A ragged scream tore from a throat that had been sleeping only moments before. Bowen breathed heavily, her ribcage heaving with each staggered breath. Tej woke and tried to comfort her, but there was only one person that could comfort Bowen in the state that she was in. Peeling away from the giant feline, the small woman pushed open the wooden door and crept down the hall towards where her brother and Briar slept.

It was difficult to breathe and Bowen hesitated outside their door for a long, long while as though she was some child about to beg her parents for comfort after a bad dream, though she knew that she'd be told to go back to bed. In fact, that was exactly why the russet and snow fae was in such a state. She'd dreamed about her mother for the first time. Staggering breaths continued to rush from the small fae and she began to feel as though she would fall unconscious. There had been such disdain in her mother's eye. Such disappointment. Remembering the look and what was said, a sob pulled from Bowen and she placed her forehead against the wood of Artorias and Briar's door, still not knocking or begging entrance.

Bowen sank to the floor, curling herself in as tight of a ball as she could manage and she cried. It was somewhat silent at first, but as she replayed the scene in her minds eye, her cries became louder until she was gasping for breath. No doubt she would wake the entire castle by now, but she simply couldn't stop. The dream had ripped her chest open leaving her heart exposed. She hurt so much mentally that she had begun to hurt physically as well. There was so much pain in her chest and stomach that Bowen was fairly certain that she was going to die.

A lot of the anxieties that the caramel fae had been trying to tamp down had risen to the surface during that dream. The ghost of her mother hadn't tried to dissuade her relationship with Artorias, but she had very much expressed her disappointment in Bowen's lack of control. Essentially, Artorias had enough to worry about without dealing with her issues as well. Resin had told her that she needed to be strong, if not for herself, for her brother. Bowen... just didn't know how. So here she was, doing the exact opposite as her mother had told her. She was outside of Art's door, a crying, sobbing mess, once again wishing that he would be able to pick up the pieces and put her back together.

"Bowen"

Artorias' deep, peaceful slumber was obliterated by a scream that tore through the castle like a banshee's wail. The Aegis' head shot up from his pillows with a start, groggy and confused, but immediately on high alert. He looked about the room as Briar stirred as well, his first instinct to immediately locate the source of the noise and find out what had caused it. If something was threatening harm to one of his wolves, Artorias was prepared to rend it limb from limb until nothing but memories of it remained. His first thought was that Oxx had somehow slipped past the guards. But as he hurled himself out of bed and hurried for the door, a soft noise on the opposite side caused him to hesitate. Dark brows furrowed while he listened closer in the silence of the night. It sounded like... sobbing? Artorias exchanged a concerned and bewildered look with Briar while the crying got louder and more frenetic just outside their door. Trying to prepare himself for whatever he was about to witness, Artorias reached cautious paws up to the handles of the chamber doors, then slowly pulled them open.

What he saw on the other side broke his heart. Bowen was lying curled up on herself in a ball, sobbing and wailing like she had been attacked. "Bowen!" Artorias gasped and rushed out to gather his tiny sister up in his arms where she lay, all but throwing himself to the stone floor to hold her. "Ce s-a întâmplat? Esti bine?" Artorias' eyes narrowed with concern as he focused on his sister, not liking how ragged her breathing was or how she was shaking from head to tail with her quivering sobs. It almost looked like she couldn't breathe. "Shhh, it's okay, Bo. It's okay. I'm here. Te-am prins."

Artorias needed to comfort and console his hysterical sister, but first he had to get her calmed down before she hyperventilated herself into a cardiac episode. He gave a gentle nudge to her shoulder with his forehead, just enough to urge her to uncurl herself so he could slip his body beneath hers and carry her into his chambers, making sure to kick the heavy mahogany doors shut behind them to give Bowen some privacy. The rest of the pack didn't need to see her like this. Hell, he'd never seen her this bad! Whatever was upsetting her, it was getting worse. Artorias brought Bowen into the room and gently set her down on the pile of furs in front of the fireplace, coming about to lie down before her. Worried amber eyes sought her green ones, hoping to gain some clarity into what was going on. "Hey, Bo, it's okay, you're safe. You're with me." He cast a quick glance up to where Briar was, the upset clear on his face. "What's going on, Bowen? Please, talk to me." He wanted to help her—he wanted to help her so, so badly—but he couldn't if he didn't know what was happening with his little sister.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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Briar jolted awake along with Artorias, though more groggy and uncertain about what she had heard than he was. She gave her head a little shake as she worked on fully waking up while Artorias moved toward the door. By the time he pulled it open to reveal Bowen sobbing on the other side Briar had just sat up in bed and shrugged off the fur that had been draped over her. Her brow creased with concern as she tried to make heads or tails of what was going on. She stepped down from the bed as Artorias was trying to comfort Bowen who seemed upset to an extreme degree and he brought her into their room so he could close the door and shut the rest of the castle away, settling on the furs by the fire place with her.

