She was tired. Not just regular tired either, this was a sort of tired you feel when every fiber of your being tries so desperately to act whole even though you just don't feel strong anymore. She could feel it in her bones. Spending her time with Inverno had helped, she wouldn't deny that but she also found that she always tried to be more... put together than she really was. Perhaps that remaining sense of leadership was telling her she much remain strong in front of those that followed her. Whatever it was that drove her to hold her head up high didn't matter now though, she was at her limit and needed to slip away. Not so much from him as from herself. Caelum wanted to escape that feeling of needing to carry too much weight.

Having walked far past the territories she had previously explored, the woman trotted off in search of a private place to just hide. As she walked she felt her eyes grow wet and knew she needed to find somewhere more secluded. It was by mere chance that she stumbled on the entrance to the dark cavern. Her initial thought was that she should continue on, but after further inspection she thought she saw a faint light. Never one to leave her curiosity unsatisfied, and also not wanting to travel much further from the areas she knew well, Cae decided to pad her way into the darkness.

It was only when she relaxed and stopped trying to control herself that she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. They wouldn't stop, and she didn't try to make them but rather continued slowly wandering onto the damp cave, searching for the source of the ever brightening glow. She could only stare at the luminescent fungi, unable to do anything but finally drop her guard and let herself cry. Really cry. Truth be told, the pale woman hadn't allowed herself to do more than wallow in her sorrow for so long that the only time she remembered actually crying was the day she lost her family. Since then all she could do was hate herself, and later hate Zephyr. Caelum flopped down, just laying there for a long time. She needed to let it hurt. She knew that eventually the time would come to move on, to find closure and acceptance, but right now all she could do was live in the moment and let herself feel everything she bottled up.

Like clockwork the male was up before dawn, crawling from the place they had bedded down for the night. He was up to do patrol and though he hated to get up and leave her alone he wanted to be sure that there was no danger nearby. In order to survive he needed to be sure that they were protected from danger and without being in a pack he had left the duty up to himself. It gave him some purpose again. It made him feel like he was part of well oiled machine. He hadn't asked her for help nor did he deny her help if she had asked. He was growing accustomed to it being just the two of them and was growing vary fond of the one on one time he was getting with her. The imaginary borders the male had made up really hadn't been that big, but it was enough that it took the male a while and he didn't rush it either. He took the time to get some fresh air and look around for some fresh prey trails. He was hoping that maybe she would be up for a hunt, to take down something bigger that could feed them for a day or two. He found himself missing the taste of a fresh deer kill. He had made his rounds and changed direction, heading back to see if Caelum was up yet. It hadn't taken the male long to get back to where they had slept, but to the male's surprise she was gone. His body tensed as he sniffed around the area looking for any other scents. Once he was sure she wasn't attacked he picked out the hottest trail of hers and fallowed it. He wasn't sure where she was headed, but he wanted to make sure no harm would come to her. He wasn't paying much mind to where the trail was leading to and really wasn't taking the time to look around him. It wasn't until he reached the cave that he stopped dead in his tracks. Why would she go here? He sniffed testing the air unsure what lie ahead. He then carefully moved forward. He was quiet as he moved, until he came to the room with the glowing fungi and there sat in the middle of it was Caelum. Stopping the male hesitated unsure whether to approach or not. "Caelum," His deep voice was surprisingly soft and laced with concern. Talking & Thinking

She wished she didn't have to feel this way, wished she could finally live her life, and Caelum honestly couldn't decide if it was her inability to do this or the fact that she even wanted to move on that made her so despise herself at times. Often the woman found herself wondering if perhaps it was all her fault. Maybe if she'd been there... It was all in the past now though. Now she was left to pick up the pieces of herself, she knew that she needed to put herself back together soon because she really couldn't keep going like this. It was just that knowing where or how to start seemed like an impossible task at the moment.

Quiet sobs continued to break up the relative silence of the cave for a long time. She didn't want to move, didn't want to do anything. It was only when she heard the sound of familiar paw-steps that she would consider rising from the cold floor of the cave. Her body didn't seem to agree that she should leave her spot, her shoulders shaking still from her lamenting. Only when she heard the deep voice, surprisingly soft and gentle now, that the pale woman would raise her head, looking at him with shining blue eyes so filled with sorrow one might think the emotion itself would begin to overflow from them. For a few moments she lay there in silence, staring at the only other being in this land that she knew and trusted and not knowing how to express what she felt.

