She was lost, so lost without her love, her anchor, her life. It had been some time since the woman had seen Newt, been forever since she had been able to pull herself out of the haze. It was becoming harder and harder for her to function properly. It felt as though a heavy fog had settled over her mind and body, slowing her down and tripping her up. She needed Newt, needed to taste her pain, her hatred and her fear. She needed to taste her blood, to feel her flesh part beneath her fangs. Kaios was gone, Zara could finally claim Newt as her own and yet she had not yet done so. Why hadn't she found her queen yet? They had met briefly after the battle, but they hadn't been alone, their pack mates had gathered to express their condolences and loyalties. Zara had stuck around for a short while before wandering off, unable to handle all the voices for long. Some days she didn't know which voices were real and which ones were only in her mind. Being unable to see who was speaking she could no longer differentiate the two. Sometimes she found herself responding to a voice that existed only in her mind.


Thank god for Newt, is Zara had retaken the throne as planned she knew she would have been a horrible leader. She found that she could no longer be around more then one, maybe two others at a time. But in a setting like a pack meeting with so many wolves and so many voices that she didn't recognize. Throw in a few more voices that she knew were imagined but couldn't differentiate from the rest. She couldn't be in a pack anymore, she loved Newt, loved her children but the rest of her pack mates she could honestly care less about. But that was why Newt had stepped up, happy to lead and Zara being happy to follow her queen. In the end it seemed like everything had worked out for the best until Medusa had come along. The black serpent who had torn them from their home and from their pack. It had been so strange to see her again, after their meeting in the north Zara had assumed that they would never meet again. But there she had been, all sleek and slender, smelling delicious as always. Such a stark contrast to herself, large, muscular and scarred to the point where she had been sure that she would never find someone to love her. But why did she need anyone? She had Newt, and she once again didn't have to share the woman. Now all she had to do was claim her.

Zara had ventured back to the first place she had come to after the volcano, to the place she had sought refuge in. The ship still loomed magnificently over the world, she sat easily a few yards away with her head tipped back and blind eyes closed. Ripped and frayed ears were tipped forward towards the ship, listening to the way that the howling wind crashed against the hull. Today was not the best day to be out and exploring but she wanted to be here, she also needed to find Newt. The older woman tipped her head back, a call to her love circling forth from frayed lips only to be carried away by the wind and hopefully towards Newt. It was a simple request for her presence, though the call was filled with need and desire for her. It would also tell newt that Zara would be waiting for her within the ship. She would be just within the hull and easy to find. If/when Newt came they could venture further within, maybe explore a bit. When Zara had met Snap here they had just found shelter and rested, there had been no exploring. Maybe she and Newt could find a warm place to spend the night.

The mammoth of a woman slowly lifted herself, shaking out her ragged pelt and shifting so her joints popped before standing straight. her crown lowered, crooked tail licking at her heels as she started walking towards the ship. Massive paws pressed against the cold earth, snow still present here even though the season was normally warm. But in the north anything went. The woman had frown up in the north and the cold so it wasn't particularly unpleasant for her. She just didn't love the wind, it tugged at her fur and directed the biting cold directly to her scars. But as she pin pointed the opening in the hull and slipped inside the wind was cut off and a sigh of relief slipped from her lips. The wind continued to batter the haul outside but the noise was slightly dulled within the ship. The woman lowered her head and followed the wall of the haul ten steps to the right. There she turned to face the entrance once more, lowering herself to her haunched but not laying down. Never know who might answer her call...

Longing, it was bubbling inside her. Everything was fractured. The world had turned and grayed and all she could do was reach for something, anything. Her ears fell backwards as she walked in numbing sorrow. Plans would be set in motion but she still felt. She still needed, even if they didn?t see it, she had emotions and dreams and pain and needed strength just like they needed it from her. She was walking on auto polite. Her heart was in ribbons of red and grays and purples. Where the world had once been filled with promise it was filled with sadness and confusion. Her mind was failing, like it once had, and she needed something to push her back into reality and bring her back into the here and now.