Artorias glanced up to where she was standing by the bed and Briar hovered uncertainly while Artorias continued to comfort Bowen. Briar was stuck not really knowing what to do. She glanced toward the door, wondering if she should just go, but a small, stubborn part of herself didn’t want to be kicked out of her own bedroom in the middle of the night. She fought with herself for a moment, feeling guilty for even thinking about her own feelings in this, but her and Bowen were still only on mildly friendly terms. She felt awkward and as if she shouldn’t be there as Artorias held Bowen, but she also didn’t feel like she should be the one to have to leave.

Doing her best to swallow her pride, Briar stepped a bit closer, trying not to look at Bowen too much as she quietly asked Artorias, "Should I go get Gwyn?” At least then maybe she would be leaving with a purpose and would be doing something to help. She certainly couldn’t imagine Bowen would want her around and maybe the healer would be able to get Bowen something to help her calm down.

"Briar Fatalis"

As she lay there the door swept open and the crumpled fae nearly tumbled within. Thankfully, her giant brother scooped her up and took her inside, settling her by the fire where he immediately curled around her. She felt guilty and horrible and all of the things that her mother hinted about her. She had woken him in the middle of the night for her own well being, putting herself before the needs and care of the pack yet again. It was wrong of her and yet she couldn't help herself. Not this time. Not after what she'd seen.

Artorias gently questioned her, as loving and patient with her as always. She still fought to breathe, but being there beside him was really helping. Though she still gulped in air every once in a while, she was slowly beginning to calm. When Briar drew near and offered to go get Gwyn, however, the small woman's eyes went wide again. One dark paw shot out, grabbing Briar's paw in her own. "No! No, don't wake Gwyn." She was more than fine with Briar staying here. This was the room that she share with Artorias, after all. "Just stay," she sniffled and gasped as she recovered from her sobbing.

Tears still filled emerald eyes and her cheeks were soaked, but she shifted to meet the gold tinged eyes of Artorias. "I saw mom," her throat closed tight and 'mom' came out as more of a squeak than a word. "We were in the mountains. There was a winter lake." The small woman inhaled deeply, her ribcage expanding greatly as she tried to regain composure. "She's disappointed in me, in what I've become." And who wouldn't be? Bowen couldn't control her emotions on the best of days, but the worst of days... They were really, really bad.

Bowen blinked again, eyes wide as though she'd just realized where she was. Her gaze looked back and forth from Briar to Artorias. "I'm sorry," she spoke softly. "I should be able to handle these things myself. It was just so... real." She could still smell the chill of winter, the sweet smell of decaying leaves, the scent of her mother's cold fur. Reaching up with one paw, Bowen wiped away tears roughly from one copper marked cheek. "I think she wants me to go." There was sadness in the fae's eyes as she looked back and forth between the pair with her. "I think... I think I should go." Her heart ached as though it was being twisted into knots. She had been thoroughly chastised by the ghost of her mother and beneath all of the pain and guilt, she knew that the woman's words were true. She couldn't continue being such a burden on Artorias. Not when he had so many others to worry about.

"Bowen"

While he tried his best to comfort the hysterical Bowen, Artorias exchanged the confused and concerned look Briar was giving him. She didn't know what to do and neither did he. He didn't want her to leave though, that much he knew. He wouldn't ask Briar to leave their own space. More than anything, he needed his fiancée's support while he held his sobbing sister, completely bewildered and unsure how to proceed. Gradually Bowen began to settle enough to where she could speak, finding her voice just as Briar offered to get Gwynevere. "That might be a good ide-" he began to say, but Bowen cut in and begged them not to get Gwyn. He shot a stunned look to Bo, flabbergasted by her refusal of help. For a split second, he considered overruling her objection; he was the Aegis after all, and it was his duty to make sure all of his wolves were cared for and protected. Bowen was making that exceedingly difficult for him to do when she wouldn't accept any aid for whatever was ailing her.

