Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

Homeless. Again. The green female - no longer a queen - felt indifferent over the whole situation. She had lost her pack, her home, her pack-mates, her position, her reputation, though somehow that didn't seem so bad. A part of her just couldn't care less. She didn't think it would last long anyway. Who would have ever thought a couple of yearlings could lead a pack, let alone get married? What had she been doing, thinking she could do whatever, whenever? The thought itself was cringe-worthy, downright humiliating.

She had run from the battlefield, just before Rivaxorus had submitted to the female challenger. She knew he wouldn't succeed, and she could see it in his eyes that it was only a matter of moments before Myriad fell. She had been so close to forgiving him, to trusting him again. She had thought they could turn Myriad around, make it better, stronger. Now she didn't dare stay. If her family or former pack-mates followed - great. If not, she didn't give. She just wanted to be away from him, though she knew he always found her, in the end. That was the problem when she couldn't cut him out.

Right. He was foolish enough to believe he could accomplish something. Rivaxorus had cursed himself, hell the blood that ran through his veins was week. After regaining consciousness his immediate thought was.... Zephyra. The heavily injured male limped towards her scent, keeping his emotions withdrawn from previous pack mates. He wanted to see her so badly, despite the fact she probably didn't want to see him. Then, there the male stood in front of her. He tried to stand, only to be met with the serring pain through his side. His two different colored eyes stared at her, and then..... he began to cry. "Zephyra..... what was I thinking?" he trembled, before he finally fell to his knee's. He laid there on the floor unable to stop the tears. "I'm sorry. I am so.... so sorry." his paws covered his face he never ever would show anyone these kinds of emotions. "It hurts so bad, I messed up and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to lose you and here I am losing myself." he growled lightly. "Running a pack was stupid... we were just kids..... and I.... I left you in the background when I never should have. I want to spend time you.... I love spending time with you. I'm tired of being so stupid. I'm tired so tired.....but I just want everything to be okay." But would it ever be? "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

Sometimes she regretted it. The nights they had shared, the promises they had whispered to each other, the emotions bounding them together. God, she was just a child; how could she know what love truly felt like? After the vows she had made, she was inseparable from him. She couldn't leave him, cut him out. He would always be there, finding her no matter where she wandered, connected to her. When she wanted to be alone, she couldn't. He had a part of her, and she had a part of him.

She wasn't startled by his appearance, not the slightest. She stared at the ground for a few moments, until the alluring, metallic scent of the male flooded her nose. An audible sigh drifted from her lips as she looked up, meeting his gaze. He looked like he would collapse at any moment, and in all honesty, she wouldn't be surprised if he did. "You look like shit," she rumbled in a low voice, before he fell to his knees sobbing. Unfazed, the female was. He spoke no news to her. "Yeah yeah, tell me something I don't know," she snapped, almost cockily. "Have you got another ingenious plan of yours to make another pack?"

What part of this did she not understand? He exposed himself, every nerve to her like this - and it was like she threw him out into the garbage. It hurt, it hurt so bad. As he looked at her, he was choke on words not only crying but he felt like he was dying and he just wanted it to stop. Her words were word than any wound that could be inflicted upon his body. Rivaxorus LOVED her, and it seemed like she couldn't look past that? It seemed... when she felt down he had supported her..... he had done everything for her that he could. He had tried to be a good husband and give her a good life. She may not have asked for that, but he had wanted her to be happy. His eyes shut, squeezing tears as he stood himself into a sitting position. She's going to abandon me too, he thought - and what..... he was alright with this. It wasn't like his aunt cared for him anymore, he was a failure as all failure's should be. So after she finished speaking, the tears stopped but he gave the most painful - most sadened smile without even thinking. "No." he said simply. It coming out quickly. As the male turned his body, he would sit with his back facing her. Yet his head cocked towards the green and black woman. "You aren't tied to me Zephyra." he swallowed. "But.... I still love you so nothing will change for me. I've tried so hard. So hard to give you a happy life. I wanted to offer you protection, a place to live. Most of all... I just wanted to be by your side." he looked away. He didn't care anymore - if no one did why should he? Rivaxorus tried not to let it get to him, but everyone else had done it. So, if no one in the world gave a damn about him why should he try to give a damn about himself. "But know even if you leave me, even if you go. I'll be right here, when you need someone to cheer you up. If you need a disposable shield, or just someone to talk to. I'm here." his voice whispered as his two different colored orbs looked towards her. Even if it meant being her slave, he was empty now. "I'm sorry... I love you." he said those last things then hung his head low. The son of a mentally unstable woman and of a coward. A coward who murdered someone and then left his family in the dust. Holly hated him.... sure Jackson was here but Rivaxorus hadn't been so close to him. Avalon didn't care anymore. He didn't have, anyone else. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

