The female felt cold as she wandered away from her den that morning. It was summer, so she knew it was the lingering illness she had that was making her body ache and feel yucky… but that brought her little comfort with each step she took. She had been stuck in her head, playing through old memories, remembering old faces as she was haunted by the past…

Why was it she only remembered bits and pieces? Why was it that conversations, too, bothered her so?

‘I want to change…’ Bellamy thought to herself.

‘But I am afraid…’ The she-wolf could feel herself trembling, hearing Sparhawk’s voice in her head.

What if he was wrong?

What if she really was bad…

...or what if her mind consumed her in doubt?

The female came to a stop as her breath caught in her throat. Her mind was spiraling, questioning everything. She hated this feeling… hated how her mind worked. She whimpered softly and looked towards a large pine standing alone a bit further along her path.

That.

That was her destination…

Her paws shakily lead her to the pine. Though whether she was shaking from her lingering illness or if it was from the heavy emotions she felt Bells wasn’t sure.

‘I hate that I’m afraid…’ Bells thought to herself as she got closer.

‘I hate… feeling like I’m going to fall apart with every step… what is wrong with me? Why do I feel like this?’ Her ears were pinned back against her skull.

She reached the tree at last and leaned against it as she ran over what she knew in her head.

She had a not so good past that definitely affected her mind. Losing her parents, and her sisters, had damaged her from the get go.

Going through everything she had…

...was it any wonder she felt like she was losing her mind?

‘Is it… okay that I’m broken?’ The female questioned.

She closed her eyes and took a breath.

Yes.

It was okay.

She didn’t choose this life… but she was trying so hard to make something of the path she’d been pushed down.

In Winterfell she had been given a chance… a choice…

And she was going to make the most of it.

Tilting her head back Bellamy called for someone, anyone, who would answer her call from the pack.

Perhaps it was time to start mingling a little more with her packmates.

She could nearly make it all the way around the edge of the Sparse Pines. She knew that in the grand scheme of things that was a very small victory, but she kept trying to give herself small increments of progress so then it at least felt like she was in fact making progress. It helped her feel like she was achieving something and that she was in fact getting better even though some times it didn't feel like it. She still had "bad days" sometimes where her illness crept back up on her and made it hard to get up in the morning, but those days were becoming few and far between so she felt like it was finally firmly behind her.

Working on her health and picking up bits and pieces about healing from the other healers around the pack had served as a distraction and an outlet for the worry and uncertainty that she felt around her mother. She tried her best to not think about it too much while she was out on her walks since it was easy to spiral into a dark place when she was out on her own with nothing to break up the quiet than the sound of her paws on the ground. Sometimes it still crept up on her and she started to wonder what it would be like to come back to the den one day and find her mother not there. It was a reality that was in the very near future and even though she had logically accepted the fact, her heart wasn't really on the same page.

Just as that knowing, looming sadness began to creep up on her, a howl caught her attention and made her stop so she could listen. It wasn't a voice she recognized right away, but she could tell that whoever it was needed someone to be with them. It didn't sound like they had a particular wolf in mind and given that she really didn't know many wolves outside of her immediate family she felt like this was as good a chance as any to get to know someone new. She turned away from her path and started walking toward the call, finding the larger woman near one of the many trees that dotted the territory. "Hello," she greeted with a soft smile as she approached the white-marked stranger, her amber eyes looking at her curiously. She knew the signs of sickness very well from her own experience so it wasn't hard to see that this woman wasn't feeling completely well either. "Are you okay?"