She had returned from Borealis an absolute mess. Her world was crumbling around her, and she still couldn't quite believe it. How could her former home, bustling with life and happiness when she had left it, turn into a ghost town? It had changed so much in the past season, and it was all because of her. She shouldn't have left in the first place. Her family were suffering, abandoning one another, all because of her. Because she hadn't stayed, her mother's mental sickness had gotten worse and had ran off without a trace. Her sister had vanished too. Her brother, ruling such a small pack that was now falling apart, was contemplating disbanding Borealis in its frail state to join Donostrea, where some of their distant family resided. And it was all because of her.
Normally she found it difficult to feel remorse, especially when she blatantly crossed the line. This was an entirely different situation. A huge weight of dark, angered and suffering thoughts and emotions pulled her down. She had screwed up her family's lives so badly it made her want to curl up in a hole and simply bid the cruel world farewell. That was exactly where she found herself. She had run all the way back from the gulley, sobbing to herself and ignoring the pain in her paws and chest. Her body wanted to stop but she kept on going, tormenting herself, until she finally faltered and stumbled in a foreign woodland. It wasn't quite the mangrove, but she didn't care. Blood seeped from many scratches and grazes upon her legs, her body bruised from the earlier flee. Her mind was even worse.
So she laid there, on the brink of losing consciousness, curled up in a green ball, softly sobbing to herself. Sometimes her temper would rise and she'd curse and cry out until her lungs grew hoarse, then she'd return to her quiet weeps. It all fell into a rhythm, her shouts and cries, the quiet and the loud. It almost comforted her. Maybe she felt better, constantly blaming herself for ruining her family's lives.
Sometimes he'd find it difficult to return to this place, yet something else had pulled him into his old home. His brain filtered through trying to babysit his mother, his father there and his siblings. Even holly had been here, it made him sigh on his small walk that he had been taking. It had been some time since he had seen Zephyra. He certainly hoped that she was fairing well when she went to see Ren. As far as he knew Borealis wasn't doing too well from what he heard from Holly. Rivaxorus had decided not to share this with his friend. Well, as much as he considered her more than a friend that was how she would want it for now.
Rivaxorus could suddenly smell blood, what was worse as a sound hitting his ears of crying. His heart pounded against his chest. That was Zephyra's scent and voice, quickly on his paws he filtered through the weeping willows. He knew these lands too well, and found her black and green form curled up near his old den place. What was worse was seeing her in this state. He narrowed his eyes, frowning he softly approached the woman. Her large form looked to be a mess - but he would always think her beautiful. For now he had to carefully approach her.
"Zephyra, I'm here - what happened?" Rivaxorus spoke softly as he came around towards her face. His bridge gently pressed into her paws and cheek if he was allowed. His paws held steady among the terrain. Softly his two different colored eyes seemed almost sparkling in the dim blue light of the wisping tree's of these lands where he once considered home. And now someone whom he cared deeply for was in emotional pain on these plains.
When she was about to close her eyes and allow the mental and physical pain to wash over her like a wave, the sound of paw-steps grew louder. They sounded familiar; the way they were placed on the ground and how long they were there before they were lifted up once more. Normally she would have never wanted him to see her in such a vulnerable, weak state. Never had she imagined herself crying, especially in front of her friend. Now she didn't care. All she wanted was his comfort.
When he pressed his muzzle into her paws and cheek, speaking soft, worried words, she didn't resist. She felt so lifeless; the energy had been drained from every muscle in her body. She wanted his large form around her, to hold her and tell her everything was alright. Maybe she didn't deserve to be with him, to hear his words and to feel his touch. Who would want to comfort a failure like her? Who would want to help someone that had brought misery to her family's lives? She didn't deserve a friend like him at all. What if the same happened to him? What if he abandoned her, just like her mother and sister?
"They're all gone," she wept in a bare whisper, leaning her head into his shoulder if allowed. Her body trembled as she fought back the tears pooling in her squeezed-shut eyes. She didn't dare look up at him. What would he think of her when he saw her fully? So imperfect, so flawed? What would he think when he saw the young woman once strong and confident so broken and fragile? Would he judge her?
Pain - it ebbed, it flowed. The worst of it was that he knew it didn't always come in the physical form. It came in tears, and the feeling of your heart tearing apart. Somehow he understood the words, they're gone, so very well. His heart clenched and almost felt like it would stop on the spot. His eyes narrowed, skin furrowing across his brows as his maw opened slightly. Letting air escape where it almost begged for him to be gasping for breath. Her touch was welcome, and Rivaxorus deliberately lowered himself next to her. Body pressed into hers to offer his warmth and his protection. His cheek pressed into hers, and in the hopes of maybe lifting her face a little. Some fresh air was important after expending that kind of energy. His touch was soft and gentle.
