Recently the woman had found herself wandering again, moving further from the lands she had been sticking around for several seasons now. Now that she thought about it, Caelum realized that things had gone full circle now, meaning she'd been here at least a year. How time did fly... Shaking her head to clear the clouded thoughts in her head she turned to focus on her surroundings. The briar was laced with frost, spider webs woven between the branches of the thorny bushed would glisten with frozen dew. It was a lovely sight, completed with the thin layer of fog hanging low over the ground, and the chilly winter air that made her breath show up in great clouds before her pale muzzle.

Padding her way carefully through the bushes she tried to avoid the wicked thorns that sought to pierce her flesh, forcing her to duck often and always be mindful of where she stood. The little bird who had taken a liking to her several days ago wasn't far from sight, flitting between branches and sometimes bringing her twigs she thought he must have really liked. Eventually she came to a spot that was clear enough for her to stand up without lowering her head and sat in the middle of it to admire a small flower, the only one of its kind she had seen so far. Caelum figured it would die off as the frost continued though, especially since it was already looking rather droopy. Studying it, she determined that it was a daisy, with a brilliant yellow center and mostly white petals, except for one purple that added an interesting dash of color. Her bird friend came gliding over, landing beside the flower and chirping at her before he took off again. Caelum observed his flight with interest, watching the tiny creature dart through the smallest of spaces with enviable ease.

Her paws were beginning to get chilly now, prompting Cae to stand and begin looking for a new path to continue their adventure. She loved this feeling, this sense of control. She could choose her fate right now, even if it lead her to conflict at the end of the path she took, at least right now she could pick her path and no one could take that choice from her. Until this point she'd never really realized that losing her family and the ones she loved had given her a profound sense of helplessness, and to have such a sense of powerlessness had taken its toll on her. But now, now she felt so much... more free. The hurt was beginning to surface less, she was starting to take hold of her emotions and for that she was endlessly grateful.

Things hadn't changed much for him since seeing Asha, though he hadn't expected they would. His own future was disconnected from hers, though he would be lying if he said he wasn't reflecting not heir reunion quite a bit. Knowing she was in these lands was enough to cause him to feel wildly out of sorts. His past seemed to be haunting him - and he wasn't sure what to make of it quite yet. Wandering in the unknown today seemed quite ideal, as his own thoughts were scattered and disorganized. The oversized brute found himself wandering through thick underbrush, a place he normally wouldn't great mess of briar bushes and vegetation. Even the cold did not deter him. Instead, he shrugged off the frost as it caught on his pelt from brushing against the briar bushes and continued on.

It was a chilly morning, and each exhalation brought a visible puff of air from his nostrils. Rather than enjoy the scenery of this place, as some might, he simply trudged onward. Beneath his paws, he crushed vegetation and flower alike, without regard as he trudged through the thick underbrush. In the distance, he heard the gentle rustling of.. something. Or someone. His jaw clenched tightly. He wasn't really in the mood for company today, not really. Stubbornly he pressed onward, knowing very well the last thing he wanted to do was to interact with anyone at all, but he was too thick-headed today to change his course of direction.

The stranger's shuffling grew louder, and he caught a whiff of their scent. He thought it was a stranger, at least. But something about the scent, even from a great distance, made his chest clench uncomfortably. Like claws raking at his heart. He couldn't place it, but he knew it was.. someone. It wasn't Asha, he'd just seen her recently, and her scent was ingrained in his mind now. Slowly, cautiously, he pushed onward.

That was when he saw her. Through a clearing in the vegetation, stood a woman with white and black fur. He couldn't see her features well from such a distance, as she moved among the briar bushes, focused on something of her own. The realization hit him suddenly. She looked like Caelum. So similar. But.. how could it be? She'd never, not in a million years, intentionally end up in the same lands that Asha inhabited. What was the chance?

The last time he'd seen her had been painful. Actually, that was a drastic understatement. It'd been.. torturous. A plenitude of emotion, of hurt and regret and anger, had surfaced then and threatened to consume him entirely. He'd been stunned, at first, but slowly his astonishment had turned to white-hot anger. He'd spent so much time thinking of how he might confront her - or make amends with her, though his mentor had all but convinced him that everything that had happened had been Caelum's fault alone - but it had all gone to hell when he finally saw her again. He'd seen her run from the carnage, had seen his closest friend fall, had seen the blood and mangled flesh where his children should've been. Once again, he felt it grip his heart - the hurt was real, and merciless, as it once again consumed him. Years of trying to forget, of trying to move on, felt as though it had been erased in an instant.

He'd lied then, though. He'd told her he never missed her, that he was happy she was gone. The truth was that he'd spent months crying, hardly able to think, let alone move. Time had hardened him, had changed him, and the easiest way to block out that pain was through rage and through blame. He wouldn't deny that he still blamed her, but something else prickled at his mind as he peered at her from a far distance. Then slowly, warily - his voice unable to contain a slight quiver that entered it suddenly - he'd call out, "Hello?" With the single word, a question he hardly had the courage to even ask, he froze and waited. He half-hoped that his senses were playing tricks on him, and she wasn't the wolf he knew at all.

Gaze roving back ad forth, she spent a good while considering the options before her. At least four paths could be made out between the closely growing briar plants, four unknowns. It was at the same moment that she opened her mouth to call to her little avian friend and ask what path he thought that should follow that she caught a scent, drifting through the bush lazily moving with the fog that swirled beneath her paws. It was strange, yet all too familiar. Who might this be, skulking along through the undergrown this fine winter day? Ears swiveled left and right, searching for any sign of their position relative to her own.

She didn't have to wait terribly long before she heard a tentative voice calling out to her. Her little monochrome warbler friend came to land on her cranium at the same time she laid eyes on the speaker and froze in place. The bird was all but forgotten when she came face to face with him. How long had it been now? Was it too long, or maybe not long enough? Peering at his tall form, some distance away, she couldn't deny ven for a moment who this was. It was as if she'd jumped into a frozen pond in the dead of winter. Her system was shocked, this face and the memories that accompanied it were like cold water washing over her. Try as she might, she couldn't really convince herself it wasn't him. It was. Yet if this was Zephyr, what should she do? Their last encounter surfaced fresh in her mind, serving to further dampen her previously high spirits.

