It had only been a few days in her recovery and it felt like she would soon be up and back to work soon or what was left for her to do. Relm had thought, or hoped that Alastor would have come to see her even after the way she treated him in the events that occurred. She wondered if Manea had already spoke to him about their encounter, both being revoked from her position and what she had initially opened up to her about. Sometimes the moments inside her Alias den flew by, but other times it felt like she was stuck inside of her head forever. She wanted to at least get up and walk around outside her den but her emotional turmoil held her down. Disappointing Manea, what she had done to Alastor, it was too much for her to handle. And of course she craved for him to be here now.

She kept waiting, that part of her that wanted everything to be on his own accord and having the wandering thoughts of him not wanting to ever see her again, she strayed from those harsher details that could threaten her emotional state more. Ikigai had come to do a check up on her today And with that subtle bond they had growing in some kind of friendship she had asked her to ask Alastor to come. A little reluctantly not that he would know, but expected in reaction if he had. And as the day went on her thoughts would get the best of her. She laid tense in her den, and she'd start to wonder what she would do if he didn't show.

"Relm"

Alastor was a barely contained mess of psychopathy and volatile emotions in the wake of the incident with Relm and the miscarriage of his unexpected children. He lived his past few days in the haze of his medication, the carefully crafted cocktail of drugs keeping him stable enough that he didn’t snap and wind up murdering a couple of Elysian wolves. Manea had tended to his fragile mental and emotional states while she took care of disciplining Relm and Irilyth for their transgressions and to her credit she had done a tremendous job keeping the unstable dire wolf sane and levelheaded while she cleaned up the mess. Alastor had avoided Relm during this process, solely because he feared what he might do if left to his own devices around the woman who had enraged and damaged him so. He had already done unspeakable violence to Irilyth in revenge for her defying her alpha and being an accomplice to Relm’s misdeeds; what would happen to Relm if he lost control?

Relm hadn’t spoken a word to him since she had kicked him out of the medical den and away from his deceased children, so it was a great surprise to him when Ikigai delivered a message from the pink woman asking him to come see her. At first, Alastor considered ignoring the request, the same way she had disregarded his feelings when she had forced him out and away from her. In the end, he did choose to go though. He felt compelled to; he had to see her to see if she felt any sort of remorse for how she had hurt him. Perhaps unwisely though, Alastor opted not to drug himself up before going to see her. He wanted his head clear and mind sound when he confronted her. How this turned out for Relm would rest entirely in the fae’s paws.

Trudging down from his mountain home, Alastor sought out Relm’s den on Alias Island. He found her lying just within, and the dire brute entered without waiting for her welcome or permission. He stood in the entryway, black eyes leering down at her on the bedding where they had once made love. Oh, how things had soured so quickly… "You needed something?"he asked in gruff tones, cold and pained eyes fixed to Relm’s face while he awaited whatever demands she had of him this time.

"Alastor"

When Alastor entered the den her gaze reached up to meet his form, stale, contained, strong. Typical of her. But it was easy enough for her to break. She liked to believe she could live this parallel life with him. To be everything he wanted her to be. To never give in to what she truly wanted. She was wrong. Maybe early on in this star crossed unorthodoxed relationship they had, but as time went on it became clear that it wouldn't be enough. And she kept shoving it down until everything around it shattered ad became raw.

A few seconds of keeping the fighting glare back at his own, and she was down in shambles. Her gaze dropping from him as she bit her lip and tried her best to keep everything in but it was all gone. She could have fought back with him, try to make him seem like a bad guy or reflect anything away from her. That wasn't her though. Even if the situation was completely different than had occurred, if Alastor knew of the babies before hand and left her to her own devices, didn't care about the miscarriage or wanted them dead anyway, she'd always put the blame on herself. To her, she was worthless. Never a way Alastor had ever seen her, and no matter how hard he tried to make her see otherwise.