A call, it filled her heart with pain. Where had she been hiding? She needed her. The longing was almost heart wrenching. She was her master, at the end of the day, and she wanted to do nothing but be with her. The smell of metal and old salt kissed her nose, a hint of the preserved past. She hadn?t found her way to the broken skeleton of what once had been life. It stood so forlornly and defiant against the ground that had swallowed its world and frozen it in time. She felt almost drawn to the oddity. Was this what she was? Frozen in motion like this? Her violet eyes scanned the weather worn metal and found the aroma of Zara lingering near its open mouth. Her tail flicked as her heart began to race. She wanted to run to her but she felt so guilty. Was it wrong to want comfort? Was it wrong that she wanted love again?

Kiaos, let Cerberus hold you close and bring you back to me. She prayed silently, she missed him dearly but he was gone. She couldn?t hold on to a memory. He wouldn?t come back even if Cerberus wished it for her. She took a deep breath and began to follow the aroma of Zara. All connecting thoughts of the vessel and herself were gone and all she wanted was to touch and be touched. She saw the woman only a few feet away, drank in her figure, and couldn?t help the sad smile that crept over her face. She loved her. Could she love more then one at a time? She knew it deep in her heart that she loved Zara and needed her, just as she had needed her before, they could fix this. They could do it together like they had always meant it to be.

She moved slowly towards her master. Her body swayed behind her as she pushed closer and closer. Her aroma was almost intoxicating and soon enough she was on the woman. Her gray violet coat pushed gently against that of Zaras warm brown. She pushed her head against the woman?s shoulder and allowed an aching sob to fill her mouth and pool into her. She could feel tears stinging her eyes and she didn?t care. Let her be vulnerable, let Zara see it all, she needed something and she knew Zara needed her just as badly. ?I wouldn?t survive if you weren?t here.? She whispered into her coat, her body shaking slightly with her pain. She felt her throat closing around her words but they needed to be said, ?I need you.? She barely managed to choke the words out. Her tail was dropped down with her feeling of defeat and her ears were glued to her skull. Tears leaked gently down her face as if trying to reassure her that her pain was allowed. ?I can?t do this, I can?t see those knowing eyes. See them look to me for tomorrows when I can?t even bear to breathe today. How did this happen? When did the world put faith in a broken soul? I just.. I can?t lose you too. If I lost you..? she felt her heart sink as she pulled a breathe of Zara into her lungs to savor her for a moment. As if she would crumble into dust at any minute. ?if.. if I lost you, I?d lose my heart completely and it scares me. Oh Cerberus help me but it scares me Zara. I love you; just as much as I loved him, and I cant handle losing you too. Please don?t leave me.? she said the last in such raw desperation that she almost thought Zara would run from her. That she would turn her back on her and leave her to fall into herself.


ooc: This post made me cry! Uge Newt is breaking my heart

Would she have to wait long? Would Newt even come at all? It was hard to tell anymore, hard to feel certain about anything anymore after everything that had happened between them. It felt like a wedge had been driven between them, a stake driven deep enough that it felt as though it was ripping through the woman's heart. So many times she had tried to leave, so many times she had tried to run and turn her back on this chaotic world that she had thrown herself into and blindly dragged Newt into as well. But she couldn't. to be honest Newt was her only anchor that kept her from retreating into her mind and living in the world of fantasy she had seen her mother dissolve into after her Maze had left. She didn't want to be that wolf, the crazy old lady that had been so spectacular in her prime. Lust had been such a talented healer it had been hard on everyone to see her degrade so much. But who was there left to feel sorry for Zara? Taiyae was gone and with it her family, Sade and Rook were gone and it seemed that Newt had carried on in her life without the old battle worn woman. Champion and Kaios has replaced her... The woman seemed to fold into herself, blind gaze cast down as torn and frayed ears folded to her skull. Could she find a place in Newts new life now that Kaios was gone?

Zara had been there when Jupiter had taken his life, she had smelt his blood, heard his last heart beat and felt his body hit the ground. She had to admit, it had taken a particular amount of self control to keep herself from grinning, the foreign woman had done something that Zara herself had wanted to do for quite some time but hadn't been able to find the heart to. Despite her hatred towards the man, what he had posed and what he had done to Zara's seemingly picture perfect life she could never do that to Newt, could never hurt her like that. So the warrior had waited and waited and waited and finally her hero had come. Medusa had been an unexpected surprise and one that Newt had been not fond of but the battered woman couldn't help but look on the bright side, so to speak. Maybe she could convince newt to run away with her, go somewhere where they could always be together and never have to deal with the trivial qualms of others over again. She had heard of islands along the coast of Alacritis, maybe they could claim one for their own? Live there and terrorize anyone who came on it... Now didn't that sound like a hoot?