It was true that she'd not reacted... very well, when they had encountered one another that fateful day. Of course the same could be said of him... Taking a few cautious steps, rather than reply she would move to begin closing the distance between them. Caelum stopped at the edge of the clearing, now much closer to the man who she found her heart still seemed to yearn for. Her breath caught in her throat, eyes becoming glossy and softening with a look reserved for him alone. She didn't know whether to cry, be angry, or something else entirely. The sense of control she'd been feeling was slip ping out of her paws before she'd even noticed it. At the mercy of her emotions, Cae's ears flicked back, betraying her unease for a moment before the words came.

"Do... do you hate me?" She mumbled with a sheepish expression. She couldn't fathom why these were the first words in her mind, there was so much more to talk about. No longer strong, she felt as if she was but a delicate ivory leaf, trembling before his paws. Biting her lip for a moment she summoned the courage to blurt out in a surprisingly loud voice, "You were wrong! About that night, I mean. I didn't run away, but you never let me tell you what happened Zephyr..." She wanted him to know the truth now, while she still held his attention. She didn't want to keep leaving things unspoken anymore.

It didn't take long at all for him to realize, rather painfully, that this was Caelum. How had fate been so cruel to him? He'd stumbled upon Asha without realizing it, and now it seemed as though someone had purposefully brought him here to Caelum. He'd never believed much in fate, in destiny, but he had no other way of making sense of any of this. It was too much of a coincidence and it took him a long moment of staring, his jaw slightly unhinged, for him to even begin to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Last time he'd seen her, he'd unleashed every negative thought and feeling he'd had on her. He'd blamed her, fully and deeply, and had been unabashed in telling her how he felt.

Now, it simply felt like he might be sick.

He wondered, briefly, what she thought of how he looked now. Time had not treated him as well as it had Caelum, who looked as beautiful as she ever had. This realization was more painful to him than anything else. Their last reunion, she had seemed ugly and weak, his perception fogged by pain and trauma. Funny, how time changed things. He watched, stunned as she cleared much of the distance that separated them. He looked the same, only a bit older. His snout bore signs of age, sparse flecks of grey and white fur that had never existed there before, and more scars marred his pelt than ever did before.

He didn't know what to do. Half of him wanted to scream. She had caused some of what had happened, in his mind, and he wouldn't forget that. But how much of what he'd said that day did he truly believe? Was he glad that they'd been torn apart? Was he better off without her, and without his pack? The truth was, if he could give anything for that day to be erased - to keep his family, his life - he would do so in a heartbeat. Without even a moment of hesitation. Why, then, did he still feel so hateful toward her? Even now, as he stood here gazing on her lovely face. Though other feelings had appeared now, as she started to speak.

He'd loved her, once, with ever fiber of his being. Such love couldn't be shattered quite so easily. Could it ever fully disappear? It was a question he'd thought about a lot, so long ago, but he wondered it again suddenly. Zephyr would be surprised if she couldn't heart his heart thumping furiously in his chest as he struggled with the sudden feelings of panic and confusion that gripped him then. He found himself at even more of a loss when she spoke. 'Do you hate me?' she asked, and he was silent for a long moment. "Does it matter?" he quipped suddenly, without thinking, his voice taking on a hard edge that he hadn't intended. He wasn't meaning to be cheeky, either. He wasn't part of her life anymore, and hadn't been for a long time, so what did he matter how he felt?

Though he stood more solidly than she did, he felt just as helpless. Weak. Things he had been taught to shield himself from. His mentor would likely be physically shaking him, if he were here. Every defense mechanism he knew of to deal with the pain was gone and forgotten, and his gaze softened just slightly as she declared loudly than he'd been wrong. Her voice held a strength he hadn't heard in so long that it startled him, and he took a step back as he eyed her. "You ran away," he managed to mumble, his voice altered drastically now, small and uncertain. "I saw you running. I know your sister fell asleep when she was supposed to be on watch. I saw the... our children." He couldn't bear to think about the day or begin to describe how awful it had been to see that, and his voice nearly cracked, though he maintained a steady external demeanor. "How can I be wrong about any of that?" He wondered if reliving any of this would help anything, but seeing her again - standing before him in the flesh - made him never want to leave.

Different. The man looked different, not just from prior to the attack, but even from when she'd last run into him. She would tilt her head a few degrees to the right, thinking about how the touch of grey on his muzzle oddly suited him. He was always so terribly handsome, even now she couldn't help but notice it. It made her heart ache more. Before, she would have been nuzzling him already, licking his cheek and telling him how she was so lucky to have such a wonderful mate. Heart thudding harder in her chest, Caelum almost couldn't breathe for a moment, eyes beginning to glisten again with the tears so dangerously close to falling on the frosted ground.

Turmoil raged within her heart, so many different thoughts, feelings, memories, compulsions, all fighting for her attention but none of them getting it while she remained glued to the spot for a moment, ears flying forward when he responded, and quickly flattening at his words, followed by a look of what might have been hurt, disappointment, or maybe confusion? Maybe it was all of those. He had the power to make her totally unable to read her own thoughts and feelings, held captive by her wish for things to be normal again. Why can't time go backwards if you wish hard enough? She wished she could take it all away. The hurt they both felt, the distance between them, the mistrust, even the attack itself. This throbbing in her heart; it was worse when she saw him. Some nurturing part of her wanted to help, to mend the wounds... Unfortunately that was something she couldn't do with just her wishes and desires. She searched those striking sea-foam green eyes, trying to look into his very heart for any sign he still cared. Of course he would answer her with a short quip, that was just Zeph, and after a second she'd just smile. She always smiled, always began everything with gentleness. "It matters to me. She'd murmur softly.

Running her gaze over him with a sad fondness she thought perhaps he was feeling as she did. His feet planted firmly in the soil, unmoving at first. It had only been when she'd blurted the words, told him he was incorrect about what he had said before that the man would move, taking a step away. For a single beat her heart thumped harder, pushing her on. His words spurred her on and in response she took two more steps, one to restore the previous distance she'd set, and another to bring her closer to him in a moment of boldness, ears forward, gaze seeking to capture his in it's icy grip. "No," She said in a firm tone, head shaking to further assert the meaning of this word. "You know as well as I do that appearances can be deceiving, Zephyr. Our eyes are not all seeing. I would never..." She faltered for a moment, then took another step, closer now, "I saw them too... I... But it was too late. I was running, I was running after the one who did it," Her voice cracked with emotion, the strength beginning to leave her as the memories bubbled up, consuming her mind and making speech difficult. Turning her face away for just a second she took a deep breath, trying to relax her mind and get back to the topic at hand instead of panicking.