"I'm sorry." She managed to choke out, subtly retracting from him just from the way he looked at her. He didn't need to do anything else. It was for him, an entire truth. She was sorry for what she did to him. And sorry for all the things out of her control. She hadn't experienced it but she knew of his condition through what Manea told her. Harshly. She wouldn't know what else she could do for him.

"Relm"

Relm could barely meet and hold his gaze once he entered her den, looking like she was caught between wanting to fight with him and wanting to shrink away from his harsh gaze. It took her a moment, but eventually the pink and ebony fae spoke, offering him a simple apology, her voice choked and restrained from the struggle she faced. Alastor's leer narrowed, pointed gaze searing into her own. Unlike her, he did not look away, nor did he balk at the confrontation. Alastor had spent his whole life fighting it felt like. Fighting his sociopathic father, fighting the deranged demons in his head, fighting for Lurid, fighting for Manea, fighting for his family. What was one more battle to a wolf who only knew fighting? "What are you sorry for?" he asked through growled tones, still standing like a guard at her door, neither relaxing nor turning to abandon her. "Are you sorry for forcing me to abandon you and our children? Are you sorry for turning your back on me? Are you sorry for getting Irilyth involved? Are you sorry we ever got involved together at all? Or maybe you're sorry that you lost the pups?" There were many different connotations those two words could have meant. What was Relm truly sorry for?

Alastor scoffed and turned his gaze from Relm with a disdainful shake of his head. It was all so ironic... the only thing in his life Alastor had ever truly felt he'd done right was be a father, raise children he could be proud of. Now even that had been tarnished, sullied by the dark memories of what had transpired. "Do you think this is a game? Do you think this is fun?" hissed the dire wolf through clenched fangs. "Did you just not believe that I actually cared for you that you sent me off expecting me to be okay with it? Like being spurned from you and our dying children was something that meant nothing to me?" How little did Relm actually know about him? How cold did she think he was? It was almost an insult in itself to the Mendacium man.

"Alastor"

She was at least able to get her bearings as he fired back, still tears but controlled. Just the same as she was with Manea. But she could look back up at him. She could let him know she was listening without showing it any other way. She could let him know it hurt her regardless of how much more she felt it hurt him. She waited for her turn, staying where she laid on the furs of her den tense from the emotion and shock in her. She still wasn't scared of him though. She never would be.

"I'm sorry for all of it, everything. I hate myself Alastor." She took a breath in, a silent whimper as the truth came out. "I can't be everything I want for you. What I want, for us." It was really too much for her to put into words. She made a quick pause, looking away from him showing that struggle of what she didn't even know what to say. Pale eyes looked back at his hardened ones, "I still love you Alastor. I will always love you. But even in another life we were never meant to be this way." That was clear to her now. Had she been older, had they been together before he met Manea, she felt like nothing would be different. She'd still be here childless for the father she knew him so well to be. She saw him. And had it been allowed she'd never be able to give this to him.

She faltered, nose twitching as she held back more. She considered letting it go, forgetting it. But at this point, she wanted all or nothing between them. She came clean. "I need you to know now, this isn't the first time. Before Summer, before you came to stay with me." The short time they lived together weighed heavily on her soul, almost fully that life she wanted with him. But he was still in for Manea, he always will be. She expected nothing less. "I would have kept it from you until I fucking died had you not been with me this time. I didn't want to have this loss with you. There's a fine line with you and me and you and your actual life. I can't keep living in this place in your life but I don't know how else I can be without you." Was this the end? Everything was slipping out from under her, she was prepared to lose it all but she was on the edge of what kept her here alive. She didn't want him to leave her as much as she was suffering in the relationship they had.

