ardent

thought i could fly, so i stepped off the golden



Tamsyn

The Hallows
Scout

Master Fighter (240)

Master Navigator (275)

An icon representing the specialty Knight Knight

age
11 Years
gender
Female
gems
95
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
651
player
Shelby

Double MasterCritical Hit!WordyPride - Bisexual1KBeevent
Bronze Medal 2020
02-27-2020, 10:07 PM

A scattering of small rocks and pebbles tumbled down along the rocky face of the cliff side as her ebony paws stood at the edge of the precipice. Tamsyn’s mint eyes watched them fall into the darkness, never really hearing them hit the bottom though - she didn’t really expect to. The faint moonlight from the half moon above her glimmered on the waters down below... far, far down below. The drop was so steep that she could only imagine how such a formation might have come to be. When she had been wandering aimlessly though the dense foliage she hadn’t expected to find such a place at the end of it, but that had become a common theme in these lands. She knew so little about this place, but it was interesting enough to make her linger.

She inched closer to the edge till her toes began to curl around the break on the rock. It felt like if she leaned her full weight onto her front paws then it might just crumble beneath her and send her rolling head over heels into that darkness and emptiness ahead of her. The temptation of what could happen to her if she were to fall, of the awaiting emptiness and darkness... the temptation of the freedom that would come if she just closed her eyes and tipped forward... It was a temptation that she had thought and dreamed of for longer than she could remember. Her body ached with the memories of the scars that littered her skin, the abuse and the degrading words and teachings of her past... All the words that had seemed like truth at the time and made her feel like she was defective and broken as she looked at all the other female wolves around her with their peaceful lives and caring mates.

A rustle in the leaves behind her and the sound of a bird taking flight into the night broke her trance and she took a generous step back from the cliff side with a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding escaping her aching lungs. She gave the steep drop one last longing glance before she turned away and began to walk slowly along the cliffs, her mint gaze turning to look at the stars glimmering above her. Sleep felt like a distant memory and something she probably wouldn’t seek out this night. The promise of nightmares felt too real after this encounter with her mortality so an examination of this new area and the patterns of the night sky seemed much more welcoming.





Zeitgeist

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
511
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Medium
build
Light
posts
893
player

Samhain 2022Statue 1 WorshipExplorerOoh La LaWinnerPride - Bisexual
All Oozed OutThe Ooze ParticipantThe Ooze - Variation 1OverachieverStudentCritical Attack!
Critical Dodge!How many times do I have to teach you a lesson?! HomebodyIce Bridge ExplorerLoserVengeance
Island HopperDouble MasterLegendaryHalloween 2020 - Spooky Cave1KValentines 2020
VolcanoCritical Hit!Christmas 2019Trick 2019
02-28-2020, 02:08 AM


Terror still gripped at the Queen's heart from her son's attempt on his own life. His life and mind was in the healer Iolaire's paws now, and Zee considered herself lucky that there were wolves she could trust to keep eyes on him when she herself could not stand to. It was an uneasy feeling to be so distrustful and angry at your own child, and Zee found herself wandering Boreas aimlessly as if the clear skies and expansive lands could help her forget the pain. Somehow she'd found herself headed east, and whether her wanderlust took her so near to Abaven's borders intentionally she didn't know. It was the one pack that could have issue with her and hers, and perhaps it was the desire for peace and safety for her young ones that drew her alongside their borders.

As she reached the cliffs to look out across the ocean, her heart seized once more. The sight before her was familiar, yet this time her limbs froze and no amount of inward force could carry the she-wolf towards the stranger to intercept as she had with her son. While her body remained paralyzed, her gaze pierced the other from behind. It willed her not to jump, though the words stuck in her throat.

A bird crashed loudly out of a bush beside, and Zee at the same moment released an exhale of relief as the stranger turned from the edge. Her body shook faintly, the memory still fresh in her mind. Too quickly the wolf was turning to leave, and Zee pushed herself to ask the question she could not ask her young pup. "Why?" Soft vocals shook with emotion, and her ears pulled back to lay flat upon her skull. The desire for insight forced her forward, slow steps taking her cautiously towards the stranger as she awaited a reply.

