He didn't know if Sera's words had been intended for him to hear or if she was muttering to herself, but he heard it all the same. Fine, she didn't want him making sure she was comfortable and didn't freeze in the night? He'd be happy to oblige. No more small kindnesses. If she wanted to act hard, he'd let her be. It was just as easy for him to not care—easier than trying to, actually. For the longest time, Alastor just watched the darkness outside like he were staring into the abyss of his own mind, the familiarity of the emptiness and lifelessness somehow strangely comforting. This was what he knew and who he was. There was no point in trying to be anything but that.

Somewhere between his darkest thoughts and the silence, Alastor fell into a dreamless sleep.

Morning came all too quickly. Alastor was not a morning wolf by any definition, so waking up to the rising sun streaming into his black eyes was decidedly not a great way to start the day. He grumbled and yawned while he stirred, stretching each leg in turn while he regained his bearings. Right, he was in the mines with Sera, heading south. A turn of his head to check on her, and yep, still asleep. That was fine; Alastor didn't mind being alone for a bit. He slowly got up and walked over to the elk carcass, taking a chunk of meat to serve as breakfast before coming back to lie at the entrance and watch the sun rise while he ate.

After some time, he heard a yawn behind him and turned his head to peer into the cave at Sera. He gave her a small smile from over his shoulder while he continued to eat his meal. "Good morning," he greeted her, tipping his nose toward the elk. "Help yourself to breakfast. There's more than enough to give to your pack still." He didn't know how much further her pack was from where they were, but he knew they would need the energy regardless.

"Speech" | Thoughts

Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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She got slowly to her paws as Alastor moved to the carcass, ripped out a few pieces, and moved back to the den entrance. Inviting her to head to the meal herself. The cold seemed to have kept it from ripening - luckily for them. “Good morning” she said, breaking off mid sentence to yawn. She felt like she had slept surprisingly well. It meant she had more sleep than usual to shake off as she got started on the day. Moving forward, she took a few bites, chewing slowly. thinking.

She didn’t know if not being attacked when she was trapped and vulnerable in a cave was exactly a glowing review, but it was a start. Logically, she knew he meant her no harm. Mentally, physiologically? Her body remembered. It was going to be a long time before it forgot, but sometimes she wanted to give it a shove to get it moving along the right direction. “How's it looking out there?” she asked, indicating the space outside of the exit he still blocked.

She finished another mouthful, and then stretched, feeling her back pop as she pulled her weight forward, extending her paws as much as they could. She gave her body a little shake, feeling oddly relaxed. She half closed her eyes, and spoke before she could let herself think upon it too much. “Do people recover from tramor, Alastor? It seems you’ve had a few bumps in life and come out alright. How do you get to that part? From point ‘A’ to ‘B’ “

"Speech"

Alastor didn't show any signs of acknowledging Sera was up and moving beyond his initial greeting, eating quietly while he kept to himself and surveyed the snow-covered terrain outside. It was another cold day, to be sure, but at least it was clear for the most part. Some errant sun rays were even breaking through the heavy blanket of clouds in patches, bringing some liveliness back into the otherwise dead and dreary world. He heard Sera come collect some breakfast for herself and then she asked about the conditions outside. "Cold, but clear. Not a sign of anyone else nearby," he reported while he finished up his meal and set to licking his ebony paws clean. "Should make for easy traveling."

He had been waiting for her to prepare to leave when she asked him a question far too deep for their newfound acquaintanceship. Alastor gave no reaction beyond a flick backwards of an ear to show he had heard her. A frown curled his lips downward, away from the usual turn they always seemed to take. Ah, but it shouldn't have surprised him as much. He knew Sera was damaged goods, broken and battered by a life so cruel and unfair, of course she was going to be traumatized by something. But now she was looking to him for answers? Oh, if only she knew the truth... Alastor was far from having "come out all right". He was deranged, psychotic, calloused, violent... All things that were the antithesis of "all right".

"I don't know," he remarked in a terse, neutral response that gave away nothing of his own demons and sickness. Black eyes stared out at the world, but he was no longer seeing it. He was too lost in his own headspace now. "I'm still dealing with not being all right. I didn't get from A to B. I'm still somewhere in the middle." The big dire wolf rose to his paws with a stretch that caused a delightful series of pops from along his vertebrae, the wolf stretching his sleep-addled muscles back into action. He cast Sera a sideways glance from over his shoulder while he stepped back over to the elk carcass. "We should get this back before it spoils."

"Speech" | Thoughts

Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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There was a long pause before he answered, but she knew he had heard her. She grew antsy, trapped in the cave behind him. She shuffled her weight from one paw to the other, before settling back on her rump. Her paws still twitched in the earth, and her tail occasionally swished behind her. Waiting. Making herself push away any feeling of claustrophobia from the knowledge that she couldn’t just… pushed past him.

When he spoke it was without the usual cheer he spoke with. His first response terse, short, uninformative. She wished she knew what he was thinking, what he was seeing. She wished she could see his face, but his back was towards her.

