In the wake of the heart ache and devastation, Deimos had brought Ikigai back to their home, retreating into the familiar space that now held a bitter sweet feeling to it. This place had seen the lowest and highest points of their relationship and now it was seeing him through the lowest he had ever been. He hadn't thought that it was possible to feel more helpless and worthless than he had in the wake of hurting Ikigai and the punishment he had received from Alastor, but losing their children had been such an unexpected blow and had knocked him down from such a high that it was difficult to claw his way back to the surface. However, he knew he had to. He had to for himself and for Ikigai–to be the strength for her like she had been for him. He knew that if he let himself dwell on the fact that he hadn't been able to protect her and he had failed to save his unborn children he would never be able to move past this and if there was anything that he owed Ikigai it was to move past this and find a way to try again.

If there was one thing that he could take from all of this, one very small silver lining to this horrible tragedy, it was how deeply he felt for this princess that fate had brought into his life. What had begun as a physical attraction and a desire to finally reach these goals placed on him by his family had turned into something so much more. At first it frightened him thinking about how much he cared about this wolf that was so delicate and beautiful that clearly deserved so much more than an older, twisted man like himself, but the more she showed her true strength and resilience and the more she revealed how much she seemed to care about him in return it allowed him to come to terms with his own emotions. He began to think that perhaps his sister had been right all along–that the idea of having a true soul mate and someone that he would genuinely love and want to spend his life with was a real possibility and not all just fairy tales told to them by their grandparents.

They hadn't left the den much in the few days since they returned from their failed journey to Ashen, mostly at his insistence that Ikigai rest and recover and to give them some time to quietly grieve before he broke the news to his sister. He had only been out a time or two to fetch food from the stores, but otherwise he had stayed at Ikigai's side to keep himself from spiraling into his own pain. It was early in the morning as he held her now, only just having woke up himself with his mate cradled to his chest. He knew what he wanted to do today and no matter how nervous or excited he was he couldn't bring himself to wake her. Instead, he just watched her sleep with a little smile on his lips, his large paws gently rubbing her back until she eventually woke on her own.

"Deimos & Ikigai"

Time. They needed time. Ikigai expected that Deimos had already told Manea so as to keep others from bothering them. It would also excuse Iki from her shifts in the infirmary. If he didn't tell her, then she wouldn't know. Iki surely wasn't telling her. The ebony marked fae hadn't left the den since their return from the mountainside. She laid in bed, barely said a word and barely ate. It was as though a chapter of her life had ended when she'd lost their pups.

Deimos was a godsend. The amaranthine man was the only thing keeping Ikigai tethered in this world. She hadn't been pregnant for long, but Iki had loved the little beings inside of her more than her own life. If Deimos hadn't been here to help her and make her care for herself, the woman would have just faded away to dust. She slept, ate very little and only when her mate brought her food, and slept some more. Ikigai was just going through the motions while she was submerged in a pit of sorrow.

The sleeping woman took a deep breath as she stirred. As consciousness filtered in, Ikigai felt the soft strokes of her mates large paw down her back. She nestled into him with a little waking groan, her limbs and toes stretching until her body quivered. Iki took another deep breath and pulled back just enough so that she could look her mate in the face with tired, sad eyes. "Is it morning?" Time was all the same these days. Iki had no idea when it was day or night and the cover over the doorway made it even more difficult.

"Deimos & Ikigai"

Slowly he felt Ikigai begin to stir and he smiled slightly as she stretched and groaned, her silver gaze eventually lifting to his. That constant exhaustion and sadness in her usually bright gaze made his chest ache, but he couldn't promise that his own gaze was much better. He had been doing his best to keep a brave face and find some sort of lightness for her sake, but it was incredibly difficult. This was harder than he could have ever imagined. He did hope that he could give her something to at least distract her and help her turn her gaze toward the future rather than continuing to dwell in this. He wasn't sure either of them would ever fully recover from this loss or stop thinking about what could have been, but they had to try. "It is indeed, my love," he replied quietly as he lowered his head to press a tender kiss between the small horns that protruded from her head. "Lets have some breakfast." He had quickly learned after the first day he had spent comforting her that he had to insist she ate and not give her the option. Otherwise she wouldn't and he couldn't bear to watch her waste away.