"Speech"



Sirius as her husband may crash any of Zee's threads.

Zee has a rough scaled bush viper companion as well as a toucan, who unless otherwise stated can assume to not be present.
During combat, Zee wears a wrapping of thorns around her kudu horns.






Tamsyn

The Hallows
Scout

Master Fighter (240)

Master Navigator (275)

An icon representing the specialty Knight Knight

age
11 Years
gender
Female
gems
95
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
651
player
Shelby

Double MasterCritical Hit!WordyPride - Bisexual1KBeevent
Bronze Medal 2020
02-28-2020, 12:09 PM

”Why?” The singular word made the obsidian female jump as if she had been shocked, her head snapping toward the stranger and pale eyes landing on the tan wolf that seemed to be watching her closely. Tamsyn’s initial reaction was to stiffen defensively with her scruff prickling uneasily. The edge of the cliff was just inches away behind her and the air constricted in her lungs when she realized the woman was slowly drawing closer and there was really no escape with the tree line blocked off from her. With her mind racing, Tamsyn looked over the stranger again, noting her interesting coloring and what seemed like horns of some kind atop her skull. She was similar in height and build, but there was no way to know what kind of skills she had to prove if an attempt at running would really do her any good.

That was when her mint eyes connected with the approaching stranger’s once again. There was none of the malice or anger that she had grown accustomed to seeing in others faces when they looked at her, nor any disappointment or disgust... Just... Concern? Confusion? Tamsyn couldn’t quite make out the emotion that was written on the tan female’s face. It was enough to make Tam pause and register what was being asked of her. Why. She glanced over her shoulder at the empty space and glittering water that promised nearly certain death if someone were to fall into the darkness behind her and the pieces fit together in her mind. Why had she been so close to tipping herself over that edge into the sweet promise of oblivion?

Her shoulders relaxed slightly, but her expression was still wary when she looked back at the stranger again. Part of her didn’t even want to respond. She didn’t owe this woman anything and certainly didn’t need to explain herself to her. But something about how this wolf had approached her had caught her so off guard that she started to speak without really thinking though her words. ”Because it would be easier than facing my past and my memories. It would be easier than continue to not be able to sleep with the constant nightmares.” she finally responded with a quiet voice after what felt like a very heavy pause. It had been so long since she had spoken with anyone that the words felt strange in her mouth and her voice sounded foreign in her own ears. Her brows pulled together with confusion as she added, ”Why do you care?”





Zeitgeist

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
511
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
893
player

Samhain 2022Statue 1 WorshipExplorerOoh La LaWinnerPride - Bisexual
All Oozed OutThe Ooze ParticipantThe Ooze - Variation 1OverachieverStudentCritical Attack!
Critical Dodge!How many times do I have to teach you a lesson?! HomebodyIce Bridge ExplorerLoserVengeance
Island HopperDouble MasterLegendaryHalloween 2020 - Spooky Cave1KValentines 2020
VolcanoCritical Hit!Christmas 2019Trick 2019
02-28-2020, 04:40 PM


Zee recognized the instinct of flight as it whispered to the stranger, her body stiffening defensively and her paws too close to the cliff edge for comfort. "I won't hurt you, please don't back up." She kept her voice as soothing as she could, although within her chest her heart was pounding. Aside from those words, the Queen kept silent as the she-wolf collected herself.

While the stranger's gaze remained suspicious and wary, Zee could see the relaxation begin in her shoulders. Her lips parted and she released another breathy sigh. The danger had passed for the moment, and she could focus on the response given rather than the proximity of the edge. She asked of Zee's intentions, and the horned queen felt it like a slap. Why did she care? "I don't know." Her response came without thinking, her own brows knitting to mirror the other's confusion. "Earlier this week I found my son upon edge of a cliff. A different one, far to the west. Though the end result would have been the same." The event was still so recent, too fresh. Perhaps had she more time to absorb it Zee wouldn't have willingly offered the personal information.

