He nodded his head, he should have foreseen that. After all this time imprisoned, Zee was still the better navigator. She knew her way home, she could find her way home any time. The problem hadn’t been the distance or the landscape, it had been her jailors. He couldn’t stop himself from taking one last glance behind him. Eyes trailing the smoke back down to the ruined compound. The deaths he had brought yesterday. No mercy. He only wished he had had the foresight to get answers before letting the monster out. They walked hours, trekking through the territory until they started to emerge into the more open territories central to Boreas. It wasn’t green with the way fall had taken over the land, but it was not as cold. He came to realise walking through the snow had numbed his paws, and the more they dragged themselves out of it, the more his paws hurt. He walked silent as through in a daydream. Blood loss, cuts, burned fur and singed feet catching up to him eventually as a the Warlord transitioned from shuffling along beside Zee, to collapsing. Silently folding in on himself as he hit the ground with a soft 'thud' "Zee" & "Sirius"

They had been walking so long, Zee had practically fallen into a trance. Left foot, right foot. Left foot, right foot. A glance to the sky, a glance across the field, a glance behind to ensure they weren't tailed. Left foot, right foot. On one of her glances behind, the scene had shifted. Sirius was lying in the dirt, and Zee's paws slowed and eventually stilled. It was stupid of her to be surprised, she supposed. He'd been suffering burns, bloodloss, exhaustion. Even a wolf as strong (and strong willed) as Sirius had to collapse time after time. Zee whistled to her bird, who spun in the sky and dove back towards her. "We can rest here." She offered - holding the option out to him and struggling not to make it seem controlling or demeaning. There was a time when Sirius would never have admitted he needed help, or sleep, or food.. and she couldn't seem to decide upon which version of Sirius had come to rescue her. She moved alongside him, planting herself gently upon the ground and letting out a small, satisfied groan as her aching paws were relieved of her weight. Her thin legs shifted out infront of her through the dirt, her toes flexing as she stretched. Zee allowed herself the enjoyment and relaxation, before looking back to her pained mate and frowning. "Can I get you anything?" She lowered her head, trying to catch sight of his eyes through his dusty faceplant. "Zee" & "Sirius"

“Good plan. I’m so glad you thought of it.” He croaked back at her, but there was a hint of a smile beneath the sarcasm, beneath the pain on his face. He did not like to be weak. He needed to be stronger than this, he needed to be his best. He would kill anybody that came near them. He would never let anybody take her from him again. Never again. “There's. Supplies. In the bag.” He gestured with his eyes only to the stuff he had grabbed from the cellar. “If your. Hungry.” He closed his eyes. He knew he should eat as well, but he just needed a moment. He needed to catch his breath. He also wouldn’t have minded some very strong pain killers, but he only had what they had. “Just… stay. Stay with me, Zee” he said softly, reaching out a paw, a question, an invitation, a plea. "Zee" & "Sirius"

His attempt at wit almost coaxed from her a smile, though the expression was half-hearted and vanished quickly. It was obvious he was in pain, but all Zee could think was she hoped he'd be feeling better soon. So they could go home, home to her pack, her family, her children. Her heart clenched, and she tried to push back the sadness that threatened to bubble up when thinking of her kids who buried their mother. Sirius did not mention wanting anything for himself, though he directed her towards the supplies he'd stolen from the cellar before it was burned down. Zee shook her head, dismissing it. They could simply rest, then. Her stomach was long used to the feeling of being hungry, and there'd be plenty of time for that at home. Instead she remained beside him, allowing his paw to come around her as she shuffled into his thick fur. The lingering scent of the fire still clung to him, though singed fur was not as off putting a smell when it was mixed with his natural musk. "You can sleep if you want, I'll watch over you." She tried to sound confident in it, though she was not sure she even knew how to defend them anymore should enemies come. "Zee" & "Sirius"