Her words were so quiet they would likely not have been heard if it wasn't for the quiet that the cavern offered, and an occasional sniffle would interrupt her as she spoke, "I... I feel so... weak. Have I failed you? Everyone trusted me and I wasn't... wasn't there in time. And I don't know what to do now. I'm no good as a leader, am I?"

Self-disparaging thoughts plagued her mind so frequently and unlike when she was out in the open, when she sucked it up and bottled up her feelings in the hopes that she would forget them for a little while, right now she was having a hard time even speaking. She missed her old life, missed how content she had felt most days. Of course Caelum also desperately wanted to move forward, needed to. She just didn't know how or if she even deserved it.

He had himself in a bit of a pickle now, he knew it as soon as she faced him. Those eyes about broke him, the sorrow and sadness. He also was able to see the dampened lines down both her cheeks indicating that she had been crying. He had never been good with these kind of things, never. It brought back memories to when he would be with Ilona. There was times she would get upset and vary frustrated and since they patrolled together Inverno would always see her in these times. He bit his tongue and stood still for a moment unsure of what to do or how to act. He tried to bring back those memories, just the happy ones of when she was alive. Trying to remember what she had liked him to do when she was in a sad state. She always seemed to like being close to him, but would Caelum really want that? Biting his tongue once again he moved forward a little more as the silence came between them. Then she began to speak, snuffling between words. She was blaming herself again, just like he had been doing. It wasn't her fault, it wasn't his fault, it was no one's fault. His eyes softened and he closed the distance between them and sat down beside her. Looking down to her with his gold-orange eyes. "No you have not failed me or the pack. None of it was your fault and I don't think anyone could have done anything to stop it. If we did we would be dead. You were a fantastic leader and you could be again if you tried. You do not have to try now we can remain as loners or even join another pack for the time. he said. He hoped his words helped, but he feared it wasn't enough. What else could he do? Biting his tongue again he smiled softly before gently nudging her cheek hoping it would help even more. Talking & Thinking

She didn't understand why it had to be this hard. Sure, part of loving was the grief if you lost the ones you loved. But why must it hurt so much for so long... Caelum knew she wasn't the only one hurting, she could see the uncertainty and what she thought might be the flicker of memories in his eyes. Once upon a time she would have been more put together. She would have been the one comforting others in the aftermath of an event. Now though she felt like a helpless victim, like she was running from the pain for so long and now it had her cornered and was laying into her without hesitation or mercy. Where had her old strength come from? For the life of her Cae couldn't recall. Those bright eyes, so laced with concern, looked down at her and nearly made the woman's heart melt. She hated to have her only companion and friend look so worried. If only she could get up and dust herself off and be fine. But life didn't work like that. Only in stories did one have sudden bursts of courage and strength. At least that's what she'd come to assume. Glossy eyes wet with the tears she now tried to suppress looked over the mans many scars. Often she would look at them, look at him and feel responsible for what happened. What happened to him, to her family. All of them. Her ivory ears perked forward a bit to listen to the deep rumble of his voice when he spoke. She always found the cadence of his words to be somewhat soothing. She bit her lip, holding back a flood of words. He was right, but the part of her that was in pain wanted to keep blaming herself, or to find someone to blame. It wasn't the right thing to do, she knew that... The compulsion to feel that way never seemed to dissipate entirely. There were times when she'd allowed her mind to tell her it might be Zephyr's fault in some way. Now though she knew better, even if she hadn't kicked that blame habit that afflicted her. Oh how he melted her cold and frozen thoughts. Inverno had developed a knack for saying the right things, even if in her troubled state she had a hard time believing him. It was likely written all over her face since she was never good at hiding how she felt. She wanted to think she could lead again if she chose that path. His confidence in her resonated with Caelum. Admittedly she had been playing with thoughts of where to go next, and what her future should look like. Sadness may leave her weary and hurting, but she still couldn't imagine living under the rule of another even if she wasn't yet up to task of being one herself. She couldn't tell if it was a matter of pride, dominance or simply habit but no matter the root cause it was clear to her that for the time being she would not be entering a pack. Leaning against vern's warm body she took a deep breath, gazing up at him and mumbling, "Thank you... I know you're right it's just... difficult to not feel at fault for it all." How long had it been since she last felt someone's gentle touch? Even spending so much time together, Caelum only occasionally bothered to seek out physical contact. Right now, she closed her eyes and leaned closer to him, nuzzling his neck and sinking into him, greatful for the comfort he provided. A heavy sigh escaped her, releasing with it a great deal of the tension she'd been feeling. She flopped down against the ground again, letting her back rest against Inverno as she began to speak softly, "Do you really think I could lead another pack? I mean... I can't say I haven't though of it. But I don't know where I'd begin. And I know I'm not ready quite yet." Actions   "Speech"   Thoughts