"I'm not going anywhere," he replied when Bowen pleaded for him to stay, running a large azure paw up and down her back to try and soothe her ragged breathing. Then the caramel and cream fae finally told him what had caused her emotional state. She'd seen Resin in her dreams. Artorias' heart stopped beating for a moment as visions of the dreamlike world he'd encountered not long ago flashed in his brain. Bowen began describing what she saw, but Artorias already knew. He'd been there as well. Up in the mountains. A winter lake. "Frozen over in thick ice, surrounded by dead leaves..." he murmured, finishing her sentence with another detail only they would know. Bowen declared that Resin was disappointed in her and Artorias squeezed his little sister tighter in his embrace, as if he could chase away her demons with how tight he held her. But he couldn't. He just... couldn't.

Bowen gasped through her sobbing and apologized, but Artorias shook his head. She had nothing to apologize for, and he wouldn't accept her blaming herself further. "Bowen..." Artorias began to speak, but the tiny russet fae stole his words away when she stated that she needed to leave. Artorias drew back from Bowen, the look on his face as if she had slapped him with her words. His mouth hung open in silent shock, his heart wrenching in his chest. The Carpathian's first impulse was to deny her, to tell her she was wrong and that whatever she was going through they could work through it here, together, as a family. But the sorrow in Bowen's emerald eyes told him that her mind had already been made up. She wasn't going to accept help from him, or Gwyn, or any of their healers or family. Bowen was shutting herself out and no matter how much he fought against it, he had no say in the matter.

"Bowen..." Artorias repeated, his voice notably harder now and edged with pain. It was useless. He was helpless to save his sister yet again. But this time it wasn't from some fucking pirates or slavers, it was from herself. Until Bowen wanted to receive help, nobody could save her. Artorias didn't want to let her go. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do on this earth. But he was out of options, out of answers... He thought back to what his mother said, about what he had to do. She had to fall, and she would either swim or she would drown. Artorias screwed his eyes shut and scowled, just barely holding back the anguished snarl while he shook his head. What other choice did he have? "...This is really what you want?" He didn't agree with Resin's suggestion. He didn't agree with letting her go like this. But he had nothing else he could do when he'd exhausted himself trying everything else for her. Being with her, making himself available at all times, finding trips and adventures for them to share, doing all he could to keep her included and cared for... None of it mattered in the end.

With a heavy sigh, fire-blazoned eyes slowly opened again and looked back to Bowen, utterly defeated. His arms loosened around her, letting the two slide apart. Bowen wanted to leave. Resin wanted her to break. There was nothing more for him to do here. "If this is truly what you want, then it shall be. I'll reach out to Sirius, see if he has space to put you up in the Armada for a bit. Whether you stay there or not is up to you." At least then he could say he tried everything, and if Bowen decided to leave the Armada and abandon the Hallows to strike it out on her own, then that decision was all on her.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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She was already ready to walk out the door in search of Gwyn as soon as Artorias started to say that it would be a good idea, but before she could move Bowen's paw shot out and grabbed her own, forcing her to stop and glance down uncertainly at the small, hysterical fae. She frowned a little at Bowen's refusal and when she looked back to Artorias it seemed like he wasn't any happier with the insistence that they not get Gwynevere, but he didn't over rule her so she wouldn't either. Her ears flicked as Bowen told them to stay and she replied with a bit of reluctance, "Well... If you're sure..." She stepped back a bit, feeling out of place as Artorias held and comforted Bowen and eased her out of this panicked state. Bowen started describing how she had seen their mother and from how she said it Briar figured out pretty quickly she wasn't talking about Tamsyn. The location she was describing wasn't familiar to her, but it seemed to be to Artorias and she gave another uncertain, confused glance between the two of them, feeling a bit as if she just quietly backed out of the room perhaps they wouldn't notice.