It surprised her that he would consider himself unhealed, unwell. He seemed so put together, so knowledgeable. Incharge of himself. He glanced over at her, but she wasn’t sure what she could see in his face. Then he was grabbing the carcass, and she picked up the antler rabbit combination and slung it back over her head.

There were storm clouds in her eyes.

She waited until he was out of the cave, and then moved free of it behind her, pushing into the open air with a soft sigh, eyes drifting to the sky above. “Well. I will not be broken forever” She was angry, she couldn’t say where exactly the anger came from. For herself? For him, who called himself broken? On his behalf? At him? She just was.

“There’s only one thing to do with fear.”
face it
She turned and before she could overthink it, charged at Alastor.

"Speech"

The younger girl seemed unsatisfied with the responses he gave her. Oh, if only Sera knew the truth to the madness behind his infinite black eyes. He was not a composed wolf, nor was he in control of himself. Every day was a constant war against the beast raging inside him, demanding the destruction of the unworthy world around him. It wanted to burn the earth and dance in the ashes, to gouge throats and bathe in the blood, to sing along to the screams and laments of widows and orphans. The world had broken him so he would break the world. Some days he was more in charge of the beast—and some days the beast ruled him. Every sunrise was a coin flip, a gamble on what sort of mood Alastor would wake up in. Sometimes it meant laughter and smiles; sometimes it meant someone was losing their life. The scariest part was he could never tell.

Alastor continued to drag their prey back out into the snowy world, ignoring the way she scooped up her parcels of prizes and darted past him in an effort to keep space between them. He had given up on asking or trying to reason what was wrong with her. She was just damaged goods, same as him. It didn't need to be more complicated than that. Sera, however, seemed determined to make it more complicated by voicing an irritated statement that she would not be broken forever. Alastor gave a grunt in response; that was great for her. Not everyone could be fixed. He had long since accepted his lot in life. She could do whatever she pleased with the cards she was dealt.

Apparently, doing whatever she wanted meant acting stupid, because as he was busy dragging the heavy elk behind him, the sound of rapid footsteps crunching through the snow came straight for him. Confused, Alastor flicked an ear back to confirm what he was hearing, then dropped the stag's body to raise his head and peer back over his shoulder, looking for Sera with a befuddled expression on his face. What the hell was she up to now?

"Speech" | Thoughts

Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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She darted towards him, her paws flicking up snow around her when he dropped the carcass and turned to her. She skidded to a stop a pace away from him, falling hard on her rump. Kicking up even more snow with the sudden stop. At least her brakes worked fine. Her breath came out in quick gasps already, and she stared at Alastor. It would have been easier if he had turned towards her. If she couldn’t see into his dark eyes and feel the warmth of his breath. She gently put her forpaws back on the ground again.

Her sides heaved with the force of a breath sucked in. Dammit she absolutely hated herself. Why couldn’t she have been born braver? Steadier? More capable.

With self loathing in her eyes, she took another step forward, forcing herself closer to Alastor. Her ears folded to her skull. “I hate him!” she snarled, stamping a paw in the earth and turning suddenly away from the black wolf. She shuddered, forcing back an array of emotions.

"Speech"

Alastor watched with a quizzical look as Sera rushed him—only to end up coming to a skidding halt that kicked up snow all over the place while she desperately tried to stop. He cocked his head to one side and raised a confused brow, studying her strange expression with puzzled black eyes. What the hell was she up to...? She was almost hyperventilating again just by looking at him, and the look of sheer terror on her face was confounding. It was as if she was simultaneously afraid and unafraid of him, caught somewhere in between the two extremes and swinging like a pendulum back and forth, back and forth.

Al held her gaze while watching how she had to physically force herself to come one step closer, all the while the giant of a wolf sitting perfectly still like a living statue. While he tried to puzzle out what the hell was going on with her, Sera proceeded to lose him further when she declared she hated "him" in amidst a venomous snarl. Alastor broke Sera's gaze to momentarily look around their surroundings for whoever "he" was. There was no one else here. He met her oceanic eyes with another puppy-like tilt of his head, only to watch her stomp a paw down and turn away from him again. Oooookaaayy...? Well, two can play this game!

The snow shifted and crunched as Alastor also turned away from Sera, setting his rear end back on the cold ground with another audible crunch. Now the two of them were sat facing in opposite directions, but a smirk slowly creeping its way across Alastor's face hinted that his intentions weren't to just face away from her. Making sure he crushed plenty of snow and ice under him while he moved so Sera would be able to hear him, Alastor scooted his butt back across the snow to inch closer to her, still facing away all the while like it were some sort of "red light green light" game they were playing. Once he was close enough, he gave a strong swish of his tail to smack against her back, snickering to himself under his breath.

"Who's 'he', little hunter?" asked Alastor once he had started trying to lighten their mood with some play and humor. It was clear that she desperately wanted to talk about something but was holding herself back for one reason or another. That's okay; he was perfectly content to sit here for the rest of the day until she wanted to tell him.