He gently untangled from her and began helping her to her feet before he walked over to the coverings that separated their bedchamber from the larger portion of the den, lifting one of them to tuck it off to the side, letting in the warm sunlight that filtered in from the entrance. He walked over to the small store of food he kept in their home, pulling out a portion of meat from yesterday's hunt and tearing it into smaller pieces and placing them on a wooden plate for her before carrying it over to a low table that took up one portion of the main chamber. These were things he never would have bothered with for himself and never would have thought to do before he began living with Ikigai, but she had introduced him to a whole new way of living and he would go through the motions she usually would until she was able to do so for herself again. He fully believed that she would, sooner than perhaps even she believed that she would. Once he had her sitting in front of her breakfast–and made sure she at least took a couple of bites–he stepped away briefly to go over to a few shelves that held some of her little trinkets and belongings.

He had never handled one of her brushes before, but he had seen her using them on her long tail and silken fur before. He picked one of them up carefully, the handle feeling a bit more awkward in his large paw than it probably did in her more dainty, dexterous digits, but he was determined to make it work. Walking back over to where she was hopefully still eating, Deimos settled on his haunches beside her and with a humorous amount of focus he held part of her tail with one paw while brushing with the other, his brow furrowed as he tried his best to get the motion down and figure out a good grip. "You always make this look so easy," he joked with a little chuckle, glancing up at her with a little smirk before looking back down at his slow but well meaning work. Her fur was tangled and a mess in places from the days of wallowing and sleeping off this heart break and he made sure to be extra careful and gentle over the tangles, though he still worried that he was pulling and hurting her in the process. After he worked his way down the length of her tail, he doubled back to start working his way over her shoulders, back, and sides, the shorter fur there far easier to brush and going more quickly.

"Deimos & Ikigai"

Were it not for Deimos prompting her to get out of bed and eat, Ikigai would not have done so. She felt empty and hollow and it was easier to just sleep and not feel. Iki wasn't the only one suffering though and she knew this. Deimos had suffered loss as well. They were in this together so if he was making the effort to try, she would as well when in his presence.

The sweet affections brought a small smile to the woman's face and, as Deimos got up, Iki did as well. The purple man saw her to their table and then left her side to go and grab something from storage for breakfast. Iki sat and waited, too exhausted to help. It had been some time since her forced miscarriage, but the blow to her system had taken a lot out of the woman. She did indeed have a broken rib and was forced to stay still because of it.

Warm sunlight streamed in through the now open doorway, falling upon the pale woman. The warmth soaked into her body and Iki's marbled eyes closed before she released a pleased sigh. She had to cling to the little joys and the warmth of the suns rays soaking into her battered body definitely brought her joy. Iki only opened her eyes again when Deimos returned with her meal. She nodded in thanks and delicately picked at the pieces of meat on the dish. Iki ate a few bites, but she mostly pushed the meat around on her plate to make it look as though she'd eaten more.

Surprise struck the woman as she felt the heat and weight of Deimos behind her. A moment later, he was gently working a comb through her fur. The thoughtfulness of the act brought tears to the fae's eyes and she laughed softly as he mentioned her ease at carrying out the task. "Its all in the paws," she spoke softly, lifting her paw and giving a wave of each digit one after the other, including her opposable thumb. With her demonstration done, Ikigai turned in her seat and, pushing Deimos' paw gently aside, moved in to place herself against his wide chest, tucking in with her head just under his chin. "Thank you," she whispered softly.

"Deimos & Ikigai"

The soft, musical sound of her laughter, no matter how brief, brought a grin to his lips and somehow settled the last of his lingering nerves. It reaffirmed that maybe he could actually do this. Maybe he could make the right decisions and be a good mate, husband, and soul mate for Ikigai. Sure, brushing her fur and making sure she ate were pretty small things in the grand scheme of life, but as she turned toward him and lifted his paw out of the way to press herself into his chest as she expressed her gratitude those things felt bigger than they really were. “You don’t need to thank me,” he insisted softly as he placed the comb on the table and wrapped his forelegs around her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head affectionately.