Oh? She cocked her head to the side, ears flicking. It seemed he had the guts to admit she wasn't tied to him, though continued to confess his undying love. It was charming the first few times he had uttered such vows of protection and love. Now it seemed worn out, stale, cliche. It didn't seem like it used to be - his love. It seemed like giving her his love was so hard, like as if he was only doing it for her.  He shouldn't love her because he had to. He should love her because he wanted to. "Do you honestly think I can't protect myself, find a place to live on my own?" she spat, hackles slightly bristling. Her voice broke at her next demand, choking on her own air. Throat hoarse, vocals dry. She had never dared imagined herself feeling such raw emotions about him, let alone lashing out like this. She felt confused. She felt violated, provoked. "What am I to you?" Was she a burden? Another obstacle in his path, needing his constant attention and aid? His spaniel following him wherever? A girl with assets, benefits? A pawn in his supreme plan?

It made his fur bristle. Did she not know? How much he yearned for her, how much he wanted to do her well? Rivaxorus was inexperienced, he had not known love before and his physical being was brought together by her alone. His body turned, pivoted quickly with his hackles raised. Not out of aggression, but just like her it sparked his emotions. Did she feel unloved? Had he made that mistake - and for that he knew he couldn't say sorry. "You're everything to me!" he snapped. "I just never knew how to treat you because I've never loved anyone this much. I've never WANTED someone so bad Zephyra. My emotions and myself are totally messed up right now and I didn't want to admit it." His eyebrows furrowed. How could he show her in actions? Because he knew perfectly well how cheap words could be. "I think you can live without me perfectly fine Zephyra.... but that's what's scares me. Because I've never been face with something like this before. I burn every second for you. If I'm upset my head automatically goes to you. How is Zephyra feeling, what is she doing. Is she okay? Am I worth her time? All these things constantly going through my head." he took a breath. As he tried to calm himself. He lowered his head, "The night that you were crying in the weeping woods - that's when I had decided that I would be the one. I want to be the one to warm your bed at night. It doesn't matter if we have a pack - I just want... you Zephyra." he looked at her. "I promised myself that I would never lose what I loved again, and now I'm terrified. Absolutely terrified, that you hate me." he shifted there. Rivaxorus painfully sat himself down groaning at the pain. "I just wanted to do you right." h grimaced for a moment. He had to calm down. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

Everything. She was everything, but she felt like nothing. She was wanted, but she felt unwanted. She was worried over, constantly in his thoughts, but she felt abandoned. How could she be his whole world, but none of it at the same time? Maybe she truly was his everything, the sun he revolved around, but she couldn't see that anymore. She couldn't feel his love - it wasn't there. Just a dark abyss where she thought it had once been. And though he spoke such sincere words with heartfelt emotion, they had lost their meaning. She wanted more from him than cheap promises, more than words.

She took a step toward him, closing the distance between them, forepaws just touching. Close enough to touch noses, but she didn't dare. Too close, she knew. An invasion of his space, but that was the least of her concerns. Scarlets stared him dead-straight in the eye, no sympathy, no remorse, not a sign of emotion in her hard stare. They weren't his eyes - the gold and amethyst gaze she knew too well. They didn't belong to him. Who was he anymore? He could quite possibly be a stranger now. A stranger that claimed he loved her. "Prove it."

