Sunshine Healing

He smiled softly as she reached her paw up to his cheek and he leaned his head into her touch. He knew she was right, that he couldn't protect her from everything, but this wasn't just anything. He didn't expect to be able to protect her from little run ins with predators or from getting small injuries from time to time in her daily life. Bad things certainly did happen, he was very much aware of that. But he felt like if there was anything or any moment when he should have been able to protect her it should have been then. He should have been able to find her and yet somehow that wolf they hunted down had managed to make it so impossible to find her that she was seemingly gone without a trace. He knew he had to put it behind him if he had any chance of moving on form all of this with her, but he couldn't help but continue to feel angry and frustrated with himself over it. Taking care of her and helping her heal was actually his best distraction and gave him something to channel his energy into. If she hadn't managed to make it back... He didn't know what kind of state he would be in right now.

His own smile faded as he watched hers slip away, his ears flicking back. If she had compared him to his father when he was younger he probably would have staunchly denied it and in fact he thought he had at some point early in their days together, but now he had come to terms with the fact that he was more like his father than he had wanted. He had never considered himself a 'family man' as she called him, but he had always felt responsible for his siblings and cared for them deeply. Now it wasn't just his siblings, but Syanna, Artorias, their pack... He cared for them all. If that made him a family man he supposed there was no denying it. A frown pulled at his lips as her paw fell away and she continued to blame herself for what happened, for potentially denying him the chance to have his own children one day, that she couldn't forgive herself for causing that. He realized as he looked at the guilt etched deep into her features that they were both being eaten alive by their own guilt when it was neither of their faults for any of this. They hadn't caused it, but the only thing he could really do to get revenge for them had already been done. The perpetrator was dead and they were just left to deal with the aftermath.

"You did nothing wrong," he insisted quietly, his paw lifting to her cheek and gently bringing her gaze back to his. "You gave me the choice. You told me the consequences and I chose. If anything comes of this it's on me. Not you." He was firm, but gentle in his words, hopefully leaving her no more room for doubt. "I valued ending the torment that your attacker caused for you as soon as possible. I couldn't watch you go through a long, dangerous pregnancy and birth pups from what he did when there was a way to stop it, even if it was risky." His ears folded back as his firm expression began to soften with his own guilt that he had otherwise done his best to try and keep from her, his paw stroking gently across her cheek and jaw. "Honestly... I... I don't regret risking not being able to have pups. I just... I regret how it's torn you apart the most. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right call—not because of the pups thing, but because of the mental damage that I wasn't anticipating... I thought I made the call that would save you from the worst of that."

He sighed softly, letting his paw slip down from her cheek and instead rest over one of her paws, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I just don't want you to feel all of this guilt for what you think I want or need. There's still a chance... there's still hope. If we end up being able to have pups then of course I'll be happy, but I'll only be happy about it because they're with you. I don't want to be a father just to be a father... If we end up not being able to have them then I'll still be just as happy and just as thrilled to be with you and have you be mine." He lifted her paw to his lips, giving her ivory toes a kiss as he gave her a small smile. "I know you still need time to heal and I'm not trying to rush you, but I just want to make sure I'm doing everything I can to help get that fire back into your emerald eyes that made me sound like such an idiot when we first met."

"Syanna & Ezra"