She tried her best to just be there for support, glancing away and down at her paws while the two siblings discussed something that only seemed to make sense to them, though she did frown when Bowen mentioned how her mother had been disappointed in her. The only thing that made sense to Briar was that this had all happened in a dream, but if Artorias seemed aware of the same sort of dream... What were the chances of that? Some strange connection between siblings, she guessed... Before she could really question it further though, Bowen was looking up at them with apologies and she gave a shake of her head as well as Artorias did the same. No matter how much she didn't like sitting by watching Artorias hold Bowen like this, she wasn't going to just throw her out in her time of need or be mad at her for going to the one wolf she needed in that moment. If anything it was just her own fault for still holding on to some deep, embedded seed of jealousy.

Then Bowen stunned her and Artorias both by declaring that she should leave. Briar's eyes widened and she looked to Artorias and back to Bowen again with shock. She knew Artorias had worked hard and continued to work hard to keep the remaining members of his family close and that any of them leaving The Hallows, permanently or not, likely wouldn't go over well with him. The expression on his face as he processed her request that was more like a statement than a request. She could see the way he struggled with in and all she could really do was sit back and let him make a decision. She didn't know the background of what got Bowen to this point, she didn't know the ins and outs of their relationship. The fact that Artorias didn't immediately deny her though spoke volumes and Briar waited quietly while she watched him struggle through the decision until he finally asked Bowen if that was what she really wanted.

To say she was surprised that he was willing to let her go was an understatement. She could see the defeat on his features and it made her heart ache as she glanced between the two of them. Regardless of how she might have felt about their relationship, she would still never wish to see the heartbreak that Artorias was going through and she didn't want to see Bowen hurting. After Artorias offered to reach out to her father to see about a space in the Armada for her, Briar nodded, speaking up to say gently, "There's always plenty of spare dens there for guests and such... Even if you don't stay there for all of your absence, they'll give you a place to sleep and eat when you need it." She didn't know what would really help Bowen at this point, but she knew the benefit of just knowing there was somewhere to land. When she had fled the Armada after her father's nightmare bite just knowing that there were friendly faces in The Hallows she could go to eased her fears a good bit. "I can send word to my father," she added, glancing to Artorias. There was no reason for him to worry himself with it and she knew her father wouldn't tell her no. "I'll make sure they're expecting you... and Tej."

"Briar Fatalis"

Artorias completed the description of the mountain lake where she'd been and a shudder tore through her. How could he know? There wasn't time to ask. She told him what she needed and he didn't take it well. There was a sudden coldness in his embrace. Defeat, if she had to give it a name. Artorias drew back, releasing her from his protective arms and Bowen had to fight back a sob.

During all of this, she hadn't let go of Briar's paw, needing the comfort of them both at that moment. Artorias spoke of wants and the caramel woman shook her head. "It's not what I want. I don't want this at all, Artorias." Tear filled eyes met his face as she fought for words. "It's not what I want, it's what I need." Bowen looked from Artorias to Briar. "You don't deserve this. Neither of you deserve... this." She gestured broadly to herself. "I have no control. I can't cope with anything." The tiny fae sighed, her voice squeaking as emotion ate her alive. "I can't keep bringing you down. I can't keep relying on you when nothing is going to solve this problem other than myself." No matter how much Artorias loved her, Bowen couldn't be fixed by him, nor by anyone else. She was the problem and she needed to fix it.

Briar suggested her father's pack and it seemed as good a place as any. Bowen nodded in acceptance. She would go to the Armada and work on herself. Not having Artorias to be her security blanket would force her to learn how to deal with herself. Being trapped with her own thoughts and emotions would either force her to work it out or it would break her.

Bowen released Briar's paw, giving her full attention to her dejected brother. "Don't," she told him, shaking her crown once more. "Don't feel like this is your fault or like you've failed me." She knew how he was. He couldn't save everyone and she was proof. Bowen had to be the one to save herself. "I love you, Artorias Carpathius. I always will. When I return, I'll love you just as much." An unspoken promise to return hung in the air between them. The smaller woman looked again towards the larger fae. "I should be able to travel with your father after the wedding." Bowen then surprised herself, moving forward to embrace Briar. She whispered to the antlered woman, "Don't let him beat himself up." And more loudly she said, "Thank you. I'm sorry for all of this." She didn't know what else to say so Bowen simply hung her head and padded towards the door. She didn't know if Artorias would want to touch her again or not. Not after he'd released her in that manner after her decision to leave.

