What did you expect from me?

Bellamy · 08-03-2022, 05:13 PM

The noise in her head was rising to a crescendo. She hated this feeling, this feeling within herself. It was like something was crawling all over her skin, beneath her fur, and driving her mad. Bellamy trembled, the feeling rising, threatening to wrap around her just as the darkness had. She was alone, this time there wasn’t anyone to save her. Not Ears, not Whiskers, not Gavroche… She was alone, and, come what may, the consequences of today would fall on her alone. She didn’t know what was going to happen, but she could feel it, a dark wind blowing over her.

She was forsaken.

Delusion and Calamity had to be near, the forsaken twins that breathed of corruption and chaos. Bellamy hadn’t seen them but it was as if she could feel their presence around her. Her jaws parted, longing, waiting, and that was when she heard a voice call out to her.

Bellamy’s green gaze shot up immediately. She no doubt looked a wreck to this woman. A lack of sleep, minor injuries, her fur a bit unkempt… Perhaps it was normal for a wolf to be concerned. For someone to care… but she didn’t deserve it. She snorted, drawing her head back as if the woman had asked the most absurd thing in the world. Okay? No, she was far from okay. She had never been okay.

There was the distance between them, not that Bells really cared about that. Her gaze narrowed. “Do I look okay to you!? Like someone you can honestly help!?” There was raw emotion in her voice, frustration, hurt, anger, and an edge of sadness. Even as she spoke her fangs were bared, tail lashing back and forth. Hot tears started to prick at her eyes again. What was with these idiotic wolves thinking they could help her? Save her? She was damned, there was no going back.

There was no more going back…

I swore to God I’ll never do it again…

Bellamy could feel that feeling of crawling all over her body now, more insistent now, the emotions within her rolling, tumbling, like water coming to a boil.

I swore to God I’ll never do it again…

“You’re just like Gav… thinking I had a chance…!” Her words were spoken through bared fangs. She didn’t try to fight her tears this time. She took a step toward the woman.

I swore to God I’ll never do it again…

“I made my choice to survive, to become what I am. Theirs was the guiding paw, but the choice to survive was MINE!” Her voice had reached a new volume, practically screaming the last words.

I swear to God I’m gonna do it again…!

Her guilt, her blame, didn’t lie with those that hurt and misshaped her. Bellamy blamed herself for not choosing death. For allowing herself to be taken down that path. Her parents, even her sister, died fighting against that. But she had been a coward…

…she deserved this.

I swear to God I’m gonna do it again!

Bellamy didn’t think anymore.

Before Bells was not an innocent, pregnant healer who was looking to help… She saw a target. Her vision bled and blurred, twisting the woman’s form before her eyes, shifting her appearance. Bellamy widened her stance, pinned her ears, and narrowed her eyes. She kicked off, barreling toward the smaller woman in a full-on reckless frontal assault.

She wanted her on the ground.

"Talk, 'Think.'

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What did you expect from me?

Eden, Ignis

Bellamy