Home. She had to make it home. Or at least close to it. She had lost all track of time. Her paws were aching, her muscles were burning, she was so hungry. But she couldn't stop. She had to make it home. She didn't want to stop to rest until she was safely within earshot of her family. Nothing had ever happened to her when she was home. It was only when she got brave and went out on her own that this had happened. She never should have left. There was just one problem she hadn't thought about. As she neared Celestial's border she slowed to a stop as an unexpected wave of shame started to swallow her whole. She had left her family, insisted that no one come with her, left her pack down one healer, left her parents when they were ill. Now she was crawling back home after her random rebellious streak had gotten her in trouble. She had taken her family for granted and now here she was. She couldn't face them. Not yet. Her ears flicked back against her head and she bit back her tears as she turned away from the border. She headed down toward the Estuary instead. She was at least familiar with that area and it was still very close to the pack. As soon as she got to a dry piece of land in the estuary, she found a spot under a tree and collapsed onto her stomach, her forepaws coming up to cover her face just as the tears she had been holding back went spilling down her face. "Talk" "You" Think

Faite felt wound up for the most part, but she was grateful that the kids were born. She didn't have their overbearing weight pulling at her stomach anymore which meant she didn't feel like an inflated balloon ready to pop. She still had some traces of fat, but she was sure she could work that off once the pups were weaned. Once they didn't need feeding every few hours that meant Zell could watch them a bit more and she could get out and do things. More than once she'd wanted to get out to stretch her cramped legs, but she was anxious. She trusted Zell with them alright, but they were in loner territory. She couldn't bring herself to leave them for very long. She felt like she'd turned into the world's most anxious mother. She'd been cramped up in the den again until she felt like she couldn't take it anymore. She was a wolf of wide open spaces, so she left the five of them in the care of their father. She wouldn't be gone very long. She briefly wondered how everyone else was doing. How was Regulus faring, or Creed and his family? She hadn't said much about where she was having the children. There'd been so much else to worry about. She was grateful for the silence lately - it let her focus on getting to know Zell better and just letting her enjoy trying to become familiar with the idea that she was a mother. It still felt strange to her despite the fact it'd been a few days. She padded away from the temporary den. It felt good to stretch out her unused muscles. She was going to have to do so much training to work off this fat. At least she could move again. She padded around a little bit. A part of her felt the desire to hunt, but that would take too long. Instead she walked on and after a while a very familiar scent fluttered to her nostrils. What was Zuriel doing here? Faite hadn't expected her back so soon. Her tail wagged excitedly behind her and she easily found the tree that she sat under. Her smile faded off her face as she approached. She could smell the wet saltiness of tears and it was obvious Zuriel had been crying. "Zuriel. What's wrong?" Walk, "Talk" Think

Zuriel didn't know why she was crying at this point. The actual incident itself, the shame she felt about coming back home like this, the possibilities that could catch up to her in the days to come. All of the above. It had all built up on her over the far too many days it had taken her to make it back here. She probably would have made it back sooner, but she had gotten disoriented after it all and had started off in the wrong direction at first. It took her a day or two to realize it, making her lose time. Now she was here and didn't know what to do with herself. She hadn't heard her sister approaching her until Faite spoke. The sudden voice made her jump with a gasp, her head popping up from under her paws as she looked at Faite with wide eyes, half expecting Elias to the standing there. It took several moments for her mind to catch up to reality, but once it did her expression visibly crumbled with relief. "Faite!" she said with a rough rasp to her voice from her crying. She scrambled to her paws and hurried over to her sister so she could gratefully press her face into Faite's scruff. She didn't want to say anything right now, she just wanted to be with her sister. Her hind legs collapsed under her as she sat back on her haunches, but she kept her face pressed to Faite's neck desperately. Suddenly, through her tears and muddled thoughts, the smell of the pups that was heavy on Faite's coat caught her attention and made her stop for a moment. She pulled her head back so her tear-filled gaze could find Faite's. ""W-Why do you smell like pups?" she asked, her voice still not quite even. Actually now that she was able to take a better look at Faite she noticed how her sister was a bit more round and soft than she tended to be. "Faite, did you have pups?! How much have I missed!" "Talk" "You" Think

