bWith the mess her head was in, the drink was welcome. Rivin wasted no time in taking the bottle and taking a hefty swing, the burn of the alcohol slithering down her throat with the swallow before she passed it over to Flurry. She wanted to forget. To forget the pain, and the anger… even if she felt she was justified in being angry, she was more hurt at how things had gone now. Would she regret seeking her brother, seeking Sephiran? She could barely remember the encounter with the purple wolf… Fuck. Another sigh slipped past her lips as she let her green gaze slide to the other femme.
“Definitely seems like it is. Has been as far as I can remember.” The next comment caused her expression to soften, her gaze sweeping out towards one of the willows. Flurry’s apology came as a surprise too. The red streaked girl shook her head. “It is not your responsibility to have to own up for what your parents said or did… and honestly it sucks you’re the one trying to clean up their mess. You deserve better than that, too.” An offer of understanding, at the very least. Flurry was far different… in her approach to things than her parents.
“My feelings on the whole thing are… a fucking mess.” Rivin snorted, muzzle wrinkling with her frustration. “I’m angry and sad and hurt and, it's all bullshit really.” Was it really? Her gaze shifted to her paws.
“Your dad should have known I’d get angry, calling Jack out like that… not just because he’s my boyfriend, but that compassion he showed… it saved my fucking life. If it wasn’t for him I’d be somewhere under the ocean right now, fish swimming through my rotted ribcage.” It wasn’t a great picture, but it was the truth. “Your dad knew that.” One of the only ones who knew. It was because of that conversation that she became a healer… that she had the heart to heart with her dad… that she tried to become a better wolf and start giving a damn about her packmates…
…and that was why it hurt so much.
He hadn’t said anything when she got angry in her defense. She had looked up to the man, respected the hell out of him for all he had done trying to help her. Yet… she felt like he failed her. It felt like both he and his mate were allowed to express anger and disappointment but their packmates weren’t. They weren’t allowed to have any emotions of their own, only shut up and do as you were told. That was no way to lead… a good way to lose loyalty and faith. That hurt reflected in her expression as she continued to stare at her paws.
“I know it wasn’t good to leave the meeting,” Rivin continued. “But I didn’t think snapping at your father in front of everyone and calling him out like he did Jack was going to be that great either. Far more disrespectful than walking away to cool off and talk later, I thought.” A scoff left her lips. “Guess I was wrong about that too…” She could the warmth of the alcohol spreading through her body now, and she welcomed its embrace.
Let me forget her mind silently pleaded.
“It’s whatever…” Her eyes opened again, eyes narrowed… to resist the tears that threatened to prick at her eyes. “My mistake for assuming one of the older generations gave a fuck…” The hurt again was a layer within her voice. She hid it in her anger, but it was there to see. Her complicated relationship with Ignis, the good and the bad, then thinking she had a father figure in Gilgamesh only to have him hurt not just her, but Jack too… it was more than she wanted to face. She doubted either of the leaders would see their fault in the side of things… So what was the point of wishing for what was?
All of her life, all the effort she put into being a better wolf…
…Should she really have bothered if this was the result in the end?
"Speech," 'Thought.'
