Sunshine Healing

Ezra gave a little bit of a disheartened smile as Syanna's head rested across his paws, glad that she wasn't looking up at him as his ears flicked back. He had been trying his very best to bring her the warm energy he felt like she deserved and to try and take her mind off of things as much as he could, but that didn't mean it wasn't difficult. The more she insisted that he didn't need to do these things for her and that he shouldn't take care of her like this the more he wished he could make her understand his need to do just that. He curled his tail around her hips as he held her close, dipping his head to groom over her ears and the top of her head, trailing on down the back of her neck. At some point he'd make her eat and he would eat as well, but for a little bit he just wanted her to enjoy the fresh air and the sunshine.

He didn't expect her to simply bounce back as if nothing had happened, but every day that followed the procedure that had made her this way he kept questioning himself and wondering if he had made the right call. He knew that neither option would have had good outcomes. They were damned if they did and damned if they didn't. But... He wondered if he hadn't gone with the option to have her take those herbs and go through all that pain if maybe he would have a little spark of the Syanna he loved with him now. It was so hard to think about cause it was impossible to know, but he couldn't help but wonder as he gently groomed her fur and poured out everything he could to try and help her get better.

While they were laying there, he eventually slipped one of his paws out from under her head so he could slip it around her shoulders, holding her to his chest while he gently nuzzled her cheek. The more he wondered about the what ifs, his thoughts eventually wandered to his mother and the search his father had ultimately failed to find her. That was a what if he considered often, wondering where she had ended up and what had happened to her. This happening to Syanna had made him wonder even more if his mother had really left on her own accord the way his father seemed to think she had or if something like this had happened to her, but she hadn't been so lucky.

The thought made his ears fold back again and he gently squeezed Syanna in his embrace. "I know you don't feel like you deserve all the things I'm doing for you and I know you say that I shouldn't, but... You're here. I was so close to losing you, but... I didn't. How can I not spend every single day cherishing and supporting you when I almost lost the chance to?" He shifted a bit so his pale gaze could find her tired emerald eyes, his paw brushing her cheek. He knew he didn't really talk about his family much. She knew his father from when he was leading the pack when she joined, but he had never really brought up the details about his own family. It wasn't something he liked to talk about, but maybe it would at least give her some perspective on his thoughts.

"When I was little, my mother went missing," he admitted, gently stroking the fur over her shoulder while he spoke. "My father searched for her for a couple of months, but... eventually he gave up. He couldn't find her. At the time, he had me and my siblings to take care of and he was the second in command of the pack so it wasn't like he could just leave and look for her, but I... I resented him for it. Sometimes... Sometimes I still do." A frown tugged at his lips and he held her a little tighter, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "I almost lost you. I was willing to kill myself searching for you because you are worth the world to me... I know you don't believe me, I can see it in your face when I tell you, but when I say that you are what is important to me I mean it."

"Syanna & Ezra"