She crawled into his arms at his request, and he held her. It was easier to push back his hurts and pains with her beside him. Guilt, however, would not let him rest. Too much to tell her. She kept knocking aside his attempts to lay out the last six months for her. He couldn’t put it off any longer. After this rest, they would get up, and they would continue to the Armada. They would arrive, and she needed to understand. It hurt to say it, because he did not want to give Zee up. He wanted to hold her crushingly tight in his arms. Mine. he wanted to whisper to her. Mine, mine, mine. “You’ve always made me feel safe.” he whispered to her words. She had brought such sanity to his life, his touchstone. He closed his eyes and loosened his hold on her, allowing her access to an escape. She would have one shot to leave, right now, while he was too injured to walk, to catch her. To hold her to him. He had to give it to her now, he owed her that much. “I haven’t told you the worst of it. You were dead, and I did not handle it well. Occasionally, I saw your ghost, taunting me. I was hurting those around me. Deathbelle’s mate abandoned her and their newest litter of puppies. She was giving up also, fading away in her exile. Didn’t see the reason to keep going. We both… we both were finding less and less reasons to carry on. We thought maybe we could hold in those broken parts of ourselves, together.” He kept his eyes closed, wishing he had had the strength to hold out, just a little longer. But he had not known. It was a line he would not have crossed if he knew she was alive. Would not have crossed if Tamsyn had let him do as he wished, and perished. Now he had two worlds colliding together, and it threatened to break all of them. Foolish, idiot Warlord. Had he broken Deathbelle by trying to hold her together? Broken Zee by not realising she lived, waiting for his rescue? "Zee" & "Sirius"

She let herself relax in his embrace, closing her eyes and murmuring a pleasant acknowledgement to his words. How Zee could possibly keep Sirius safe, she had little idea. She could count on one paw the amount of times she'd bested him in combat, and that was while her spirit was whole. She'd not deny him his feeling of safety however, and she'd stay and stand watch over him even if it felt futile in her state for her to guard anyone. "You are safe." Zee promised softly. She expected him to fall into silence and then sleep, though he began to speak again. Her heart wrenched as he carried on with his confessions - didn't he realize she didn't want to hear it anymore? The hell he'd been through, the hell she'd been through.. why couldn't they bury it in the past and move forward? Her teeth gritted but she remained silent, and by the end of his speech realized why he'd been so insistent to have this conversation before they'd reached home. Suddenly she wished she was back at her captors, where the pain she suffered was physical and did not bore into her very soul. Sirius had replaced her. Her pack, had they replaced her? And her children too? She remained in his arms out of obligation, but not out of love. Sirius was hurting, and to stand and leave would put too much pressure on the injured warlord to follow beyond what his body could manage. "I see." She choked out. Too many questions swarmed in her mind - ones she did not want the answer to, and should he try to offer the answers unrequested Zee could not convince herself that she would not punish him for it. "I'm glad.. that someone was there.. to make you whole again." It was the only response she could muster that did not carry the full weight of her disgust, of her bitterness, of her pain.   "Zee" & "Sirius"

You are safe the words were painfully jarring, for he knew the heartbreak he was bringing her. She offered him peace, and he took her heart to war. The sound of her choking words haunted him. He wished he was not hurting her, wished he could keep himself from holding this knife and plunging it into her heart. He wished she was angry, that she wailed at her. These soft, choked words were not the fire he wished. He opened his eyes, but he could not see her eyes like this. He blinked softly into the day, looking at the pale wolf in his arms. He did not care that just the day before he was a murderer. Did not care for many wolves, and held indifference to the pains of many. But Zee… Zee. She was one of those few he let fully into his heart. So fully that her ‘death’ had nearly been the death of him. Should have been the death of him. She was one that he would have wished to spare pain. “You were dead, and I was forced to live on. Zee…” He wanted to say more on the matter, to tell Zee what she meant to him, on how Deathbelle had held the broken pieces of him. He was not such a fool. He knew she did not want to hear it. He fell silent, closing his eyes. Giving her time to digest this. Time, time. but the Warlord was a selfish bastard, and he had to know. "Will we survive this?" "Zee" & "Sirius"

