My my, how things CHANGE

All at once she wondered the true reasoning behind her returning here and to him. She had thought that it was for a simple visit, to collect their thoughts and be joyous in their shared past. Instead it brought up old feelings, and made her feel like she could never leave his side again. But the thoughts that danced in her head and the images that followed were not things that should be thought about a married man. She was no longer his, and she needed to get that into her thick skull. So why was it so hard then? She knew that he was in love with another, and that she was in love with Scorpion. But was the heart not capable of loving more than one soul? She thought so, because she loved her children, as well as Scorpion. It may be a different kind of love, but was all love not different? Did you truly feel amorous about one person the same as another? No, it was all totally unique and unlike all others. There was nothing the same, for each wolf was different. Love was not a tangible thing, but it was something that could be shared. It is infectious, and oh-so delightful. So why limit it to just one? The answer was that you couldn't, it was rather impossible.

She watched as his eyes closed, shutting him off from her. Othello let out a low whine, knowing what he was doing. She had done the same thing many times when they had first met, and knew the signs well. "Don't block yourself from me." She whispered. She needed to see his face, to try to read his thoughts and emotions. She was lost without them, growing more and more self conscious. Should she just slip away when he was not looking, or would that be too tricky for both their hearts? Crucifix's own heart was on his sleeve, just the way it always was. She wanted to reach out and caress him further, to pull him away and curl into him. She wanted him to warm her body the way he was her mind and soul, but could not. So many strings pulled her back, thin and brittle, but numerous. But the one that connected her to this man was thick, gold, an never breaking. It may loosen when distance kept them apart, but it was always there. Every moment that passed another brittle string drew her back, but they were not enough to pull her away. Her whole self was involved with him, and her world seemed to revolve around his sun. Even with Scorpion, her love for this alpha never faded. It most likely never would.

His gaze opened, once more holding her own. Her gaze shifted between each shimmering orb, lighthouses directing her safely home. She could truly lose herself in that one look, but it didn't last long. He posed her a question, his eyes casting away from her. Could she bare to leave? No. The answer was simple, but the consequences were not. "Crucifix." She whispered, his name like honey on her delicate lips. "Look at me." Her voice was pleading, ears now flat against her skull. She needed him to see her as she spoke, to read the emotions that were so clearly written on her face. For once she wasn't afraid of hiding herself, of wearing those masks she had once dawned. She had changed, had grown into her soul and righted her mind. Mostly. The tendencies were still there, but her depth of sadness quelled almost everything else.

She was sure to hold his gaze before she dared to go on. "Are we being selfish here? Are we craving what we once had, because it was new and wonderful?" She asked, knowing in her heart that it truly was wondrous. "What would you tell your wife? That I am simply a friend? You know as well as I that that is a lie, and she would read right through it. She would see how you would look at me, and how I look at you. No, it is not fair to your wife and children. Maybe I shouldn't have come..." She regretted her last words as soon as they left her lips, her body pulling backwards as she flinched. Three more strings. "I just wanted to see you, but perhaps my actions were rash. Because now... now I find that leaving would hurt more now than when you walked away the first time." Othello's vocals dropped down to a whisper, her voice trailing off until it fell silent once more. She sniffled as tears threatened to fall, but she swallowed back the bitter taste. She would not cry. Two more strings.

The pale woman could not handle the distance any longer. She took a few tentative steps forward, seeking approval to close the gap. "If I asked you to hold me, would I be completely out of line?" Her words were soft, hardly there at all. But the wind would carry them to his ears, and there was nothing else here but their songs to one another. The rest of the world was holding its breath, the snow now drifting lazily to the earth. The sky grew dimmer as dawn neared, the chill setting in. She wanted nothing more than to fold up into his arms. But these were his pack lands, anyone could stride by. "Or should I go?" She added quickly after, looking down at her fore paw as she twirled it in the rested flakes. Sheepish now like a school girl, her ear tips and cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. Had too much been said?

Othello's breath puffed out in quick successions now, a slight panic in her chest that he would say yes. If he asked her to leave, she would listen, no matter how much it may hurt. She needed to know how he felt, in words and not just in underlying tones. Those could easily be misread, taken the wrong way. She had certainly done that before. But now, it was a whole different ball park. She felt as if more was on the line, because if she left now she knew deep in her bones that this would be their final goodbye. She could not return after this, for leaving today would be too raw and painful. Yet another heart wound to add to her growing list.