Worry laced her features as she studied her sibling. She took a step backwards as Zuriel gasped and visibly jumped. She hadn't meant to scare her! More than anything she wanted to know what had her so upset, but before she could ask Zuriel got to her feet and immediately buried her face in her scruff. She leaned into her sister's embrace and briefly wished she was taller. It'd be so much easier to console her sister (at least in her mind) if she were the one to be able to wrap Zuriel in an embrace. She settled for trying to curve her own neck around Zuriel's head and letting her face lean against her sister's body the best she could. She wasn't quite sure what had her so upset, but Faite immediately felt a flare of anger. Whatever it was was going to pay! If it'd been a wolf, well if she ever caught up to them then they were going to be living in a nightmare. She'd already been feeling extra anxious and protective since her litter was born, but that was now increased tenfold to know that someone or something had upset Zuriel. For the moment she was content to just embrace her sister as Zuriel's rump fell to the ground. There was plenty of time to talk it out after she had some sort of self control over her emotions. She didn't get the chance to ask. Zuriel pulled away and Faite eyed her suddenly. She hadn't really thought about the fact that the last time she'd seen her she'd been pup free and ... well not fat. She cringed as Zuriel asked her why she smelled like pups and a sheepish grin started to creep up her muzzle. "I .. uh.." Wow this just got awkward fast. "Yeah you kinda missed a lot. It's a long story." Oh no. Her smile faded as she thought of the other things Zuriel had missed. She didn't want to keep things from Zuriel, but she was already upset as it was. She didn't want to make it worse. Walk, "Talk" Think

Zuriel's eyes blinked with confusion as Faite confirmed that she did indeed have pups now. But how?! As far as she knew Faite hadn't even seeing anyone! After that initial moment of shock though a grin spread onto her face once she realized that this meant she had nieces and nephews! For the briefest moment she forgot about everything else and her tail brushed against the ground behind her. She couldn't believe it! It was a distraction that she so desperately needed. She sniffled and was about to grill her sister for more details, but then she saw the smile fade off of Faite's face. "Yeah, you kind of missed a lot." Faite's words played through her head again as her expression mimicked Faite's. What else had she missed? Dread filled her after a moment and her ears flicked back against her head. It had to be something bad if Faite was making that face and she could only think of one thing that could have happened. Unless something out of left field happened while she was gone it had to be something about their parents and she could already feel her heart breaking at the thought. "What? What is it?" She had to hear it from Faite, she didn't want to assume anything or jump to conclusions. "Talk" "You" Think

Well she'd successfully distracted Zuriel from whatever was bugging her for about two minutes max. Of course leave that to Faite to mess that up. She was instantly happy that Zuriel had taken the news that she had nieces and nephews well, but obviously her smile fading had set off enough alarm bells for Zuriel to wonder what was wrong. Guilt seeped through her as she thought about their mother. Honestly she hadn't been able to give Surreal much thought after Regulus had mentioned it. She'd been so busy, so anxious, so preoccupied and all of it had been a wonderful distraction until now. Now it all came flooding back to her. She fidgeted anxiously and decided to take a seat. She slowly let her rump fall to the frozen ground as she tried to figure out how to answer her. This wasn't fair. She didn't want to keep it from her, but she also didn't want to be the one to break the news to her either. It should have been Regulus' job and yet here they were. She frowned more and her ears fell back against her head. She still wanted to know what had upset here earlier, but now it was too late to ask again. She'd dug herself a hole and now she had to find a way out of it. The only way was by giving her bad news. "Regulus came back with Dad and Kavdaya." She started off. She hated the direction this was going and just thinking about it caused a fresh wave of sadness to wash over her. "They found the nomads ... but it was too late. She had cancer and there wasn't anything they could do." She omitted the part of how they came back with a litter of Erani's and Cormalin's bones. She couldn't bear to think of it. She was glad they'd all been buried together, but the fact that they'd dug them up in the first place was beyond horrifying. Walk, "Talk" Think

