It had been a few days since the end of the raid now, and Eu had been busy making sure that everyone was patched up and healing well. It hadn't been an easy task, but at least it was something to not only make her feel useful, but kept her busy as well. Her own pain went untreated, but they were wounds that no one else could see. She still carried it across her back, the weight of seeing Desolate like that, Void, as well as her niece. They would all have mental scars that would outlive the physical ones, of that she was certain. Just what they needed as well, in light of her and Spirit finally finding their way home. Her family had been through more than enough, but in the usual fashion of life as she knew it, there was now more. A heavy sigh left her parted lips, head hanging low for a moment as she gathered up her herb bundle to finish her rounds. Theory was next, and while she hadn't been too injured, she could see the pain that her niece was going through. There weren't many herbs for that, but perhaps a check in and a chat would do them both some good. Eulogy had little chance thus far to seek out Theo, having been busy with her children, and then healing. There was so much that she wanted to talk to her about, as well as offering her own shoulder to the girl. A little gab fest might take some of the weight off of her.

Chocolate paws easily found a path through Serpent Plains, the familiar hiss of resting snakes an odd chorus of home. They would be going into hibernation soon enough, but even now they were sprawled out on the many rocks that dotted the plains, determined to soak up the last of the warmth. Soon enough they would be seeking warmer climates, and part of her would miss their odd little songs. It would seem strange to anyone on the outside, but it was like the song of her youth, of so many generations of her family. Her mother would tell her stories of her and her siblings, of how her brother had created this pack so many moons ago. A hint of a smile touched her features, warmth entering her deep blue eyes. Eu's family was everything to her, it's why all of this hurt so much. Taking a shuddering breath, she pressed onward, heading towards where she knew Theory's den to be. It didn't take her too long, the scent of the herbs under her nose blocking out all other smells around her. She couldn't tell if the girl was actually here, but it was the best place to start. Dropping her packaged bundle, she stuck her head in, ears pulling back slightly. Her jaws parted to call out to Theo, drawing an inward breath at the same time. What struck her left her silent though, the taste of not just her niece, but her son as well, washing over her with a strength that nearly knocked her off her paws. Eulogy staggered backwards, her left paw raising to tuck towards her chest as she looked at the den in shock. Desolate. His scent was just as strong as Theory's, letting her know that he most likely slept here every night. Despite herself, tears pricked her eyes, a mocking laugh leaving her own lips. How pathetic she was. Was she really that surprised? She had left her children in their time of need, and even though she knew that it wasn't her fault, she knew that she could have done better. She could have tried harder, pushing past the pain of her burning lungs and searching until she found her babies. But no, she had led Spirit somewhere so far away from their home, that it took seasons to return home. They needed love, needed protection, and Theory had offered that where she had failed. She couldn't blame Desolate for replacing her, her niece was a good substitute, anyways. Better than her, so many things more than her. That's why he had sought their Wisteria's pride over her own, she mattered more to him than Eulogy ever would. The realization sank so heavily in her belly that she felt ill. A faltering, sad smile touched her for a moment, turning to gather up her herbs with a muffled sob. Of course he loved her more, she was far more than Eulogy could ever be. Instead of grabbing the herbs though, she just slowly sank until she was laying on the ground in front of the shared den, nose pressed into the herbs as if to erase the scent from her mind.

He was lost to her, wasn't he? Desolate could never forgive her for what she did, and again, she didn't fault the boy. That didn't stop her heart from breaking, squeezing her eyes shut tight. She needed to go see someone, anyone, just to find comfort, to indulge her own selfish actions once again. Perhaps Gloom would know of her brother's affection for Theory. Or perhaps she should go and check up on Spirit, to make sure that he was dealing with them being home okay. Anything, something... But no, like the usual waste of space she was, Eulogy lay there, frozen under the pressure of her emotions.

