Zuriel paced back and forth in the open area at the very beginning of the ravine that led down into her family's dens. She didn't like to linger on things, especially things that were stressful to think about. That was part of the reason why she focused so hard on collecting herbs and keeping her stocks filled. It was a good way to kill time and keep her thoughts preoccupied. Unfortunately, now that winter had firmly set in herbs were getting harder and harder to come by. That meant that she had more and more time to think and worry. She couldn't decide what to do. of course she couldn't do much of anything in the middle of winter, but the open ended possibilities were driving her mad. She didn't want to call for her brother and disrupt his day with her silly worries, but she needed advice or, if it came to it, permission. It was so odd to think that she had to ask her brother for permission now. She supposed that was part of the deal with living in a pack led by her litter mate. She sighed and forced herself to sit down on her haunches, hoping maybe Regulus would come by the dens soon. "Talk" "You" Think

-::-

He was coming off of a solo patrol, and his stride was steady, the ground eating trot taking him across the plains to the wooded hill that hid his family den within its belly. Even if she had called for him during his patrol, he wouldn’t have cared. Zuriel was his sister, after all, and even if she weren’t, he would still have dropped the patrol without a moment of hesitation to come to the call. Even so, as he slid into the wintery shade of the trees, following the well worn path toward the dens, hoping for a rest, he spotted his sister’s silvery patterned form, sitting at the end of the ravine. It didn’t take a mind reader to see the restlessness in her face. He met her with a big grin and a gently rough snuggle of his muzzle and head as he drew near, tail wagging happily before his hips dropped, rump firmly plopping to the ground hard enough to slap his heavily furred tail to the ground as he grinned down at her. “What’s on your mind, sis? You look ready to burst.”

She waited for a while and just when her impatience was about to drive her to her paws to go look for her brother, she saw his fire red form come into view. Suddenly a she felt her nerves all collect in the pit of her stomach and she wondered if she would even be able to get the words out of her mouth. She tried her best to hide her anxiety as he sat across from her and grinned at her, but she knew she had never been good at hiding her emotions. She opened her mouth to speak a couple of times, but nothing came out. "I want to leave," she finally burst out, the words tumbling out in a rush before she could clamp her mouth shut again. Her ears fell back against her skull and her expression begged him to understand while she hurried to explain herself. "I mean, not forever. But... for a while. I just... I need to go see things and learn things. Kavdaya is a great source of information, I'm not saying she's not, but my whole life I've been in this corner of this whole huge land mass. The farthest I've been is slightly into the East and there's so many herbs I've heard about and never actually seen and I've felt like I couldn't leave whatever area we were living in without some kind of disapproval or punishment for years even though-" She stopped herself, panting lightly from making herself out of breath from the sudden rush of words. It felt like everything that she had been bottling up for so long got poured into one moment and it made her thin shoulders tremble. "I'm sorry," she said softly, her two-toned blue eyes falling to the ground. "I didn't mean to be like that, I just..." She cleared her throat and gave her head a shake before she lifted her gaze back to his face again, afraid of what expression she might see there. "I don't want to go until spring starts. I don't want to leave all of you without another healer during the winter months... I could come back and check in from time to time if you want me to." "Talk" "You" Think

-::-

Well, that wasn’t what he was expecting to hear… He’d almost half expected her to blurt out that she’d met someone. Then again… he had to reflect as she spilled out her explanations on one breath, that she’d hardly gone beyond the borders except for the Bifrost and the Festival the Destructions had held when Threar was still alive. Not much chance to meet potential mates. His face was thoughtful, before he huffed out a soft chuckle and scooted forward to drag her into a dual foreleg hug. “Sis, it’s not going out to explore the world and find yourself that’s bad. It’s leaving without telling anyone why you left, where you’ll be, if everything’s okay, and if it was our fault you ran. As long as you come back and visit, I’m happy to let you explore the world. Just remember to tell mom, okay? I suggest checking out the southern continent. The two times I was there it was… well, really neat, even if both times there was peril involved. It was a different season, I swear that’s how it felt.” His eyes widened theatrically as he tried to get her to laugh, or at the very least to smile. “I want you to explore. You can’t stay hiding away over the herb pile like you have been. There’s someone out there for you, I think. Wolves to meet, adventures to be had, and yes, loads of new herbs to be found. I just hope you won’t mind your big red oaf of a brother tagging along from time to time.” His tongue stuck out in a grin. For all that he was the firstborn by only ten or so minutes, he certainly could say that he was the ‘big’ brother.