"Don't hold it in, it'll only make you sick." Rivaxorus told her gently. His ears perked, they were listening and he wanted to hear her heart beat in their close proximity. "It's not your fault - it'll be okay." it was usually the strongest who got hit the hardest. He wouldn't wish to have her in any other form. Someone other than family who was close to him - it was something he preciously and desperate wanted to protect. No prayer to his gods, just him. He was here physically, and for all his mess ups perhaps that was all he could offer her. Rivaxorus hummed softly, comforting the best he could as his eyes shut for a moment. He settled his muzzle underneath her muzzle. Letting her settle her head on his if that was what she wanted.
Anyone could feel heartbreak losing their family and loved ones, but the pain she felt was different. It hurt her. It felt like her heart and soul were being torn into two. It was torture - perhaps her consequence for having neglected her family in the past. She had taken them for granted, her family. She always thought they'd always be there, always aggravating her. She had always shut herself away from them, whenever they hadn't wanted to spend time with her. At times she had even wished for them to leave her alone or be completely rid of this world. It wasn't until they were gone she needed them, wanted them by her side. She hadn't been grateful to have them until they left her. The thought brought a sick feeling to her stomach. If only she could have seen the future; she would have never brought such a cruel reality upon them if she had known better.
Now all she had left was a brother barely holding onto his pack and an ever-so-close friend. His touches nuzzled into her fur and words of comfort sounded to her ears. However, it was his last statement of reassurance that ignited the fire within her. Lies! All lies! Deep down, he knew it was her fault; he just didn't want to admit it. He just wanted to make her feel better by hiding the truth. She knew the truth. She knew it as her fault. "No it's not!" she screamed, flattening her ears in anguish as her energy and temper levels swiftly spiked. She squirmed in his hold, wanting to attack every object in sight. "They hate me!" Momentarily her burst of fury and energy depleted, making her body limp once again. Her snarls and cries turned into quiet sobs as she bawled her eyes out once more into his protective form. "T-That's w-why th-they left."
She would struggle, and it broke his heart. He was positive it was not her that had caused her family to leave. Rivaxorus would stay put, he wouldn't and couldn't leave her where she was and never would. Let her vent, let her go through it. As he calmly let out a sigh his eyebrows furrowed once more. Of all places it had to be somewhere he was mentally unstable at. To protect and guide what he had because he was tired of losing and knew he would lose more if he didn't physically try.
"They didn't leave because of you Zephyra - your mother was sick. Sickness isn't something you can avoid, you do your best and that's all you can do." he said softly as he stayed by her side. "I'm going to talk with your brother soon, he deserves that much to have his pack that your mother had. Zephyra never think that it is your fault because it's not it really really isn't." his voice cracked a little as he tried to keep himself under his own self control. "I'm so sorry - I wish I could do something more. I wish I could do more than just sit here and comfort you. If I could just fix it - that's what I'd do." the male curled his gray tail around her. He pressed his head into her face. "I'm here Zephyra - I'm here and I won't leave you."
When her friend mentioned her mother's sickness, she couldn't suppress the sob that escaped from her lips. She hated thinking about it - her mother's sickness. Was it a coincidence that her brother had decided to tell her about it right when she was about to leave? She thought not. That day burned ever so clearly in her mind. The look of hope on her brother's features, then the disappointment when she told him she was leaving. She had truly abandoned, betrayed her family. She had been torn between being with her family, saving her mother and running off like a careless, love-struck princess with a friend. She had made the wrong decision.
"Yes it is," she protested, losing her energy to scream and squirm in his hold. Instead she squeezed her eyes shut, holding back the tears. Her cracking voice came out hoarse from a throat unbearably dry. "I didn't even help her. I could have saved her, but I didn't." He continued to stress that it wasn't her fault, even promising her that he would see her brother. How could he think that? Was it not obvious she was an absolute traitor to the Agatsuma lineage? Did he actually think it wasn't her fault? A sigh slithered from her lips as her body shuddered, pressing herself into his warm form. She didn't want him to leave. She wasn't ready to face the world. She felt like a different wolf - a failure, a monster. If she stepped out on her own, without him to guide her, she was scared everyone would judge her, knowing she had let her family down. "I don't know what to do, Riv," she confessed with a sniffle, avoiding his gaze. Her life was such a mess. Where was she to go? What was she to do? Was she to continue her life like nothing had ever happened?