“There is something I wanted to talk to you about… and a question I wanted to ask.” he told her after a moment of just holding her and gently rubbing her back. He tipped his gaze down to meet hers, his claws absently combing through her ink smudged fur as he tried to gather his thoughts and form them into words. He had run through this so many times over the past few days and yet some how all of that preparation escaped him as he looked down into those beautiful and tired mercury eyes.

“I told you before that in my family we have children with only one wolf. That is certainly true, but it can… run deeper than that.” He watched her face as he spoke, trying to gauge her reactions and see how she was taking what he was saying as he went. “It's a bit... fanciful, but our beliefs all center around the idea that our souls come from the Ancients—our ancestors—and that when our souls are chosen the Ancients also pick someone that is meant to be our other half, someone that is given a piece of an Ancient soul as well that we have to seek out and find and bring into our family. Our soul mate.”

A small, shy smirk touched his lips as he glanced away for a moment. “Admittedly, I… I thought all of the stuff about a soul mate was just a dumb fairy tale when I was growing up. Manea always believed it, but I never did. But… I still searched. I still looked all across the world for years for someone that I could maybe bring back to my family and be proud to call my mate. I had given up hope, grown bitter and cynical, and then… and then I found you.” His gaze returned to hers, but when it did it was softer and somehow more uncertain and hopeful at the same time. “I don’t know why, I just knew as soon as I saw you that I had to have you. That you were what I had been searching for. You make me want to believe that all that shit about soul mates is real.”

He paused, knowing that he was saying and revealing a lot at once and probably talking more than he had in a very long time, but he had to explain the meaning and significance of it all before he could get to what he really wanted. Marriages don't really work the same way in our family as I think they do in other families or cultures. If I give you my last name, that means that I've chosen you as my soul mate and I want to bind your soul to mine so that when we pass we'll rejoin the Ancients together. It means that we will take no other mate for as long as we live." A brief, grim certainty crossed his expression as he softly added, "I... I know this means there could be a stretch of your life that you would live without someone after I pass and I'm... I'm sorry for that. I wish our lives had matched more closely."

With a sigh he gave a slight shake of his head to brush off the thought, refocusing his gaze on her once again. Loosening his hold around her, his paws slid from around her back to find her delicate paws instead, holding them between them with a gentle squeeze. "I wanted to do something big and grand for you and make a special trinket to commemorate this for us, but with everything that's happened I felt like we needed something to look forward to... I just needed you to know how much I love you." He swallowed past a lump in his throat, his ears folding back with an uncharacteristic, heavy wave of emotion as he realized this was truly it. Finally, after years and years of searching, trial and error, hoping and failing, he was finally going to reach this point that all Mendaciums hoped to reach one day. "Ikigai... I love you. Will you take my name? Will you be my soul mate?"

"Deimos & Ikigai"

As she leaned into him, Deimos held her closely just as she knew he would. Though their beginning had been tumultuous and the fates seemed to test them regularly, Ikigai could truly say that she trusted the man. If she thought about it, she could say that she loved him. They had called one another 'love' in conversation, but Iki couldn't remember ever having made the declaration aloud. Maybe it was time.

Just as Ikigai was prepared to open her mouth, Deimos started to speak. The black and white fae listened carefully, her brow furrowing in question for a moment as her mate continued to speak. A question? Of course she met his gaze without issue, giving him her full attention as he spoke of mates, then of something deeper. Iki canted her head slightly, wondering just what he was getting at. The woman then listened as Deimos laid out the beliefs of his family, nodding in understanding here and there. Soul mates... it was a nice thought.

Deimos looked away for a moment, a bit of bashfulness on his handsome features. He'd never believed in soul mates until he'd found her and the smaller wolf's heart thrummed and warmed within her chest. Everything he was saying, it felt right. Deimos continued to speak and Ikigai absently wrapped one gloved foreleg around one of her mate's, holding onto him as he shared this very vulnerable moment with her. Pairings within their family were gravely important. Neither would be able to procreate with another for as long as they lived. Deimos apologized for their difference in age and Iki shook her head, still staying silent, but she wanted him to know that it didn't matter to her. He mattered.