"Relm"

Relm remained quiet throughout his verbal strikes to her, which he had expected the fae to be. At least she was looking at him when he was talking to her, showing she was listening. Gods help her if Alastor had felt disrespected by her in this moment. When he finished, there was no pause nor hesitation in Relm's response, exclaiming that she was sorry for everything. Everything. That irked the irate brute even more. So Relm regretted everything they had done together, every effort and attempt he had tried to make for her. The longer Alastor stood in Relm’s den peering down at the pathetic wretch of a wolf laid out before him, the more his conflicted feelings continued to fester. He pitied her. He reviled her. He empathized with her. He hated her. He loved her. Never before had Alastor felt such a whirlwind of conflict, caught between wanting to harm her and to hold her. Relm said she hated herself; that was nothing new. Alastor hated himself too, but he had found a way to cope—a way to try to redeem his eternally damned soul. Relm, it seemed, had simply imploded and given up on herself. Then she hit him with the claim that even in another lifetime, they would never be together. That felt like a slap across the face to the dire brute. Even after all this time, all the wasted attempts he had made to make her feel loved, to make her feel special, to make her feel important... It had all been for nothing then. Relm would never be satisfied and he could never make a difference in her life to matter to her.

Alastor gave a low grunt of annoyance and turned his head away from Relm. He briefly considered walking out and leaving her alone then and there for the insult she'd levied against him—but the confession that came tumbling out of her lips next struck the wolf like a bolt of lightning straight through his brain. This wasn't the first time. Alastor's expression froze, eyes wide in furious realization as he turned slowly to look back at the young woman. He didn't need to ask her to explain herself to him; Relm began to freely give up that information as if she were absolving herself of sin by doing so. She had had another miscarriage earlier in the summer. Another litter of his children lost. And she hadn't breathed a fucking word of it to him. How many of his children had she lost and kept him in the dark?! The demon wolf's ebony lips twitched and curled back from pearly fangs as the rage within him began to bubble to the surface again. Glaring daggers at Relm wasn't enough anymore. He stared with loathing at the pink fae, strongly considering the ramifications of what killing the bitch right now would be. Alastor had always wanted to protect and love Relm, but right now in this moment, all he wanted to do was squeeze his paws around her throat until her flailing stopped just to get her to stop fucking talking.

"You lost another litter of my pups and you didn't tell me...?" Though it was phrased as a question, there was no questioning in Alastor's tone. He knew her words were true. Relm was not one to lie, especially not to him, and especially not about a topic as delicate to him as this one. Large paws thudded on the cave floor as the dark brute took two long strides closer to her, the malicious fire smoldering in his eyes a warning and a threat that Relm was in imminent danger. He stood over her, glaring and seething with a white hot rage. He had never felt so disrespected, so violated, so disgusted by another wolf's behavior as he did with Relm right now. After all he had fucking done for her... all he had risked for her... this was how she chose to show how much she "loved" him?! Alastor bared his fangs, snarling with barely contained fury. A black paw lifted, red stone claws extended, raised in preparation to strike her. It would have been justified. The bitch had buried two litters of his and hidden one. She would have hidden both from him. She would have strung him along continuing to pretend everything was fine when no matter what he did, it would never be enough for her.

Alastor snarled and brought his paw down—and froze before he could make contact with her. Something in the sane part of his mind screamed like an alarm. Focus began to return to his obsidian eyes. He saw Relm beneath him. He saw his paw raised, ready to strike her. And then he saw his father, standing over his mother, beating her senseless—just like how he was prepared to do now. Alastor's stomach churned and twisted. He was acting just like his father. Echoes of a manic laughter flooded his ears while he slammed his paw down into the ground, snarling again and turning away from Relm. She had gotten him to this point. She had broken him down to this level. But he would not succumb to his demons... not today. Turning his back on her, Alastor stormed back to the den's entrance, pausing in the entryway long enough to glance back at Relm with contempt in his cold gaze. "I tried so fucking hard for you, Relm. I risked everything and gave you all I could," he growled out beneath his breath, pain and anger lancing through his every word. "Glad to know it would never have been good enough for you... If you truly believe what you say, then stop living this fucking lie and leave me the fuck alone. I'm done trying for you." Alastor didn't wait to hear Relm's response. He needed to get the hell out of this place before he went completely mad. Turning away from the wolf he had once loved, the brute stomped back out of the cave. He was done here.

