetings, brows lifting when she followed it up with his father joining in that realm. The story would continue on, and so the man would remain silent so that she would not be interrupted. She was the godmother of the man's other children with his current mate, they were her family and when he died she felt guilty because she felt that she didn't belong there. Felt like a burden with her presence. Though Deviant had never found himself in such a position, and instead felt a different degree of pain from events in his life, he felt as though he understand. It was only natural to feel out of place when your once lover and offspring's parent was with another and creating life, your presence a burden, a reminder. You want them to be happy, live a full life... while unsure how that new mate how feel about you being near their children, even if they make it seem okay on the outside while harboring hate on the inside. Destruction was unsure if she could stay here, seeing her friend dwindling away as her mate passes on with each day, children trying as hard as they possibly can to help her to keep living on. On she feels like her life is passing by without her, not sure where it is, where she should be. Age, she was feeling old but still felt that longing for love within her heart, faint. She was worried she would never be able to truly experience it, the joys of being a mother before she too passed on and was gone from the world. She questioned what her life has been for, didn't know, didn't feel like there was anything at all. “Destruction...” His voice was low as his head reached over, bathing her neck in his own's warmth. “It is only natural to feel this way, with how things have happened in your lifetime.” His words came out as soothing, at least he tried to. “We are both oldies, but that doesn't mean the fight has left our bodies. There is still plenty of time, we can still kick time's butt.” With that he would pull his head away, nudging her chi gently with his nose and looked into her single red eyes. “This friend, the new mate to your ex-lover.” He began, finally pulling his paw off the top of hers but keeping it beside her own. “She has a family that will help her through this difficult time, they have each other so you should not feel guilty.” With a small breath he would look out to the trees around them, snow collecting more ad more on their pelts like a blanket. “I apologise for putting it this way... but since it appears they are not trying to help you as well, despite being close to them and a godmother, then you should be selfish and take time away to repair yourself.” The look in his eyes were sincere and true, he didn't mean to cause her any pain with his words, but he needed her to know she needed to help herself if no one else would assist. With a heavy breath he would straighten himself up, ears flicking back as a new expression foud its way onto his face. "I have shared the feeling as well, feeling lost in the world with no one to help after my mate was taken away..." He looked back to her, expression softened to a point where it could be identified as a sadness only they knew of. "Lets help each other through our hard times, I will be here for you, get you back on the path and continue fighting in this harsh world. " "normal. speech. thought. you."

His voice was low when he spoke, but Destruction would hear Deviant. Feel his gentle words, his kindness. She would give a soft whine, his words, his presence, offering the aging fae comfort. True they were both old... But she supposed he was right. There was time. They were not yet out of the running yet for ‘kicking time’s butt’ as he so put it. She would listen to him, taking in each word. He spoke of how Tahlia’s family, her children, would help her through this time. Des hoped so... Hoped she wouldn’t be there to have another buried. She would give a small nod, taking his advice to heart. She needed the time away, truly... And slowly she would find her will, her courage.

Deviant understood the type of pain she felt. She would rise, taking a small breath. Moving on was never easy... But sometimes... That was exactly what you needed to do. To carry on... And find your way in this world... Or your way back in. “I suppose you are right, Deviant.” The female would say softly. “...and I thank you for being there, willing to help me get through this time. We... Should get out of this cold. We can talk more in the warmth of a den. My own is not far from here.” She would say softly, gently nuzzling his shoulder.

“Who knows... Maybe time really does has something in store for us yet.” The female would flick her tail, encouraging the cross marked male to follow her.

-Exit-