What was this feeling? It was like the strength was slowly draining from her body. Only in short bursts did she feel strong, did she overcome it long enough to speak. The effect her once beloved mate had on her even after all that happened would never stop amazing her, even if they didn't work things out she knew he had a piece of her heart. Turning back, calmer now, she added much softer, "Well why don't you ask the man who was on patrol with her if he thinks Ilona fell asleep? I'm sure Inverno would love to fill you in himself on what he saw."

Seeing her now was so deeply painful. He felt like someone physically was tearing at his chest, at his throat. The pain was only partially physical, and though most was in his head it didn't make it hurt any less. Thinking was hard and trying to speak felt damn near impossible. It was worse that she'd aged so well, that her face felt like a gust of cool air on blisteringly hot summer day. Seeing her.. he felt relief, mingled with the anger and frustration. Though strangely, it felt like seeing a home that was no longer yours. The familiarity and nostalgia that she brought was marred by an uncomfortable space of time and of distance, and the knowledge that both of them had changed. Nothing could change the past, and nothing would bring things back to how they had once been. His emotions were as tumultuous as an ocean wave; rising and lowering, from relief to sadness and blinding anger all in the span of moments. The only thing he was certain of, was that this hurt like hell.

Everything he'd ever done, until that day, he'd done for her. In one way or another.  He'd cared for his pack, back then, but he wouldn't have started it without Caelum at his side. Wouldn't have needed to. Children, too, weren't something he ever thought much about - not until she wanted them with him. Life had changed without her, and not for the better. The things he'd done.. was he any better than those that had slaughtered his own family, his own wolves? His eyes briefly closed as her voice sounded out again. The last time they'd met, she'd been a mess.. but her voice held an undeniable strength now. She was not begging for him to comfort her, to tell her everything would be okay. She spoke, gently and with emotion, but she didn't whimper, nor cry. He remembered feeling disgusted with her then, calling her weak and stupid. But in this moment, she was anything but that.

And then she smiled. Damn her, why did she smile? Zephyr felt his heart shatter into a million pieces, felt a surge of heartache so strong he swore he could die right there. He was surprised when he'd didn't crumple right there before her. Somehow, he managed to simply sway unsteadily where he stood, his posture slackening and his head dipping to the ground.

She maintain that he was wrong, moving closer to him - and causing his breath to hitch in his throat. Why did she have such a sway over him? It was harder to deny her now, now that she stood certain and strong, addressing him boldly. Caelum had never cowered to him, not once since that day, and somehow she stood up to him again. When he'd seen her before, when she'd been a fumbling mess, a darker part of him had taken over and lashed out at her. But now, he stood silently, trying to keep from quivering as she explained and he refrained from interrupting her.

She was chasing the one who'd done it. She wasn't running away. But.. he'd seen her running, and he hadn't seen her chasing anyone at all. His eyes closed again, lids closing over sea-green eyes as his head lowered to his chest. He clenched his jaw tightly in thought. Clash had said that Illona had been at fault, hadn't he? That was how he remembered it. Though it had been hard to hear him clearly through the blood that suffocated him. He cringed at the thought, trying to keep it from his mind. She continued on, and finally he opened his eyes at her last words.

'I'm sure Inverno would love to fill you in himself on what he saw.' Her words, though her tone was softer and more reminiscent of the one he remembered, felt more scathing than anything she'd said thus far. He felt, perhaps without any reason to, like she was rubbing it in his face. Inverno was here, too? How long had Caelum reunited with him.. or had they been together all along? He'd never had a problem with the man, nor did he have any issue with Ilona. But he trusted Clash, and he remembered his words, he was sure of it. "Should we invite Asha to this reunion, too, then?" He'd say through gritted teeth, feeling a surge of defiance, rising in his throat like bile. "I'm sure she'd be interested in this story." Asha had always been a sore point in their relationship, something they never could quite agree on, and though he had begrudgingly accepted Caelum's banishment of her from the pack he had never accepted her assessment of his friend. He wondered if hearing she was in these lands would hurt her as much as he hoped - but god, why did he want to hurt her at all? He found himself looking away from her then, part of him regretting what he'd said and wondering where they could possibly go from here.

Why did he have to stay so familiar? Even if it wasn't the happy tearful reunion she always wished for, he had a hold on her heart. What had life been like before Zephyr anyways? It was hard to tell if she simply couldn't remember, or if she didn't want to remember. They'd met so young, but their connection had ran so deep some part of her very essence knew even then that this was something special. Frowning, dark forehead wrinkling a bit, she wondered if there was anything she could do to repair what was lost. Crumpled and broken, he stood here looking like she'd stolen the breath right out of his lungs. Was it her though, or was it all she represented, was it the Caelum who stood here that held him captive, or was it the one who he'd lost?

Questions, questions, questions. A million of them could run through her head and she would not be able to answer a single one. Then more would come. She wanted to find a way out of this rut, she had to! Always wondering if it was going to end, if they'd thrown all that was left of this future out the window for the sake of having someone to be mad at. Sick. She was sick of it. There had to be a way out of all the pain, out of the hurt and loss and confusion that burned in her heart like fire, as she was sure it did in Zephyr's as well.

It was her turn to be caught off guard now, right front paw sliding back a half step. Asha? So she was alive? Considering this, Cae decided she probably should have seen that coming. Asha had been banished prior to the attack. There was no reason the other woman would have been killed. Still, why must he bring her into this? Caelum had never really been prone to the kind of humor Asha and he shared, though she was more than capable of engaging in it she just never understood why they enjoyed the banter so often. The two of them could likely go on for hours without tiring of their back and forth. At first Cae had simply shrugged it off, yet over time she found herself resenting Asha. Cae never really understood it herself, but now Zephyr was here using this to what? To upset her? So he was going to try and do this again after all. She'd had such a momentum going at first but now it was going the other way. Hiding the look of hurt was out of the question and she didn't bother to try. The damage was done and if he wanted to give her more pain she would take it well enough. Zephyr was, however, mistaken if he thought that she would let him keep going unchallenged this time.

