His uncle Torin had left them at his mother's grave, gently shooing curious watchers away to give the pair a few moments of privacy, something Célestin was glad for as he stared down numbly at the fresh mound of earth that denoted where his mother had been burried, right next to his sister. Célestin sighed and settled onto his stomach, gently signaling with his muzzle that Pegasus was welcome to join him. He turned his gaze back towards the grave site, and while he could feel grief, an old friend now, gently setting in he wasn't sure how to respond to the sight right before him. He knew, logically what it was he was looking at, that under that layer of dirt his mother's body was laying stif and cold. But it didn't feel real. Maybe it was that he hadn't seen her like he had Naeva, or maybe it was simply the beginings of denial, but he almost didn't believe that what he was looking at was all that remained of his mother. "You know, I almost stayed, for her." He finally said, not really speaking to Pegasus so much as just feeling the need to speak, to fill the silence. "I was so scared, she wasn't well, hadn't been for a while. I don't know, maman was never very confident but before I left she'd just gotten so much worse. Blaise had looked after her so I never knew how bad she got." He paused a moment to idly wonder where his brother was. "I wasn't sure how I could leave her in that state. But somewhere along the way, I realized I couldn't live for anyone but me. I don't regret that decision... but I never did really say goodbye." speaking Thinking  you

The Lovliest Lies He pressed close to Célestin, leaning his shoulder against him. “You did what was right for you, you can’t blame yourself for that.” He said solemnly, his eyes lingering on the mound of dirt. “She didn’t get worse because you left, I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to feel that way.” He explained, his heart throbbing dully for his friend. Without another word he lifted his head and placed his chin gently on his companion’s forehead. “If you had stayed, I never would have left.” He said quietly, his eyes closing slowly as the truth of his words flowed out of him. “I don’t know if I could ever live without you.” He said, just above a whisper, feeling the burden of his secret begin to lift from his shoulders. “I can never lose you Célestin.” He hesitated, feeling the next words stick to the roof of his mouth and willing them to finally be spoken. “I love you…” Talking Thinking You Of All

Célestin closed his eyes as Pegasus leaned into him, taking comfort in that familiar touch. Not for the first time, he'd resist the urge to bury his face in his friend's fur, to make the distance between them disappear. But he hoped it might be the last time. Some part of the man knew his friend was right, that he wasn't at fault but it wasn't as if his guilt would be banished by words alone, but he'd also spoken truly when he'd said he hadn't regretted it. His mother was a sore point, he'd loved her but she hadn't been healthy for a long time, it would have been selfish of her to force him to stay... but hadn't he also be selfish? It was only recently he'd considered that it hadn't even been right for Blaise to be forced to look after her, that should never have fallen to any of her children. But he wasn't sure he could blame his uncle either, he wasn't sure he'd known how bad she was... though he had warned his uncle when he'd left... so maybe he was a bit mad, maybe he did blame him. Célestin breathed in the words Pegasus spoke, feeling his heart flutter as his friend admitted he'd have stayed if Célestin had, no Célestin didn't regret leaving. He could feel Pegasus building to something and before the rainbow man could say his own piece he heard those three words, feeling the weight of the world fall from his friend's lips. Shock drew his head back, severing that physical connection for what felt like years, he opened his eyes and looked at his friend. Then he laughed. Cruel as it might seem he couldn't help it, a pure real laugh falling from his lips during what should have been a solemn reverent moment, it's wasn't sarcastic or biting, but a real expression of joy. "Who said you could steal my line?" He asked behind tears, crying for the first time since they'd gotten the news though if it was more a mixture of his laughter and the sadness of grief finally hitting him. His emotions were a storm of joy, of relief, of the heaviness of his grief. It was like a breath he'd been holding released and all the emotions he'd been holding back with it came flooding over him. "I love you too." He'd say, hoping he hadn't let it sit unresponded to for too long. "I knew I never wanted to let that go unsaid again."" He looked at his mother's grave. "I just never expected you to beat me to the punch. I'm sorry for laughing." Célestin nosed at Pegasus' cheeks, then he did something he'd wanted to for so long but always been too afraid to do. He closed his eyes and began to lick at his friend's cheek, slow, tentative kisses. "I love you so much." He whispered, the tears now a mixture of grief and relief and he simply let them flow, unable to deny his own feelings any more. speaking Thinking  you

He cleaned the tears from his lover’s eyes then reached forward to brush against his cheek, feeling the warmth of their bodies finally connected. “Don’t cry.” He begged and nuzzled at the long fur of his cheek. “My family, they’ll never have you, a male and a male paired, they’ll call it against god.” He said, his head dipping to brush against his cheek. “Let me have a woman on the surface, and you hidden from all their eyes, loving you with all my heart and keeping you, a secret, close to my heart and always on my mind.” He bid him, it was a lot to ask, to keep their pure love so hidden from prying eyes that no one would know of it, much less breathe the secret of their devotion to each other. A forbidden love that poets would have sung of to the heavens but must now be their reality. "" "Speech" Think You

Art by Sterling-Raven

Gently Pegasus would comfort him and Célestin let himself really lean into that familiar comfort for the first time. He'd close his eyes and listen as Pegasus spoke. Letting the words sink in before he reacted. And frankly he wasn't sure how to. Célestin pushed his face into Pegasus' neck fur, taking deep breaths and allowing himself to really breath in the man he loved. Then slowly he shook his head, not yet pulling out from Pegasus' fur. "I'm living for me remember."  He mumbled into the man's neck. Finally he pulled back seeking his lover's gaze and trying to hold it despite the wavering in his voice. "I trust you know your family best," He began, But I love you, and that's a part of me. And I can't live the rest of my life hiding bits and pieces of me. And you shouldn't have to either."  Every time he said he loved Pegasus his heart fluttered, all the times he'd wanted to but hadn't threatening to spill out in a barrage of confessions. "I can give you a year, maybe two to figure out your family, take a woman if you must..." Though that thought was painful. "But I will not hide who I am for the rest of my life, I love you and I want to do all the things wolves in love do!" Share a den, raise a family, be in love in public. He paused, feeling himself be over taken by his emotions again. "If that's not possible then..." He looked away, unable to finish that sentence. He'd just finally gotten Pegasus in the way he'd always dreamed and already he was threatened with losing him! speaking Thinking  you

As Célestin pressed into his fur he felt his heart soar, only to have it throb painfully when too soon he pulled away. The mottled male offered to give him a year to figure out how he would broach the subject to his family. He ran his tongue over the bridge of Cél’s nose, trying to prolong their moment together. The image he painted for him was beautiful; both, side by side, untouched by his disapproving family, living for each other. He wanted that desperately. Slowly, as if he were afraid he might disappear at any moment, Pegasus pressed his forehead against Célestin’s.  “I never want to do anything that will hurt you.” He said softly, his paw rising to rest gently against the other male’s. “If this is going to be what pulls us apart, then I won’t even consider it. I’ll tell my family and damn the consequences. “ "Speech" Think You

Art by Sterling-Raven