Zee swallowed her own suffering, trying to gather the empathy that guided her. "I'm sorry you're in pain." The offered apology sounded lame even to her own ears, though it was the most genuine response she could give. She'd wanted her words to reach further, and attempted once more. "Your mother, she'd be pained to see it too." What it was went unspoken, though Zee assumed the stranger could put the words together accurately. "I'm Zee, may I ask your name?" Her horned head gestured backwards over her shoulder and away from the cliff, though her eyes never left the stranger.

"Speech"



Sirius as her husband may crash any of Zee's threads.

Zee has a rough scaled bush viper companion as well as a toucan, who unless otherwise stated can assume to not be present.
During combat, Zee wears a wrapping of thorns around her kudu horns.






Tamsyn

The Hallows
Scout

Master Fighter (240)

Master Navigator (275)

An icon representing the specialty Knight Knight

age
11 Years
gender
Female
gems
95
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
651
player
Shelby

Double MasterCritical Hit!WordyPride - Bisexual1KBeevent
Bronze Medal 2020
02-28-2020, 06:24 PM

Kindness was a thing that felt so unusual and strange to her that she didn’t know how to respond, especially kindness from a complete stranger. She hadn’t experienced kindness from her own parents or siblings so why would she think that she could expect it from a passing stranger? Once the explanation of her son’s recent attempt at the same act came to light her reaction did make more sense. It was more of a reaction to the recent trauma than it was just a random act of concern and care. That explanation helped Tamsyn make logical sense of the interaction and helped her feel slightly less uneasy about the woman. At least she could believe that she wasn’t trying to get something from her or had some alterer motive. She simply didn’t want to lay witness to something that was so fresh in her own memory and that made sense.

Tam felt her jaw tighten when the possibility of her mother being pained by the idea of her suicide, but she reminded herself that the words meant no harm and were simply a way for the stranger to relate and sympathize. Without the context of her past it probably just seemed like a way to coax her away from the cliff so Tamsyn did her best to not think too much of it. ”I’m sure,” she muttered doubtfully, but didn’t elaborate beyond that. She was too tired to be angry or resentful. It just felt like an old, aching wound at this point - one she tried not to bother too often. She wondered sometimes if her family ever missed her or regretted the decisions they had made, but she doubted it.

When Zee introduced herself with a motion to lead them away from the cliff so they could move back toward the trees, Tamsyn gave a small nod and padded away from the edge, following her lead. It didn’t bother her to be so close to the potential danger, but she didn’t see the point in worrying her new acquaintance unnecessarily. “I’m Tamsyn,” she responded as she let her eyes drift away for a moment, scanning the tree line while she let her thoughts process. She didn’t think she would have actually sent herself over the edge, but... she wasn’t entirely sure either. There was a mix of confusing emotions clouding her mind - more than she really felt capable of untangling this late at night with as little sleep as she had gotten.

”It’s nice to see that you’re worried about your son,” she said after a moment, turning her head back toward Zee once again. She didn’t know this female or her son or what had driven him to want to do what he was about to do, but it seemed to genuinely bother Zee and that was almost enough to make Tam trust her. She thought back to the times when her own mother had simply sat by unblinking while... She forced the thought away and carefully kept her expression motionless as she fought back her own emotions. Instead, she focused on Zee and her son, now curious and somehow invested in their current state. “How is he doing now?”





Zeitgeist

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
511
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
893
player

Samhain 2022Statue 1 WorshipExplorerOoh La LaWinnerPride - Bisexual
All Oozed OutThe Ooze ParticipantThe Ooze - Variation 1OverachieverStudentCritical Attack!
Critical Dodge!How many times do I have to teach you a lesson?! HomebodyIce Bridge ExplorerLoserVengeance
Island HopperDouble MasterLegendaryHalloween 2020 - Spooky Cave1KValentines 2020
VolcanoCritical Hit!Christmas 2019Trick 2019
02-28-2020, 07:24 PM


Tamsyn's mutter reached her ears, and Zee's expression shifted subtly to one closer to pity. It was hard to believe for her that any mother would be indifferent to the death of their child, though she knew neglectful and even abusive parents existed in this land and others. Her tongue clicked in an audible tisk, and she tried to give the woman a small smile as she stepped back from the edge willingly towards her. A part of her wondered if simply speaking to Mortis would have drawn him away from the edge too, and if her aggressive tackle of the boy was unwarranted. She'd never know, now.

