Resin. She had to tell Resin. She feared what going back down into the dungeons would do to her, but she didn't care. The moment with Sirius hung heavy on her, guilt churning in her gut. She knew that Sirius had been the one to initiate all of it, but she hadn't resisted. Hadn't told him no. Hadn't condemned him for shaking her old emotions free when her mate was still locked away under their feet and while he was still mourning the loss of his wife. The moment of release with her lips on his was permanently burned into her memories and she couldn't shake it. She had to tell Resin, had to listen to her mate rage over the infidelity so that it could be wiped from her mind... at least she hoped Resin would curse her for it. She hoped her mate would be angry so that she would have a reason to tie a negative memory onto that kiss and weigh it down, sending it down deep into the depths never to be thought of again.

Tamsyn drew in a steadying breath before she finally convinced herself to go down into the darkness of the dungeon, repeating the words she was going to say over and over to herself. She prepared herself to not find Resin here but someone else - whoever that wolf was that bit her. She prepared herself for that possibility as well. She prepared herself to say these words to someone who wouldn't listen to them. She tried to prepare herself for every possibility, steeling herself against them. In the end she knew herself and knew it would be futile, but she had to try to try and protect herself. That small part of herself deep down that was still untouched and was still hers, she had to protect that part of her. The part that she reserved for when she was speaking to her children so that she wouldn't feel the need to yell the way she had at Artorias when she and Sirius first arrived back to The Hallows.

She slowly crossed the space from the bottom of the stairs to stand in front of Resin's cell, keeping her distance until she was certain of who she was greeting. "Resin?" she questioned softly, peering in at the shadowed corner where her pallet of furs resided.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

It had been a bad night. Resin had woken mid-sleep and hadn't known where she was. The fire had burned so low that the cell was almost pitch black. Her heart had hammered in her chest until she thought that it would burst free. She had cowered, fear consuming her and chilling her bones. Resin, the powerful, confident, stoic Aegis of The Hallows... had cried herself to sleep out of sheer terror. When she woke, she was herself again. Or at least, closer to herself than she had been earlier. Her brain itched and she felt very irritable. For a while, the ashen woman paced back and forth, staring hard at the bars that held her here with each passing. This was her idea and she was cursing it. How long had she even been in here? How long had she been walking back and forth? Before long, she would likely wear a track in the floor. After a time, the scarred dame seated herself. She was in the opposite corner than usual, staring down a metal grate and listening to the rushing water beneath. It was a sort of natural plumbing. The woman pissed and shit down that grate, but the sound of the water was calming and she really needed some calming at present. The water had so absorbed her attention that she hadn't heard Tamsyn come down the stairs. Hearing her voice brought a low growl from the woman. Her hackles rose and she turned to look towards the bars once more. It wasn't as dark now that there was a bit of light coming through the window. When she saw the familiar face of Tamsyn, Resin settled some, though she still felt rather irritable. Stepping into the light, she stared at the smaller woman and kept her silence. "Resin"

The growl she got in response made the fur on the back of her neck stand on end, her head quickly turning toward where Resin lurked in the shadows, catching a glimpse of her raised hackles and dread washed over her. As Resin stepped into the light she saw her mate settle a bit once she seemed to realize it was her so that gave her a bit of hope. She was a familiar face still at the very least. For now. How long until she stopped being familiar? That thought felt like a stab in the gut. It hurt, everything hurt. She couldn't seem to escape the pain of everything these days. She was afraid of how this Resin would react when she told her what needed to be said. There were bars between them, there was no real risk of injury, but it wasn't the physical pain she was afraid of.

The words she had planned on saying died in her throat and she was quiet for a moment before she glanced away, looking at the nearly dead fire in the fireplace. Her ears flicked and she abandoned her post in front of Resin's cell for just a moment, picking up a piece of wood from a pile near by and nestling it into the embers, stoking them back to life until the fresh wood caught and then adding another and another. With the room filled with fresh light and warmth it seemed slightly less frightening, though she had a feeling that would end soon enough. Resin was just so hard to predict now. No longer was she the stoic woman she loved.

She turned back toward the cell, sitting on her haunches by the fireplace, leaving more space between them this time. Just in case. Space was good. It's what she had asked from Sirius, perhaps it would help her here too. "Resin, I... I need to tell you something." She knew that she could have gone the rest of Resin's life with her not knowing what had happened, but that didn't feel right. Losing herself or not, Resin was still her mate. She still loved her. She still felt just as guilty. "Sirius... Sirius kissed me. I kissed him back." There, she said it. Resin had always liked things said plainly. She had never liked things candy coated. Hopefully that was still the case. "He woke up from a nightmare, he thought he had hurt me. It was just in a fit of fear and worry. But I... I didn't stop him. I'm... I'm sorry."

