Rhyme felt himself relax as the day waned over the rapids. A heavy sigh left his lips as he lay his head on white paws that hung over the quick moving water. He had a simple smile over his lips as he thought about the events that had taken place since his return to freedom. 

The respect he had for Shaye continued to increase, his pride in his pack similarly growing. As he thought about Abaven and it's fledgling regrowth he couldn't help but wonder if there was more he could do. Every day he took time to travel its borders, he could navigate them in his sleep at this point. He hosted fight training and appeared at both the other lessons Shaye had them hold. Should he think about taking an apprentice? Quite a few of the wolves within the borders were considerably younger than he was, and from what he had heard of the Abraxas occupation no real teaching had taken place. Already they were remedying that problem but what else could he do?

The thought that more was needed would plague him as the sun fell behind the horizon, the stars began to appear in the multicolored sky. Eager fireflies began their frantic dance and Rhyme lifted his head again to stare at the constellations above. His problems seemed small when he gazed up at the unending heavens.

Spider paced toward the rapids as the sun set with his head characteristically low and his ears pinned back. He had wanted to avoid isolating himself after the healer training but he’d done little to meet the other members. In his mind Toad flung his insecurities to the forefront of his mind, tormenting him endlessly and bringing his low spirits further down. “You don’t deserve anyone.” He whispered quietly into the night and continued to skulk in silence. A sudden interruption came to him with a lightning bug landing gingerly on his nose and forcing his speckled eyes to focus on it. It glinted like a star then just as suddenly as it came, it flew away, flying daintily toward the rapids and drawing his focus to the dark male. He felt a chill of fear rise in him, afraid that the male had heard him talking to himself and would consider him a freak. He waited, unable to help but let out a small whine of apprehension escape him. Spider speaking  Toad's voice You

The words whispered by another wolf who had been on Rhyme’s mind were not heard over the sound of the rapids. Of course, Rhyme had let his guard down. Rolled up into his thoughts and staring at the stars. He didn’t stay relaxed though, he did hear Spider’s fearful whine. Rhyme felt his attention shift quickly from the depths of the universe to the troubled wolf behind him. He tilted his head curiously, wondering for a moment if Spider intentionally sought his attention. "Do you need anything, Spider?" He asked genuinely, wagging his tail slowly as he shifted from facing the rushing water to where the similarly aged healer stood. He had seen him open up quite impressively at the healer’s meeting though he hadn’t seen the wolf since then. Not that such an occurrence was odd, he was busy and didn’t see many of the members on a daily basis. He wondered if Shaye had offered him any more of her brilliant encouragement. Though he also wondered how much was Shaye and how much was it from Spider’s previous experiences. ""

He jumped slightly by the male’s sudden answer but thankfully recovered quickly. “N-n-n-no.” He muttered, his eyes downcast as he spoke. “I j-j-just-“ He paused, looking for an answer. It hadn’t been the way he’d intended to start his sentence, it sounded like he had wanted something from the male but in truth he had only been wandering in the hopes that it would clear his head. He squeezed his eyes shut against the laughing barks of his brother, calling him an idiot who couldn’t even start a sentence, and turned his head away for a moment as if it where Rhyme was the one assaulting him. “I c-c-c-could-n-nt s-s-s-s-s-sleep.” He said, his voice shrill with fear and his form slowly sinking closer to the ground in a submissive coil. “I-I-I’m s-s-sorry.” He said to Rhyme, attempting to raise his body back up from the ground and failing miserably. The male didn’t deserve to think it was his fault the dusty wolf was so afraid, he had been welcoming and kind to him, he hadn’t done anything wrong Spider speaking  Toad's voice You

Rhyme perked his dark ears towards the smaller man as he replied with his usual stuttering cadence. Rhyme was slowly growing more patient. Tana had appeared into his life and he felt a need to help her. Spider was slowly working his way into his growing heart. Rhyme remained silent as Spider explained himself, obviously petrified of Rhyme’s presence. He decided to do what he’d done at the meeting and ignore the stutter. "I couldn’t either," he ventured to stare back up into the star streaked sky. "Too lovely a night and too much to think about." Imperia was alseep by now, he knew very well she wasn’t a fan of flying in the dark. She could hadn’t dusk without complaint but unless it was the brightest moons she didn’t appreciate the night as he did. "Do you think you have Insomnia?" He asked, genuinely curious but keeping his gaze on the stars above. "You might go see Vail if you think you do." ""

