-1 "exhaled just before their chests collided" don't assume your attack connected as you anticipate -2 "as he slammed into the front lower left portion of Ace's chest" it is up to your opponent to decide if the attack connects -2 don't assume the arm wrap connected, your opponent chooses if your attack is successful.
If/Than Statements
-1 "pushed into the slam" this assumes the slam connected
Excessive Movement
Realism
10/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
Directions
Movements
Damage
5/10 for Attacks:
+2 chest slam
+3 bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
first round
Status
7/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+4 Advanced Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack wolf
unhealed event status - fine
unhealed fight status - fine
ELIAS’ round one total: 46/62
ACERE:
WRITING
7/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-1 I checked and you still need to attempt to close the distance -2 "used the bend in his elbows to push" this reads like the attack already connected
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
9/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-1 Elias is aiming off to the right but Acere is aiming dead center. He should need to shift to establish this positioning.
Directions
Movements
Damage
7/10 for Attacks:
+2 chest slam
+2 arm wrap
+0 scratches
+3 bite
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
10/10 for Injuries:
moderate bruise to chest
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status
unhealed event status
unhealed fight status
ACERE’s round one total: 45/62
ROUND TWO
ELIAS:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
-2 "with Elais' nose lodged deep within" this assumes his bite was successful.
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
4/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
-2 I'm a bit lost at how Elias is kicking at Acere's groin when he's spreading his legs wider than Acere's.
Directions
-1 make sure to specify which feet are raising
Movements
-2 you lost me on the movement of the jaw attack. Acere is trying to place his jaws over Elias' so it's a bit confusing how Elias moved to get his lower jaw below Acere's -1 which side was Elias trying to tip them to?
Damage
5/10 for Attacks:
+3 bite +1 grip
+1 kick
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
6/10 for Injuries:
-1 moderate bruising to chest
-1 light lacerations to neck
-2 moderate lacerations to muzzle
Status
7/12 for Experience:
+3 Intermediate Fighter
+4 Advanced Hunter
5/5 for Health:
pack wolf
unhealed event status - fine
unhealed fight status - fine
ELIAS’ round two total: 40/62
ACERE:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
Attempts
Godmoding
If/Than Statements
Excessive Movement
Realism
-2 fights happen really quickly, you have Acere pause as Elias is trying to bite. In that time the bite would be successful.
9/10 for Clarity:
Attacks
Positioning
Directions
-1 make sure to specify which paws are attacking, when I first read I thought it was his hind paws and almost deducted for excessive movement. It made your second paragraph pretty confusing.
Movements
Damage
6/10 for Attacks:
+1 paw attack
+3 bite
+2 kick with both hind legs
5/5 for Defenses:
+1 each seen
8/10 for Injuries:
-2 moderate lacerations to tongue
Status
2/12 for Experience:
+1 Beginner Fighter
+1 Beginner Intellectual
5/5 for Health:
pack status
unhealed event status
unhealed fight status
ACERE’s round two total: 43/62
Totals:
ELIAS: 86/124 ACERE: 88/124
And the winner is...
ACERE! ELIAS must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
ELIAS:
moderate bruising to chest - 1 ooc week
light lacerations to neck - 1 ooc week
moderate lacerations to muzzle - 2 ooc weeks
ACERE:
moderate bruise to chest - 1 ooc week
moderate lacerations to tongue - 2 ooc weeks
Notes:
Interesting fight, my notes are up top! Not sure I really have much to add.