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"

Had Tamsyn always been so timid? As the caged woman watched the dark fae mill about, rekindling the fire, she mulled over this thought. There were prickles at the base of her skull, something akin to the feeling of a limb falling asleep. It was irritating. That prickling was interspersed with feelings of numbness. Resin felt wrong in her own skin, like it wasn't even her own body that she was standing in. Mentally, she knew this was her, but physically, things just felt off. In time, Tamsyn, freshly scarred, burned and bitten, made her way back towards the bars. Resin noted how far away she seated herself. Every other time that Tam wanted something, she would get close. What had her darling lover done? The words that poured from Tamsyn's maw were filled with guilt and silent apologies. So she'd kissed Sirius, eh? Would they soon be sleeping together while she rotted down here? Aside from attacking Tam in their sleep, had she ever wronged either of them? Sirius had a wife that he claimed to adore, so what was this all about? Had this been the plan from the beginning? Had they poisoned her? Was all of this discomfort their fault? That would be easier to believe than simply losing her mind. A low, raspy laugh left the one-eyed beast and she turned to begin pacing back and forth again. She spoke to herself in hushed, conspiratorial tones, though Tamsyn would clearly be able to hear. "They couldn't even wait until we were dead." Would Tamsyn and Sirius be sleeping together in the bed that they'd shared or would they have the decency to do it elsewhere? Did the whole pack know? Was their former Aegis nothing but a joke? The paranoia was thick in her mind and the grey woman growled low as if to chase it away. It worked somewhat and she blinked hard as a bit of sanity returned. Stopping, she breathed deeply, centering herself enough to speak, though she refused to look at Tamsyn. "I'm a ghost. As good as gone. Find your comforts where you can. You have my blessing." The true, whole Resin would want the wolves in her life to attain happiness. If seeking comfort in the arms of another would help Tamsyn, then Resin would not hold her back. She wasn't going to be here forever. With as quickly as this disease was progressing, she wasn't going to be here much longer at all. "You should go. I'm slipping again." She could feel the thickness, like cotton stuffed into her skull. Giving her head a shake, Resin moved back to the corner near the grate that covered the underground stream. She seated herself, leaning against the freezing wall, and stared down into it. "Resin"

There was a heavy pause, a quiet that was chilling right through to her core, as if cold had somehow seeped into her soul as heart beats passed without a word in response. Then came the laugh that made her hackles bristle, a sound that would no doubt haunt her dreams for some times to come. "They couldn't even wait until we were dead." Her ears pinned to her skull while she watched Resin with wide, worried eyes, guilt reaching up from her gut and threatening to strangle her. She could see Resin fracturing in front of her, the growl she gave making every muscle in her body tense, making her feel as if her muscles could make her implode in on herself as fear creeped up her spine.

Like flipping a switch she saw Resin breathe deep and then her Resin was back for just a moment, telling her to find her comforts where she could and that she had her blessing. But the damage was done, the fear and guilt dug deep into her like talons. Even if she hadn't initiated that godsforsaken kiss, even if she had drawn her lines between them when it was all said and done, she had been the one to kiss him back. She had foolishly confessed her love for him. This was her fault. All her fault. Panic squeezed her lungs and suddenly the dungeon felt much more small than it had moments ago.

Resin... her Resin. It wasn't fair that the one wolf she actually got to call hers was being ripped away from her and all she could do was sit here and watch her slip away, falling down this sharp incline of insanity that would only lead to her being shattered and broken at the bottom. Everything hurt. Her lungs felt tight and as if air wasn't allowed in them any longer, her muscles tensed so hard that it aggravated the healing wounds on her shoulders and back, her eyes burned with tears she was tired of shedding. It hurt knowing that there was nothing she could do.

When Resin warned her to leave, that she was slipping again, Tamsyn did the only thing she knew how to do these days. She ran. She got up and ran up the stairs, fleeing the dungeon and bursting out into the open air of the castle with a gasp, like she was coming up from being underwater. Her teeth grit painfully tight and for a moment she didn't know where to go. She didn't want to worry her children any more than she already had. She didn't want to go to Sirius - he had been the cause of all this to begin with. There was no one left to turn to. Her list of friends and family was painfully short and she had crossed them all of. She felt lost and aimless and ended up running down the hall to the stars, ignoring painful paws and wounds, leaping up the stairs until she had managed to make it all the way up to the top of the tower, breathing in gasps of wonderfully cool air, putting herself as far from Resin as she could. Space was good.

"Tamsyn" | "Blue"