Sorrow washed over her as soon as Faite broke the news to her. Her ears pinned back against her head and her gaze fell from Faite's face down to the ground. How could their mother be gone? Of course it was natural for parents to pass before their children and their mother hadn't been young by any means, but to go like this... so sick and incurable. And she hadn't been there for them. She knew there was nothing she could have done, especially if the nomads hadn't been able to help her, but she still felt an inexcusable guilt for not being here. She just had to go gallivanting off into the wild on her own... Suddenly the ghostly sensation of Elias' breath on the back of her ears tingled across her skin, her memories making the sensation feel so real. She whined and her shoulders pulled in on themselves, making her thin frame seem even smaller than before. Oh how she was grateful that Faite had been the one to find her here and not someone else. Especially glad that it was her and not Regulus. She couldn't face her brother yet, not after all that fuss she had made when she asked him to let her leave. "I'm so sorry," she choked out past a sob, her eyes squeezing shut as she tried desperately to fight back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks again. She shook her head as she frantically pushed away her own memories. "I-I shouldn't have left... I'm so sorry..." "Talk" "You" Think

This wasn't fair. Now that shed brought it up, released the depressing news, her own emotions threatened to overtake her. Part of her felt guilty for not stopping them from going, but a small rational part of her knew that it wasn't her fault. It'd seemed like a good idea at the time that they all made the trip and she still wasn't quite sure if she could have stood to watch their mother get any worse if she'd stayed at home. Just watching her lay in her den all the time and wasting away had been bad enough. What would it have been like to actually watch her die? She didn't want to think about it. She choked back her own emotions as she swallowed the lump in her throat. Zuriel needed her and she didn't want to go back to crying either. She watched as her eyes slid to her paws and Faite whined softly with her. Her ears flicked back hesitantly as Zuriel choked out an apology. Her brows furrowed then. What on earth did she have to be sorry about? If the nomads couldn't have saved her then no one could. She shifted and moved forward to try and nuzzle Zuriel's cheek. "Hey, it's not your fault. You don't need to feel sorry. I think it was good for you to get out and stretch your legs. You've been thinking of everyone else for so long now. It's about time you did something for yourself." Walk, "Talk" Think

Faite didn't understand. How would she? Zuriel hadn't even gotten together the guts to tell her own sister what had happened. Of course they had other things to talk about first, but... How could she tell her? Her body trembled under the weight of her emotions while sobs rattled her. She wanted to be grateful for her sister as Faite nuzzled her cheek and tried to comfort her with her insistence that she had done the right thing in leaving for a time, but she was so, so wrong and Zuriel didn't know how to tell her that she was wrong. The one time in her life that she did something for herself she was knocked back down to the earth like a bird shot out of the sky. Zuriel shook her head, still not bringing her gaze up to Faite's again. "N-No, I should have stayed! I should have been here for them! It I hadn't left then... Then..." She felt like she couldn't breathe as panic constricted around her lungs. "I-I don't know what I was thinking. I can't protect myself! Why would I leave when I can't protect myself! You and Reg- you two can fight. All I have is herbs! Herbs can't help me w-when..." Her words were just a jumbled rush at this point and she brought her gaze up to Faite's, desperately begging her to understand. "He... Faite, he... Oh what if I'm..." Her breathing grew more and more staggered and strained as her anxiety snowballed into a panic attack and cut off her words completely. The incident itself was enough to make her never want to step outside of her family's lands again. The idea that she might be pregnant on top of it... Her body curled in on itself and she crouched so she could press her head into Faite's chest just to have something that felt semi-solid to hold on to. Everything around her felt like it was spinning and she couldn't make it stop. "Talk" "You" Think