Crunch! She hadn't noticed before how loud her paw-steps seemed, especially when the only sound out in this maze of briar plants was their voices which had now fallen silent. Moving forward again, coming within a few feet of him now she let her expression slowly melt from pain to defiance, lip curling slightly as she stared him down with fierceness more prominent than ever before, "Cut the crap, right now!" Were her legs shaking? She couldn't tell. Her body felt numb and all that remained was his face and her words as she fired back, "You can be bitter, you can be sad, you can hate me and wish we'd never seen each other, I don't care what you want to do but I will not let you do this again. Not this time, not after so long. Push me again and I will leave again Zephyr I swear I will!" How was it possible to feel both weak and strong at the exact same moment? "I don't think you really want to do this. I think you try to push me because you don't want to have to deal with things. Trying to hide and not really feel isn't strength, it's no better than not being able to overcome your emotions at all. Inflicting pain on someone else to hide from your own suffering is... less than admirable." Onyx crowned head shaking left and right, she wasn't okay with this anymore.

She didn't let it stop there, she couldn't allow herself to stop and be overwhelmed. She pushed on with her words, walking further forward until they were but inches apart, her nose hovering so close to his that the clouds made by their hot breath would likely mingle in the air as each wolf exhaled. She'd only wait a few seconds before she continued voice quieter again but just as strong and assertive as when she'd yelled, "I really hope you don't want to burn us to ashes and throw it all away, I really do. I'd say something about how 'you don't know how I've missed us', or 'if you only knew how much I still care', but I don't think I need to. I think that you feel the same way, whether or not you want to admit it, I mean. Whatever happened, whatever made you want to do these things and act this way, I hope you know that I still care in spite of it." she almost stopped but then added a last comment, "And as for Asha... Sure, let her come to our little get together. You see it doesn't matter to me, really, but let me have the final word on the subject of why, when our pack fell she was not a part of it. It wasn't just her recklessness, her brashness, her endless sass and constant lip, no, I can tolerate all that. The reason she had to leave was her refusal to accept responsibility. Saying "but I didn't mean to" isn't taking ownership of your actions. It's an excuse. And if someone in my pack does something reckless that nearly drowns a kid, the last thing I want to hear is an excuse about why it isn't their fault. If she had accepted responsibility for what she did and hadn't tried to act as if she wasn't really at fault for what happened then maybe I'd have reconsidered. But of course then she would have been there..."

Why was Caelum making this so difficult on him? It'd been much easier to release his anger on her when she seemed so much weaker and more pitiful. It was hard, now, when she seemed.. like the Caelum he knew and loved. The woman he'd grown up with, moved into adulthood with, and started a family with. It was difficult to tell if he longed for who she was now, or who she had been. Nostalgia gripped him like a vice, and left him wanting more. He did know she was beautiful, though, even as she spoke words that pierced his heart like ice - more beautiful than he remembered, and it was hard to look away from her for long.

Her words had hurt him, for reasons he couldn't fully grasp, even partially. Was he jealous that Inverno had been spending time with Caelum? He'd been given the chance to comfort her.. to make things right away.. but all he had done was blame her and push her away. But now as he stood, knowing his old packmate had been around Caelum made him feel fiercely protective and jealous. Had they maintain any semblance of normalcy, he wondered? Were things between them as they had been before?

She approached him, he felt his chest clench again. Caelum was close enough to touch now, and a small part of him wished desperately to reach out to embrace her. But a stronger part of him felt anger well up in his soul, accompanied by stinging tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall. "I wasn't being a smartass," he retorted quickly, noting that his voice lacked the edge it'd had before. Though he had meant his comment to be a scathing one, it seemed fitting, and it was true too. "I ran into Asha not long ago." Surprised at her tone - suddenly harsh and accusatory - his ears flattened against his skull, his face contorting in confusion. "And I am dealing with things. I've been dealing with things for years now. This is how I deal with things."  

How was that, exactly? First denial, and then with overwhelming anger. And now with a simple comment that had sent her into something like a fury. He quivered as she moved even closer, his eyes lifting to lock on her own. He'd missed her gaze, those light blue eyes of hers. How many nights he had spent gazing into them. They looked just like he remembered,exactly like he remembered, which made things hurt even more. Her tone had dropped but slightly, though was still more intimidating than he expected.

What did she expect him to say? He'd never wanted to throw any of it away. "I.. I've changed," Zephyr said through clenched teeth, after a long moment of silent and reflection. "Things have changed, Caelum." He hadn't spoken her name for  a long time. It felt strange on his tongue and made him want to say it again. The sound was familiar and pleasant to his ears, despite the turmoil he was going through right now. Slowly, cautiously, he tipped his head up - his nose barely grazing her own. The tough, hardly noticeable at all, sent a hundred sharp prickles through his flesh, and sent a shiver down his spine.

Really, did he want to talk about Asha? He loved her, but not the way he'd loved Caelum. Hearing, as he had before so many times, about why she'd been sent away was frustrating. Why had he brought it up at all? He knew deep down he hadn't wanted to speak to her just to upset her and make her leave again, but pushing back his negative feelings felt impossible right now. But Caelum's last comment stung. Was.. was she really implying that Asha was at fault, for not being there? As if she could've stopped what had happened. He was silent then, pulling back slightly; being near her was as hard as being apart now, but the urge to touch her was strong. As strong as the urge to scream, to insist that she was wrong, to lay on the blame as he had done before. "What..." he started, swaying again where he stood. "What do we do now?" He'd heard what she had to say, but was there more? His own throat felt painfully tight and words didn't come as easily as he hoped. He felt strangely defeated, strangely vulnerable, and was at a loss for what to say.

Uncertainty gripped her, held her captive and put a hand over her mouth to silence anything she might say until he finished his first few words. His words weren't as sharp, and just... didn't look as spiteful as he had that first time they reunited, if you could call their little interaction a true reunion. Her eyes would narrow ever so slightly. From what? Mistrust? Nervousness? She didn't know, but she didn't have to know why she did it to continue hesitating, ears would move to the sides a few degrees as she tried to decipher what was going on below the surface.

His next words surprisingly enough would cause her to relax, to look more steadily at him. He couldn't really believe that? That this... whatever this was, counted as dealing with things. Caelum couldn't believe that, though something told her maybe he didn't either. Just a hunch. She didn't want to be mad at him, hated it actually. Speaking to him with such fury drained her, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth and a feeling she could only describe as homesickness. Wanting to return to what used to be a place of safety and a refuge. Wanting even to return to him, the old him. The closeness only made it that much worse, it took all her self control to not grab the larger wolf by the scruff and drag him down to snuggle up with her like she used to. His fur looked soft and snuggly as it ever had. Again her heart throbbed painfully in her chest, just below the dark patch of fur. The quiet fell between them, thicker and more palpable even than the fog.

