His dad was gone, not quiet in the way he expected but he was. Rivaxorus had been so eager to move on it almost felt like a slap in the face. He paced back and forth trying to decide what he was feeling. Was it anger and sadness all in one? Had he immediately failed his family where he would step foot where he wanted it most. He took in a deep breath and sat himself down, ears flicking. His eyes narrowed as he closed his eyes and tried to just feel the cool air around him. He made a mistake, he had to come with terms and accept it. He believed his father did something wrong - that much was true right? "I'm sorry." he breathed half to himself. He probably looked like a mess, keeping his eyes closed he tried to think. What did he do, he couldn't just leave it where it was. He curled his tail around his body, he wouldn't cry he refused to do that as a child would. Nor would he think of himself bitter. Just, he wanted to curse out to the world. "Talk" "You" Think

Things had been difficult since Svetlana disappeared and that was him trying to put it lightly. Having his children as a distraction had helped, but he could see the four of them growing more and more concerned every day, no matter how much he assured them that it was going to be okay. Things would be okay. Eventually. For now his children were spending the day with Athena and Amalia and it felt like the first time he felt like he could breathe. It was the first day since she disappeared that he hadn't spent every waking moment searching for her or comforting his pups. He moved slowly through the mangroves, just letting himself feel the sadness that he had been pushing off for so long now. The faintest hint of a voice reached his ears and his pale ear twitched at the sound. He glanced toward the sound and saw his nephew a short distance away, clearly as upset over something as he was. He considered leaving him be, but at the same time he figured maybe they could comfort each other. After a moment of hesitation he made his way over to Riv, quietly nudging his shoulder with his nose for a bit of reassurance as if to say "hey, it's okay, I'm here." "What's going on?" He wasn't nearly his usual cheerful self, but it just wasn't in his nature to not worry about his family even though he had his own worries to deal with. "Talk" "You" Think

It would seem Leo would have been the one to find him. Rivaxorus welcomed the touch unlike most days. He knew fighting himself would make things worse and the odd question of Leo asking him what was wrong. "Cypress is gone." he stated rather simply. "He killed Sin and he left, and what's the worst of it all. Holly blames me for not being there." He growled lightly to himself. A mistake that couldn't be easily fixed if at all. "I wasn't there when she needed me and all of us the most. And dad, he left us - how could he do that. How could he break his promise to us." Rivaxorus shook his head. It just went to prove words held nothing over what actions spoke. "How am I supposed to feel? I was so happy and I wanted to tell him how well we were doing. I wanted to see Holly and see that she was doing well." the confused youth tried to keep himself composed. Usually he tried to understand, tried to compel himself to take a moment to see the situation for its hindsight. Yet now it slipped away from his paws so easily. "Talk" "You" Think

The explanation took Leo off guard. Cypress? And Holly... It seemed that the messes never ended with their family. Would there ever be a time when there wasn't some sort of discord or heartbreak? Just as things begin to settle down something blind sides them. He frowned as he listened to his nephew, settling on to his haunches while he did so. There was no easy answer to any of this. He wished there was a fix all solution for this, some easy way to ease the pain he was feeling. But the only thing he could offer was his support and he was sure that was going to work about as well as a leaf holding back a river. "Seems like today's the day for disappearances," he commented with a heavy sigh. "Riv, there is no way for you to fix your father's mistakes. I know that well enough. This was his choice and no part of it is your fault." He let his gaze drift away from Rivaxorus as another sigh passed his lips. "I wish I could tell you it gets easier- the pain from not knowing why he left... It does in a way. At least it did for me. Although I suppose it's more of just an acceptance and not thinking about it than getting easier." He hadn't thought about his father in ages. After a while he had even stopped using the Mathis portion of his last name. There had been many more reasons for that than just him disappearing, but that alone had been a tough one to accept. "Talk" "You" Think

No part of it was his fault? Rivaxorus had a hard time believing that it wasn't his fault that he had harmed his sister so. His ears twitched a bit, day for wolves to go missing then? That meant someone close to Leo had gone missing too, but that was far different from what happened with his father. According to Holly he just blatantly walked off the battlefield and was never seen since. It irritated him, but there really was no use getting angry at something that was out of his control was there? Rivaxorus let a sigh escape his lips as he leaned back and sat down. Compose himself, in his flurry of emotions if he was not calm he could not think straight. As difficult as that was he had to try. "Nothing will hurt more then knowing I let me sister down." he stated rather sadly. Shutting his eyes for a moment he breathed in and then let a breath out. "If I cannot control it, do not waste my life trying to fix it just to make it worse." he preeched half to himself as he looked tiredly towards Leo. Shaking his head a little - yes life indeed tended to throw wrecking balls at them, but he believed that he could get through those road blocks. "I'm sorry Leo, I just needed to concentrate my thoughts." he breathed carefully. "Talk" "You" Think