Ikigai had believed that she'd loved Kotori. While that may have been true, it was nothing like this. This... what she and Deimos had battled for and had forged together, this was what the Ashen princess wanted. It was what she needed. It was what they both deserved. Then Deimos was speaking again, his paws moving to take hold of her own. He had wanted to make something for this moment, but he should know by now that Iki wasn't one to collect trinkets and baubles. If he had given her something, she would have cherished it, but it wasn't a necessity. Though technically royalty, the woman had very few personal possessions.

Deimos spoke the words at long last. He loved her. A bit of the sorrow that had haunted the fae's marbled gaze was shed as the love she felt for him was reflected within. Deimos asked if she would be his, if she would take his name and bind her soul to his. The brute's ears had folded as though he expected that she might say no. Ikigai raised one paw to cup a plum and slate cheek, her opposable digit gently stroking across the soft fur as she brought his eyes to meet hers. "My soul has been tied to yours from the moment that we met," she admitted softly but clearly. "I am yours, Deimos Mendacium. For now and ever more." For the first time since their shared loss, a smile lifted the corners of the woman's dark lips. "And I love you, so, so much."

"Deimos & Ikigai"

He knew as he began to lay out the beliefs of his family and the depth that truly taking her as his mate meant to him it would be a lot to process and while he didn't doubt that Ikigai cared for him just as he cared for her he thought that perhaps she would want some time to think about it or would even have questions about what he had laid out in detail. Instead, he saw no hesitation in Ikigai's face as her paw reached up to his cheek, the love he saw in her silver gaze that chased away the ever present exhaustion making his heart warm and skip in his chest. His head tipped slightly to lean into her paw while he looked down at this beautiful wolf that had pulled out parts of himself he didn't know existed. The confidence she had in her tone as she accepted him as her soul mate and the smile that graced her lips as she repeated back the same love for him blew him away and made him feel like an idiot for ever doubting this bond they had hard fought to build.

A smile filled with joy, relief, and love pulled across his lips as the scarred man's forelegs slipped around her, sweeping her up into a giddy embrace and nearly lifting her up off of the ground as he pulled her smaller frame into his own. His lips captured hers, kissing her with an eager passion where all words failed as he celebrated this feeling of finally finding a purpose and a love that he had never felt he deserved. With one strong foreleg wrapped around her waist, supporting her delicate frame as he held her up against him, his other paw held the back of her head as he poured every bit of grateful love and passionate desire into that long, lingering kiss. He knew she was still recovering from the ordeal and he wouldn't go any further than this unless she told him to out of concern of pushing her body too far and hurting her more in the process, but it was impossible for him to express his excitement and his gratitude for what she had given him in any other way.

When he finally pulled back from their kiss, he gasped softly, a grin immediately returning to his lips as he blinked open his eyes and looked down at her again as he panted lightly. He gently lowered her back onto her haunches as he told her, "There's a ceremony that my grandmother taught me when I was little... a soul mate vow that's more formal and official, I suppose. But first you have to best me in a fight to win your new name." Realistically he knew it was almost impossible for Ikigai to beat him in a real fight, but the amused, cheeky grin that tugged at his muzzle should give away that he didn't plan on actually fighting her the way that other Mendacium couples often did. Instead, as he released her he shifted back a step before reclining back onto his haunches again and lifting his forelegs to gesture her forward with his bear-like paws playfully. "Come on then, come take your new name, my mate," he taunted, already leaning back and ready to topple over the moment she went to tackle him.

"Deimos & Ikigai"

Deimos told her of a ceremony handed down by his grandmother that would tie them together. Ikigai's dark ears flicked forward as she listened. She had to best her lover in a fight. Anyone in their right mind would look at Ikigai and Deimos and know who would win. The alabaster and midnight fae was used to being underestimated. It seemed that her own mate was underestimating her as well. Deimos sat back on his haunches and told her to attack. Ikigai raised one brow and huffed lightly. "No, I don't think I will."

Though she'd been sad moments ago, now there was a look of pure determination on Ikigai's delicate features. Rather than move towards Deimos, she moved towards the door. "Ceremony is incredibly important," she informed the purple giant. "If we're going to do this, we're going to do it right." There was fire in the fae's gaze as she met the blue eyes of her mate. "I'll send Willa for you when I'm ready." Iki then shot a wink towards the man. "Good luck." And then she was gone.

"Deimos & Ikigai"