His focus was on her now. That was where it would remain. Maybe it had remained right in front of his face. Her proximity tore his air from his lungs. It reminded himself, of who he really was. Had he missed that? Who was he - he wasn't an alpha. He was the man who would stand aside her. He was the one who wanted to spend time with her when she had thought her family didn't want her. Rivaxorus gravitated towards her, and those words. Prove it. He wanted to do something maybe she wouldn't like, but her words had snapped him back to reality. Words were cheap.... words were cheap. His breathing finally settled and Rivaxorus leaned forward. He aimed to press his head into the side of her neck. "Thank you, Zephyra." he whispered and a smile appeared on his face. She was beautiful, and he had neglected that. This whole thing had drawn his attention away from her when she should have been the focus of his attention. Rivaxorus attempted to delve deeper, but none of the touch would be unless she invited it. His pelt intertwining with hers as he ran his body across her side. He lifted his head and he gently nipped at her ear. He blissfully wanted to be in her embrace. Behind every man was an even stronger woman. She was strong, she was independent - and it didn't matter to him what others thought of the two of them. He came to stretch his head across her back in a hug like matter. "Will you let me Zephyra.... I've never done this before. But it's my way of proving to you. You've provoked me back to reality." he gently whispered into her ear. He tried to hint at what he was aiming. Something usually only a couple of wolves did - normally for offspring. But that wasn't the only thing. The sheer affection he wanted her to feel. He wanted HER to feel special. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

He finally closed the thin distance between, almost as if he had been needing her embrace. A small smirk touched her lips at the thought, the thought of being wanted, needed. She welcomed his every movement, every action, every touch. He had only just begun and she was already feeling weak in her knees, a strong desire boiling beneath her skin. And yet he still asked for permission, like he actually needed it. A quiet rumble of impatience came from her throat, and to reinforce it, she made her stance more passive, submissive, open. She had no borders, no boundaries, at least not for the moment. She had laid down her weapons, her defence, her exterior. Her body was his domain to trace and mark out. He could go wherever he pleased, venture and explore to his heart's desire. She didn't care if this was something new, something she had never done before, let alone thought about. If this was his way of proving himself, of showing his true colours, of making a promise stronger and deeper than any words spoken, then she would comply with his every movement. "Take me," she whispered sultrily, a small whine escaping her lips. "Show me everything."

Her growl only made him laugh. Could she blame him, he was a gentleman. His entire being was built for that - making sure he never stepped over his boundaries. Gods knew what happened last time he tried that. As such, Rivaxorus let his instincts take hold. Something age old happening here and he wanted Zephyra to feel every minute of it. Every second, after this maybe she'd never be able to go back. Sure she was free, but he wanted to make her his. A sudden impulse of protective nature rose up. As he carried his body along hers, he would test each and every part of her body. The intensity of his touch should have been felt. Through bites and licks all the same as the male inched his way towards his goal. Rivaxorus would make sure that this was unforgettable. -fade- "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

Similarly, she had also let her instincts take hold. In the past, letting her impulses get the best of her was something she had learnt to control, or at the very least tried to. Now she wanted her instincts to take control. They knew more than her, even when she hadn't done anything quite like this before. Her instincts told her where to align her body with his, how to react, sent the adrenaline and bliss flooding through her veins. All reasoning and thought had been lost. Maybe it was better that way. She had been too preoccupied thinking about what others thought of her that she had forgotten to let herself free, do what she really wanted to do. She wanted this and he wanted this - there was nothing more to it, nothing stopping them.

Like a shadow, he slowly made his way down her body, leaving a trail of enticing nips and kisses. Her gaze was moulded into his, never taking her eyes off of him. Wherever he touched, a pulse of electricity blossomed beneath her skin, a prickle of energy travelling down her spine. Ebony fur intermingling with that of russet, his body pressed against hers. There was never a break in contact, a separation in the two forms - they were like one. When she could feel his presence behind her, she swished her tail to the side. She inhaled, trying to rid the distant ringing in her ears. Her body was pulled closer as he positioned himself, wrapping himself over her. Muscles tensed before he finally pressed into her, the breath leaving her throat.