Each new syllable he uttered pained her more. "You were dead, and I was forced to live on. Zee…” He spoke her name and she stood suddenly, tearing out from his grasp and away. She paced before him, the frustration and pain forcing her muscles to move, even when her paws screamed their complaint. "Except I wasn't dead."  Zee spat back at him. "I was back there, suffering -"  She swallowed her words, flinching inwardly at even the memory required to drudge up the truth. "I wouldn't have fought so hard against the males there if I'd had known, would have saved me some pain." It was cruel, hitting below the belt. Though it felt good, as if by inflicting some suffering upon Sirius that it would remove the same weight of suffering from her own shoulders. His next words were like a knife in her heart and she grimaced, her own eyes sliding shut as she struggled to digest. "You'll survive it in the arms of your new wife."  Zee replied, though the fire in her words had faded. "I'll survive it in the same way I've survived everything else."  To keep away the hated, she thought of her waiting children. Yearlings now who were at this very moment, still assuming their mother was dead. She imagined their reactions to the truth, prayed they hadn't already accepted her replacement into their hearts, and vowed to heal herself through their small hearts. It was enough to keep her quiet and calm and sane, at least until they'd reach the Armada lands.   "Zee" & "Sirius"

She pulled from him, and he almost didn’t let her go. He twitched with the need to pull her to him. To dominate her. Start an authoritarian rule. To start with her. She was already accustomed to being a slave. What would one more Master be? She would serve him, and only him… But, what was he thinking? He didn’t want her obedience, he wanted her fire. He shuddered, wondering how far he would go to keep her… “If I had known, even suspected, I would have given up Armada and would not have rested until I found you. Everything I love, our children? I would have abandoned them for you. I almost did. But they were very thorough.” It came out as a growl. He did not have the chance to save his Wife before they touched her, hurt her. I wouldn't have fought so hard against the males there if I'd had known, would have saved me some pain. His eyes glazed over and he shot to his feet. They had. They had! he snarled, shaking with the need to kill them again. Again, and again, and again. He grabbed her by the shoulder, yanking her roughly towards him. He fought the urge to toss her to the ground. He did not want to be gentle, he did not have the patience or sanity for this. Adrenaline made him forget, for just a moment, how badly his body was hurt. “So you give up on us, just like that? Gone?” "Zee" & "Sirius"

Again and again he defended his actions, and some rational part of Zee wanted to forgive him, to understand and accept that he'd needed to fill the hole her charred body had left behind. The rest of her had been tainted by his possessive nature - had fully and completely fell into his repeated insistence that they belonged to each other. It hadn't crossed her mind to even dare that Sirius would find another. Even had she truly died, some part of her expected him to remain faithful to her spirit alone. She had not time to respond before his paws were upon her. Zee ducked beneath his thick forearm, snarling and snapping at the air. "Don't touch me, Sirius." She warned, the fire in her eyes returning. Those arms had held her once master - once friend - once Empress. "What would you have me do? I will not be your second wife, I will not have another mothering my children. I will not stand idly by while another woman's abandoned litter calls you father. I have spent my life being what I thought you needed, what I thought you wanted. I agreed to bring her into our marriage for you! I forgave time and time again when your love for her invaded upon what was ours, and I thought you'd respected me enough to accept when I'd put down my paw!"   Zee stared daggers across the empty air towards him, daring him to attempt to grab her once more and ready to retaliate with tooth and claw. "What would you have me do?" She repeated, slow and clear like speaking to a child. "Zee" & "Sirius"

