Cypress was out at the moment, it was the middle of the night and Arian had felt the onsetting feeling. She wasn't sure what had brought on this feeling to her, everything had seemed fine a moment ago. It was her mind playing tricks on her, she could have sworn at least. With these demons swimming around her, her chest was tightening up and she didn't have her mint with her. Sitting upon the deck, she suddenly thought about awaking the other members of the pack in their respective dens. She tried to clamp her jaw shut, swallowing before her body began to shake. She tucked her head between her paws and tried to calm down her breathing. Crying heavily at that point, her tail tucked between her legs and she pressed into a corner of the deck that connected the stairs to the area where the broken steering wheel once sat. It was probably from holding it in for so long after all the pressure she had been pushing herself into. So many thoughts shot through her head as her body shivered and she quietly sobbed to herself. Was she really worth the time and effort she was putting into this pack. Her leg was crippled, and perhaps she was not as strong as she could have been. What did her father think of her up there with Denki? Did he hate her, and what about all of her bad habits. The urges she had, the undeniable lust that she had been into. She growled a little, letting out a shrill whine. Gods stop the voices in her head now. "Talk"

She couldn't sleep. Avalon had been tossing and turning moments after shutting her eyes. She had been in Sonticus no more then a day or two, and she hadn't yet integrated herself. She would soon. For now, she wanted to rest and recover from her long journey. Having been alone for so long, being within the safety of a pack was a huge relief to her, and she had been using the chance to gather her mind and rest herself. Now however, her mind refused sleep. She'd sigh, turning over onto her stomach and placing her head on her paws. Her amber gaze was lit up by the stars that shone through the window on the side of the cabin she had chosen. It was towards the front of the ship, well away from the one she had been imprisoned in. The opening granted her ease of access, the door no longer in existence but the cabin was warm and well ventilated, allowing her the comfort of not getting too cold or too hot. She had found some old blankets, things humans used to keep warm, she assumed, and had arranged them around the old moth eaten bed that sat in its tattered glory. Seeing as how she couldn't sleep, she'd decide to go for a walk. Quietly though, so as not to wake any of her pack mates that might be sleeping. Avalon took in a deep breath of air. The cold winter night air filling her lungs and clearing her mind. She hadn't thought about her past all that much since she came to Sonticus. The loneliness she had felt was released that night...her soul a little at ease for the time being. She wondered how Arian was faring after that night. For Avalon had kept to herself after, mostly sleeping, so she had not been out and about to speak to anyone. As she walked quietly towards the bow of the ship, she'd hear a sound that pierced her. Fear suddenly struck her, and the source of the sound would tell her immediately who it was. There was no mistaking it. Fur on end, the girl rushed towards her. There, she'd find Arian in a fit that told Avalon something was wrong. "Arian!" She'd approach rapidly, coming to make contact with the Alphess. She pressed herself against her, moving in a way where her body curled around the smaller female. Something was clearly wrong, and Avalon had no doubts about what it was. She wasn't the only one who fought her demons on a constant basis. She knew Arian had her own demons, and she was in a war with them at this moment. Avalon pressed against her. Her body wrapped tightly around Arian as she licked the top of her head. "Arian, it's alright. I'm here, you're not alone. Calm down." She had never dealt with someone else who had attacks like this...and Avalon herself had been through a couple of them when everything suddenly came crashing down, but those she had to deal with by herself. But she would not let Arian deal with it alone. Not as long as she still breathed. She had a connection with this woman, and she wanted to help her and protect her to the best of her ability. "Speech"

A piece of her knew she was going to be okay, but her body at times wouldn't do what she told it to do. The touch of another would nearly make her jump but as she scented that it was Avalon her eyes grew wide a little. To see her like this was a full run down of her walls, Arian nearly felt like throwing them back up at that moment but she just plain couldn't to Avalon. Blue eyes, surrounded by red of crying locked on the larger female. Letting her heart race, as her ears flicked to the sound of the others voice. Was she really not alone, it was possible. This place was now crawling with wolves but she wasn't sure if any of them would go out of their way to save her even if something bad happened. Arian shook her head for a simple moment. Trying to think of an answer to give to the woman. "I'm sorry - I must have awoken you." he rasped quickly trying to compose herself. However, her breathing was shallow simply because of her panic. Trying to calm herself down this time was having to get some help, however she curled her head into Avalon and let herself cry. Trying not to think of the things that made her sad. Quick, what was it that she enjoyed doing? What was it that she cared about the most - it was hard to think of that in these moments. "It'll.... pass I just.. have to calm down." she breathed. Her tail curled, and the warmth from Avalon brushing away the cold night was a bit of a deal breaker for her. The moon shining above them, she just let her body for a few minutes warm up with the other. Heart trying to desperately crawl back to it's normal stance. She blinked looking at Avalon with tired eyes, although a little more calm her body was still sore after the spike in emotional value. "I think.... I'm okay now." she muttered. Next time, she needed to make sure she had more mint. Arian had been doing without it, but she certainly couldn't depend on Avalon or even Cypress to make her feel better all the time. Sometimes, she did need to do things on her own. Otherwise she wouldn't be able to feel like herself. "Talk"