Oh gods grant him strength, this was something even he was not strong enough to handle. It took ever fiber of his being not to cry, not for himself but for her. He was a man and it was not a thing a man should do. What would she think of him if he started to cry? It would make things a mess, his teeth clenched together tightly. He could hear the sound of them grinding in his own ears, he didn't even wonder if she could hear it. Could she have saved her even if she was there? Probably not, and if he told her that it would be wrong. His body shuffled a bit, he wouldn't move - he would NOT move from this spot.
She then asked him - what she was supposed to do. He blinked, lifting his head to look at her. His two different colors eyes meeting her own ravaged ambers. Ears pulled forward, this was what he was here for wasn't it? Did he even have any right to tell her what she would do. His breathing coarse, his body held back for a moment before giving a shiver. Gods he wanted to tell her how sorry he was - but sorry didn't fix anything. "You get stronger." he felt the worlds leave his lips. "Stay with me - help me create our home and we can protect the things we love together. Things that are lost cannot be obtained again, but we can stand up with all our might to protect what is ours." Rivaxorus mused, detailing the fact that he had said we. She was his queen and he wouldn't ever deny that. No he wouldn't let anyone deny her that. She was from a great family, she was no traitor and by becoming strong. They could look at her and she could say 'look, at what I've become'. Was he asking too much? "Zephyra....." he whispered solemnly.
She had to get stronger. Strength - that was an odd word. She had lived her entire life thinking she was just that - strong, dominant, indestructible. She was larger than her parents with the strength to tackle her siblings any time. That was strength, but this kind of strength was different. It was a mental strength - the power to push through the hardest of times. All the vigour and brawn in her muscles would never help her with her suffering. She had to be mentally strong, yet somehow, that seemed more difficult than she expected. She felt so weak in her current state, like she was trapped in a cage surrounded by regret and self-accusations. The pain was too much to push through. Perhaps she would just drown in her shame and the denial to continue living.
But she needed to get through. She had to. His voice was like a light, leading her fallen spirit through the darkness. Though her spirit was weak and blind, she tried to follow that light. She would stay with him, help him create their new home and protect what they loved. Was there anything left to protect? She had a brother and he had a few siblings. The family that remained seemed so precious; would they be able to protect them? What if they couldn't? What if she let them down, again? "Riv..." she whispered, finally finding the strength to look up into his gaze. And when their eyes met, a desire blossomed within her. The realisation hit her, the sensation had finally been ignited. She was drawn to him, devoted to him, determined to rebuild their lives together. After all he had done for her, been for her in every situation, there was no way she couldn't hold him so close to her heart. "I love you."
There was no way to take away her pain, just a way to comfort her. At least in an attempt to dull the pain that they felt. It was all too familiar to his own - and he hated to compare it. The only difference was that Zephyra luckily didn't have to live with the horrible reputation her mother left behind. Still Rivaxorus hated the thought of resembling his mother, at the same time he had loved her dearly. Even now, he was thankful he looked more like her than his father. His two different colored orbs watched Zephyra. As the words fell from her mouth, his heart felt like it was going to explode. Tightening up against his chest, his breathed heaved as if a weight was holding him down. He didn't know how well he could describe the feeling. The urge to make sure she was protected and that no one else would be stepping across her path. She was not owned, but he would feel the need to make sure that no one else stole her away from him.
"I love you too." his voice left his mouth quietly. As he licked gently at her cheek. Not caring about the saltiness from her tears. As he made sure that his warmth was shared with her own. They were young but grown up quickly - or at least forced to. Situations where they couldn't just be children for that matter. "You can rest before we go home. I know this territory like the back of my paw, right there was my old den.... this is where my pack was before my father gave it to Marina." Rivaxorus looked over to the hole under a willow. The blue noodle like leaves hiding it.
There they would lay under the protecting canopy of the willows trees - the young male's former home where Sonticus once reigned. It was under the swaying leaves that she fell apart, finally hit by the bullet of her emotions. The girl who had always stood tall had come undone, confused, uncertain and overwhelmed with grief and guilt. It was under the swaying leaves that he came to her, rushed to her side, rescued her. He had led her from the deepest and darkest pit inside her mind, making her reach out to find the light. It was under the swaying leaves the strongest feeling had been ignited and they had confessed their love for each other. Life's situations had forced them to grow up. They couldn't act like pups anymore. In this world, constantly changing and fluctuating, they needed each other.
She couldn't imagine herself making her way back to Fiori now. She wasn't ready; she had to start over, regenerate herself. Though she had calmed down a bit, her body still felt the effects of her earlier trauma. Was she well again? Would she ever be fine? She didn't know. All she could do was hope. Nuzzling into his cheek with his body wrapped around hers, she managed to close her eyes, falling into a light slumber. Before the world faded out, she focused on his breathing and the beats of his heart that soon fell into a rhythm with hers.
