Pinch myself awake

*Zeitgeist* · 07-27-2021, 04:29 PM

The emotion Briar so clearly was experiencing pained her mother, and for the hundredth time since returning home she wished she could turn back time to where they were tiny, blind bundles who knew nothing except love and milk and cuddles. Zee let her daughter find her words in the short silence, and tried not to let her pain show through too strongly as Briar spoke once more. "Your effort made a difference, I promise you it did." She offered softly, wishing she could take away her daughter's frown. Sirius was one of the most devoted wolves she'd ever met, and the fact that he was still alive and had not hurled himself into the coals to burn with her 'body' was a testament to both his strength, and the support given to him.

Briar's stuttering sent squeezes of pain into Zee's chest as she realized what the yearling was trying to say. Zee gave only an understanding nod, not wanting to push or prod her to speak on that night further then she was comfortable. "I know that fear." She said after a moment. Had Sirius told their daughter that he'd done the same to her, so very long ago? Zee remembered forcing him to confront his night terrors, insisting to the warlord that they could never risk a litter of children until the danger had passed. Sirius worked hard to combat it, and now years later it was easy to forget he'd ever had them at all. "I wear the reminder every day, too." Zee leaned back her head, pulling tight the skin of her neck so Briar might see the long-healed scar that hid within her fur. There was more she wanted to say - that Briar shouldn't blame her father, he'd never hurt her intentionally. Or perhaps that it was okay to fear the damage his teeth and claws could do, and the unpredictability the night now brought to her safety. None of the words felt right to say, she couldn't bring herself to defend her husband's attack nor condemn him for it, and to attempt either would risk downplaying the pain it brought to Briar. "I'm glad you have family who make you feel safe." She said only, her lips pulling downwards into a frown. Would Zee ever be one of those wolves she sought to comfort and protect her?

Zee continued to watch her daughter, and could not hide the mild confusion in her eyes as the girl began to first smile, then laugh. She was not left in the dark long, as Briar spoke once more, sounding more her age then Zee was prepared for. Briar's laughter brought a wistful smile to Zee's face, but she did not laugh along with the yearling. Instead, she waited for the chuckles to subside and shifted so that both her paws came upon Briar's own. "It's not stupid and it's not selfish, and while my promise right now will mean so little to you... I still swear to you that your birth will be celebrated, if you'll allow me the honor to try." This was something the broken queen could throw herself into, something easier then remembering to eat or exercise or train for her own benefit. No amount of apathy or exhaustion or pain could prevent her from giving to her children this gift, not if it was something they truly wanted.

Already ideas began to eat away at her, and she had to focus to set them off to the side to give her attention to her daughter and that rare laughter that lingered in the den. "I hear you have a boyfriend." Zee was careful to keep any disapproval from her tone, to instead remind herself that they were no longer babies that fit between her paws. She wanted her children to feel able to talk to her about anything, no matter what, and to do that she could not insult the decisions they'd made in her absence. "Can he keep a secret, even from you? I'll need the ear of someone who truly knows your heart to help plan your birthday surprise." She let her hopefulness overtake her smile, and felt she was silently asking Briar's permission to become a part of her life.

"Speech"

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Pinch myself awake

Zee

Zeitgeist