GIVE ME YOUR HAND, I WILL GIVE YOU THE WORLD
08-10-2014, 03:47 PM
Hestia v Fiamette for Dominance Round 1
Hestia: 0 for clarity- [-2] you didnt clarify how she tried to pin fia down. Did she try to grab her scruff and yank her down? [-2] where they head to head when she lunged forward. [-2] which side of fias face did she try to bite? [-2] where abouts on the left leg did she try to bite? At the bottom, nearest the top etc. [-2] 'grave it.' doesnt really make sense, make sure to read over your posts. 7 for powerplaying. [-3] When attacking you need to make one attack or the other. putting ' if she didnt manage to' and then a different attack is rather unfair for the opponent. [-2] 'Moving closer to her sister' you need an attempt here 4 for defenses. +1 for each seen 6 for attack. +3 for attempted bite, +2 for trying to pin +3 for attempted bite to face. [-2] for the lack of clarity to the bite to face and leg 10 for injuries.First round Round one Hestia Total: 27/50 Fiamette: 4 for clarity- [-2] when Hestia hits fia's left shoulder where abouts is it? In the center? more towards the bottom etc [-2] the left portion of the shoulder is still pretty big, did hestia get the upper half or bottom half, or center. [-2] you kept using she, which is rather confusing since both characters are female, watch out for that. 7 for powerplaying. [-3] 'immediately upon grasping flesh.' you need an attempt here, by the way you wrote this it assumed you thought the bite and hold was successful. 10 for defenses. +1 for each seen 8 for attack. +3 for attempting to break toes +3 for trying to bite her left eye +1 for maim attempt +1 for trying to worsen by shaking left to right. 10 for injuries.First round Round one Fiamette Total: 39/50 Round 2
Hestia: 0 for clarity- [-3] 'The female's red jaws clamped onto her left shoulder,' If she was aiming for the eye its difficult to miss it so far out as to landing on shoulder. which part of the shoulder did Fia end up getting? The upper portion? Bottom? [-2] you mention that Hestias paw hurt but you dont clarify Fias attack. [-2] 'Without another move, she dashed at her sister' this doesnt really make sense, you say she doesnt make another move and yet she dashes for her sister? [-2] which flesh wound did hestia try to attack? [-2] which part of fias left neck did she try to grab, the top or center, the bottom? 1 for powerplaying. [-3] theres to much movement, having to biting attacks and for them to be successful are unlikely, this also limits what your opponent can do. [-2] Hestia cant just race away, that presumes you think she was successful, you need an attempt. [-2] for not clarifying Fia's paw attack to brake bones. [-2] i feel like your taking very minimum damage and its not very realistic. 1 for defenses. 'muscles tensed. Make sure to add defenses to each post you make, you cant just list them in the stats below. 8 for attack. +3 for trying to grip neck + 3 for trying to grab eye +1 for maim attempt +1 for attempting to worsen by shaking 5 for injuries. -2 for bruising of paw -3 for scarring to shoulder. Round two Hestia Total: 15/50 Fiamette: 8 for clarity- [-2] 'and she pulls a chunk of flesh from Hestia's shoulder' where abouts on the shoulder? Be specific. 2 for powerplaying. [-2] her chins tucked to protect her throat but thats rather hard considering she attempts to clasp around her sister face. Also due to the height difference it'd be hard to tuck in. [-3] 'and she pulls a chunk of flesh from Hestia's shoulder' this is a rather serious attack/maim which you presumed was successful [-3] theres to much movement, as she attempts to shift so hestia missed the shoulder and then Fiamette attempts to bite the bottom jaw, its pretty slight to do all that so quickly in one fight. 10 for defenses. +1 for each seen 9 for attack. +3 for attempting to brake toes again +1 for trying to worsen previous attack +3 for attempting to clasp hestias jaw +2 for shove 5 for injuries. -3 for wound to shoulder -2 for the bruising that will come Round two Fiamette Total: 34/50 Totals:
Hestia: 42/100 Fiamette: 73/100 And the winner is...
Fiamette! Hestia must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
Hestia- Bruising will take a few ic days, bite wounds 2 ic weeks, scars will remain on shoulder. Toes if broken will take 2-3 ic months to heal Fiamette- Scarring on shoulder, bruising will take a few ic days to heal. Notes:
Tips for both writing, and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here) Notes For Croaton Make sure to always include atleast 8 defences, simply listing them wont gain points!:) Also, watch out for to much movement, its unfair for the opponent. For Aislyn. You did very well on this fight, same to you really. To much movement is unrealistic. - By [Luisiana]
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