He caught the healer as she started to head from his den. He missed being inside the stone walls, and grated a little on the fact that he could no longer work on improving the space, as he steadily had been these last few weeks. He missed Zee as well, but obeyed the healer as she commanded him away. Both because she was the healer, and because he did not want to put himself beside Zee right now, as much as he wished to be there. He needed to speak to Luce, both about what happened, and why because it was clear now that he could no longer keep this secret. It had almost killed Zee, and it could put others in danger as well. He hated the idea, he hated the thought that Luce might try to ban him from both Zee and Deathbelle. He reminded himself that he was Samurai, with soft promises of becoming Daimyo. He did not have to take Luce’s words as law, even if it was ingrained in him to do so. He didn’t even yet know what she had heard that night. “Lady Lucretia” he said softly, in an attempt to draw her attention. “I must speak with you” he shifted his weight almost imperceptible, a subtle sign of his discomfort. “It can not wait” "Speech"

Sirius appeared uncomfortable, but Luce figured he had every right to be. This was quite the mess he'd gotten himself into, and she hoped he knew it. She let him stew in it for a moment before replying coolly, "Yes, Samurai?" They needed to talk soon, anyway, and she figured now was as good a time as any. It would be best to clear the air before Deathbelle's children arrived - mental strife could sometimes poison a labor just as easily as any tangible illness.

"What can't wait?" She added, sitting primly before the den and tucking her tail around her legs. Was he going to confess before she had to confront him? That would certainly fall in line with his strange idea of chivalry.

The healers attention fell to him, but she remained silent for a moment. Inwardly impatient, now that he had decided to share his secret, he was still able to keep it off his face. Stoic, and patient, where the attributes he showed her, until she let him off the hook and addressed him by rank. At least she wasn’t calling him slave, she had gotten the memo. The healer sat primly by the den entrance, and well he would have rather started walking from the den, he would accept her decision silently. Still one to let a Klein take the lead, especially after such a strong wrong he had committed. He took a seat on the rocks below her, so that their height was almost equal. Where to begin? Making the decision to tell her, and actually doing so were very widely different things. “I was injured protecting Deathbelle in her escape from the Ashen Empire.” Luce knew this, but he had to start somewhere. His eyes where hooded, his head slightly dipped so that she might struggle to meet his eyes, through his attention was still clearly on her. Here came the part that most people only guessed the details on. “She thought me dead, and left me there as she continued to flee. She had good reason to think so, I believe I truly did die for a time, but why my heart started beating again, I don’t know. My injuries were terrible, and for the most part I crawled away and let time be the great healer. I gained an infection some point in that healing, and almost died for a second time. Months past, and my body healed enough for me to start the journey after Deathbelle, but most of this time was like a waking dream to me. I don’t remember a lot of the details, I can not even be wholy certain that I was alone for all of it.” He took a soft breath, eyes raising slightly to meet her, through he would have rather kept them hooded. “Afterwards, once I found Deathbelle, and realised I was fully healed, I began to experience night terrors. The fight that almost killed me, and the infection afterwards, rages through my head when I sleep. I attacked Zee for this reason, and I knew I had this issue when I shared a den with her. I almost killed her, because I chose to ignore this issue Lucetia. Luce… I need your help.” he whispered softly. "Speech"

She carefully listened to his entire tale. It was certainly tragic. Mental stress was her least favorite thing to treat - it was insidious, the way it could hide behind other symptoms. Always lurking. Never fully cured. Lucretia sighed and began to pace back and forth in front of the entrance to the den, trying to come up with some sort of treatment plan. His trauma ran deep, like a cancer. In order for him to recover, the entire thing had to be excised. "Treating this sort of... illness... can be complicated. It will run much deeper than night terrors. If I treat the dreams without rooting out the cause of them, it will most likely surface in other areas of your life," her spiel was somewhat rote, but there was real concern lurking beneath the surface. Pain as a result of the failed Klein Empire was something almost the entire pack could deeply empathize with. In fact... "I do have an idea, though. The best way to overcome these sorts of issues are to face them head on. There isn't a wolf from the old Empire who won't be able to share some facet of your experience. I am going to organize some meetings for those effected by such demons. You will be expected to speak out loud about your experience, as you come to be comfortable. I understand that your current role in the pack may already be granting you some discomfort... but this would also be a chance to level with many Kleins as an equal." It was an interesting proposition, even to Lucretia. There were things she carried with her that she would never speak aloud, but there were other parts she would be willing to share. An outpouring of shared trauma would be cleansing for the pack. "And, of course, I can treat you with some mild sedatives and other herbs to encourage relaxation during sleep." She offered him a close-lipped smile. "What time of day would work best for you? Mid-afternoon? I can try and get a group together."

