Broken Sonata

Once he started talking, it felt like the floodgates had just opened up. Saracyn was not an emotional creature, nor was he good at sharing or acknowledging his feelings, but Avacyn just had this way about her that made him bear his heart and soul to her on demand. Throughout his entire dialogue, the Mendacium prince did not once look up at his twin, too afraid to see the look in her eyes as he tore down what she undoubtedly assumed was a perfectly fine and functioning relationship. The way her leonine paw moved up his foreleg to curl around the crook of his elbow to hold herself closer to him brought him a little comfort, as did her kiss to his cheek, his gaze still turned downward at his own paws. Then she said the words he dreaded to hear. Avacyn cared about Albion. The words felt like a punch to his gut, the dire wolf's ears folding back to his skull. He nodded slowly in understanding. Of course Avacyn was going to develop feelings for the man she was supposed to marry; it was only natural for someone as caring as her to do so. But it did make things messier... more complicated. It also confirmed his fears that their arranged marriage would eventually grow into a proper relationship—one he would never be able to contend with.

Avacyn tried to reassure him that she would never love Albion the way she loved him and Saracyn gave a little sardonic snort under his breath, shaking his head slowly. He appreciated what she was trying to do for him. He knew Ava loved him; he had never doubted that much. But what he didn't believe was that this was how things would always be. Already they had changed so dramatically in the two short seasons she'd been engaged, and they still had their whole lives ahead of them. Her relationship with Albion was boundless. They could continue to grow and foster their love to the end of time, but in this state, Saracyn was already at his limit. He could not develop his love with Avacyn any more than it already was. They could not be known as mates, as husband and wife, they could not have children together, they could not be known to the public as a pair or anything more than siblings. Albion would eventually be known as her husband, her mate, her king. They would raise countless children together, and with each one Saracyn knew her love for her own family and her mate would grow.

"You don't have to prove anything to me, Ava. I know how much you love me. I've never doubted that—never," Saracyn responded as soon as the question had left Avacyn's lips. It was only now that his eyes lifted to meet hers, cold cerulean meeting dark black and revealing the depths of the fear and the pain inside of them. His barking began to glow at a quicker pace as his heart sped up out of anxiousness, still feeling like he was walking a razor's edge in this conversation. So many things could go wrong right now. But how could the future look any more bleak than it already did? "But you can't prove that this is how things will always be. What happens when you spend every day with him? After you get married, do you really believe that nothing will change in the way you feel about each other? What about all the places you both go as mates, as alphas? When the world sees you at meetings and parties and feasts together, when they refer to you as Avacyn and Albion Mendacium, will you correct them? And when your pups are born, can you promise me that you won't feel closer to the father of your children than ever before? Every year, when you have more and more of his children, will your bond with him not grow stronger? Will you still leave them every night to come be with me? How are you going to explain to them why you keep sneaking off to see Uncle Saracyn in the middle of the night? And what happens if he asks why you bother keeping me around at that point? You have your duties as Matriarch, responsibility to your family and him, would you even have time for me anymore? If he asked you to make him Commander, would you have a reason to say no? Would I have a place in your new life, or does my time with you have an expiration date I'm too afraid to acknowledge?"

Saracyn gave Avacyn a moment of silence to process everything he was saying. He knew it was a lot to unload and digest in one sitting, and with each sentence the young brute was feeling more and more anxious and nervous. But he had to share this with Avacyn. She had to know the truth of their situation. Sara sighed, dejection slumping his shoulders as he contended with the impossibility of their circumstances. He glanced down at his paws again, flexing his toes to claw idly at the stone beneath them. "I know you love me, Ava. I know you'll always love me, and I will always love you, but things are changing... They're changing too fast and too dramatically. The yearling me was willing to do anything to be with you. The older me realizes just how impossible that is for us. Sooner or later, Albion will have more of your love than I will. Whether as your partner, as your mate, or as the father of your children, he will. I know it, and I think deep down you know you can't be sure it won't happen. I can't give you the life he can, but I also can't stay on the sidelines watching him live a life with you that I would give anything for, trapped in a fantasy while I pray you don't move on without me. I can't ask for the one thing I want because it isn't fair to you. I won't make you make that choice." Saracyn closed his eyes, trying to hide the crystalline tears welling up in the corners from Ava, but felt them cut down his cheeks all the same. Dammit. He wasn't the kind of wolf to cry! "I'm sorry..." he murmured, not really sure what else to say.

"Saracyn Mendacium"