Firstborn Thoughts

*Dhiren* · 02-28-2014, 01:42 AM

He paused at the entrance when her voice rang from within. Black and white ears flicked forward as he listened, taking note of the simple questions that held deeper meanings. She had missed his company, his doting on her and making sure she was fine when she had been so ill. Throughout the bleakness of the sickness, Dhiren had been there for Song. His mother was the most important woman in his life up until then and he intended to comply with that.
Dhiren slowly took a couple of steps forward before giving in to his mother's request. The height of the cave was a few inches higher than his back, so he was thankful that his spine didn't brush against the ceiling. A gentle sigh escaped his lips as his gold and silver gaze fell upon his gargantuan mother. She looked so helpless, bound to the earth by gravity and the weight of the unknown number of pups in her womb. He remembered when he was told that was where he used to be, but even if he tried, no memories of such a place came to him. Once he was fully inside the den, he reclined to his haunches and laid down across from her.
His front paws met his mother's, head slowly lowering to the outstretched legs. His tail limply bounced against his hind legs before sweeping to touch the cool den floor, little evidence of energy noted. At that moment, Dhiren didn't care if she took notice of his emotions. The mask had already fallen when he saw the large lumps beneath his mother's white coat. He figured it would be the right thing to explain his recent absence, so he did.
"I didn't want to be in the way, Mama." It was a simple explanation, but he continued. "When you were sick before, I didn't have to worry about stepping on an extra piece of belly or tripping over your outstretched legs. I had more room and, quite frankly, I wasn't nervous the first time." His stomach clenched as he continued to get closer to the root of his recent thoughts. "You being pregnant with those babies has changed everything and I am afraid of it changing how...how things will be between us." Dhiren felt his voice break and light tears appeared in his eyes. "I don't want to have anything change, Mama. I'm not going to be the only son anymore, the prodigy of Cherokee and Song that alone stood amidst his sisters. It sounds like I want the glory, but that's not it at all."
Dhiren gave a stuttered intake of breath and looked into her yellow and blue gaze. "How can I tell that once those babies come, you won't have time for me? I know I am a year old and supposed to be more independent, but part of me doesn't want to lose you to new children." His brows furrowed and he broke his gaze as fast as he had looked up to her. "You're my mama...no one else's." Even though he had shared her with his littermates, Dhiren had been fine with it because he was the only son. With this upcoming litter, the possibilities of more boys was high and he didn't like it.

Speech,

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