Things We Lost In The Fire

Eligos had been spending too much time in his den, knowing though he did that his pack likely thought him simply withdrawing in grief. He did grieve - he grieved deeply, but he didn't want to heap even more worries upon their own backs. Let them believe that grief was all that kept him to his den, and not secrets he was withholding from them. But while he had the patience to stay meditatively in the cave for days at a time, eventually even that patience was strained to the breaking point and he must leave for fresh air and exercise.

Sunset has a very specific feel, even without sight, and Eligos lifted his shuttered gaze to the sun, feeling the late autumn breeze playing along his fur in the gold-touched feel of the day's end. Day's end... soon too, this year would be ending, and so much had happened even in such a short time that he had not truly begun to process it.

His brother's children had been a joy to him since Riva had appeared on his borders with a plea to help a dangerously ill Pyrrhic. Having his brother's mate in the pack, not only as a highly trained healer, but just for herself, was a fount of tranquility for the small and otherwise war like pack. Seeing the little family, watching the children grow, gave him a sense of peace that he'd never really had before, and yet he was quietly envious of his brother for the family he had made for himself. Seeing Asmodeus and Dantalion for the first time had woke in a hunger he had never known. To have a family of his own, children of his own seed. A mate like Riva, quiet and practical and deferential, he didn't even dare imagine the luck he'd need to find someone like that. He wanted to try, for the sake of someone to care for their children while he had his duties as alpha, someone to quietly support him and take care of the more domestic side of pack life so that he could concentrate on actually bringing Aerie to the peak of their strength rather than languishing half-finished while he was pulled in too many directions.

The thought of the children inevitably brought to mind the raid that had occurred immediately after their arrival when Pyrrhic and Danta were still so ill and vulnerable. His lip lifted in a soundless snarl in anger and shame, recalling the madness of that attack, their few fighters unorganized and half-trained standing against the wolves who had come to fight them merely on the basis, so Zee had told him, of "putting them in their place". Trying to strike such fear in them that they would never dare stand against the Ashen Armada. Neither of the Armada's alphas were a good judge of character if they though the senseless attack would strike fear into him. Rather it had ignited a the sort of cold rage within him that would urge him to dismantle their empire if he could. Burn the whole damned thing to the ground and salt the ashes. Someday, oh someday. He was a patient wolf, and could wait in ambush for as long as it took to find vengeance for what they'd done.

Of course the memory of the raid brought to mind another memory, and his throat closed in a hot rush of tears. He closed his blood-red eyes against the wetness, ignoring the heat of them on his fur. He didn't want to remember Aureus as he'd seen him that day, laying there so still and small, covered in dust and still half-covered in gravel until he'd tenderly brushed it from his gold-touched fur. He didn't know how long he'd laid there with his brother before he could bring himself to do what had to be done. Oh, by the Fallen God, he didn't want to remember his brother laying on his pyre as those who had loved him placed gifts for the afterlife around him. Didn't want to remember the dish of burning oil tilted to run along the channel to the oil-soaked wood. Didn't want to remember the flames leaping around him like a corona. He had stayed until the ashes were cold, until the wind had risen and scattered them over the lands they claimed. He'd rather remember when they were pups, and he and Pyrrhic and Aureus had chased off a crocodile together, or training with their father. Those were how he wanted to remember, all of them together.

After a few moments of rolling the memories over in his mind, the tears had cooled on his cheeks and he opened his blind eyes once more. Ah yes. That. The curse that had taken his sight and left him vulnerable. Well, that would soon change, once he found a witch capable of lifting the curse. He'd traveled to several rumored witches already, only to leave disappointed, but he was as determined as he'd ever been that he could break the curse. Somehow. He hated that he was keeping such a major secret from his pack, but it was necessary for now, and soon enough it would not matter. He would find a witch powerful enough to break the spell, no matter how long it took. And then he'd be building Aerie's strength again - training the wolves they had now, and bringing in more to make them stronger than ever. Aureus' loss would never stop hurting - he knew that from his father's loss, from his mother and sister's loss, his aunts and uncles who had died along the way - and he could never be replaced as Aureus, his brother, but the gaping holes in the pack's strength could be closed and reinforced.

Eligos rose smoothly to his paws. His resolve had been renewed once more in the light of the dying sun. This next season would see Aerie grow stronger than ever, and his sight returned to him. He swore it to the Fallen God, invoking His name as he felt the sun sank below the horizon. He would see it done. Turning away he moved silently through the twilight to return to his den. Tomorrow he would seek another witch.

Word Count: 1046