colder than my heart, if you can imagine.

N/A · 05-23-2014, 01:48 PM

He'd only stayed the one night. Just long enough to bask in her scent for a few more hours while he slept off his satisfaction and exhaustion. Although he now felt like considerably more of a jerk, he knew that he'd done the right thing - at least in his flawed mindset. He and Epiphron had been destined for one another, it had been fated by someone greater than themselves, but they'd never had a chance at anything else. They'd never experienced anything else. Their Kingdom, their children, everything they had been raised to possess had been taken from them or lost to the wilderness of Alacritia and beyond. They had nothing left to strive for. That is what he sought - something to strive for again. Complacency was not something that had ever been in his vocabulary, and it likely would never be added.

He still stunk of her. It didn't matter much to him. His fur was mussed, his posture a joke, and his pride all but absent from his swagger. He was nothing, and oddly enough - he liked it. It was nice not to have expectations ladled upon his shoulders, to not have a wife so marvelous he felt as if he had to live up to her, children so divine he felt as if he was never worthy enough to be their father, a pack so strong he felt as if he weren't capable enough of leading it. It was nice to just be Maverick. Not Maverick Tahir-Mathias. Just Maverick.

But it seemed, as the haphazard male traipsed aimlessly in no particular direction, he was not destined to be just Maverick yet. For as his rather startled eyes informed him, his wife was only yards away. She lay curled in a heap, presumably having been looking for him - or else running away. He wouldn't blame her for the latter, if it was indeed the case. He deserved for her to leave him. He'd failed her in every way he could imagine and then some. He watched her for a moment, determining if it was best to go about his way or break things altogether. He would send her spiraling into who-knew-what, he was sure of it, but was that not better than not knowing? He had gotten into this mess by wanting to be the bad guy, and that was precisely what he needed to be now. To do right by her he would have to do wrong.

?Don't talk,? he voiced, probably before she even realized he was there. The sea muffled any sound he would have made in approaching - and he preferred it that way. ?Just listen to what I have to say.? He was in no position to order her around, but he hoped she might listen just this one time. ?I screwed up, Epiphron.? He paused, his breath catching in his throat. ?I screwed up. And I'd like to tell you that it will never happen again, but I can't say that without lying to you.? He took a step closer, not bothering to look and see if she had turned to face him or not. He couldn't look her in the eye. ?I'm at this point in my life, and I never thought it would come, where I don't want to do the right thing - except by you. I have always done the right thing by you, and I will always do the right thing by you.? Another pause. ?But I'm tired of doing the right thing because I feel like I should, because I feel like I've got this legacy to live up to.? He rocked onto his haunches. ?I screwed up, and I'm going to continue screwing up. I'll probably keep chasing this phantom of myself that I want so desperately to find, and I'll probably keep disappointing you. I don't know who I am anymore, or what I am - but I know that I'm not happy where I am, and I want to get to a better place. I always thought that better place was where you are, but it's not - and I hate saying that. I hate that i'm dragging you along on this potentially endless search for who I want to be. I hate that I'm leaving you wondering constantly about what the future holds for us. I don't know what it holds for us, and I don't even know if there is an 'us' in the future. I love you and I'll always love you, but are we really happy like this? Do we even know how to be happy?? He stopped, the rest of the words he wanted to say had caught in his throat.

?speak,?

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