Picking up the pieces

Glass vials clinked together softly while Syanna set the empty containers out on the desk beside the cabinet she was restocking, setting aside a large bottle of high proof alcohol and a few of the Hallows' most commonly used herbs. Gwynevere had wanted to keep some of the most frequent remedies distilled as tinctures for quick and potent release of the drugs in the case of an emergency or time sensitive matter, and Syanna had agreed with the prudence in that plan. Perhaps if they'd been doing that before, back when she'd returned to the Hallows after... maybe then she wouldn't have... Syanna chased those dark thoughts away with an abrupt shake of her head, swiftly returning to her work to keep herself distracted. She placed a few clean swatched of linen bandages away, along with some dried and preserved herbs, then focused on the mixtures she had to make.

The vivid foxlike woman dropped down from the cabinet to sit at the desk, using careful paws to fill each of the glass vials about half of the way up with the alcohol. Then she began to grind down the respective herbs in a pestle and mortar, the fragrant scents of elderberry, ginseng, and lavender filling the air. She then poured the ground up herbs into a bottle each, then topped it up with water to help dilute the alcohol, giving each a shake before letting them sit to steep. She then turned to the final vial and lifted the herb meant for it—and froze. She gazed down at the silphium in her paw, the most common type of birth control used in the Hallows. Her heart began to speed up as anxious memories flashed in her mind. She saw herself shoveling as much of the damned plant into her mouth as she could manage, desperate to try to undo the vile acts that had been done to her, like she had any hope of saving herself after her attack. Syanna swallowed hard, hearing the echoes of her own sobbing pleas to whatever gods existed in her memory while she practically overdosed on the contraception—all in vain, unfortunately.

The sound of claws clicking on the stone near her hadn't registered with her in her anxiety-induced trance, but the sudden voice did, snapping the healer back to reality. Green eyes blinked rapidly and Syanna's head snapped up to regard Laeta with wide eyes and a surprised expression. Not quite frightened, but definitely caught off guard. "Oh, Laeta, hello. Sorry, I was just... My mind was a million miles away." Syanna didn't elaborate while she set back to her work, placing the silphium into the mortar and beginning to grind it up to add to the tincture for emergency contraception. Syanna hadn't seen the other woman in some time, partially due to her own recovery she'd had to go through, but Lae was looking better and better every time she saw her.

"Yeah, it has been, huh? I'm sorry about that, I've... had some things going on," she replied, half in apology with a sheepish smile and folded ears. Then Lae asked the dreaded question and Syanna responded as if on autopilot. "I've been managing," she said much too quickly to be genuine. "How about you? You're looking much better! How are you feeling?" Was Syanna deflecting? Yes, 100%. Was she doing it as a defensive mechanism? Also yes. But was she doing it deliberately, or was this her fragile mind's way of trying to protect itself from further trauma?

"Syanna"