"He's with our healer, receiving treatment." Her response came after a beat, her gaze shifting off the woman and onto the ground. "He's young, only a few months old... and I hope still young enough to be steered the right way." Her eyes slid shut to hide the pain within them, and when they reopened she redirected her attention upon Tamsyn to try and salvage the situation.

While it was odd how Tamsyn seemed to doubt her mother's ability to care, Zee was careful upon pushing on it too hard. She did not want to pain the she-wolf any further. "My home, it's a bit of a walk but not as far as some." Her muzzle turned to point south west, out past the volcano. "If you'd like, you could come and share a meal. You could tell me your story, perhaps I could gleam some insight into the mind of my own troubled child." It was an offer Zee knew Tamsyn could refuse, though she wouldn't be the first broken soul to find their way to the Armada. "It could be a safe place for you to lay your head, we would protect you until you find your way." The more she spoke, the more she wished for it. It would not sit right with the horned queen to have this stranger back in the world where she could simply end her life when Zee looked away.

"Speech"



Sirius as her husband may crash any of Zee's threads.

Zee has a rough scaled bush viper companion as well as a toucan, who unless otherwise stated can assume to not be present.
During combat, Zee wears a wrapping of thorns around her kudu horns.






Tamsyn

The Hallows
Scout

Master Fighter (240)

Master Navigator (275)

An icon representing the specialty Knight Knight

age
11 Years
gender
Female
gems
95
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
651
player
Shelby

Double MasterCritical Hit!WordyPride - Bisexual1KBeevent
Bronze Medal 2020
02-28-2020, 08:02 PM

It was a strange relief to hear that her son was getting help in one way or another. This state she lived in wasn’t one that she’d wish on anyone, especially not a child. When did she start thinking this way? She couldn’t remember. It did make her wonder what made this boy feel the way he did. For her it felt like a direct cause of the abuse and stifling she had endured for so long, but maybe it was more than that. What if she had grown up in a normal, supportive environment? What if she had spent her early years not fearing her own nature and desires? Would she still wonder what it would be like to simply end her life? These were questions she would never have the answer to, but she wondered about them frequently. ”Good... Good, I’m glad.” she replied with a small nod, her eyes slipping away again and glancing at the ground. ”I hope so too. At least he has help, that’s important. It’s... lonely, living this way.” It was something that she had never acknowledged out loud, but it felt true as she said it.

Zee’s offer was unexpected and something that Tamsyn did not really know how to respond to. It was so unusually generous for a stranger to offer such a thing, but it also seemed like Tam couldn’t refuse. She had no qualms with turning down the meal or the temporary place to rest. Those were things that she was capable of finding on her own and she felt no need to look to others for those things. What made her hesitate was the knowledge that Zee may continue to worry about her and whether she had harmed herself in her absence once they parted ways. As distrustful as she was of other wolves, the idea of knowingly causing any sort of discomfort or concern felt wrong. On top of that, she felt oddly invested in her son’s well being now and knowing that she may help this woman understand what he’s going though felt like more of an obligation than an option.

She silently debated the offer for a moment longer, looking at Zee’s face curiously. ”You’re very... mothering,” she mentioned factually, hoping that was the right word for how her interactions felt. ”I’ll go with you... Just for a meal and to talk,” she added, quick to clarify the boundaries of her visit. She could guess from the woman’s scent that she lived in a group or pack of some kind and that was enough to make Tamsyn wary of the whole situation. The pack of sorts that her parents had been a part of had been much of the cause for their treatment of her so groups of wolves like that made her nervous. ”I hope my story isn’t very applicable to your son’s situation, but... if it even helps a little bit then it’ll be worth telling I suppose. Go ahead and lead the way.”