More words, spoken through gritted teeth in a voice that made her chest tighten and her eyes soften. How was she still standing anymore? Cae found herself wanting to take some of it back, anything to make him look less... broken. Hearing her name on his lips was like ambrosia for the ears, so sweet she closed her eyes for a moment to appreciate it. Opening them again she watched him move, felt their noses touch and sucked in a sharp breath, eyes wide. She felt like a kid again, like the young girl who had fallen for the devilishly handsome man with the toothy grin and a wit sharper than  porcupines quills. She was falling deep into nostalgia, lost in it's embrace. And she never wanted to leave.

Slowly her lips parted, mouth slightly opened while she thought of what to say, all the fire having left her and now replaced with stillness that rivaled that of the motionless plants that surrounded them. One tear. Two. Three. After that several more escaped though she did not lose her statuesque composure. Her cheeks felt hot when she murmured, "I know. I have too. I wish... I wish you'd trust me enough to tell me more. I know I haven't really... been alone but, I felt so lonely." There were no sniffles, no shuddering breaths or trembling legs. Just Caelum, looking for something but not knowing what. Was it him?

Despite so much time passing, she still hadn't gotten to really talk to him. Maybe now... She'd let everything else drop, leave it all for another day and maybe they could just talk. Until now she had only had Inverno's company, which she very much enjoyed, but she wasn't sure it was what her heart was craving, hungering for even when she didn't know it. Could this be it? He asked a question but she didn't really hear it at first, she was too busy slowly moving again, sidestepping and moving around so they would stand side by side, all without letting their noses cease contact until the last possible second. For a moment they were apart entirely, not a single hair making contact. Then without a word she would move to lean into him. The why didn't really matter to her anymore, it was instinct now. Her body was drained from this emotional roller-coaster she'd been up and down in the span of only a few minutes and now she sought contact. Frigged eyes fluttered closed for several seconds. Couldn't they just stay like this forever?

Finally she would rise, breaking the contact and moving back towards the middle of the clearing, ivory tail flicking in a manner that beckoned Zephyr to follow. She lay, letting her body collapse onto the cold ground and looked up at him, "Now? Now you will come here and you will talk to me because I need you to."

Their lives, and their very identities, had once been deeply intertwined. They walked the same path, two imperfect parts of a whole that had created such perfect love and harmony. Together, they'd felt unstoppable. It wasn't at all that they had been without fault - they'd had arguments and tribulations, but in the end they'd always worked through them. Zephyr was often more brash and sharp-tongued than necessary, while Caelum was a much gentler soul, though he'd always liked thinking he brought out a more primal side of her. He remembered briefly coaxing her to try new things, dangerous things.. though he'd never actually put her in danger. The thought almost brought a smile to his face, as he found himself transporting years into the past, but he shook his head abruptly and brought himself back to reality. His lips twitched, barely, as though torn between snarling and smiling - the pain ate away at him and he found his limbs quivering more visibly now.

She didn't answer his statement, which caused him unease. He half-expected her to berate him, to continue telling him he'd been wrong, to threaten to leave, to.. he didn't know what she was capable of. The last time had given her an idea what he was capable of. Such rage and lack of mercy, for a woman he'd once given his heart to. Did she fear him? Should she? Even Zephyr didn't know what he was capable of. The depth of hurt he'd harbored to himself, suddenly returning and welling up like an overflowing puddle, was hard to keep inside.

It was easier to react when she was predictable. When she cried, when she cowered - or even when she screamed at him as she had for a moment. But this... this was somewhere in-between and it left him stunned, helpless in the face of her composure. He was even more amazed when she held her ground, not moving as his nose grazed her own. He wasn't blind to the tears that spilled down her cheeks, though she still stood, for a moment at least. She felt like home, like a home that was no longer his, but one he had dreamed about many times. And yet she felt like a stranger - like something that didn't belong to him, but he wanted to take anyway. Was it because the thought of her spending time with someone else felt like a thorn in his heart? 'I felt so lonely,' she told him, and he inhaled sharply.

He didn't know what to say, but when she moved to press into him - such a simple touch, one that a friend might do toward another in time of need - he quivered, visibly now.  "Caelum.." he started, as though protesting, but her scent was too familiar for him to deny, her touch too warm and too tender.  "Don't.." They weren't thinking clearly. They were rushing things, and both of them were still brimming with anger and the need for answers. But... god, she fit against him perfectly. He hadn't been with another woman since her. He'd never had any interest, not until now. He felt her sag slightly against his chest, and tried to resist the urge to tuck her closer to him. His head finally fell, helpless, against her own as he took a deeper whiff of her scent. How had he ever let her walk away?

He felt weak, like a frail child as she moved away and beckoned for him to follow. Once he wouldn't have questioned her wishes. They'd been equals back then, but he wouldn't have denied her something so simple. But now each step felt harder and harder, though he moved toward her as she fell to the ground as though all her energy had been sapped away. She wanted him to talk, though he wanted nothing but silence, to feel her warm body against his and to feel her heart beating against his chest. Zephyr was enraptured by her familiarity, by the feeling she gave him that everything could somehow be forgiven and repaired. He knew the hope was foolish, but he was taken prisoner by it. Slowly he made his way to her, all but crumpling to the ground in front of her. His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke.  "What do you want to talk about?" he asked, uncertainly, his eyes closing as he pushed himself closer to her, wanting to feel her touch again as badly as he wanted to breath. He didn't care about being denied, about what anyone thought, or even about what he thought. Surely he would regret this later, would wish he'd yelled and screamed and blamed her for everything, but right now he wanted to forget all that and to remember how things had once been.

What was she thinking right now? Or, was she thinking at all... No. No, she wasn't thinking, wasn't over-analyzing and worrying and crying anymore. It felt absolutely wonderful. Reckless, that was what she felt like right now. If acting without thinking ws being reckless then let her be reckless because it had finally brought her contact with him; that contact felt like nectar might taste on her lips. Delicious, sweet, addictive. Someday she should ask him how he got to be so damn addictive.