“N-n-o.” He said quietly, avoiding looking at the male. “I-it’s n-n-not t-t-that.” He admitted and felt a shiver run up his spine at the thought. His haunches fell to the earth, his head still craned downward as his thin fur cascaded down his neck. He didn’t know of any healing that could fix what was wrong with him, he had long since assume it was justice for what he’d done. “Murderer!” Toad hissed, forcing him to close his eyes again. He forced himself to think of something else, the night was lovely, Rhyme hadn’t been wrong about that. He looked at the moon and distantly he wondered if somewhere Shiloh was looking at the moon too, then felt his heart break as he realized he had probably found some younger male to distract him. One that wasn’t so horribly broken.   Spider speaking You  Toad's voice

Spider didn’t make mention of the night, but he did deny suffering from insomnia. Rhyme’s ears swiveled towards the other male, waiting for an answer that never came. He did not go on to talk about the real reason he hadn’t been able to sleep. Rhyme wasn’t one to pry, and was even less likely with one like Spider. He couldn’t deny that he wondered what had happened to the wolf, but couldn’t see himself asking. If Spider wanted to offer Rhyme would certainly listen, but he wouldn’t force it. "You can tell me if you want… or not." He added the obvious, as he hadn’t said anything for a long moment. Rhyme could make out that he was looking up at the moon now, instead of the ground. He couldn’t deny the small progresses. ""

Spider’s eyes flickered to Rhyme’s at the invitation and Sider felt a chill of fear climb up his back. He had kept his secret for so long and shared it with no one out of fear of what they might say if they knew, but what if that was what he had needed all along? A baring of his sins to heal his constant torment. He hesitated then slowly crept toward Rhyme to sit beside him, his head turned away from him as he considered whether or not he should tell him the truth that he had hidden for so many for so long. “I d-d-din’t m-m-mean t-t-t-to d-d-do it.” He muttered and immediately felt tears sting his eyes. He expected Rhyme to react with fear and consider him dangerous just from the small admission he had made. He felt his spine arch, waiting for fangs to pull him down to the ground and demand to know what he had done. He had played the scenario out in his mind a million times but with his sister’s mate as the one bearing down on him, fully justified in wanting to tear out his throat. Spider speaking   You Speaking Toad's voice

The slate alpha had not moved since Spider appeared, his legs still lounged over the falls and his body spread out comfortably behind him. His bright lavender marked eyes watched Spider as he slowly crept closer. He hadn’t just walked off after Rhyme had mentioned he could tell him. He remained still as Spider drew more near, but didn’t miss that the healer couldn’t meet his alpha’s eyes. Now he tilted his head, curious about the words he had just heard. He hadn’t meant to do whatever he had done. Rhyme couldn’t make a judgement yet. He didn’t speak either Just waited for him to go on. He wouldn’t waste the breath repeating what he’d said before. What could this stuttering, cowering wolf have done that was so bad. Tears stung his eyes and voice and Rhyme thought the regret seemed genuine. ""

Spider cautioned a glance at him, his heart pounding rapidly as tears flowed freely from his eyes. “M-my sister…She was v-very s-sickly.” He started, his voice trembling as he recalled the entirety of his early years, and everything he had suppressed with them. “When w-we w-were old enough t-to leave our p-parents w-we left t-together. I b-became a healer to h-help her.” He sniffed and batted at one speckled eye with his wrist before he continued to speak. “One day…we found a male close to death…His name was Church. He was a soldier and had never known anything but war for his entire life.” The words came easier now and slowly Spider began to feel himself detach from the tale, as if he were only listening to a story, he had been told a hundred times. “We healed him together, and he and my sister fell in love. They both knew a pregnancy would be risky, but Cricket was adamant, she wanted to have a family with him so badly…But when she was pregnant she just became sicker and sicker and I couldn’t lose her because she was all I had, and I couldn’t depend on Church because I knew he couldn’t stand me-“ He babbled frantically, his paws kneading nervously at the ground, his body swaying restlessly as he grew closer to the tale’s end. He choked on a sob suddenly, his face twisted in a grimace of pain as the memories flooded him. Church's empty eyes when he saw what had happened, the silence they walked in for days until he woke up one morning completely alone, and the guilt of knowing that everything that had happened to end the peaceful life he had known had been entirely his doing. Spider  Toad's voice You