"Speech" | Thoughts

Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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It was like a wall in her mind, and whenever she got to a certain point it was like hitting it. Like her body said no further! well her conscience could only watch with growing horror. Why was it so hard? Why couldn’t she have just reached out and booped Alastor on the nose, like it was no big deal. So close, and yet so far.

She twitched when she heard him moving, but a discreet glance over her shoulder showed him turning his back to her. She brought her head back around, looking into the cave and away from the black boy.

She wondered what was going through his head. He must think her absolutely bonkers by now. How did normal people even behave, anyway? She hadn’t been around them often enough to understand. She had been so young when He had tossed her world on her head.

Alastor was still moving, his body far nosier on the snow now then it had been on their travels. Her ears pulled backwards, listening. Then she felt something flick across her back. She snapped upright with a zing of alarm, but after sitting there, poised, she realised he had flicked her with his tail. His back to her. A twitch covered her muzzle and she fought back the urge to laugh. What was he doing?

Then she realised. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he was trying. He wanted to help her. Now she was fighting back startled tears. She blinked them free of her eyes and took in a soft breath, almost undone by his simple kindness. “ He is a dead man walking.” she grumbled. Just as soon as she figured out how to put him under ground…

“I was…” Did he really want to hear her tale of woes? But she pushed back her feelings of insecurity, and flicked her tail back at him. [color=#82b7cc] “I was taken from my family when I was… maybe… 6 months old?” she struggled to think back to that day, but it was all a blur now. Her parents' faces were just squiggles in her memory. “He said he couldn’t have kids of his own, and he dearly wanted a little girl to raise. He taught me how to tend a hearth, mix medicines, prepare him meals. Massage his muscles. He wanted a helpful little slave. A punching bag for his aggression” She cringed, as she told Alastor how she had been a complacent little slave girl, obeying the whims of her ‘father’ “He started… he started to talk about how beautiful I was becoming, he liked to touch my face, just under my chin, and compliment himself on raising such a beautiful, obedient child.” her tail flicked with more agitation behind her, almost forgetting that it was hitting Alastor. “He.. well. It reached a point where I realised I had to leave. I didn’t know how to fight, or hunt, or live a life without him. But I wanted to be someone else, anybody else. I reached a point where I didn’t care if it killed me to try” she let out a steady breath. “That last night… was rough, and my mind keeps going back to it. The feel of his hot breath, the roughness of his coat. It’s like… it’s like even now he still has some sort of power over me.” She was glad she was facing away. She didn’t know how she would meet his eyes again. She was no brave little huntress. She was a coward, and now he would know it.

Tears stung her eyes. "I'm over thinking it. I know I am. It's all in my head, if I was just a little braver, just a little more stubborn, I would push past it. I wouldn't let him control me anymore.

"Speech"

Being the bastard with a sick sense of humor that he was, Alastor snickered louder when he felt Sera's body go rigid from the unexpected flick of his tail and repeated it again and again until he was more or less beating her playfully with the appendage. He sat quiet and listened while Sera took her time explaining to him the abuse she had suffered at the hands of her abductors, from physical to emotional to sexual. The smile on his face hardened into a predatory grin while dark fire burned black in his empty eyes. If there was one thing he did not abide, it was those who harmed pups. Perhaps it was part due to his own upbringing or his own opinions on the matter of the innocence of children. Regardless, there was no more grievous a sin one could commit than robbing a pup of that purity and doing harm to them. How many child abusers had he killed at this point? How many pedophiles had he slaughtered to satisfy his own corrupt form of moral justice? He felt no sorrow or remorse for any of them; they could all rot in hell for all he gave a shit.

Sera finished up her monologue and Alastor ended by curling his bushy red-tipped tail backwards to wrap around hers like a faux embrace. It was the best he could do without facing her, and even then he wasn't a big hugger. Emotion and affection were something he had been stripped of long ago. But in his eyes, Sera was still this hurt puppy he needed to protect. "You're sitting back to back with a wolf who's put more bodies in the ground than acquaintances you've met and you're not running away or shaking. Don't tell me you're not brave, because that's a lie," he quipped back, still giving a hard smile mostly to himself while he stared up at the heavy clouds overhead. "So go kill him." It was such a simple and straightforward explanation that it didn't really seem possible, but it was. Oh, Alastor knew how possible it was...

"If you want him dead, go kill him," he repeated with a little more clarity, turning his head a fraction of an inch to make sure she was listening to him. "It would be absurdly easy for you if you truly wanted it." He paused, refusing to entertain those ideas and hypothetical plans if she didn't want that. He still didn't know this little wolf well enough to consider allowing her to see into his personal life, but he could at least let her know he understood. "I killed my father because he was a fiendish monster who didn't deserve to keep breathing," he said, his voice husky and hard with a rough edge of a barely noticeable growl to it. "It really isn't as hard as it seems. If you want something bad enough, you can always find a way to get it."

"Speech" | Thoughts

Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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