She pressed tightly against her. Head shaking slightly, "No, you didn't wake me." She said simply. It was true. Avalon couldn't sleep to begin with, it wasn't her fault. She took in a deep breath, letting her fur relax so it wasn't standing on end. She was scared, yes. But she had to be calm for Arian's sake. Avalon knew all too well what she was going through, and it was hard doing it alone. So she'd stay, and allow the President to cry on her. She gently rested her head on Arian, hoping that the contact would comfort her, but she'd give her the time she needed to ease her mind. Taking in a deep breath to calm her previously racing heart, she waited.

"It'll.... pass I just.. have to calm down." She'd lift her head, looking at Arian steadily. Ready to step in again should she need it. The pair laid there for a few moments, Avalon not pressing her as to what caused her to fall into disrepair. Instead, allowing her to collect herself until she was ready. She'd glance up at the moon for a moment, it's rays shining upon them and illuminating them like ghosts. She felt like one sometimes. As if she were no more than a spirit wandering the earth without a purpose. But she had one, and she found that out upon coming to Sonticus. She looked back to Arian when the female shifted. Amber gaze locked on her blue gaze. She could see that the attack that took hold had left her tired. Struggling in a battle that you often lost, could do that to someone.

"I think.... I'm okay now." Avalon nosed her cheek, another attempt at comforting her as well as herself. Did others in the pack know about this? "I am lucky to have been passing at this time...I couldn't sleep. And it seems neither could you." She breathed a small sigh. "Does this happen often?"

Arian would try to settle herself down now that Avalon was here. Muscles relaxing, her shivering was dying down. Her crystal eyes looked around the deck of the ship. In the darknesss, there was not a creature a stir. The icy winter air whipped up fine lines of powdery snow. She sighed a little bit, as the other spoke she nodded her head a little. "When I'm alone it does, but usually I have mint with me to calm me down if things get bad." she snorted a little to herself. "I can't be greedy and just keep Cypress around all the time." she sighed. She would hate it if Cypress had to give up his freedom for her. She'd never entirely let him do that, because she was certain he would willingly do it for her. Arian rested her head on Avalon's body if she was allowed to. Tail curling around herself as she let out another small sigh to get rid of the negative energy she had been holding up. "I'm sorry Avalon, sometimes it just happens." her shoulders shrugged for a moment. It happened because of her insecurities that she still had of course. "Talk"

She licked the top of Arian's head, the girl knowing what it felt like. She was often alone, and at times when her mind was too into thinking about her past, had spiraled into a fits of depression and panic herself. But she had been forced to dealing with it alone. But she wouldn't let Arian suffer it alone. "No need to be sorry. It is not your fault. Sometimes our hardest battles are the ones fought with ourselves." She stretched out a bit to accommodate Arian. "As for feeling greedy about wanting someone with you? I don't see it as being greedy. I'm sure your mate loves you to no end, and if he does, then I'm sure he'd want to be with you in your time of need." She nosed her cheek, "Just as I will try to be around when you need someone there for you. I know what it's like to be alone and fighting your demons on your own. And I wish I had someone to help me in my darkest times...but unfortunately, I have been left to fight my inner battles without support."

And they were battles often lost. She wondered what Arian felt when she had to face things alone. But she was sure that she had a pretty good idea. Hopelessness, depression, as if the world were forcing you to the ground and kicking you over, and over, and over when you were down. It was non too pleasant. She stared up at the stars, the wintry wind blowing around them, though where they lied provided them shelter. "If you'd like, I will go and get some more mint for you. I will keep some in my den with me in the event you can't access yours. It's the least I can do for what you've done for me."