Zuriel watched her brother move closer, fighting back the lump in her throat and the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She didn't resist as he pulled her closer and let him wrap her in one of his large forelegs. She leaned into him with a sigh as he spoke, relief washing over her when she realized he wasn't mad. She kept her own emotions at arms length so often that it had scared her when she had to confront them in order to make a decision so it was nice to have this comfort and this closeness, even if it was just for a moment. She took his suggestion to heart, glancing up at him and grinning a bit at his goofy expression. She felt ridiculous now for working herself up so much over this whole thing. She should have known that Regulus of all wolves would understand. She was caught off guard a bit when he mentioned that someone was out there for her. She hadn't even really considered that aspect of it. She had been so worried over trying to figure out who she was and what she wanted to do and how she was going to go see all of the stuff she dreamed of seeing that she hadn't thought about all the wolves she might meet. She felt a blush come to her cheeks at the thought. Her? With a mate? She couldn't even imagine leaving at the turn of spring and returning with someone else. She giggled quietly at his comment about her 'big red oaf of a brother' and nodded, leaning her head into his chest again. "I'd love for you to come with me sometimes. I'm going to miss you all. I know you can't go for too long since you have Celestial now and all, but I'll be sure to go on some adventures near by from time to time." After a moment of silence she looked up at him again, frowning a little as she remembered something he had said before in his reassurances. "And I'm not running away from you guys. It's not your fault at all, I just... I don't know, I just need to be on my own for a little while and figure out who I am. I've been constantly caring for someone or looking after someone since we were little and I haven't had a chance to care for myself." She didn't resent the fact that she had to take care of their father after he and their mother disappeared for a time or that she was constantly taking care of their colds for a while there. She had wanted to be a healer so badly and now she was. She had no room to complain. But now she had no idea who she really was or what she wanted out of life. "I've been jealous of you for a while now, you know," she added softly with a little, sad smile. "Talk" "You" Think

-::-

He was glad she didn’t draw away when he drew her in for the hug. It was part of his nature that he liked to touch and be touched by his family, and had no problems with holding his sisters tight and warm when they needed a hug. His endeavor to make her laugh or smile was successful, and his heavy tail swept the ground behind him in delight at the success. As she spoke and leaned her head back against him, he set his chin on top of her crown, content to sit back on his haunches, paws comfortably draped around her smaller frame. A rumbling chuckle answered her talk of his having Celestial. “I can definitely find time, and I’ll happily make some. I just hope that when Creed’s ready to retire, I can find a good Right Wing to take his place.” His head tipped to catch her eye as she looked up, assuring him that she wasn’t running away. He listened, nodding. “You do need that chance. You’ve been getting quieter and quieter. It doesn’t take a genius to know you haven’t exactly been the happiest you could be.” At her admission of jealousy, of him of all wolves, he laughed lightly. “Hah! There’s nothing to be jealous about.” His tongue lolled cheerily from the side of his jaws, fathomless sapphires sparkling. “You’re way better looking than me.” The grin parted his jaws further, teasing, though he was sincere.

Zuriel gave a little thoughtful nod when Regulus mentioned needing to find a good Right Wing for when Creed retired. Perhaps one of their siblings would be interested in it when the time came, or maybe one of their other members would prove themselves worthy of it. She trusted his judgement and she was sure he would choose the right wolf for the job. She hoped Creed would be willing to keep his position for a while longer though all the same. She smiled gratefully at his understanding when he mentioned how quiet she had been lately. She had tried to keep to herself and hide her discontent, but she knew if no one else noticed Regulus would. He was good about that kind of thing. She was incredibly grateful that Regulus was so understanding about all of this. When she had been thinking about how this conversation might go, she had been afraid that she would have to beg and argue her case, but she was lucky enough to have such an understanding and supportive brother. She had to laugh when he insisted that she won in attractiveness between the two of them, giving him a playful grin and a small nudge in return. "Really though! For the longest time it felt like you were doing so much more and getting all these fancy titles and things like that than I was. I mean, you're the alpha now after all and I'm just a healer. I know I can't really compete with Kavdaya just yet when it comes to knowledge or experience, but it kind of felt like mother didn't really see how hard I was trying." She shrugged, a little smile still on her lips. "But it's okay. I realized I was just looking for something to blame for why I was unhappy. I don't really even care about the titles. Being master healer would be great, but I have some growing to do first." "Talk" "You" Think