-fade to green-

This is what it took to remind him who he was. Of all things, Rivaxorus had been afraid of his pride being taken away of all things. Soon he realized the support of the one he cared about most had been directly in front of his face. Self doubt had engulfed him but had been cleared like fog lifting on a night like that. Suddenly the willows felt less like home, and more or less he was home wherever she was at. They were young yes, but that didn't give them less of a right to love each other. To live and grow together, perhaps Zephyra herself had taught him how it meant and felt to be free. Afterwards the male was catching his breath by her side. The plains cooling down with the oncoming of night. Which was better considering the heat and his wounds didn't mix well. Rivaxorus ran his head under her chin in affection. "After my wounds are done healing. What do you want to do Zephyra?" he asked calmly. His heart may have been beating fast, but he was fine now. "I'd like to... start a family with you." it was bold, but those were his true feelings. Even if it took some time for her to decide, he rather liked the thought of being in a family with her. Having a tie in that way - and doing it correctly. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

-fade out-

When they had peeled their bodies apart, she hobbled on her paws, barely managing to keep herself steady. Her body felt weak and sore. She finally stumbled, sprawled upon the ground on her back, trying to catch her breath. Her heart pounded faster than it ever had before, trying to steady itself. The whole experience had been amazing, unlike anything she had done before. And she liked it. She liked it a lot. She found herself craving more. Again, a voice whispered. Do it again. She craned her head, looking over her stomach at the male who rested beside her. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. She could stick around, follow him around for a while. There could be plenty more nights like these, and the thought of that just thrilled her.

He came to life, rolling over and resting his head under her chin. She felt his warmth radiating to her skin, and if she listened closely, she could feel the faint beats of his heart. Then he spoke, asking what she wanted to do next. It hit her, the realisation that she actually had a life to go on with. She was young - she had another eight or so years of her life left. And to be honest, she didn't know what to do with those years. "I don't know," she murmured, her eyes low. "Do you still wanna find another pack and restart from there?" Not that she wanted to join another pack. She was done with them. But if that's what he wanted, she wouldn't argue, at least not for long.

Rivaxorus was thankful, he thanked the gods and most of all Zephyra for this moment. She was the one who tethered him there. He had spent all his time trying to concentrate on removing his past, but now he had this. It was intoxicating all of it. Her touch and what he had been able to do. That was what pressed on though. She would fall slightly silent and he would be keen enough to catch up on that. It was okay to take some time, after all he had wounds that needed to heal. "Packs sort of leave a bad taste in my mouth. I mean you were raised with as a loner for a majority of your life right? I'm just accustomed to pack life but being a loner - does sound a bit nice." Rivaxorus questioned for a moment. He also sort of liked the idea of the freedom. They could go where they please, do what they pleased. There was no meetings, no group things - just them and their family and occasional friends that they hung around and saw. "But if you want... Xephyris offered us a place in his pack when he gets around to it. That's only if you'd be comfortable." he mentioned the offer the older man had made. After all he still hadn't given a clear cut decision on it either. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

To her fortune, it seemed he shared the same perspective on packs as her. She had just made the assumption he would prefer pack life, having been born and raised in one. And though she had been born a loner, she had almost forgotten what that life seemed like, having become so accustomed to Fiori and Myriad. Now that she thought about it, the freedom sounded quite tempting, alluring. Sure, they had freedom in Fiori and Myriad, but this freedom was so much different. They weren't confined to the territory or forced to obey laws or respect wolves with whom they shared their home. Sometimes packs seemed so...pointless. Everyone had somewhere to be, something to do - for what? The pack was just going to get taken over or disbanded anyway.

She nodded absently to his reply, flicking her ears with interest at the mention of Xephyris. The older man certainly had more experience with them; he'd make an ideal alpha. It was just awkward, though. First he answered to them, and now they would have to answer to him. But she would take it into consideration. It was a possibility, she supposed, if the life of a rogue didn't work out for her. "What would we do as loners? What can we do?" That was the problem - she got bored quite easily. Packs always kept her preoccupied - gave her something to do, somewhere to go, even if it had little meaning. What were they to do now? Waste their lives away?