Zeitgeist

Somnium

age
7 Years
gender
Female
gems
511
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
893
player

Samhain 2022Statue 1 WorshipExplorerOoh La LaWinnerPride - Bisexual
All Oozed OutThe Ooze ParticipantThe Ooze - Variation 1OverachieverStudentCritical Attack!
Critical Dodge!How many times do I have to teach you a lesson?! HomebodyIce Bridge ExplorerLoserVengeance
Island HopperDouble MasterLegendaryHalloween 2020 - Spooky Cave1KValentines 2020
VolcanoCritical Hit!Christmas 2019Trick 2019
03-02-2020, 02:16 PM


Tamsyn's uncertainty did not go unnoticed by the horned queen, and she gave the other woman a friendly smile. It did not bother her to have boundaries placed upon her invite, after all Zee was not like her warlord husband. While he seemed to bring home a new wolf each week - and they did not always seem willing participants - she did not share his morals. She was not the type to kidnap a stranger. "Just a meal, some rest. A chat. You may leave whenever you wish, I promise." She assured the other, beginning her walk away from the cliffs.

She listened as she walked, glancing back to ensure the woman was following her. "Mmm, I do not expect your story to mirror his." Zee responded, understanding how much life experience the older wolf likely had than her pup. After all, he had two loving parents and a pack who adored him and his siblings... he had no reason to feel the way he did. "Though that doesn't mean the feelings aren't the same, and he's too little I think to quite understand his own thoughts."

She thought back, trying to remember his frightened and rushed explanation after she'd knocked him away from the edge. "He apologized to me, told me he didn't want to be 'bad' or 'wrong' but he didn't know how to fix it. I just don't know how he could have got that idea in his head. How someone so young could be so uncertain with his own identity." The queen sighed, her small head shaking slowly.

"Speech"



Sirius as her husband may crash any of Zee's threads.

Zee has a rough scaled bush viper companion as well as a toucan, who unless otherwise stated can assume to not be present.
During combat, Zee wears a wrapping of thorns around her kudu horns.






Tamsyn

The Hallows
Scout

Master Fighter (240)

Master Navigator (275)

An icon representing the specialty Knight Knight

age
11 Years
gender
Female
gems
95
size
Medium
build
Light
posts
651
player
Shelby

Double MasterCritical Hit!WordyPride - Bisexual1KBeevent
Bronze Medal 2020
03-02-2020, 09:26 PM

Once Zee confirmed that her request for this visit to only be for the meal and rest and that she’d be allowed to leave whenever she’d like Tamsyn was able to relax a bit more. She began the walk back to the tan woman’s home, walking just slightly behind Zee’s shoulder as she followed along. She took note of the foliage as they passed though it since she had been so caught up in her own mind when she first got here that she hadn’t been able to really notice it. It was too dark for her to try and identify what types of plants and things could survive near windy cliffs like this one, but she was sure she could come back and explore more throughly at some point... Perhaps giving the cliff’s edge a wide birth next time however.

She kept her attention on Zee as she responded, describing her son’s thoughts and reactions to her catching him in his attempt to jump from a cliff similar to this one. As she listened she felt an unexpected lump form in her throat. She tried not to think about her early childhood too often and tended to only dwell on the memories that were the freshest, but hearing Zee say that he had felt bad and wrong without knowing how to fix it... It echoed with something deep in her memories and it pulled a frown onto her face.

”Sounds familiar,” she responded quietly, turning her eyes away from Zee and trying to focus her gaze on the landscape they were passing instead. She was quiet for a while as they continued to walk, not sure what to say without launching into the whole sorted tale, but she settled on adding, ”I do think it gets better... once you kind of know what to expect. Like you said, he’s too little to understand his own thoughts. Once he’s old enough to understand what’s wrong, it gets better. I know I’m probably not a good example of that given how you just found me, but... That sort of thing doesn’t happen very often any more. This was just a... particularly bad night.” Tam decided to just leave it at that for now, letting a comfortable silence fall between them. She used the rest of their walk to gather her thoughts and try to figure out what she could tell Zee that could maybe help her understand what was in her own head so she could help her son.