Broken Sonata

Avacyn's ears fell back against her head as Saracyn immediately insisted that it wasn't her love for him that she needed to prove. If that wasn't it, then what else could she do to reassure him that he was the most important wolf in her life? To ease whatever this worry was that was causing him to be this way? As his gaze met hers and she saw the fear and pain in those blue eyes that she knew oh so well, she fell silent, anything she might have said or questioned dying on her lips as she instead listened to the picture he painted of how her relationship with Albion might drive them apart. She wanted to insist that wouldn't happen, that she fully intended for him to be the one at her side whenever she could manage it, but as he went on and brought up the children she was to have with Albion she began to see how it was almost impossible for her to deny that portions of it could be true. Raising a family would make things infinitely more messy and difficult, forcing her to prioritize the time she spent with her pups and in turn Albion over everything else. She knew that it would never be to intentionally hurt or push Saracyn away, but was he right? Was it inevitable? Was she letting herself be too optimistic about the situation or too hopeful that Saracyn might find someone else to care about as well so she wouldn't feel so guilty at the possibility?

The silence that lingered after Saracyn shared this vision he feared for their futures felt heavy, weighing on her more than any of the pressures or inevitabilities she might face in any other part of her life. Now she had to weigh and decide what hurt more–breaking Saracyn's heart and in turn her own to be true to their family and the role she had been born into or letting down their family and falling short of what she had been destined to be. Her gaze had slipped down to the space between them as she thought about what he said, but when he spoke again her attention returned to his face and she listened with a new, grim understanding as he mentioned how he had been willing to accept anything with her when they arranged all of this and now had come to realize how fast everything was changing and the fact that she couldn't promise him they wouldn't change more. Still, she wanted to refuse the fact that Albion would eventually have more of her love, but the words felt hollow even to herself. She couldn't know what the future was going to look like and tearing her loyalty between them only seemed to be hurting Sara more than anything else. She had only wanted this so that she could continue to be with him and yet it was doing the exact opposite of that. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to continue on with this when it was causing him so much pain, but it put her in the impossible position she had been trying to avoid this whole time.

The tears she saw in the corners of his cerulean gaze tore at her like nothing else, making her own shoulders sag as her ears pinned back yet again, trying and failing to fight with he part of herself that wanted to immediately comfort and give him anything and everything to keep him from feeling like this. He was her other half. Her soul mate. His emotions, his pain, his fear, she shared all of that with him. As much as this hurt him, it hurt her just as much. She tipped her muzzle forward again, kissing away the tears from his cheeks with gentle licks until she finally shifted even closer until her chest was pressed to his and she could slip her forelegs around the base of his neck, hugging him close while she struggled to find some kind of response. For a while she didn't, instead just letting herself hold him with her face pressed into his scruff, fighting off her own tears and just letting herself be with him for a moment as she tried desperately to figure out a way to make this work. It was strained and flawed on the best of days and it wasn't fair to her, to Saracyn, or to Albion. She wished she was the kind of wolf that could use someone like Albion just to give her the continuation of their bloodline that she needed, an heir to take over when her time was done, but she wasn't. She didn't have that kind of heartlessness in her and Saracyn was right–the more time she spent with her betrothed the more she cared about him. At some point it wouldn't matter how deep her love for her twin ran, she would have to make decisions that would hurt them in the end.

It took her a while before she was able to speak, but when she did she didn't pull away. She held on to him as if he might disappear if she didn't, leaning her head into his neck while she closed her eyes and tried to just let his deeply familiar scent comfort her even just a little bit. "I know you don't want to make me make the choice between you and everything else... but I have to. I tried to have everything, I tried to do what I had to for our family while doing what I wanted at the same time and... you're right, it's just not possible to keep going like this." Finally she began to shift back a bit, leaning back until her gaze could find his again, her paws shifting to rest on his cheeks to make sure the blue of his eyes met the obsidian of hers. "But I have to pick you," she told him softly, her voice cracking under the weight of what that could mean for her. All of her life she had been groomed and prepared to serve one singular purpose, led down a path that had one singular destination lined with laws that she was meant to uphold. Now she was having to go against everything she had ever planned for her life and instead follow her heart. "I can't do this without you. Any of it. I don't want to be a Matriarch if it means not having you at my side. I don't want it if it means hurting you to do it." The reality of that statement slowly began to sink in as her paws slipped from his cheeks, looking down at her paws as tears stung at her eyes. "What... What am I going to tell mom? Albion? How... What am I going to do?"

"Avacyn Mendacium"