Luce began to pace, and he felt naked before her, for giving up this secret. He would much rather have buried it deep, and forgotten about it. Hurting Zee had shown him that this was no longer an option. He struggled with the reminder that Luce’s words weren't law but she could still do damage with this. He still needed her help. She called what was wrong with him an illness, and he thought of it more of a devil in the back of his mind. A reminder of the violence he was capable of, and had committed on numerous occasions. Her idea was… appalling, when she presented it to him, and he was immediately against it. He got quickly to his feet, not to show her his full height, but as through he could flee what she was saying to him. “Lad-” no he didn’t have to treat her as a better. It would be wiser to show steel, to nip this in the bud. “No” he said with force. “No.” he emphasised. “I will not participate in this foolish group, I will not tell my secrets to the pack. I told them to you because I believed I could trust you. I am hesitant even to take herbs of sleep, less they dull my nerve or keep me from waking if Deathbelle or the pack needed me. This.. this was a mistake.” he growled. He was still on his feet, and he turned, fighting with the desire to go and the need to be polite to the Klein. Damn his ingrown habits, the custom of waiting until he was dismissed. He was at war with himself constantly, because of what Deathbelle had done to him, granting him this rank. "Speech"

He was being more difficult than she had expected. Just like a male to want to keep his shortcomings under lock and key. Without examining them under a harsh light, how was he to ever overcome and improve himself? Pigheaded. Typical. Lucretia avoided his gaze to try and hide her distaste. She allowed him to throw his fit without word, but like a good former slave, he hesitated to leave her presence. Interesting. He was forecasting his weakness without even realizing it. He seemed to reach the end of his temper, insisting that coming to her was a mistake. "Fine," she said simply, rolling her shoulders in a lazy shrug. "Then let your pain grow, and fester, and rot. Let it eat away at you until you destroy everyone you love, have ever loved, or will come to love." Her words were cool but cutting. Luce firmly believed that unless he scoured the pain from his insides, these night terrors would strike again. Perhaps more gruesomely. "The pack will soon be rife with puppies. Very small, defenseless puppies." Lucretia let that particular sentence fall without emotion. Sirius would come to understand what she meant. If he did not submit himself to some kind of treatment with her, he would be barred from any visits with the young in Ashen - which would extend to their mothers and caretakers. Deathbelle and Zee would see him only in passing, as much as she could enforce it. "Come with me to my den and let's talk. We need to come to some kind of compromise - you understand, yes?" She said, forcing an easygoing tone. He needed to trust her. How could they reach some common ground? Visions of her own night terrors lurked at the corners of her mind, waiting for darkness to fall. Luce had preached so openly about scouring your inner self clean of its contaminants... but she had her own brand of poison. They all did.

The Titan was on edge, on the cusp of deciding if he should turn his back to the healer and leave, but caught in his desire to follow his training, and his fear in what he had done because of his short comings. He didn’t want to give up on Lucretia, but he also was growing increasingly uncertain if she could help him. He did however growl at her as she began her speech on what damage it could do if he leaved it. oh yeah? he thought, Just watch this old fighter he was stubborn to the bone, and if not-sleeping was the key to avoiding it, he could probably figure something out. “Then I build a den they can not enter when I sleep.” he said briskly, he was no danger when he was conscious, and had never been so without directly meaning to. He did not see himself as a threat to the young of Ashen, if he believed that, he might as well fall on his sword now. He would never hurt the whelps of his Empress. He heard the threat in her voice, and well once he had been cowed by the idea of being banned from the Empress, he begun to question if she truly had the power to do so. He was Samuri, with ambition to become more in this pack. One day, he might be her boss. “Very well then” he said, more softly this time, as she suggested going to her den to talk over solutions. He wasn’t utterly unreasonable, he could compromise, if they came to one he found acceptable. He moved to walk beside her, on her right but a step behind, still somewhat, if subtly, deferential to the Klein without entirely meaning to be. "Speech"

