Potential Minion

VREL:
0 for clarity:

• -1 which right paw is he lifting
• -2 where on her left side is he trying to slam his paw?
• -2 which way is he attempting to spin
• -2 what part of his body is he trying to use to pin her?
• -2 where on her body is he hoping to land whatever to pin her?
• -2 what angle is he hoping to align their bodies to?

3 for powerplaying.

• -2 you need to attempt to close the distance
• -5 your opponent decides whether or not your attacks land.

5  for defenses.

• +1 for each seen

0 for attack.

• +0 paw attack (points not give due to major powerplay) +0 for the pin (points deducted for major clarity issues)

10 for injuries.

• first round

VREL'S round one total: 18/50


KATHLEEN:
4 for clarity:  

• -2 where on her left side did his paw land?
• -2 where on his chest is she attempting to place her paws?  front? side?  
• -2 Which side of his lower jaw is she going for, how is she positioning her jaws?

8 for powerplaying.

• -2 even though Vrel's second attack was extra vague you still need to respond to it.  When your opponent fails to specify then you need to make the specifics, use it as an opportunity to put your opponent in an even more vulnerable spot.

3 for defenses.

• +1 each seen

6 for attack.

• +4 double claw attack (points deducted for clarity)  +2 for jaw attack (point deducted for clarity)

10 for injuries.

• first round

KATHLEEN'S round one total: 31/50

VREL:
0 for clarity:

• -2 how severe is the damage from her claws?
• -2 how is he guarding his neck that she fails to grasp it?  Make sure to be specific!  Is it just that his chin is tucked super tight?  Did his body shift in some way?
• -2 where on his lower jaw did her attack land?  on just one side?  on both? in the middle?  farther back?
• -2 I don't understand the hind leg rise motion, is he trying to jump? Just lift himself suddenly?  He's he jumping only his back legs up?  Only his front legs but leaning back on his hind legs?  You've lost me.  xD
• -2 Which direction is he turning his neck to get at her?  Might be a good time to clarify angles.  Is he trying to face her head on?  A bit to the side?  Sorry I am a clarity nazi  xD
• -1 which right paw is he trying to place between her shoulder blades? Front or back?  Judges can't assume and if you fail to specify your opponent has the right to decide which and put you in a vulnerable position.

6 for powerplaying.

• -2 its unlikely if he's standing still that her jaws would slip right off his jaws.  You need to state some reason such as him moving or twisting his head that causes her not to get a grip.
• -2 conditionals.  Almost all your attacks depend on if his jump is successful and can lead to confusion later on in your fight.  If your opponent decides your attempt is unsuccessful they can theoretically avoid all your attacks.   Definitely something you want to avoid.

0 for defenses.

• +1 for each seen  (you need to restate your defenses each round as the position of your wolf can change)

2 for attack.

• +2 bite attempt (-1 clarity) +0  paw attack  (-1 for clarity, also unlikely that him simply putting his paw on her would push her to the ground, mention things like trying to push his weight into her or stomp down on her to give it some effect)

4 for injuries.

• -4 moderate wounds to chest x 2
• -2 moderate bite wounds to lower jaw

VREL'S round two total:12 /50


KATHLEEN:
2 for clarity:  

• -2 how great was the damage to her scruff?
• -2 which way is she trying to twist?  
• -2  What part of her body is she twisting?
• -2  which way is she going to try to jerk his paw and what side is she hoping he'll fall on?

6 for powerplaying.

• -3  Frost said her jaw attack landed on his lower jaw not his neck
• -1 conditional, her attempt to throw off his balance depends on her attack succeeding.  It's better to state this kind of thing as the goal of her attack or save it for the next round if she gets hold rather than doing if/then's which can quickly become nested and cause a fight to become extremely confusing.

3 for defenses.

• +1 for each seen

2 for attack.

• +2 for bite (-1 clarity)

8 for injuries.

• -2 moderate wounds to scruff

KATHLEEN'S round two total: 21/50

VREL:
0 for clarity:

• -2 where on his leg did her attack land?
• -2 which side did he land on?
• -3 how much damage did her jaw attack do?  How severe is his bruising?
• -2 what part of his body is he trying to swipe at her?
• -2 where on her face is he trying to land his attack?

10 for powerplaying.

• none seen

0 for defenses.

• +1 for each seen

0 for attack.

• +0 paw swipe (point deducted for clarity)

7 for injuries.

• -1 light bruising to shoulder, -2 moderate bite to leg

VREL'S round three total:17 /50


KATHLEEN:
2 for clarity:  

• -2 which way did she move her head to avoid his attack?
• -2 which shoulder was struck with his attack?
• -2 what angle is she approaching him at?
• -2 where is she trying to position her fangs on his face?

6 for powerplaying.

• -4  nested conditionals.  "if he moved this way then she'd etc."  These types of statements are highly discouraged on ala as they can make for confusing fights and also assume to much about an opponent.  It's up to Vrel to decide where the attack lands and he could move back far enough that she misses completely or in such a way that she does miss his neck.  Give your opponent room to interpret your attack.

2 for defenses.

• +1 for each seen

1 for attack.

• +1 bite (points deducted for clarity and powerplay)

10 for injuries.

• no damage worth noting

KATHLEEN'S round three total:21 /50



VREL: 47/100
KATHLEEN: 73/100




KATHLEEN! Vrel must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out and has now been claimed by Kathleen.


Vrel:

• moderate wounds to chest x 2  will take 1 ooc week to heal
• moderate bite wounds to lower jaw will take 1 ooc week to heal
• light bruising to shoulder, will take 3 ooc days to heal
• moderate bite to leg will take 1 ooc week to heal

KATHLEEN:  

• moderate wounds to scruff will take 1 ooc week to heal

Tips for writing and some suggestions. (no points are deducted here):

For FROST: Your clarity is where you need the most work, make sure to be very specific with attacks and how your character is hoping to position themselves.  You started off with some powerplay issues but corrected them as the fight went on.  Also try working on getting in more attacks and what you hope to achieve with those attacks.  As for defenses as I stated earlier you'll need to restate them each round.


For KATHLEEN: Clarity is what trips people up the most so don't worry you're not alone in this  xD.  That is also the area you need to work with and remember if an opponent fails to specify where they're aiming an attack then it's up to you to decide and you can use this to your advantage.  Work on getting more defenses set and using your cats claws more.  You earned some serious attack points when the claw and jaw attacks were combined.  That's a definite advantage for the feline chars.