Leo would nod slightly in understanding as Riv spoke. It was hard to deal with how they affected others lives sometimes, even when it was situations that could be out of their control. There was nothing that could be done about Cypress leaving now. He didn't know the full story behind what Holly had said to him, but if he had to guess it sounded like she just needed someone to be angry with. He smiled gently while he listened to Riv speaking mostly to himself. It was a good thing to remember. It made him a little sad to see someone so young with so much weight on his shoulders. But had there really ever been a time in Riv's life when the boy hadn't been under some kind of stress? He had begun to think he really hadn't known his sister very well toward the end... He didn't know what had led up to her challenge and death. He was sure it couldn't have been pretty. When Riv apologized Leo shook his head and gave his nephew a sad smile. "Don't apologize. Don't feel like you can't vent to me about what's bothering you. It's been a good distraction for me if nothing else. I'm always here if you need to talk to someone about anything at all." "Talk" "You" Think

The main thing was that he knew he had family here. Never had he felt distant and he always tried to put himself in a position where he could spend time with them. With his sister it was the same story and he had neglected the fact of visiting her, maintaining his relationship with what she needed in her time of need. He just felt so tired and he hoped that one day all this would be just a distant memory. It never helped that the same thing happened to the wolf he loved - and how ironic was that? His tail twitched listening to Leo. He didn't have much to say now. "I'm supposed to be strong, but I find myself struggling to keep above the surface." Rivaxorus sighed as he raised his head. Taking in a few deep breaths, he concentrated on being calm. It was never a good thing to keep himself riled up. "How are you doing?" Rivaxorus asked his uncle. It seemed everyone had been having their fair share of hard times. He was no stranger when it came to that, so how was his uncle fairing with the missing of his wife. That too put a tinge in his heart. "Talk" "You" Think

Leo nodded in understanding when Riv spoke of having to stay strong. That was always the hardest part, wasn't it? Keeping their own emotions in check and being the rock for everyone else. He knew he had willingly taken on this role. He had wanted to lead a pack for this very reason. He wanted to be someone his family could lean on and depend on, but sometimes it just felt so hard. So very, very hard. The past few days had been like that. Having his children with him constantly only made it worse because there was no option to go back to his den at night and give in to this loneliness and sadness. He had to keep up this front all the time for them. When Riv asked how he was doing he could only shrug with a little shake of his head. "Like you said... I'm struggling to stay on the surface." He sighed a frown touched his lips. "If it was just me, if I didn't have the pups to worry about, I think I'd be okay. I'd take a few days, search Alacritis for Svet, and if I came home empty handed I would be heartbroken for a while and move on. But our pups... He sighed again and gave another little shake of his head. He didn't know what else he could say about it. "They don't understand what's going on and I don't know what to tell them." "Talk" "You" Think

Rivaxorus almost thought of himself as insane, as he blinked for a moment. He knew he probably could find himself in the same situation if it had been with him and Zephyra. They were far too young for pups, and he was certain it would be forever until they started a family because of their own experiences. However, as shortly as he had known Svet..... he knew she was important just like Athena was to their family. It didn't matter where they hailed from. He looked at Leo. "No one would blame you for wanting to clear your head Leo, you've lost someone close to you and the worst part is not knowing where they went. " his ears flicked for a moment. "I'm crazy, for a moment I wanted to say I could take care of everything and watch your kids if you went to look for Svetlana." he laughed. "Maybe if you'd let me. I can set up a search party, hopefully we can come up with something." that seemed a lot more reasonable. After all the first option was out of the world hero work. Something like that just wouldn't be realistic. Not with his pups around anyway. "Talk" "You" Think

Leo appreciated his nephew's insistence that everyone wouldn't blame him for wanting to clear his head. He was sure that Riv was right and in a perfect world he would take some time to himself and try to work through this whole mess. Unfortunately it just wasn't that simple. He wished Svetlana would just walk back into the den one day like nothing was wrong. He wouldn't even be mad, he wouldn't hold anything against her. He just wanted her to come home and know that she was okay. He wanted that for himself and his children. He couldn't help but smile a little at Riv's offers. He chuckled softly as he replied, "I trust you very highly, nephew of mine, but I don't know that I would want to leave Fiori and my pups in your paws for more than a few hours." He paused, considering it, "I would appreciate having another option for a pup sitter though from time to time if you're willing. I feel terrible leaving Athena and Amalia to the task all the time when they have two of their own to look after. Although I'm sure Bright Moon would be happy to do it too." A sad smile touched his lips as he added, "They're not going to need someone to watch them for too much longer though. They're growing so fast." "But as far as a search party goes..." he continued, sighing with a little shake of his head. "I don't want to worry anyone else with this. It's not your job or anyone else to keep up with my wife... I've searched all the areas around the pack's lands and I haven't even found traces of her scent. I'm afraid it would be a waste of your time and energy to search for her. I'll just have to pray that she comes back... Maybe I can go looking further for her once the pups are older." He paused, hesitating before he finally added, "A couple of days after she vanished I made a trip to Yfir... Svetlana's brother lives there so I thought she might have gone there. There was no luck there either. Katja told me that Svetlana's mother had some kind of madness and would leave without much notice... I don't want to believe that is what's happened to Svet, but what if it is?" "Talk" "You" Think