Morning dawned bitter and cold. Winter had set its fangs into Abaven and would only increase its chokehold as the season wore on. Thick curtains of gray clouds blocked out the sun and as the wind picked up snowflakes began to tumble through the air. Brandr watched them in silence amongst the tall, amber grasses of the thicket. His mind was whirling. Each passing day brought more and more anxiety to the point he could feel it bubbling up his throat. The only breaks in his tumultuous thoughts were the sweet moments he spent with Corentine. The sanctuary he felt in her presence was truly a gift in these hard times but even that was beginning to come with some fears. He'd lain with her. What if she became pregnant? Brandr and Corentine had talked at length and had come to a difficult, painful decision. He needed to speak with Sparrow. Tipping back his head he called for her. "Talk" "You" Think

The cold came almost abruptly and Sparrow, for the one season of the year, felt alright. Her body was mostly comprised of fluff, so the beginning and end of winter didn't bother her all that much. Now, if only she could get her paws to grow more fluff, she'd be all set.

Hearing a call from Brandr, Sparrow turned in almost the complete opposite direction and sprinted lightly in the direction of her friend. As she came into view, she gave him a soft smile. She was trying to make this a better situation for everyone, even if it just meant smiling when things were rough. Sparrow knew it would be hard for everyone, but as long as they stood by her, she knew she could do it. She had to.

"Morning, Brandr." Sparrow greeted. "What's up?"

She was glad they could touch base before the winter meeting. Sparrow had been tossing around the idea of a premeditated hunt for the pups. She wasn't sure exactly how to do it, but the pups were big enough now that if Brandr had help mostly taking down some prey- or catching some rabbits- then he could really teach the pups to hunt. They would need the skill especially in the cold months and Brandr was the ideal candidate to help them learn.

Winter was probably a foolish time to be thinking about leaving the pack but they were planning to head south to the warmer areas of Boreas. He intended to speak with Regulus about the going on's in Abaven to make sure other packs were at least aware of the situation but he had no intention of joining Celestial. He and Corentine had bonded over the nomadic heritage of their families. The wished to be untethered and untied… at least for awhile. Brandr had not forgotten the desire of the pack to fight, even if he could not understand their ties to the land. Sparrow answered and he offered her a sad smile as she trotted toward him. This was going to hurt. He knew she trusted in him though he couldn't imagine why. His insecurity had eaten at him and he'd felt like he'd failed her on more than one occasion. He knew Abaven would be fine without him and Corentine though. The rank of Prima Pattuglia had never quite settled on him and was only meant to be temporary. Lark, as Bass' son would me a much better advisor and assistant to ruling a pack than he could be. Abaven was blessed with many hunters, Kassander, Lark, Caelum, and young Caelestis. He knew they'd be well fed. As for the Abraxas… Ashiel was a liability. He'd run into one of their members while spying and it had not gone well. What they needed to do was lie low until they could figure out a way to deal with the Abraxas. He sighed. Better get this over with. "Sparrow, I'm sorry to have to do this to you but Corentine and I are leaving Abaven. We have decided to start a life together and with the possibility of pups neither of us are comfortable staying here under the eyes of the Abraxas." How could he bear the responsibility of being a messenger when his pups would be within jaws reach of the very demons he was battling? "We don't have the connection to the pack's history that you do and our hearts are pulling us elsewhere. I know you must be disappointed. You may even hate me and that is understandable. I don't intend to give up the fight though. I said I would help Abaven and I shall. I'll send word to all the packs of what is happening here. I might even be able to act as a contact. I did run into the Abraxas before and it was not a good meeting. I'd fear that incident will only bring harm upon Abaven should the one I ran into recognize me." He shook his head. "Ack, Sparrow… I could offer you all the reasons in the world but it wouldn't make this any easier or hurt any less. I am truly sorry." "Talk" "You" Think

The words came harsh and cold like a winter storm. They stung, her stomach churning and ears flattening. Brandr and Corentine... leaving? No, no they couldn't! They were the most reliable members she had. Brandr was the only one she could turn to. He was the only one who had never let her down since she had become the alpha.

They wanted to start a family together. The one dream Sparrow had as a pup had been ripped from her when she accepted this position. Her brother abandoned her to start a family, now Brandr and Corentine.