Feeling like she was in the most pleasant of trances she hardly heard his weak protests, though she wouldn't have responded either way. A piece of her must have knew he didn't really mean this. Had there been someone nearby to observer it would have been plain to see even to them that he desired the contact just as much as she did. If only they could just never, ever walk away from this moment in time.

But she had, and as she had predicted Zephyr would follow her. They'd lay near one another, though every part of her wished they would move closer and see just how close two creatures could press together. What did she want to talk about? Anything. Everything. All the events that had transpired and everything they had missed by being apart. Caelum also didn't want to ruin this moment though... Speaking of the past was painful enough when she was on her own, or even with another. That paled in comparison to how she felt around Zephyr. He had the power to amplify everything she felt tenfold. But she didn't want to be quiet either. In a hushed tone she spoke, "I... don't know. Anything. I just don't want it to be quiet. The silence..." She broke off voice wavering slightly. Being in the silence when she was this upset always lead to crying, to falling apart because in the silence memories came back, each more grotesque than the last.

Again she'd shuffle closer, seeking to at least touch his cheek with her nose and feel his heat again. Oh please, just a little contact please.

This wasn't at all how this was supposed to play out. He'd gone over this reunion so many times, though he never had actually thought it would come. Time had changed him - he was harsher now, more cruel and without the kind of compassion that his love for Caelum had instilled in him. Right? He was so different, and yet.. he couldn't bring himself to show her any of that. He had killed wolves.. only the ones that had done something wrong.. but they were still wolves with families who loved them. Children who would never see them come home at the end of the day. Could she ever forgive him?

Suddenly he felt trapped, felt panicked, felt the echo of his heartbeat beating inside his head, echoing like a bark might off the walls of a cave. He felt suffocated by the things he wished he could say and the ones he knew would make this all easier. He'd endured losing her not once, but twice. Would the third time hurt that badly? His mind, the logical part, begged him to snap and unleash all the pain he'd ever felt on her. But he was enraptured by her touch, by the possibility to feel her as he once had. It was intoxicating, and he couldn't move away.

He wanted silence, to feel nothing but her, to hear nothing but her. He was good at blocking out his own thoughts, usually, but she wanted him to talk. What.. what could he possibly say? He was too stubborn to apologize, though he knew they both had plenty of that to do. Something tugged at the back of his mind still. Frustration.. it was too easy to want to blame her, or anyone, for what had happened. "I.." his words faltered, helpless as she pressed her nose to his cheek. A flame ignited in his heart, wild and reckless, consuming him entirely. "Where.. where have you been? Is Inverno the only one you've seen?" Knowing, somehow, that Inverno had made it was refreshing as much as hurt too. Never would he wish any harm to him, but knowing he'd spent time with Caelum was unnerving. She would've mentioned anyone else, right? His heart surged, briefly, with hope - something he hadn't felt in far too long.

Zephyr knew he was being wistful. Time had changed so much. She might not even want to be in his presence, when she knew everything. Maybe she'd even explode on him as he had once, on her, with all of her own pain and heartache. But was it so bad to enjoy it now? He exhaled slowly, finally pulling himself closer to her. It came naturally to him, as he moved to slide his head over her neck, pulling her close as though in an embrace, but he couldn't help but feel like he was doing something wrong. It felt so right though, at the same time. Like coming home after a long, arduous day of work - like finding a pool of water in the middle of a scorching desert and realizing you'd been more parched than you realized. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her until that moment, and he sighed in relief, though even his breath quivered with anxiety still. He couldn't quite understand how something that felt so good could also hurt so badly.

Hadn't it been cold out a minute ago? Suddenly she was perfectly comfortable, warm enough that the frost couldn't penetrate this bubble of heat and contentment. Her mind and body felt sheltered for a while, hidden from the world for just a bit. Seasons had passed seemingly in the blink of an eye since their last meeting, the memory of which would begin to send cracks splitting through the illusion she'd built for herself. Everything was good right now, his touch was all that mattered. And now his words would hold her undevided attention.

She thought for a moment, trying to regain her bearings as she thought about where she'd come from before ending up here with him. It was hard to think, hard to remember anything with him so close. He still smelled lovely, her nose was filled only with his scent which clouded her mind and made it hard to do much of anything. Turning slightly she'd point her nose in the direction she'd come from, "I spent a lot of time wandering... but eventually I ended up in a place a ways north of here. I ran into him by chance, and yes just him..." a shuddering breath was taken, though she couldn't tell why she suddenly felt a bit uneasy. Then he was the one to move closer, and she felt helpless and hopelessly lost in his embrace. This was what she'd wanted for so long, to be close to him and feel a little bit alright. Nothing could compare to this.

She took several long moments to enjoy the closeness, pressing her face into his chest and just being. Soon she felt her face becoming damp and realized more tears had made their way down her face, though more ended up in his fur. Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn't she just make it be OK and normal again? Her powerlessness was irritating. She sniffed once or twice and regained her temporarily lost composure, raising her head slightly and mumbling, "I saw the biggest buffalo ever there. And where I've been staying, it's so nice there..."

Zephyr didn't know what kind of answer he was expecting. Surely if anyone important had been found, she would've mentioned it by now. His chest felt heavy - though he knew in the back of his mind that his children had all died that night, he couldn't help but hope she said something about them. It was strange enough to know that Inverno was alive, and to know Asha was too.. and all here, no less. How would Asha react when she learned Caelum was here? The simple life that he'd built, the life of a rogue, seemed to collapse as he thought about it all. It sounded just as impossible to go back to the life he'd been living recently, as it did to go back to the life he'd once shared with Caelum. His past had come back to haunt him and he had no clue where to go from here.

Her voice sounded melodic to his ears. It was so much nicer when she wasn't arguing with him. He tried not to shake as she leaned against him and continued on. So she'd been alone, all this time? He wondered if he should tell her that he'd made a good friend, a close friend. A mentor of sorts, really. He found himself suddenly hoping that being alone hadn't been too hard for her, that she'd been okay all this time. It felt foolish to think such things, since he'd been the one to turn her away when she'd begged for him to console her and come back to her.  "That's.. good,"his voice was low as he breathed softly, inhaling again to grab hold of her scent once more.