"Bowen"

Artorias’ expression tried to remain detached and impassive while inside he was being torn asunder. Bowen tried to explain how she didn’t want to feel this way or feel the need to leave, but he didn’t want to let her go either. He didn’t want to feel useless and helpless to do anything to save her. It made Artorias feel like that young pup desperately searching the empty snow fields for her when she’d disappeared so long ago. The last time he’d lost her, she’d been abducted into a life of slavery and subjugation. If he let her go now, what sort of state would she return in? Would she ever return at all or would this be the last time he ever saw Bowen alive again? The thought of losing her forever crushed his heart and struck him with a pain he wouldn’t have wished on anyone. But Bowen needed this; she said so herself. How could he refuse her just because of his selfishness and possessiveness over her? He couldn’t. He was trapped in the worst kind of catch-22 and he knew it. A checkmate from which there was no getting out of. He would have to let her go and hope that fate served her far kinder than it had in the past.

Bowen wasn’t done trying to justify everything. Not that it would do any good. Artorias still believed it was his responsibility to protect his family and loved ones. This felt like the ultimate failure to her. He’d told Bowen he would never let her go again and now she was asking him to do exactly that. It was hard to maintain eye contact with her tear-filled emerald gaze when she looked at him without feeling like his heart was being ripped out. But Artorias held his stony expression, falling back on feigning coldness so she wouldn’t see him bend and break. She didn’t need that added to her already damaged psyche. So Artorias would let her go with as little fuss as he could, because the alternative was to breakdown and he couldn't let himself fall like that for her. He had to stay the course and remain strong for the Hallows as their Aegis—no matter how much he wanted to drop everything to help his sister.

At Briar's suggestion of Bowen going to the Armada for a time, Artorias seemed to visibly relax some. That was a good idea. At least this way he would know Bowen was safe, had the resources she'd need to survive and heal, and at least have the comfort in knowing where she was. Artorias' dour introspection was disturbed momentarily when he heard Bowen plead for him to not blame himself or feel like he failed her, but the hard crestfallen look he turned her way told her it was already far too late for that. He didn't care about saving the world, but for one goddamn time he wished he could save Bowen. Twice now he would have been helpless to do anything for her and thrice now he'd been useless to his family in their greatest need. Bowen, then Resin, and now Bowen again... How many more times would he fail and watch his family fall or wither away? Would Tamsyn be next? Gwynevere? Rudyard? How would he manage to be incapable of helping any of them next?

Artorias said nothing while he collected all of his dark thoughts up within himself, falling back into the quiet brooding that he did when faced with such impossibility. She told him she loved him, and though he did not doubt her words, there was a chilling sort of finality to it. That was exactly what had happened with their mother—she had told him she loved him in her last day of lucidity with him, and then she had died. This felt too much like that, too much like he was watching Bowen disappear all over again. If he clung on, she'd perish within her own mind. If he let her go, there was no guarantee they'd ever see one another again. But what choice did he have. Artorias just stared blankly at the ground while Bowen hugged Briar, then nodded his head in silence when she thanked them and apologized again. Then she went to leave.

"Bowen." Artorias' voice cut hard and authoritative through the quiet as she neared the door. The Carpathian brute rose to his paws and closed the distance between them once more, pausing when upon her to take her in. He studied her features, her brilliant green eyes, the way her russet eye markings swooped around the delicate feminine curve of her cheeks and banded around her neck, those two cute little caramel markings just beneath her right eye, every little detail that made her Bowen. He was losing her, but he'd keep her alive in his memory, just in case... He opened his mouth, but no words came out, failing and dying on his tongue. Eventually the young wolf just closed his mouth and lifted an azure paw, reaching forward with some hesitance to touch and caress her cheek with gentle paw pads. He didn't know if he should be too emotional with her right now if she needed this clean break. Making things messy... that might only hurt them both more. But he didn't want to let her leave thinking her brother hated her. After a few moments of silence, Artorias dropped his paw from her cheek, giving her a despondent nod before pulling away to let her leave.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"

One big happy family

Artorias has two ravens named Corbin and Eira and a fox named Argent. Assume they are within calling distance at all times.
As his mate, Briar may enter Artorias' threads unless marked Private.
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