"No, Brandr-"

Tears stung in Sparrow's eyes. She tried to blink them away.

"I can't do   this without you. No one will stick by me. They've fallen away before- I can't trust half of them to stay through the night. I-"

What could she say? How could she convince him?

"I can't," she squeaked.

Sparrow hadn't felt this terrified and alone since her father had left her. Not even Lark announcing he was having pups with the wolf that tried to kill their sister had sunk her heart this deeply.

"You say you don't have the history, but what about the past two years- most of your life? Is that not a connection to our history?" Sparrow stammered, "You were here before father went mad. You were here for all of that, but you say you have- that we have no history worth standing by?"

Brandr promised he would still help. He said it would be an advantage. Sparrow shook her head.

"If you're running away to start a family, then being a messenger will only put you and them at risk," she said, turning away from him. "You say you fear you will bring harm to Abaven, but it is clear you truly fear Abaven will bring harm to you and your family."

Sparrow's tail lashed behind her. She tried to quell her anger, but it was no use. Brandr had been her rock. She had depended on him when the rest of her world crumbled away. Now he, too, was falling away. It had to be her fault. The pattern: all her life she lost only those most dear to her. It had to be her.

"If I lose everyone I care about, then what am I still fighting for?" she began, "My family is not my own anymore. I have lost all the dreams I once held dear; All the friends I found while traveling."

Sparrow whipped around to face Brandr, "And for what? What is it for, Brandr? Tell me!"

The small brown wolf slumped down, her voice barely audible, "Why am I still here?"

Brandr had expected pain, but not this much. Even so, he steeled himself. They had already made their decision and he would see it through. Staying because of guilt was a poor reason to remain in a pack. Besides, he didn't feel he was that necessary to the function of the pack. Sparrow was the alphess. She was the hub of the pack. If anyone needed to stand firm and be a pillar to them in this time of need it was her, not Brandr. He flinched at her words before gazing seriously back at her. He had no idea that her confidence was so shaken and that she leaned so heavily on him. She was over twice his age, raised in a stationary pack, surely she was full of more wisdom than he could even imagine. "I'm sorry to hear you say that. If you feel you can't trust your pack then Abaven may well be doomed." Trust was crucial in any relationship, and he found the news surprising. He had no idea she felt that way. If the bonds were so fragile then there were only two outcomes. They'd break completely and the pack would dissolve or they'd finally be pressured into mending their bonds. He shook his head at her words about their history. "That's exactly it. I've been here most of my life but I still don't feel like I am where I'm meant to be. I've felt out of place for a long time. I feel like I'm still on the fringes. Hearing Corentine talk about the nomadic life… I've grown nostalgic for that life." He knew it could be foolish. With his luck he'd try life as a nomad and probably come to find it far more bitter than he realized. Though the risk of war and the headache of politics was significantly less to a pair of wanderers than to a stationary pack in the path of bloodthirsty conquerors. "Yes, there will still be risk, but I will take it upon myself." It was having Corentine and his children right under the nose of their enemies that caused him such great anxiety. He could care less what happened to him… well, no that wasn't quite true. The pain his death would cause his lover and children. Spirits… how the prospect of becoming a parent changed so much.  He sighed but held firm against her anger. He didn't hold it against her at all and was sure he deserved it. But perhaps this would make her see, he was just a man. A broken up mess of a man despite the outward appearance of strength. He was no one's rock. But he was someone's love… Brandr gazed back at her calmly, struggling to keep tears from forming in the corners of his own eyes. "Perhaps… before you go forward you should answer those questions.  What are you fighting for Sparrow? Why are you still here? Is it just because of your father? Are you just doing this to keep his legacy going?" Brandr felt a pinch of anger at the way Bass had disappeared and never bothered to check back in, to check in on his children.  Just like his mother had disappeared without a word.  To hell with his legacy in Brandr's opinion. "Sparrow… I'm still going. I would not have approached you if the decision was anything but firmly decided. I wish I could offer you something to lift your spirits but I don't know that I have it in me. I will say this, if you feel like you're not where you're meant to be, if this is not what you want for yourself… then do something about it. You have as much of a right to live the life you want as anyone else.  Goodbye." -exit- "Talk" "You" Think

ooc:  felt like a good place to wrap up narratively speaking but if he exited to soon let me know or just stop him  xD  -pats the sad sacks-