Her mood sobered considerably, a musky scent hitting her almost as hard as if she had ran full tilt into a tree. Blind eyes lifted and turned towards the entrance as if the image of Newt coming sweeping in would somehow return her vision. It didn't. But her scent grew stronger and soon the clicking of nails on the steel beats hull marked Newt's arrival. Zara was on her paws instantly, a yearning growing inside of her that had been absent for quite some time. It escaped as a slight whimper, crooked tail remaining limp behind her as she took a step forward. Ears folded to her skull and she resisted the urge to throw herself at her love. This was all she needed, right here, this was it. She needed Newt. Then suddenly there was pressure and warmth, Newt's face pressing into her heavily coated shoulder as Zara's neck wrapped warmly around the woman's shoulders. She was perfect, everything about her was perfect just like this moment. Zara could hear the sobs, feel the salty tears streak down her shoulder but she didn't care. Newt was here and she was hers. Words washed over her and Zara stood, soaking them in. Her pain tasted delicious and it in itself began to lift the fog from her mind.

They could do this, together they could do anything.

Zara nestled deeply into the woman's pelt, remembering every little detail about her all of a sudden. From the particular colour of her pelt to her build she suddenly seemed to remember everything. It was like something had snapped in her mind and everything came rushing back. She loved this woman, those feelings that had kept her tied to Amenti suddenly amplified to the point where Zara felt she would burst. "I could never leave you my pet. I love you too much..." she soothed, beginning to groom the woman's shoulder tenderly. She wanted to taste it al, to feel that pain fall from Newt, to help her release all this desperation and fear. Teeth nipped gently at the side of her throat, not breaking skin at first but as she moved further down Newt's side towards the muscle of her shoulder the nips began to draw a few drops of blood. "Anything you need of me, please tell me. I've caused you this pain," her voice was soft now, truth hidden in those words. She wanted to be strong for Newt, wanted to make her pain go away but she couldn't help but feel responsible. She was the one who had thrown Newt at the pack and then left, she was the one who had returned and assumed that everything would be alright. "How can I make the hurt go away?" She finally asked, once more pressing her face into her loves shoulder.

Warmth flowed around her like a warm summers breeze. She clung to that warmth. Closed her eyes and took in a deep steadying breath. Loyalty was something she knew all to well. She would die for those she was loyal to. She was utterly devoted to each and every one of them. Their faces, moved in her mind, like stilled pictures. Every one of them mattered and she would fix this but first she had to fix herself. She could feel Zara nipping ever so gently. Teasing her with the promise of what could be. Could she give in? God, she needed it. She needed to know she was worth more then this. Worth more then what had happened. She held his pups inside her. Her little secret but could Zara help her? The nips began to grow harder and small drops pooled open from tiny wounds. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. Her breath had increased. Pain was her undoing. It was her salvation and her need all wrapped up into one. Zara knew this and she wanted it.

?I need to be whole again.? She said softly, the world was turning colors. From grays to hungry blue. Her desire over powered her grieving and her love was all wrapped up inside her. It needed to be shown. ?Let fade into each other.? She said with such desire it was almost dripping from her lips. She wanted Zara. Needed her to top her. She needed her to fuck the sadness out of her and clear her mind. She needed to be powerful again and she knew Zara could give her that. She pushed against Zaras body, her own growing fever with her desire. She wanted to make Zara hurt her, to bleed it all out of her and to bring her past the point of simple pleasure and into the world of love. She could give it to her. She could make Zara feel important, feel wanted, and above all feel loved. She could belong to her.

?I want you Zara.? She said with a hint of demand to her ton. Her tail flicked behind her as she gently nipped her master?s side. She wouldn?t draw blood. No, she was the slave not the master but she would encourage violence. She would encourage her to fuck her and she would love her for it. This could bring them back to each other and they could do it right this time. There were no distractions. No others. Just each other and this moment.

Serenity.

