Her heart had never felt heavier in her chest, nor breathing so painful. How much could one wolf lose? Vail’s death hit her harder then her parents, for she had never really been certain if or when they had passed. But Vail had died in her arms, and she had buried the small body of her sister near the gardens she had cared for and loved in her time in Abaven.

The Alpha looked back at how she had spent her life these last few years, and she realised how she had let herself drift so far from Vail. when once the two had been inseparable. She wished she had spent more time with her beloved sister, and looked back at those times she had helped the almost blind girl learn to ‘see’ Shaye had had almost as much a hand in raising her as Motif had, because of the age gap between them. Motif she thought of her little girl, lost out there in the big world.

She couldn’t take the emotions inside of her, she collapsed over Vail’s grave and cried, and cried, and cried, like she wasn’t certain she could ever stop the tears.

Abaven was alight with the sounds of vibrant youth, the joy of tiny pups was palpable. However, a cloud hung heavily as well and blocked out much of the joy that should have been had. Rhyme knew better than most how heavily Shaye was hit with her sister’s early death. The slate alpha tried to walk off some of the negative energy, trying to spend equal amounts of time inside Abaven as out, looking for his daughter. He mourned his cousin’s passing, but he had little time to grieve.

He didn’t miss Shaye’s sobs as his tall form passed through, but his heart broke at the sound. Dark ears fell to his skull, this time last year he’d allowed himself to go too far with his beloved co alpha. So much could happen in a year.

Slowly Rhyme made his way beside her, though he didn’t often get so close he couldn’t help but try to hold her tightly to his chest and offer his shoulder for her to cry on. He nuzzled into her dark fur, he knew first hand the pain she felt losing one so loved. ”Shaye,” he whispered her name softly and supportively, knowing no words would be able to help alleviate the hurt.

She clung to Vail’s grave, never wanting to leave her side. She whispered apologies to the small white girl, begging forgiveness for not fixing this, for not concentrating on the two of them for so long, and knowing how much she missed her, now that she was gone. Vail what was Shaye without her? She was the calm and steady presence in Shaye’s world. She was the laughter, and the goodness. She was the one who made Shaye who she was today, someone who wished to look out for others. Her part in raising Vail had insured it.

She almost didn’t hear the voice of her alpha partner, and she sniffed, failing to stop her tears as she looked up at him. He had lost so much as well, but she saw nothing but understanding and comfort in his eyes when she managed to look at him.

She turned and buried her face into his coat, forgetting for a moment the distance between them. “Rh-Rhyme. I can’t do this anymore. I clung to Abaven to keep alive the memories of the past, but without Vail that passed meant nothing” she was choking on her tears, and she took a moment to find her breath, to clear her airways. The tears where still there, shimmering in her gaze, but for a moment she could breath again. This was an important thing she needed to tell him. “I wish to train the next Alpha, and when they are ready, step down to raise Vail’s children. I-I-I” -pause, as she lost her breath, and needed a moment to catch it. Her heart squeezed painfully as she thought of Motif. Here she was about to take on the role of parenthood, when she had already failed her own. “I wish to ask a favour of you, a favour so great I shouldn’t, but I must” she said, clinging to her Alpha partner. “I ask if you will step down as well, and search for Motif, for our child, and return her to us. And when you return, its up to you what you wish to do, to continue as an Alpha figure and role model, or retire yourself. Regardless, Abaven will never be the same after this.”

Shaye was receptive to his touch, and allowed him to hold her as she failed to stay her tears. She confessed her sorrows to him, ”can you not see those memories in the youth of Abaven?” He wanted to say their daughters, but to invoke Motif’s name would break him at that moment. He grew silent as she caught her breath and went on, her first statement nothing he hadn’t expected but then she wished a terrible favor of him.

She clung to him as he held her, the hesitation in her request obvious as she finally asked of him a great task. He needed to remove himself from his alpha duties and take up the task of finding their daughter and returning her to where she belonged. Rhyme remained silent for a long time as he processed her words. He hadn’t given much thought to leaving his post beyond naming Poem their heir. Did he want to give up the mantle of leadership, he wouldn’t be forced to when he returned. Would he be searching for the rest of his life?

Internally he shook the dark thought from himself. No, he would find Motif in a season and bring her back. ”If that is what you need of me.” He answered her softly, unsure how he felt about leaving Abaven’s reigns to one so young. Shaye would be here to guide the pup though. ”I will find her. I will bring her home.”

“It’s so difficult…” she whispered, as he asked if she could see them in the youth. She knew instinctively that he meant the children of the pack, and her thoughts turned to Motif, who she worried for every day. To Nori, who she didn’t know if they could ever help. To Verse, who was so absent, to Poem, who had expressed her broken heart. To Theory, who had cried because she had not worked to save her siblings in the fire.

For a place that was supposed to be built out of love and safety, they really seemed to be failing its youth. She cried a little harder as she considered that, as she considered how desperately she wanted to give them a home they could grow in safety, without all this pain. Perhaps the next Alpha would do better then Shaye had, perhaps she would find better solutions.

“P-Poem wants to go with you, to search for Motif. She doesn't want to be Alpha Heir right now. I told her she could go back to the position later in life, but in the meantime I want to train Theory. S-She shows such promise” Shaye said, trying to hide her misery as she spoke of pack matters.

Rhyme promised to bring home Motif, and Shaye collapsed into his fur again, she knew she should do better, hold herself together, but in front of Vail’s grave, knowing the light of her life was gone, she found she couldn’t do it. ‘I just want my baby back” she whispered, and she wasn’t even certain if she spoke of Vail or Motif.