Sunshine Healing

She did have to admit, it was quite nice lying out in the sun with the cool coastal wind wafting over their fur, keeping them both warm and cool at the same time. Syanna laid in Ezra's embrace, just relaxing and letting herself heal. Though her body had done most of the physical recovering of the procedure already, she still wasn't quite 100% back to her strength, still finding herself randomly queasy throughout the day and generally tired and achy, but it was a far cry from how she had been immediately after the termination. But emotionally, mentally? She still had a long way to go for that. She felt Ezra shift and move about her, grooming her fur, holding her close to him. She offered him no resistance, but she didn't embrace his touches the way she once did. She still felt gross, like a part of herself had been sullied and couldn't get clean. Sometimes she could swear she still felt her stomach churning as if the little parasites were still in there, but she knew they weren't. There might never be life growing within her ever again now...

After some time of lying there enjoying her boyfriend's gentle ministrations to her, she felt Ezra pull her to his broad chest and squeeze her in his embrace. She nuzzled her nose against his forelegs, but otherwise did nothing. Black-tipped ears perked when he began to speak, assuring her that even though she felt she didn't deserve him, she was still here and he wanted to spend every day cherishing that fact. It was a grim truth of the matter—Syanna had nearly died to the paws of that monster. He had killed her, in actuality, when he drowned her in the river. But unfortunately for her, he resuscitated her. She hadn't told Ezra about that part of her attack. She didn't want him to freak out if he knew she had actually come within a hair's breadth of dying. If he was this panicky about her now, she didn't want to see how he'd be knowing his worst fear was a second away from coming true, and her life had been in the paws of a madman.

He shifted her again, moving them both so he was leaning over her and gazing down at her while she peered up into his eyes, so bright blue they matched the sky he was silhouetted by. A little smile touched Syanna's lips while she looked up at him, listening to him while he spoke of his mother's disappearance, sharing the trauma of his childhood he hadn't shared with her before. How his father had searched to no avail, how he blamed his father, and how he almost did the same looking for her. It made her heart wrench in her chest, both because of how devoted he was to her and that she had someone who cared about her that deeply, but also because she had been the cause of such pain and worry for him. "You can't protect me from the world, Ezra," she spoke softly, reaching a small paw up to caress his cheek and jaw. "I'm not some delicate porcelain doll for you to keep safe on a shelf. Sometimes... bad things just happen. But I'm still here... like you said."

Her smile turned melancholic then, the light in her eyes dimming the longer she looked at him. She loved his eyes, loved their color and clarity. She had sometimes infrequently caught herself daydreaming about what those blue eyes would look like in little orange and brown and cream puppies. Now she may never find out. Her smile slid from her lips, and her paw stopped its movement on his cheek. "Your father is a highly family oriented man. So are you, Ezra. Whether you realize it or not, your family is the most important thing to you. That's why you got so upset at your dad for giving up." Syanna swallowed hard to rid herself of the lump in her throat, her paw reluctantly withdrawing from his face. "That's why it kills me that I had to do this to you... Knowing I may have taken away your chance to have a family of your own, to be a father to a bunch of your own little Ezras... I can't get over that, and I can't forgive myself for it." Maybe it would have been better for her to just bear the brunt of her pregnancy, get it over with and get rid of the pups, just to guarantee her future with Ezra. The uncertainty of it all now was torturous, and even just considering the prospect of what she might have taken from him made her sick with herself.

"Syanna & Ezra"