- exit Alastor unless stopped -

"Alastor"

She held her breath as that hard confession made it's way through Alastor's mind, a monster she honestly may have never seen before wholly different than how he was when he killed her father. Still she wouldn't shy from him, wouldn't beg for mercy, she was fully prepared for whatever he was about to do to her. Maybe not anticipating just how far he would take it but nonetheless accepting her punishment for what she had done to him in return. Manea's certainly wasn't enough for her to feel justified. Coming from Alastor meant everything.

When nothing came her shut eyes carefully fell open, watching as he changed from one thing to another, but she could tell nothing was different between them. She was partially confused, expecting him to let loose though she didn't know the extent of what locked through his head in a moment this deceitful. Maybe she had been too obedient, maybe she could have tried as hard as he did for her. It would be a thought that lasted forever.

Everything hurt, there wasn't enough in the world to pull it all into one feeling. Up until he finally stormed out she was left with nothing to say. She was ready to let go but she wasn't. Every part of her would be expected to lay where she were, accept what Alastor demanded of her. Maybe not move on but in that sense. Everything flicked like a switch when he made those final steps outside her den. She pulled herself up which had felt like days and her whole body ached from the recovery and her lack of helping it. It didn't stop her. She leaped forward, going to pull around his foreleg to get him to face her again outside of her den now, "Do it. I deserve it." What was another mark from him? Even if it was one she'd regret every time she saw it. It may have been too late for Irilyth, but she wouldn't let herself feel like she was let off easy from a silly demotion she may have never fully amounted to. Maybe just dwelling on how much Alastor hated her would be punishment enough.

"Relm"

Alastor had fully expected Relm to not pursue him. Given how the young fae had behaved in the past, he thought it safe to assume that she would just curl up on herself and remain in her self-imposed isolation from him and the rest of the world. Imagine his surprise when he heard paws running after him, and then suddenly there she was, standing in his path to prevent him from walking away. Obsidian eyes blinked wide with surprise, and for the briefest moment he thought that maybe Relm had a change of heart and had come to reconcile and save what remained of their damaged love. Instead, she simply demanded that he do what he had refused to do to her moments before in the den. Alastor stared hard at Relm. The psycho bitch actually wanted him to hit her!

It took Alastor’s brain a moment to process what she was actually telling him to do, but once he had he leered down at the deranged woman. "Are you actually out of your mind? You want me to strike you?! Have you forgotten what I did to you last time I lost control? What I did to your father?" Alastor growled out between clenched teeth, dark eyes narrowing down upon Relm. He didn't need to see the scars that ran down the length of her back to remember their existence; he would never forget that day for as long as he lived. Was he pissed off at Relm? Yes. Did he believe she deserved some sort of punishment? Yes again. But Manea had told him she would handle things as the alpha and he was to stand aside, so he was doing his damnedest to obey his wife's command, and he sure as hell didn't want to maim Relm in recompense for her trespasses. She was playing with fire and she knew it. That was what upset him the most. She knew his triggers and was trying to provoke him into doing something they'd both regret.

Alastor huffed and shook his head, still trying to wrap his head around Relm's self-destructive behavior. She was acting like he wanted to hurt her, like he wasn't dangerous and she wasn't someone he cared about, like he wanted any of this. Ruby-tipped ears folded back, black lips quivering over barely concealed fangs. Signs of a dangerous predator treading the edge, and a warning she really should be heeding. "Get out of my way, Relm. Go back to your den." His command came out in hard, forced words. If she was perceptive enough, Relm might have even noticed the small quiver of emotion in his gravelly voice. Alastor was using all of his willpower to keep himself in check so he didn't give in to his baser, monstrous behavior. He didn't want to hurt her. But he also wasn't above doing so either.