He had to think about that, there was a wide variety of things they could do. Especially if they had a family. They could go practically where ever they wanted, with their size - hunt whatever they wanted. Meet new wolves - have friends that they didn't have to see if they didn't want to. Hell he could hire himself out to some packs if it meant getting a few supplies here and there. Though he didn't suppose they'd particularly enjoy him doing that when they had their own capable members. "We could live where ever we wanted, if we get bored of one place move to another. With pups they can see the world, travel and not have to be stuck to one place. Hunt whatever we wanted, play around as much as we wanted." he lightly shoved her with a smile. There was also.. the protection of having a pack. "But with a pack, you have stability with the right leader. Wolves won't try to claim you as slaves, you don't have to worry about starving or going thirsty since they take care of their wolves. And if you're having trouble finding yourself, some of them give you purpose." at least from what he had seen. As awkward as it may have felt with Xephyris. If they were comfortable, that was the point. "At least these are some things I weighed when thinking about this. As long as you are happy Zephyra - it doesn't matter where we go. Just know if you did wish it, we'd be among friends with Xephyris. He said he'd support us even if we aren't in his pack." that was something only a good friend would offer. Rivaxorus hated to say it, but the man was like a father to him. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

There were possibilities - living wherever they wanted, whenever they wanted, travelling and seeing the world, hunting to their heart's desire, and simply enjoying each other's company. But he brought up the subject of pups once again. She quickly rolled her eyes when his gaze wandered off from her, though she wouldn't care if he caught a glimpse of it anyway. Maybe that would get her point across. What was his obsession with starting a family? Was that all he cared about? Was that all he wanted from her - pups? Pups for what? They didn't need little mutts running about, driving them insane, driving her insane. If that's all he expected from her - children - then he could find another woman willing to bear his pups. But she ignored that part. Maybe he was just joking. Surely he wasn't already thinking about pups. Surely he wasn't being serious. "How about," she slowly began, sorting out her thoughts, "we try out being loners for a lil' bit, and if it's not working or we get bored or whatever, we join Xephyris' pack?" It seemed like a reasonable plan, she thought to herself as she nuzzled into his cheek, stealing a nibble on his ear. "So you better keep me... entertained." She said the last word with a small purr.

The male obviously noticed her disdain, he only smiled at it though. He was only half joking, so he'd leave it be. Besides it would be some time until her breeding season to begin with, there was time for her to change her mind or ask him about it. To him, having a family would keep them occupied. After all, he refused to leave his children out of anything in the future. It might have been a bit of trouble as well - regardless he was considering it for the future. If, he could change Zephyra's mind. As he listened to her, it did sound like a solid plan! He laughed a little as she nuzzled him and nipped at his ear. Purring that he'd have to keep her entertained. "It's a deal, and how about then we head up north. And I will show you where I was born?" he hummed as he looked at her. There was so much they could do, and after tonight he no doubt lusted after her more. Who would've thought she would have wrapped him around her paw. "Talk"

Everybody wants
what they just can't hold

Hmm, the north sounded good. She was getting a little tired of the south, especially after her explorations had taken her over almost every inch of this part of the continent. Sometimes it felt too nostalgic here, being born and raised in the gulley and all, and now having led a pack in the next territory over. She needed a change in scenery, a refresher in her life. New lands to explore, an adventure in itself. An adventure with him. If the north was where he desired to go, even offering to show her his birthplace, then she would contently comply. "Deal," she murmured back with a nod, shuffling her body closer to his, and allowing sleep to take over her. Slumber came surprisingly quicker than she had thought. First a rest and then they could think about their venture to the north. Though before that, she thought about the day's events. How she had been disappointed in him, confused with her feelings for him, wanting him out of her life. But he had worked his little spell, just like he had before, and she had practically melted into him. He had made her pain and hurt all better - putting her together again.

-end thread?-