Zee ducked away from his grasp and he stumbled. Not fast enough to grab her, wounded as he was. He growled, rocking on his injured paws. Her jaws snapped at the air, fueling his desire to grab her. To fight her. To remind his body what hers felt like. The pain in his paws slowed him, and he paused as Zee began to speak again. Her words longer this time, her sentence bleeding on. She spoke of Deathbelle, of the time the other woman had almost joined their marriage. The words brought him… sadness. What would his life have been now, if that had gone through? Would Deathbelle have been happy, would Zee not be hurting, now? The possessive Warlord could have dragged down those he loved and held them tightly to him. Or would it have broken them all? “You think I did this idly, fool woman!? Do you know what your death cost me! What it did to me! It took everything I had, and everything Tamsyn had to hold me to this world, to hold our pack together. It’s a miracle I didn’t disband it, as it is we have been bleeding members. Everything has been falling apart, and I’ve been so damn broken! You were alive, alive! This whole time. I decided to allow myself some small comfort, some reason to live, and days later Azure is at the door. Why did he not come sooner? Where has he been? Six months Zee, six months!” He roared, grabbing at her again, shaking her. Finding he could not let her go. He wasn’t that selfless. He would do whatever he had to to keep her to him. “I will not let you go!” He snarled, his anger building, burning, rising through him into a crescendo. “I won’t! he gasped, before the wave broke inside of him, and crashed. He sagged. His rapid breaths began to slow, and he released her, taking a step back. Looking at the little tawny wolf. “You said to me once, when all this began. ‘You know it's not an option for me to hate you, to avoid you. You're my best friend, and the one I love. It's silly to ask me to forget that.’ Have my actions now made you forget, gone past what you can forgive?” "Zee" & "Sirius"

Sirius' fury mirrored her own and she tried to steel herself from flinching as he roared his reply. Zee couldn't help it, it was hard to empathize with his pain when all she was hearing was me, me, me. No amount of colorful description or pain would explain to the rabid warlord that his suffering at her supposed death meant little in comparison to the hell she'd suffered. He grabbed her and shook her, and Zee endured it with daggers in her eyes. It wasn't until he released her that she dared to speak again, raising her head to challenge the sagging warlord's words. "'Some reason to live?'"The words were an accusation, bitter and poisonous. "My children, they buried their mother. Their brother. They needed you. Our pack is falling apart, and you found you reason to live within Deathbelle's warm hole?" She stepped toward him, closing the distance he'd made. It felt as if the anger it had set her muscles ablaze, every inch of her emaciated form vibrating and radiating hot fury. Her head shook as he questioned her further, throwing word she'd spoke years ago back in her face. Words, she was sure, she spoke before she'd been given a crown and the confidence to wear it. She tossed his manipulative question aside, posing her own for a third time. "I ask you again, Sirius, what would you have me do? How does this end in your fantasy? Do we return home, and you rush into her arms? Do I warm your bed, or does she, or perhaps do we alternate? Do I call her mistress once more, or will she accept a humble 'Empress' instead? And what of if her lover returns to her, do I get to fuck him too, or do your standards not apply to me? Our kids, do they have two mommies now? I assume Deathbelle's kids will be taught only that I'm the handmaiden, seems a bit more her style." "Zee" & "Sirius"

He snarled softly at the accusation in her words. She truly didn’t understand how difficult it had been to refind love in their children. How much he wanted to be lethargic, to forget them, the pack… he had wanted none of it without her. To hell with the pack, to hell with the world when he could not have Zee in it. To hell with Tamsyn, who had not let him fucking die. “You fool woman.” He snarled angrily, the passive aggressive words were ones even Zee knew were not true. He would never again have her bowing to another. This talk of being a submissive handmaiden was such idiocy he wanted to strike her. “Ugh!” he snarled angrily. But it was hard to hold onto that anger when he thought of Deathbelles face, when he saw the realization in her eyes that Zee lived. He chose Zee, he had to, Zee had always been his world. "This is going to kill her" he said softly, and knew it to be true. His childhood friend, the wolf that had shielded him from the worst of her family over the years. The wolf he had fled that falling land with. The wolf that had thought him dead, only to find each other again, here in Boreas. His love for her was… different, a bond through what they had shared. The only reason he could love her in the way she needed was because of how broken he had been. She would know, she would know, and it would kill her. "Zee" & "Sirius"