Everything felt so easy, so natural now. She had found where she belonged. The scent of her pregnancy was faint but it was there though Zara said nothing about it, held her tongue. Kaios was no longer around to be their father so Zara would step up and raise them as her own. She had loved Newt's last litter, they had all bee wonderful especially Sal but they had been tainted, their minds moulded and warped from their father. She would be different. They needed to find a home though, somewhere where they could be safe and bring all the other Amenti members with them. All in due time it seemed. Maybe one day. But that could come later. As pulse's raced and breathing quickened those thought were forced from her mind and all she could do was focus on Newt, focus on the way her body felt pressed against Zara's own. She wanted to make the woman bleed, to force the pain and sorrow out of her body in the most carnal way possible. It seemed that that was exactly what her darling needed and wanted as well...

Words were pointless now, all she needed, all she wanted was action. But they coaxed the war torn female on, a nip given to Newt's shoulder and then upper canine hooked into the hole made and tearing down. It was a flesh wound, nothing much but it let the blood flow freely. She scent was intoxicating and as Newt voiced her desires it was all Zara needed. She was moving with all the grace a practiced warrior had. Bites were becoming stronger now, more aggressive as teeth sank into flesh and she shook her head to tear flesh from muscle. Along her shoulders, back, ribs and then finally flanks. Jaws would part wider here, full bite digging into her hip and sinking into muscle. She tasted delicious... She felt a nip on her ribs and a soft moan slid past the flesh within her mouth as she released and lapped at the blood that was beginning to flow freely down Newt's side now. Delicious. Magnificent. It was all she had ever wanted and more. Newt was her's now...

-fade to black-

Love, it was what she felt as she lay boneless against the grounds seeping blood. Her ears were pulled back as she panted with her release. It had been wonderful and just what they needed. Her tail curled around her as she looked at Zara with happy eyes. The sadness still lingered in the depths of them but it was manageable now. not quite swallowing her whole. She shook her head and took in a deep breath. They needed a plan and now was the best time to discuss such things.

?Zara, things have changed. Our home was stolen and I am unsure how to proceed in bringing us sanctuary. Should we seek refuge in Tortuga until we can regroup?? she questioned. So many needed a home and they needed to figure out a plan of action. How could they reclaim Amenti and still have shelter and protection?

Zara slid alongside Newt, inviting her to lay in the shelter of the beast while the winds continued to howl away outside. She had missed Newt, not just for that but she had honestly just missed her presence even. The blind woman reached out for an affectionate kiss on the cheek before laying down herself, slightly away from the bloody mess they had created. They would have to go south so Zara could collect some herbs to help Newt out. No one wanted to end up so scarred that they look like Zara... Her words were unsure and yet they held the beginnings of a plan. Tortuga? They had always been allies although Zara herself was unsure about the new leader Desdemona. But wasn't it better then everyone spreading out and loosing each other? "Yeah, Tortuga seems the safest place for us. They have always been out allies, maybe it is time to call in a favor," she mused though the idea of living in a mountain didn't exactly appeal to the blind woman.

She allowed herself to move from the spot that had been their playground. Blood still pooled around the cold iron ground. Her ears twitched as she smiled for a moment and then turned to lay with Zara. Her body moved next to her and slipped beside her as she allowed a yawn to escape her jaws. Her tail flicked back and forth as she heard Zara agree to what she thought was the best for everyone. ?Zara..? her words were caught in her throat. Something was wrong and she knew it, in this moment she had clarity but for how long was the question. ?My mind cannot function without a purpose.? She said hesitantly. She felt embarrassed at the thought but it was who she was. That was whom she was when she had come here, Lost, on the brink of madness, or already there.

?My mind is fracturing again. Losing itself from time to time. I find myself wandering, lost, and unknown to my own eyes. Without my home, without my purpose, I lose my mind.? She said with a whine. Her tail pushed along Zaras side as she said it. ?I cannot be alone. If I am. I don?t know what will happen.? She said with real concern. Her violet eyes flickered with uncertainty as she looked to Zara, ?I seek what I always seek when I am broken. Pain, to feel needed, its an impulse and an addiction.? She said softly. She needed guidance and perhaps a little supervision until she could hold their kingdom. Once her purpose was secured then she would be strong again.