Shelter For My Soul

He tried to see the her hidden beneath, to read and understand her as he spoke. He came up against a brick wall within the swell of her orbs. She seemed too smoothed over, hardened and pushed out anything that might ruffle a single feature upon her expression. His heart didn?t ache in that moment, it burned. He could feel the heat of it inside of him, tearing away the pure happiness he had felt a moment before as he looked into those eyes and knew he had made a terrible mistake. He could feel the raggedness of her breath and knew that she hurt and burned as he did. His expression twisted, he could not hide that as he felt her pain and knew it had been he who had delbt it. He could not be certain what he had wanted her to say in return, what he had wanted from her.. but he knew it was that he wanted her to remain in his life, to be a part of him even if it wasn?t spend together in every waking moment. Surely she could see that that was too much to ask, that he could not remain by her side eternally, but that didn?t also mean he had to leave her if he did not stand beside her. He wanted her, he knew that beyond a doubt, and well he wanted to give a lot of himself he did not think he could give his all. Maybe that was not enough for her? as he looked into her now pain-ridden eyes, could feel every inch of her beneath him in tense and upset coils



She didn?t seem capable of speaking, instead her maw would open and a sound of surprise would come forth. They seemed oddly frozen but for the changes of their expressions. Held tight together, him beneath her and still they could not seem to move from the terrible impact of the moment. It was as though she sensed that too, for one minute they were enveloped together, a single part, a whole and the next she was tearing lose, springing free of his form and to him it felt as through torn of his flesh. He gasped in the pain of it, the feeling of her sudden absence from his side. He couldn?t breathe for a second, he could not move. More moments passed, and then his breath hit him, smacking him in the face with a gasp as he filled his lungs once more. He blinked rapidly, though he could not say why.



He pulled himself to his paws with the effort of an old man, as through his very essence had begun to ache. He staggered before he would balance, and his gaze would look after her. For a moment he was struck with an indecision, to leave her to space she may well need, or to fill it with his presence and find the right words to fix this. He felt that to leave this now would be the coward?s way out? and besides, if he left her now that might be forever, he was not certain he could bare such a decision. He would move forward with the elegance of a slow pace. He would stop as she turned towards him, and gave him a full glance of her tortured face. Her words where not right, they did not seem to fight in what he had been trying to say, and he flailed for a moment in speechlessness, uncertain how to right this wrong.



Her next words cut even deeper than that, he gasped once more, once again her words felt like a physical blow and he fought to keep the pain from his expression or stance. Instead he would take a moment to find his breath again, to breathe, to look upon this beauty he had come to know so intimidly. Then he could stand it no more, the distance between them and he was surging forward. His steps seemed more sure now, more stable beneath him, and his expressions where fierce, and oddly decided. He would stop just before her, lowering his gaze to meet evenly to her own orbs, willing her not to look away. ?Surely you can see by now that I want you, dear Othello. Surely you can see by now that I want to be by your side. I am willing to give you a part of me, I am willing to be with you? but I cannot spend every day at your side. I want to give this to you, but I do not know if it will be enough for you. I am not certain it reaches the amount of me that you deserve ? could she not see how much he needed her? Could she not see the pain thinly veiled by his fire and life, that spoke of what it would do to him if she decided it was not enough. And yet.. and yet he still could not find a way to offer her more.


"Speech"
'thoughts'