He absolutely hated to see her this upset. He didn't like seeing anyone upset, but to see her like this broke his heart. She was such a strong women that he wished she didn't feel like this. He wished he could take all the hurt away and make things better. He wished somehow he could erase the negative memories so she could be happy and be strong again. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way and he could only do what he could for her. Perhaps his support would be enough for her and he could help her build herself back up, though he didn't want to push her into it. He was good at being supportive, but he was also good at not speaking his true thoughts and feelings. If he was better at that Ilona would have knew what his feelings were and perhaps their relationship would have been much deeper when things went down. What good would it have done though. How that attack happened one of them would have died either way and he may be feeling worse now then he truly was. He tried to remain relaxed, but when she leaned into him his heart couldn't help but picking up it's pace. It had been so long that he was this close to another and had someone pressed against him. It felt good, but it also felt wrong. It felt wrong because he himself still struggled with moving on. He struggled with seeing himself with anyone else, but Ilona. He felt like he had lost his chance of a happy settled life when she had died, but in reality this wasn't the case. There was nothing wrong with moving on and finding someone else to love, perhaps this was what was suppose to happen, maybe he was never meant to be with her for the rest of his life. Closing his eyes the male suppressed his thoughts and just allowed himself to enjoy the feeling of her pressing against him. Ears then swiveled forward as she spoke, her words making his eyes open to look to her again. "I know it's difficult, but trust me, with how often I have went over those wolves trails that night, there was no way any of us could have seen it coming. It hadn't been an inside job either," his voice was now soft as he spoke. Since the attack he had tried to go over the events that led to the attack and there was no way that they could have prevented it. Whoever had attacked them had to be extremely smart. and had to have been watching the pack from a distance to know how they ticked. She shifted, leaning into him more and making him stiffen slightly, sitting like a rock so that she could safely lean into him without falling over. Although this did not mean he didn't remain gentle, in fact when she nuzzled him it seemed to trigger his bottled up gentle nature that would make him a good man for someone. Gently he dropped his head to the top of her neck and dropping further so that he could gently wrap his head around her neck. Closing his eyes again he allowed himself to just enjoy this feeling of being this close to someone realizing that he had missed it way to much. As she spoke he didn't even bother opening his eyes, not wanting this to end. "You could do anything you put your mind too and hey maybe it's a good thing that you don't remember where to start. It's fresh slate and a perfect opportunity for you to built a better pack. All you need is a plan on how you want the pack and people who want to fallow and you'll be set." He said. "You already have your first follower and though I know nothing on leading a pack I'm willing to help with whatever you need." Talking & Thinking