He nearly startled when she pressed herself more fully against him, her face into the fur of his chest. It didn't take long at all for him realize that she was crying. Silently, but crying nonetheless. A slight frown touched his lips. He wished he could make it all go away. The painful, nagging feeling that she still was to blame for some of this, mingled a powerful longing for her now that she was lying against him. He couldn't do anything, not really.. not yell, not cry, not celebrate. He closed his eyes, his head moving to press her closer against him.  He lay with her for a long while after she spoke, nearly smiling at the simple words she offered him. She'd seen the biggest buffalo ever there. It seemed such a simple statement, almost like something a child might say, so innocent and untainted.

"This feels wrong," he mumbled, suddenly, without thinking. Everything seemed so unnatural, but so familiar at the same time.  "Why does it feel this way, Caelum?" His eyes burned, with tears that he fought against, and refused to let fall as they closed. He held her tight, his breathing shallow, his heart beating rapidly still.

It was never a question of if she would see him again, Cae just didn't have room to doubt that their paths would cross after the first time they'd found one another. Even when she'd run from that encounter, she'd never fully believed they'd be apart forever. What she didn't know was if they could ever patch things up, or if the pieces of their shattered past were just too damaged to stick back together. Sometimes she'd tried to tell herself that they'd probably just always miss each other, that seeing him that time had been a one in a million chance and that he'd never get close enough for her to see again. Until she'd found Inverno she thought maybe she'd walk the earth alone, waiting for her paws to fall off from all the miles traveled, or her body to waste away, whichever came first. Life had other plans though. If fate could lead her to him twice, was there hope that things would smooth out and in the end, by some miracle, it would be okay again? Maybe not the same again, maybe they'd never feel completely better or whole ever again, loss did that to you. But if she could just be okay, that would be enough.

Pressed close to him, with her face in his fur it all felt possible. The feeling was fragile, so thinly held together like a spiders web. Would it break, or last? Caelum felt like a helpless little child here, in awe of the feeling he elicited, and always wishing for forever. If only he would accept the new her, the broken one who broke apart so easily even she found herself pathetic at times. She wondered if he cried often anymore. Until now she'd been so wrapped up in just soaking in the present moment that she hadn't really let herself wonder what he had been up to. He'd said he had changed, and she knew it was true. Something in those shimmering eyes, it was different. Not even in her most foolish and childish of moments could she deny that he was different. But so was she, right? It wasn't the same though. They were different, in different ways. What ways? How could she go on with so many unanswered questions?

Wrong? Denying that was another thing she couldn't do. She couldn't walk away from him, couldn't really go to him, couldn't tell what changed him, and couldn't say that it wasn't wrong. If only there was something she could do... If only, if only... Why...

Pulling away slightly and rolling so she could lay on her back, staring up at him with soft blue eyes and an aching heart she'd reply in the softest of voices, like a breeze rustling through grass, " If I knew, darling, I'd make it go away." Her heart still hurt for both of them. Reaching towards his cheek again she'd seek to place a gentle kiss there, thinking wistfully that if kisses could cure pain she'd freely give them till both wolves were healed of the damage that day and the time since it had done.

"What... I mean, where have you been?"

Their love had bloomed so effortlessly, and it had flourished with just as much ease. It felt so familiar to be lying here with her, despite how much had changed between them - perhaps this was why this hurt so badly. Remembering what had once been, what could likely no longer ever be again. But it was refreshing, so refreshing to feel her touch, to smell her so close to him. Maybe that was why he'd reacted so aggressively last time he'd seen her. He knew she could enchant him, without even trying, and reverse the walls that he'd spent so long building up. Pushing her away was easier than actually facing the reality of all that had happened to them and their lives.

It was hard to move past the present. Any thoughts of a future escaped him. It was difficult enough to not think about the past, over and over, as he had a thousand times before. A heavy sigh fell from his lips as he embraced her, suddenly aware that he was shaking slightly even as he sat on the solid ground. His posture was weak as he lay with her, pressing tight against her, his head hanging as it drew her own skull against his chest. Silence settled over them for a moment, and he reveled in the nothingness.

She spoke again, though, and her words broke his heart. Such a simple, familiar pet name for him. He wished he could cry then; perhaps it might make him feel better, give him some kind of relief. He winced as she placed a kiss upon his cheek, though didn't retract from the familiar sensation. Where had he been? He felt his breath hitch painfully in his throat.  "I.. don't know," he breathed, hardly speaking words at all.  "On my own, mostly." Recently, at least. He wasn't exactly lying but he didn't quite know what else she wanted - or needed - to hear. Zephyr felt like nothing he could say would help her understand at all.

Heavenly. That was the only word powerful enough to begin to describe how she felt when she was so close to Zephyr. So close that the only smell she breathed in was his, the only sound she heard were his breaths and heartbeats, the only thing she felt was where her body touched his. So much was different, but this... this felt eternal. Even over years of separation this still felt as good as it ever did and it made her want to just never get up. Cae could think these thoughts a million times and never get tired of them even for a moment. The only really question that remained was, could it last?

Could it? They'd held together longer this time, so far things had become very peaceful, something she was great full for. Hope for a happy reunion had long been dead. Of course this still wasn't quite what she'd really wished and yearned for but it was pleasant and she was growing ever more fearful that it would break apart at any moment. They'd quickly run out of easy words and the tension in her stomach was building faster than she could push it away. If minds had claws, the claws in hers would be digging desperately into the serenity she feared losing. Crystalline eyes blinked with quickness when she became aware of his shaking. He'd press closer to her and every part of the ivory woman wished she could... just, do anything to ease their pain. If anything could make her feel truly powerless it was seeing this man in such a state.

It felt like her world was standing still, even after he answered her question she found herself immobile. What was it... Looking at him with a searching gaze like she might be able to unravel all the secrets hidden in his mind with her eyes alone the woman tried to understand something that whispered unintelligibly at the back of her mind. While she did so a snowflake would descend lazily from the heavens, settling on the end of her nose for only a heartbeat before it melted away. It would be followed by dozens more like it, though she noticed none of them. Her eyes and mind remained focused on Zephyr. Even after much pondering she could not grasp what it was that was different about him though she was positive something in the time they'd been apart had altered him somehow. Words failed her many times as she tried to formulate a thought, a question, anything at all. It was fear that held her back for she was beginning to tremble as he had though she couldn't stop despite efforts to pull herself closer to him, and press into his body in a feeble attempt at ceasing the involuntary movement. If only she could blame the cold for her shivering.