Desolate had been sleeping more often lately, unable to even bring himself to his feet beneath the crushing weight of emotion that had been thrust upon him. His life had changed so very suddenly and the yearling did not know how to stand right-side-up in an upside-down world. His mother had returned and it made him angry, yet also sad, as well as maybe a little bit of happiness that he could not admit to himself existed. Theory was his alpha, his mentor, and the only wolf to have shown him such kindness since he'd been orphaned. The world felt dull and grey before he allowed himself to believe in her, to strive for her approval. Would he lose whatever bond they held if he welcomed back his mother? The only good thing that had come from the Winterfell raid was his recent promotion. It lifted him back up to a sort of normalcy, to feeling useful and unbroken. He had a job to do and responsibilities that came along with it, he'd proven to himself that Abaven needed him and it allowed him to feel more at home in a place where he had so little connection. Each time he allowed himself a little peace, Eulogy's memory would flood back to him and he'd feel himself slip once more. Why was it all so hard? It took well past the sunrise before Desolate forced himself off the den floor. He looked down at his paws dejectedly willing them to move even an inch. A few days ago he was a mere boy with no purpose and now he was a warrior. A warrior who could hardly get himself out of bed to do his job. Just go. He told himself firmly. You can do it. Do it for Theory. The eagerness to win the alpha's love and approval was just enough, and Desolate forced himself to cross the den towards the light. It felt good to move, to know he was headed somewhere important even if it was merely a basic patrol. The more he walked the higher his spirits rose, the more it felt right. Then Desolate rounded the corner to see the pile of sadness puddled before the entrance and the weight of the world crashed back down upon him. "Why are you everywhere I look?" His voice broke under the pain, the exasperation he felt intensifying each word. He tore his gaze off of her, staring daggers into the dirt that formed the den mouth. "Speech" "Thinking" "You."

It was hard to tell just how much time had passed before his voice called out to her, snapping her from the daze that she had been in. Eulogy shot up like a bat out of hell, her hackles raised in fear as her wide eyes found Desolate. He was looking away from her, glaring at something that she couldn't spot. The words that he had said took a moment to register, her ears pulling back against her head as her gaze fell wayside as well. He was angry with her, saying that she was everywhere that he had been lately. There was little rationality to his accusation, she herself had not seen him since the meeting, and the healers circle before that. Since coming home in fact, she had seen Des very few times. It wasn't as simple as that, though, and she knew the context of which he spoke of. She too had been plagued with thoughts of him, wondering if she could ever make it up to the boy, or if she had truly lost him forever. Eu had spent more energy on the brown hued boy than on her other children, as he was the most reluctant to take her back. Her heart stung, a bitterness twisting in as tears threatened to cloud her vision. Apparently there wasn't one conversation that she could have without crying, a further display of her weakness. It's why she couldn't blame him, really, she truly was even more of a shell of herself now. Before, she still struggled with her anxieties and fears, but now, everything seemed so much more elevated. Piece by piece it was tearing her apart, leaving her shattered on the ground before the two of them.

She wasn't sure how long she was silent for, maw opening and closing as she tried in vain to find the right words to say. Her deep blue eyes found the bundle of herbs that still lay on the ground, remembering why she had come here after all. Part of her didn't want to admit that she hadn't come here for him, afraid that the statement would push him further away from her. He seemed to want his distance, and as much as it killed her, she was trying to give him that. "I... I'm sorry," she started, doing her best to shove her anxieties away, "I came to check on Theory's wound," she whispered softly, daring to look up and towards the boy. No, no longer merely a child. He had protected his pack, and had earned his rank as a warrior. Eulogy wanted to speak of her sense of pride for him, however that didn't go well last time she spoke of it. Eu didn't really know what to say, so terrified that anything that left her lips would drive that spike further into her heart. Desolate was right on the cusp, ready to dismiss her and live the life that he had built for himself after she had disappeared. It was a balance of supporting him and fighting for him that she fought with, at a loss of which answer was right. Eu wanted to plead with him, beg him to tell her what to do, but lacked the courage as well as the words to do so. The lady offered a timid smile, only to have it falter and fade away in seconds.

Eulogy lapsed into silence again, head lowering slightly as she blew out a small sigh. Doing her best at putting on a brave face, she tried to look professional. She was here on the business as a healer, right? She had no idea that Desolate would be here, or that he had made his bed with her niece. "How are your wounds? Do any of them still ache?" The attempt to sound matter-of-fact put a strange weight on her words, making them sound as choppy and awkward as she felt now. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't shove her away if she was here as his healer, and not his mother. No matter how badly she wanted to push forward and hold him, she stood her ground, albeit a bit rocky as she struggled under the weight of it all. She had not been deaf to the pain in Desolate's voice, mirroring her own. Would she ever be someone that he could welcome back into his life, or were things destined to always be like this?