At first it would seem that Arian was displeased with what she was hearing. She didn't often have clear expressions on her face, but hearing that Avalon was alone had Arian pulling her nose back a little. Her eyes narrowing a bit at her, although she breathed easy now. Her body did feel empty and week, she knew what Cypress would do but that was entirely the reason why she was afraid. She didn't want to lock him away, Arian could be dark, very dark. She felt fear creeping in on her again, what if one day she snapped and it just so happened to be Cypress or Avalon that she snapped on. The woman stood up firmly and stomped her right front paw into the deck's wood. Pulling her ears back she huffed slightly. "Dear Denki I will not let you suffer anymore Avalon. You won't be alone, because I'll be here. Itsume bless it Cypress will be there for you if he would just meet you. I know I cannot control him but he is an even kinder heart than I!" Arian exclaimed, her crystal eyes looked seriously at the older woman. She stood protectively with her tail lashing out from side to side. At a slow pace, Arian would start to settle herself. Previously raised fur on the back of her neck not quiet her hackles rested upon her shoulders. As Avalon offered to hold some mint, it seemed the other woman had also known that they calmed nerves. Not many knew it, but then again it was possibly only they who freaked out so much that did it. "I guess it would be okay, after all the pack cannot have too much mint. It's not only used to calm nerves." she sighed, shutting her eyes. "Gods just kill me now, they must think me a fool." her head shook from left to right. Arian's battles, they were between dark and light. She could torture if she wanted to, in fact she had a feeling it was something she would enjoy. If she could enjoy being a slave who knew what else she could do. She shut her eyes tightly, let the gods just bless her she wouldn't break the people she loved hearts. "Talk"

Avalon

She was taken aback and surprised at Arian's response. Her ears fell back, but not in fright. She felt as if she was being scolded, just as her mother had done when she was a child. She watched Arian carefully, taking into account every word and every action. Did she feel a need to protect her from what she felt? Gods, if there were any, help her. She couldn't even help herself, though she did admire Arian's determination. She grew fond of Arian in the short time she had met her, and Avalon was sure that she would come to want to protect her just as Arian wanted to do for her. Never had she felt like this before, nor known the protection of another since her father had been there. But...this was something she probably wanted. Probably needed. And she wouldn't push it away. "Arian I..." She shut her mouth, not sure but, at the same time sure about it. "Thank you." She was grateful, truly. She remained lying where she was for a few moments before slowly pulling herself to her paws. She still wasn't quite tired yet, but it was because of her nightmares that kept her from the worlds of dreams. Shaking out her fur, she looked at Arian with gratitude and another look that could not be deciphered. She had offered her help, and in turn, Avalon would help her with whatever she could. She had grown to respect Arian, something that the younger woman truly deserved. "The others don't have to know what I store away in my den. Nor would it be their business." It was true to an extent. Avalon could be a private wolf if she so chose, but as it was, none of the others had tried to talk to her yet, so she didn't see any potential friends nor interest from them yet. Or if she ever would at the rate the pack was going. But at Arian's mention of them thinking she was a fool. Well, now it was Avalon's turn to burst out. "Don't you ever say that again, Arian." She growled lowly, the woman now standing tensed. She hated when others spoke of themselves negatively, and although she thought that of herself most times, she would not hear it from another. "You are strong. And if you believe yourself a fool, then what makes it so? That you think yourself weak? Incapable? You have nothing to prove, Arian. You've already done it. You stood when the world tried to keep you down, and you started for yourself and for others a life that no other could dream of. You have given more then you are capable of, and that has made you stronger then even myself." She sat down, her fur prickled along her spine. "You're a fool for thinking you are one."

It was wrong, it was all wrong to snap at her. The one thing she hated more than anything was the sound of being scolded. Perhaps it embedded deeper because she considering Avalon a friend. Arian's blood ran cold, just remembering to herself how much of a horrible person she really was. A heart dyed black among a golden shell really, and when her true colors came to show she would be abandoned like any other chance before. Left behind, thrown out, something she was so sick and tired of so she had made her own pack to stand at the top. Blue crystal eyes showed nothing of what she thought. Holding a thin smile, when would be the day she might snap at Avalon? "Then a fool I must be." she laughed a little settling forward to press her nose against Avalon's shoulder. "Maybe this is also something you should tell yourself? You are strong Avalon. Standing against the world, I had help, you did not." Arian would look rather seriously at the woman. "You are strong, and beautiful. The gods must be proud of you for never straying off your path that you want to go down." Arian stepped back. Her walls would remain firm, things she didn't tell anyone. Not even Cypress knew of her demonic urges. Perhaps only Vereux who had witnessed them. Ixionn as well, but she tied it down like a black memory. "Talk"