Her mouth seemed frozen shut. That had to be the only explanation for why she took so long to find the strength to open it, her words sounding equally as shaky and unstable as her body, "Will... will there ever be a right time? I had so much in my head before i saw you, so much I wanted to say and to ask. Now I just can't and... I don't want this to stop Zeph. But I also don't know when we'll ever be able to say everything we need to." He had to feel the same way, right?

Since when had he ever felt.. insecure around her? He felt like the carefully secured facade he had created was shattering, no matter how much he tried to keep himself composed. This was nothing at all reminiscent of the moments he'd shared with her so long ago, alone once their pack duties had been completed for the day, when everything had come easily and with so little thought. But the nostalgia of her was so damn powerful. Her scent was addicting, her touch breath-taking - and despite the fact that he knew this was wrong, knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he should leave, it was impossible to pull away.

What could possibly come of this, though? Better yet, what did he wish would come from it? It was hard to speech and impossible to think. This felt right, in a way, and yet it felt anything but at the same time. It felt wonderful and terrible all at the same time. His eyes closed, his face contorting silently in confusion as she began to speak again. What, exactly, did she want him to say? Quietly, as though taken over by instinct, his head pulled slightly away from hers. His eyes opened again, and gently he lapped away at her cheeks, hoping to dry them of the tears that had settled there. Zephyr hardly even noticed that snow had begun to fall - he was so lost in his thoughts and, just briefly, lost in her sky-blue eyes.

"A.. right time for what?" He blinked slowly as he pulled back slightly to gaze at her, feeling his heart sink at the thought of what she might want. They had to much to talk about, but thinking about bringing any of it up made him feel nauseous. Wouldn't it just go horribly, like it had last time? Maybe things would be better that way.  "Say what you need to. I'll listen, I promise." Perhaps it mattered more what Zephyr had to say, since everything had come out wrong last time, but he wasn't even sure where to begin.

As seasons had changed and time went on since their last meeting she'd often wondered what it would be like to see him again. Wondered, for a long time really, if he would ever stop and think of her and what he felt if he did. Now it was winter and countless days had passed, the world had experienced rebirth and decay, but which of those things would the two of them experience? Caelum worried that this was where the season of their love would be decided. She didn't know which way she wanted this to go. Her heart pleaded for them to get past their problems and rekindle their relationship, but her gut was convinced this was at best unlikely. His touch though, it brought back the past like an avalanche, so powerful it almost felt dangerous. The good things suffocated the negatives and she desired only their continued closeness.

Without warning she'd find herself frozen in place. Only the warmth on her cheeks freed her from this, a warmth caused by Zephyr's attempts at lapping away the tears that had made their homes on her face. Thump! Her heart beat harder for a moment, the air exiting her lungs all at once. She was caught up in this moment like a fly in a spiders web. She never wanted to be released from it. He was just so... Captivating. From his lovely coat to his brilliant eyes, to the way he could narrow the world down to just the two of them. It was beautiful and she was caught up in it all so hard there would be no escape even if she wanted there to be.

He said he'd listen. Where did she start though? All her words had been falling out of her brain, he'd swept them from her mind with his intoxicating presence and touch and now she was sitting here lamely trying in vain to know where to begin with it all. A chilly breeze carrying a bounty of snowflakes would blow against her side, causing the ivory woman to shiver until it subsided for the most part. Stomach twisting, leaving her feeling ill at the thought of ruining their time together with the wrong words, mouth once more parted slightly while she searched for the right things to say, "I mean... Well... I think, or I hope at least that it's somewhat clear that I still care about you Zeph. I don't think that ever goes away, and I don't want it to." She sighed, pausing for a moment to gather the courage to go on. She didn't want to rehash things, but this was, in her opinion, what moving forward might look like. Sometimes you had to go back a bit and dig up the ugly mess you'd been leaving behind before things could go on. Otherwise it would resurface of it's own accord when you were the least prepared for it.

All the hope in the world seemed to gather in her eyes, sparkling with desire for things to be okay between them, though there was also a sort of tentativeness to both her body language and her voice that would betray her uncertainty and lack of confidence. She continued softly, "Something's changed though and I want to know what it is. Before... There was a time when we'd never shout, never hurt each other. Yet that was what happened last time and I want to know why. No, I need to know." Her voice was breaking almost as much at her heart.

After her words ended and some time passed she found herself thinking suddenly and a bit guiltily thinking about her time with Inverno. Though she didn't think she'd done anything truly wrong she was curious if Zephyr would be upset by the closeness she'd forged with the man, or the time she'd spent snuggling close with him when she'd felt so unhappy before. She couldn't find the strength to bring it up yet though. Not yet. But when?

Each second that passed made him more aware of how detached from reality this was. Of course Caelum was here, real and in the flesh, but something about this was so.. far away. He wanted to cling to the realness of it all, as though reaching for the light at the end of the tunnel, or the last bit of warmth before a devastating blizzard. He held her for a long while, enjoying her familiar scent, wishing he could take away her tears and undo all the hurt she'd ever felt. The larger male held her until he stopped, until the still silence was shattered by the word that needed to be spoken. He blinked, his face contorting just slightly in a mirrored image of her own pained one

He felt whatever relief that had come to him fade away, his stomach sinking suddenly. Zephyr felt a rare wave of nervousness hit him.  He wished she had stayed silent, he really did. Perhaps it had been foolish to think they could've gone on like that much longer, without facing what they both wanted to say. "I.." he started, wary and uncertain. "I care about you, too. I'd be fooling myself if I pretended otherwise." Even though he'd gotten past the point of missing her, and of longing for her.. clearly he still cared, even if part of.him hated her too. This meeting proved that much.

She continued to pry, just as she always had. He'd never been able to hide much from her. He retracted from her slightly as she spoke. What had changed? He'd never been on his own until that day, and the burden of what he'd seen - and what he'd lost - had been enough to break any man. He was no exception. He averted his gaze, fighting the urge to shrug and brush her off entirely. "I.. had a lot of time to think," he said after a moment, gritting his teeth "To think about where I'd gone wrong and where you'd gone wrong." His voice was no longer quivering. That caustic fustration he'd felt when she had mentioned Inverno seemed to be welling up again inside his chest. "I met someone. He helped put the pieces back together and helped me get through it all. Helped me come to terms with how I felt." Was that what she wanted to hear? He still couldn't quite admit he'd been wrong, though he would say last time hadn't gone as planned.