Lucretia headed back to her den, keeping half an eye on Sirius as she went. Although she didn't believe him unpredictable, it was best to stay alert at all times. She welcomed him into her quarters brusquely, gesturing to an area that she had set up for examinations. It was spare but well appointed with a few furs. Luce leaped to the top of a low rock nearby and settled in for what she hoped would be a long chat. "I have nightmares too," she began. Luce had never had a violent outburst, but there had been weeks where she had foregone sleep until she finally collapsed into a rough heap. She had been paranoid. She had experienced fits of rage when she was alone. "The end of the Empire effected all of us. Do you know what the new mothers went through, at the end of it all? They had painful, long labors that produced tiny, lifeless little things... and then the light faded from their own eyes. We had to bury them all together so that the rot wouldn't spread to our food. But of course the food was all bad by then anyway." The food, the food, the food... The smell of decay would haunt her for the rest of her life. Already Lucretia could feel her appetite shriveling up and disappearing. "I know this pain. You are not alone."

It didn’t pass his attention that she cast subtle glances his way on the trip to her den. He would have liked to protest, and point out that he had served the Klein’s unfailingly his entire life. However, he had just admitted to her his violent tendencies to attack people in his sleep.. So he decided the wisest move was to keep his silence. He entered her den, and looked about at the space available. She pointed him to a space in the den that he could see was put aside for patients. It hadn’t quite been made for hulking giants in mind, but he made do. He sat politely in silence, and turned to Lucretia when she broke it with her words. He was surprised, but only for a moment, as she admitted to nightmares. Yes, he doubt any had escaped without some consequence on their body or mind from the failing kingdom. However, he listened in shocked silence as she spoke of the mothers and their lifeless offspring. He hadn’t been anywhere near the pregnant wolves, he had been aiding in the differences of the kingdom, as those that sought to make use of their falling structure attacked, or the uprising of its people. He had had very little time to do much else, except ensure Deathbelles safety in the chaos. Of course, he had almost failed that, and it was this that had been the final straw for him, what had been too much. “I see,” he said quietly, not one knowing how to comfort a wolf as they spoke of the pain in their hearts. “I did not know.” he explained, which was as close as he could get to compassionate understanding. “I know why my demons haunt me, but knowing hasn’t helped me shake them.” he said, exasperated at himself. “But bearing it before wolves I have served would only make things worse, for many reasons.” did she not understand that? She might be admitting to her pain, but he wasn’t about to let it guilt him into this group sharing she spoke of. "Speech"

"I understand," she said emphatically. If he would not agree to her suggestion of group counselling, she could at the very least offer him the privacy and safe haven of her den. "You are free to speak with me about it, and anything else that may concern you," Luce offered. "Your relationship with the Empress is... complicated. You are so deeply entwined. I ask that you see me as some sort of pleasant neutral territory. A confidant. You can come to me without fear of judgement." There was a time long ago when she would have killed to have time alone with the strong, powerful male. But she was wary of him now. Like so many of the remnants of the old Empire, he was damaged and unpredictable. Her heart hurt for him and the others who had suffered. "We must look forward to the future. Especially now."

He tensed, expecting further arguments, or for her to call his words bullshit. Her stern demeanour and brisk approach to the problem gave him the impression that he could expect tough love from the healer. Instead, she told him that she understood, and offered her ears to him. A strange idea, and not one he had ever had presented to him before. His confidante had always been Deathbelle, but things were strange between them at the moment. “Thank you Lady Lucretia… that is an unexpected kindness” he admitted softly, easing himself down on the floor of her den. He looked a little less weary now that he knew Lucretia wasn’t about to force his agreement into anything he wished to avoid. “Likewise, you can call on me, if you have any issues that need brute strength to solve.” he gave her a partial, wry smile, and found himself thinking she would be another wolf on his list to protect, out of more than just duty. He would kill for the brisk healer. "Speech"