Heart heavy with the emotions that swirled inside of her, she closed her eyes, trying to silence the deafening roar of thoughts and feelings in her mind. She focused on his warmth and tried to bury the worst of what clamored in her brain. For a time it worked, yet she was unable to banish a particularly stubborn feeling of... guilt. Not the same sort she'd been feeling only moments ago, it was different but it's origins were lost on her. Listening to his response with careful consideration she nodded, "I see..." Surprisingly she had yet to spend as much time wondering who perpetrated the attack as she had blaming herself for the fact that the attackers were successful. Mulling things over for a little while she came to the conclusion that she would have to revisit this at a later date. Worrying about who committed the act would do her no good when she only had herself and Inverno. Should she ever decide to go down a path of revenge it would end poorly if she was ill equipped to fight any battles she started. Taking in a deep breath she would huff, letting the release of air accompany a release of tension in her muscles. When he relaxed and dropped his head over her neck she let out another soft sight of contentment. Turning towards him a bit she would reach over and move to gently tug at the fluffy fur of him neck in an effort to get him to lay closer to her, so his belly would be presses snugly against her back in prime snuggling position. It wasn't often that Caelum craved such closeness, but that didn't mean she didn't like to be affectionate and close with others. It was just rare that she would both be in the mood and have someone who was willing to lay close to her and just be. It was so nice... Eyes the color of a frozen lake would gaze at him as he spoke again. A tentative smile began to twist her lips upward. His unwavering faith in her left the woman both nervous and inspired. Who before this had ever had such belief in her? Few would come to mind even with some effort spent trying to remember - it was clear that one of Inverno's greatest qualities was likely his loyalty and for that she was grateful. "Things sound so much easier when you say them than when I let my thoughts run wild with my worries. Thank you... I'm very lucky to have you with me," she said softly, turning again and reaching to give his cheek a gentle lick. Actions   "Speech"   Thoughts

How did this feel so welcoming? Wasn't this completely wrong to be doing especially when her mate was still alive? With how he treated her upon the last visit he really didn't want her to go back to him. This was wrong, but at this point it felt so right that he didn't care. In his opinion it seemed that Zeph had screwed up his chance with this women and even if this wasn't meant to last it made the man's heart flutter, something he hadn't felt since he was around Ilona. Naturally when she gently tugged him closer he obeyed moving closer to her, their fur mixing together as they were in prime snuggling position. A soft sigh of contentment left the quiet male's lips As he settled with her, this moment feeling way to comfortable to be reality. How would he be so lucky to get this type of opportunity when he blew it the first time around. The male had never even thought he could feel so strongly towards another women as he did with her right now. He had convinced himself that Ilona was the only one, that there would be no other and that he would never get the chance to settle down and complete his life. Somehow, right now, all of this that was going on was helping him past the pain. It was helping him to get over the years of blaming himself, being angry with himself, and the hurt of loosing her. Even if it would be wrong in the end, right now it felt right. Her warmth and her fur contacting his skin felt so heavenly that he was lost with words, and lost from this world. His ears perked as she spoke taking in her soft words. "I'm vary lucky to have you with me too," he replied, his voice soft and almost tired. He relaxed even more and suddenly felt rather tired. He wanted to stay cuddled with her, all night if possible. Maybe he could finally get a full night's rest. Sighing lightly he felt ready to fall into sleep. -Exit Inverno into slumber- Talking & Thinking

Entranced by the wonderfully pleasant feeling of their closeness, her mind would beg her to never let it end. It was one of those things she didn't know she needed till she finally had it. That feeling of being wanted, appreciated, trusted and cared about had been absent from her life for far, far too long and now it was back in the form of a scarred friend who she had quickly come to trust and care for like she had few others. She'd had so much empty space in her heart for these recent years yet just when she'd begun to think she would live out her days alone after being scorned by her mate, here was this man who so easily accepted her affections, held her close and hadn't turned her away even once. What did she do to deserve someone like this suddenly entering her life?

To cuddle up close with someone like this... Denying her enjoyment of it would be a difficult task - if not entirely impossible - though for a moment she did resist, as thoughts sparked in her mind of what he would think. Would Zephyr... No, she couldn't allow herself to bring him into such a serene moment. Of course she knew that with how he'd reacted it was unlikely he even wanted to be with her anymore. Perhaps... He had moved on now? The thought struck a mighty painful nerve and she had to drop it, opting instead to enjoy where she was in this peaceful time and place with this wonderful wolf.

His response brought an excited smile to her lips, heart fluttering a bit. Yes, she was very lucky indeed. Knowing he felt the same way made her feel butterflies in her stomach for a while after his words had ended. She lay for a while, enjoying the sensation of his body so close by hers. Goodness, it was heavenly. Her collapse into slumber was inevitable, however, as the sadness that had swept over her earlier had drained her more than she'd realized and soon she was losing the fight against sleep, the world going black as she sunk into oblivion, Snuggled close against Inverno, unconsciously shuffling in her sleep to push further against his chest before a loud sigh of contentment echoed through the cave.

-Exit Caelum into Slumber-