I don't want to talk about it, just want to fall to pieces

While it was technically true that Emile had been avoiding Bowen the truth was he was usually avoiding everyone. He wasn't ready to talk, not that he enjoyed it at the best of time, but the way his emotions felt out of control only made his tongue more likely to trip, and frankly he was too afraid to open himself up to others. So it was easier for him to avoid others as much as possible. But it was true he'd been taking special care to not find himself anywhere his childhood friend was alone and without an exit to make a quick retreat. It was easy enough, it seemed that the girl mostly avoided the castle and so he stuck to the stone structure. But he hadn't failed to notice the bigger man that seemed to be with her more than half the time he caught sight of Bowen.

Emile understood it, understood it on a deep and primal level. He longed to feel wanted, longed to feel so comfortable with another wolf that he could confide in them, let his walls down. But that was not his lot in life, no, his siblings and friends would go on to have that. But not him. Emile wasn't sure he could ever feel that way about anyone else, not anymore. Maybe once in his life, when he'd never been halted in his tracks when he'd been crushed under the weight of all the different grief he'd been forced to bear. But now he only wanted to stop hurting, and as far as he was aware the only way that could ever happen was to never let himself get close to anyone ever again. That way it couldn't cripple him when they inevitably left him without a goodbye. But that didn't mean he wasn't dying for it, the closeness everyone around him seemed to find and revel in. He resented it. And for all the complex emotions Emile held for his childhood friend he didn't want to foist his resentment upon her... So it was easier that they just stay away from each other. It was better that way.



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