Rhyme honestly didn’t expect to get anything else from Spider, he continued to look quite terrified and stuttered worse than usual. Or Rhyme thought it anyway. He did look away before Spider continued, his gaze resting on the bright stars above them. Spider went way back, to when he had first left his parents. There were two other characters, the sister and the rescued warrior. Love in such situations was far from unheard of, but the tale only grew dark. He hadn’t been able to heal his sister, but from what? Had Spider tried to end the pregnancy against the parents wishes? Rhyme remained silent as he took it all in and Spider relived his darkest hour. He let the healer have a few long minutes before he spoke, unsure how he felt about Spider now that he knew his past. "Are you sorry for what you did? Would you take it back if you could?" Would they be able to trust him around their pregnant females? Not that there would be any soon. The answer to the question would make up Rhyme’s mind. ""

He took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself to no avail. The question was one of the worst he could imagine Rhyme asking because there was only one answer; “I d-d-don’t k-know.” He whispered hoarsely. “She w-w-would h-have d-d-died g-g-giving b-b-birth…” He said numbly. “C-church a-abandoned m-me w-w-when h-he c-c-could…” He let out a low whine, continuing to sway hopelessly as if it would bring him some kind of comfort. “It ends the same if I do or don’t.” He waited in silence, now he was sure the anger would come, the rejection, the inability to understand why he had done something so selfish to begin with. He would be alone again. Spider Toad's voice You

Several moments passed in silence after Rhyme asked his query, Spider took the time to get himself under control. The stuttering had returned just as quickly as it had faded as he answered. He didn’t know. Rhyme didn’t feel completely satisfied in the answer but he got the feeling Spider felt the same. Trying to terminate his sister’s pregnancy against or without her wishes was wrong in many different ways. However, listening to the reasoning. She would still be dead today no matter what he’d done. He wasn’t sure what to say to Spider, though he would need to mention the discussion with Shaye. She had decided to allow him here, she would be the one to decide if she wanted to keep him. He wasn’t a danger to anyone right now, and maybe someday he would fully realize his folly. "You sound like you need to forgive yourself." From what he had said he wasn’t doing anything nature hadn’t intended, his only real crime was doing it behind Cricket’s back. ""

He glanced at Rhyme, his head still hanging low and sniffed miserably. “I d-d-don’t t-t-think I c-c-can” He muttered. He had no reason to forgive himself, no reason to believe that he should be forgiven for what he had done. He had acted selfishly and his punishment had been loneliness, brought on in part by the secrets he kept and the lies he told to protect himself. Until Shaye… He looked up suddenly at Rhyme, panic stricken as he realized Shaye would be told of what he had done all those years ago. Her opinion of him would change no doubt, and she might even be disgusted by him. He struggled to plead with Rhyme no to tell her, to beg him to keep his secret, but he knew from the cold look in the male’s eyes that his mind had already been made up, and he had already decided what Spider was. “MURDERER!” a voice shrieked in the forefront of his mind, not Toad this time but his sister’s. He felt his heart beating rapidly, his ribs aching from the strain. He had ruined everything again and it was his fault. It was always his fault. “Please-“ He rasped before his voice died away, suddenly everything was turning black, and his legs were giving out from under him. He was trapped, like a small helpless animal in a snare and there was no escaping it. He felt himself fall, but before he hit the ground, his mind sank into oblivion.   -Exit Spider through unconsciousness- Spider  Cricket's voice  Toad's voice You

He wasn’t surprised at the next answer he’d been given, Spider was thus far what Rhyme would call indecisive. Personally he didn’t find a threat in the timid man, but his trust did waver with the thought of him being around Vail if she were pregnant. She had intention of marrying Solor, surely their offspring would follow soon after. Rhyme might have expected a little more conversation with the healer, but suddenly he was falling to the earth. Startled Rhyme leapt to his feet to try and catch him if he went towards the water. He had passed out. Rhyme might not have trusted him completely but he didn’t want to see him hurt. He sighed heavily, knowing he couldn’t just leave him here alone by the river. With a bit of effort he heaved the man up onto his back. Though not sure where his den might be he decided to take him to Vail’s garden. He doubted he needed medical help, just to sleep off the sudden overstimulation. Rhyme still wondered what had really caused the attack. With those thoughts on his mind he gently set the healer down under the moonlight. He would be safe here for the night. Shaking his head thinking about what he’d said again Rhyme loped off to find his own bed. -exit rhyme- "”