He snarled at her and still she remained, her dwindling fire showing only through the trembling in her thin limbs. Zee recognized the fight in his eyes and saw the danger for what it was, but knew somewhere inside that to give up to him would only break her. No matter how much she may have feared the murderer that lie buried within him, she could not let go of her defiance. "If losing you will kill her, then go to her."  She told him coldly. "I'm stronger then that. I feared I'd never see you again and I survived. I went to challenge her for your heart and she fled, but I was willing to face the consequences of losing you." Deathbelle, who once was like a sister to her.. Zee shook her head. The woman was a shell of the power she once embodied. She'd given away so much of herself to so many wolves who always seemed to take that precious part of her heart and vanish. Zee doubted she even remembered how to be happy alone anymore. "I will not share you with her, but I will not allow you to call me 'wife' out of pity or obligation. I will not have this resurface in another six months, a year, ten years. I will not compete with her memory while we watch our great grand children frolic in the grass. Give me the respect of making a choice, for the first time in our damned relationship, commit." Zee didn't know where she'd go or what she'd do if he chose his first love over her - nor did she know if any other man she would ever be with could sleep safely without fearing the possessive giant's wrath. Her children... Sirius would not allow them to join her, not without a fight that she did not have the energy to see through. Whether she'd stay in the Armada, could even handle seeing herself replaced. She gritted her teeth and tried to shove the thoughts aside, boring her exhausted gaze into his own. "Zee" & "Sirius"

Sirius knew in his heart of hearts he would always love Zee the most. He would always hold her on a pedestal and know that she was everything he wanted and needed in his life. He yearned for her, heart and soul. She wanted him to make a choice, it all boiled down to him. Break the heart of the wolf he loved, or see his oldest friend fall to despair and death. But… if he picked Deathbelle for her sake, would he eventually hate her for it? Would he find himself in chains of his own making? “It’s you. It’s always you, Zee. You made me want more, want things for myself. The sun rises and sets on you, and if I choose her it will eventually eat me up from the inside out. But dammit Zee, I'm sick with worry for her.” He sat on his hunches, and wished… wished that he could speak to the Zee that was his touchstone, the Zee that had been Deathbelles friend, and understood the history and ties between the two. Not the green eyed demon he had created with his actions. "Zee" & "Sirius"

Zee finally tore her eyes from her mate's face, slinking towards the ground slowly until her elbows touched the dirt. She hung her head in defeat, exhausted - drained beyond belief. Whatever excess of energy she'd pulled from had long been run dry. Her exhaustion sounded in her voice, her words clipped and dull. "I will not further torture myself by accepting responsibility for Deathbelle's actions. Whatever she does in your absence is on her, not on you, and not on me." She was running low on sleep, on food, and the absence of her children was becoming suffocating. Each hour away from home she remained was physically painful - she wished she could send some sort of message on to them, to let them know everything was okay and mom was coming home. She had enough tiny souls to worry about to fret about the sister who'd betrayed her. "I can't handle it, Sirius. I can't. Please don't place the guilt upon my shoulders, I have enough of it. Don't make me feel the monster because I dared to come home."   "Zee" & "Sirius"

He sank slowly down to his stomach, the adrenaline was fading and he was as exhausted now as she was. “Never regret that you are coming home, Zee. Nothing in the world would have kept me from you once I knew you lived. Rest. Rest, Zee. we will finish our journey home as soon as we rise again.” he whispered, his head sinking to his paws. He was exhausted and heart sick, and too confused to know which way his thoughts should be. He didn’t know how to help Deathbelle, he did not know how to help Zee. He did not even know how to help himself. He closed his eyes, and wished he could find a path that did not hurt those he loved. "Zee" & "Sirius"

Zee had not forgotten her promise to keep him safe, nor the battering his body had taken over the last day. Sirius needed rest, and Zee could not sleep with her mind wandering between her children and then Deathbelle. "I'll stay over here."  She offered softly. "So you don't need to worry about your dreams." It was a decent enough excuse to keep distance between her and the man that she - in this moment - both loved and hated. She lowered her head to her paws and let her eyes slide shut, merely so if he'd look over he could assume she too was sleeping. It would keep the stubborn giant from remaining awake out of obligation. It was far from her intention that she'd truly rest, though it wasn't long before she'd unwillingly slipped into a dream.   -sleeps- "Zee" & "Sirius"