Impossible Year

Ashmedai was gone, Valentine was gone, Imperium was gone. Esti had nothing anymore. She was the warrior of nothing. She had the sickness. She felt it swelling within her. She felt her mind fading in and out of reality. Somehow, she had made it back to the Willows. This was where it all began. Where she was left by her mother, where she met Valentine, where she realized she was pregnant. This was her kingdom. This was her home. She was back, at last. After raising her son, becoming a strong warrior, Esti had returned. Maybe it was the sickness driving her mad, or maybe she really had a connection to this place, but when she returned, she could hear the willows welcoming her home. They really did whisper. Her followers were all around her. The warrior princess had returned to her kingdom at last.

Her whole life led her to returning here, where she began her life. She wanted to reflect; she could feel the end coming soon. She shook against the chill that had settled in her bones, a fit of coughs raking through her body. She wanted to think about all the good moments, all the love, all the fights, everything. While she thought about them in passing, her mind was unclear and unfocused. She could feel all the experience in her body. She wasn't old, and yet, somehow she felt all of her memories pressing upon her. She stopped walking near the large willow that used to be her home, laying on her back to look up at the green above her. This was where she had her small following. She wondered where the members had gone after their kid leader had left them. She wondered what would have happened if she had stayed with them. Would she have found love? Would she have been a real princess? The willows rustled, reminding her that she was a real princess; the warrior willow princess.

She reminded herself, sighing deeply, that if she had stayed, she would have never had Ashmedai. Her mind cleared and opened up to her memories; She hated the idea at first- it had shattered her world, but when he was born, she loved him. She resisted at first, but it was too late. Her sloppy, childish son with all his moment of happiness and anger. Was he okay now? Had he found his brother and father? In her mind, she saw his freckled wrinkle when he smiled, noting the difference from when he fought or when he was angry. Her slate, dappled son; her snow storm.

She coughed again. Her chest ached. Esti turned to her side, her vision blurring. She wasn't sure if she was crying or if the tears were from her spasms. Greens and browns blurred in her eyes. She remembered feeling like nothing in Imperium, then becoming a warrior and feeling like she was above par. In the end, they dispersed all the same. She wanted to go down in battle. She wanted to go with a fight. She expected Imperium to end with blood and howling, but it ended with a deep sigh and tears. Esti expected herself too to go out with blood and gnashing teeth, but found that she was going the same way the pack did.

Her breathing was becoming shallow, her heart slowing. She felt like she was dreaming, her body tingling on the forest floor. She thought quickly, the smiles, the intimate nights, fights, blood, laughter- nothing. All at once, her mind became vividly focused, the greens burning her vision as a swell of emotion shot forth- then it tunneled away. She was hot, then cold, then tingling, her sense of heat fading away. She felt no weight, no pressure, her memories sliding from her mind into darkness.

And finally, for once, the warrior princess slept peacefully.