"Alastor"

The fact was simple, she didn't care about that first time they had been together partially unwillingly, or about the manic condition Alastor had left her father in. She hadn't forgotten, it was just never something that bothered her. After that had happened she did her best to do everything to better Alastor. Hiding the scars, keeping her distance, and everything grew from there. But it was never what transpired back in the grove. In some sort of sick way all she wanted to do was to please Alastor just the same way she tried to please Kefka when she was growing up. She never thought Alastor had expectations like her father had but she did feel like the only way they could keep doing what they were doing was to bend every part of her will for him. She did until now.

She was silent for that moment and her chest ached to see this battle in him, and the devastation she had put him through. Again, always blaming herself. She took a hard quiet breath in, holding back more emotions herself that seemed to try and rattle out while she wanted to keep her composure for him. She caught on to his, but she didn't need to know anymore. She wouldn't call him out, demand that he tell her truth and open up more about what he was fighting. It wasn't in her nature. Pale eyes and damp cheeks looked up at him as he told her to move but there she was again, "I'm not afraid of you Alastor." Her voice was soft, from the heart. It wasn't some kind of solid stance of what she thought she could handle. She trusted Alastor with her life, even now. And if he maimed her beyond repair, or killed her, she believed it was simply meant to be that way. She'd accept it, from him. She had proven herself obedient and resilient in past times. This would be no different. She took a step backwards and then went to walk past him back towards her den like he asked. Regretful for everything that had happened. Maybe kicking herself for not giving him the true part of her heart long ago. At least regarding the loss of their pups, things may have been different.

"Relm"

Alastor held Relm’s gaze, refusing to look away from her. He was searching—searching for something there to give him hope that the pink woman wasn’t hellbent on burning the bridges between them beyond repair. But all Alastor saw was an emptiness, the vacant vacuum of defeat clouding her argent gaze. She had given up. Alastor’s heart fractured so intensely he could feel the pang in his chest every time it beat. She spoke softly, stating she was not afraid of him. Alastor snorted under his breath in disgust. He didn’t want Relm to be afraid of him. He wanted her to go back to the way things were, to the happy moments they shared together, the days of patrols and hunts, the nights of getting tangled up in each other in her den. But as each second slipped by them like grains of sand in an hour glass running out of time, the dire wolf felt as if that was becoming less and less likely.

Relm tried to step past him without another word and Alastor, too struck by agony and heartache, did nothing to stop her. She was there, and then she wasn’t. Alastor took a few shallow breaths, staring at the empty spot that she had just occupied, each beat of his heart hurting more and more. Relm, their children, their relationship… it was all going up in smoke right before his eyes. Dark gaze narrowing, he turned to round on the pink wolf, teeth bared in barely contained frustration and hurt while he watched her leave. "Why are you doing this?!" he snapped at her, demanding some sort of answer that make a modicum of sense. "Why are you letting everything we had burn like it never mattered to you? Was I never going to be enough for you? Would you never be satisfied with what I could give you?" Alastor turned to face her more directly, but not moving to intercept her. If she wanted to keep walking and leave, then he would have his answer.

"Alastor"

Gentle paws stopped as Alastor continued on. Just the side eye from where she stood, seeing his frame but not the finer details of his face and expressions. She was getting to a point where she couldn't any longer. Everything hurt as much as it hurt him even if she chose to believe she destroyed him more. Still just a speck in his life, still unworthy of everything he had offered her.

She took a quiet and deep breath, holding in as much as she could. It was getting easier as time went on. Shutting herself down, it seemed she had plenty of practice doing so. Maybe he could see her slowly detaching from herself. "You are everything to me Alastor." Why was she doing it? She never meant for this to happen, for everything to completely shatter under them and between. She never wanted this. "But you're right, it isn't enough." She cared for his efforts, for the time they had spent together. She cared for him entirely. But she knew now, and for a while, that she'd never be satisfied with the glimpse she was given. "Nothing can be changed now. So..." Would she had wished she could take back closing him out? Yes. But it may have been inevitable in the end. Everyday her emotions grew stronger, her realization of her desires would never be filled. She'd keep living a lie. And maybe then, no one would see her completely destroy herself.

"Relm"