Faite frowned as Zuriel shook her head and looked up at her. Zuriel's excuses - Faite could understand them, but it didn't mean they were true. Even if Zuriel had been here Surreal would have died regardless. Then she would have been sad either way and then she wouldn't have gotten to go out and explore the world like she'd wanted. Faite still held to the belief that her sibling had done the right thing. She'd needed to experience some freedom in her life. She'd been cooped up in Celestial for so long that Faite was surprised that she hadn't left earlier. Then the next thing Faite knew it seemed like the floodgates had opened and Zuriel was pouring out a lot of things that didn't make sense to her. She listened patiently with concerned eyes as Zuriel explained she couldn't defend herself. Defend herself from what? Her own form of panic took over as her mind jumped to the worst possible things. Had something happened to her out there? Zuriel looked fine. She couldn't see any wounds on her at least so that meant she hadn't gotten in a fight, had she? Had someone tried to attack her and she got away? "He... Faite, he... Oh what if I'm..." She could see that her sister was upset, but she couldn't understand like Zuriel wanted her to. Her blood had already chilled at the mentions of "he." So there was definitely a guy involved and it had something to do with the fact that she couldn't protect herself. But what if she was what? She could see she was scared and upset as her breathing became erratic. Whatever it was it was going to pay. She rested her head on top of Zuriel as she curled in on herself and pressed her head to her chest. "Zuriel, I can see this is hard, but you gotta tell me what happened. I can't kick someone's ass if you don't tell me who upset you." More than anything she wanted to know, but she could tell it was serious enough that it even scared her. What had been done to her to set her over the edge like this? Faite wanted to make them suffer. "I need a name." Even if Zuriel couldn't explain what happened she at least needed a name so she could hunt him down. Walk, "Talk" Think

Zuriel buried her face in Faite's fur while she tried desperately to shove away all of the memories that threatened to swallow her whole. The only reason she was able to get her breathing half under control and keep herself from passing out was being able to fill her nose with Faite's familiar scent. What she hated the most was the fact that he hadn't hurt her. Besides the slight bite mark she had gotten on her scruff from her own attempts to pull away, she had come out of it physically unschathed. He had complimented her and flattered her. That was what churned her stomach. The idea that someone could say such beautiful things and still do this to her. That was the thing that had her the most terrified. If he had been awful and nasty and had come out of the gate with fangs and claws she could rationalize it to one crazy wolf. Perhaps it was just one crazy wolf, but how could she tell the difference between him and any other man with sweet words? Her ears pinned to her head when Faite insisted that Zuriel had to tell her what happened and she had to give her a name. She didn't want her family to go after him. Especially not Faite. "He... He made me have sex with him..." Her voice was so quiet that she was sure that if she hadn't been leaning into Faite she wouldn't have heard her. Shame filled her even as the words left her mouth. "H-His name was Elias. He said he met you before and he was so nice at first, I thought it was okay... I shouldn't have been out when it was dark, I knew better, I was looking for a den." Her head lifted from Faite's chest so she could plead with her, her expression desperate. "I'm so sorry, Faite, please don't go after him. Something's not right in his head, I could see it. I don't want you to get hurt! I... I need you. I can't... I can't tell Regulus or Dad. What... What am I going to do if I'm..." She couldn't say it. If she said the word it felt more real. "Talk" "You" Think

Faite didn't really expect Zuriel to tell her. If it'd been that terrible - well Faite wasn't sure she'd want to relive it by talking about it either. She felt bad by pestering Zuriel about it, but now it felt like a burning curiosity. She absolutely needed to know what happened. This was her sister and she wanted everything to be okay. She wanted to stick up for her where she couldn't and more than anything she wanted the ability to fix it. She couldn't even remotely do that if she couldn't understand what had happened to upset her in the first place. "He... He made me have sex with him..." He what?! She felt like her heart had stopped. it hammered in her chest wildly as her adrenaline rose, but it didn't take long for her shock to turn to anger. Her sister, her sweet, innocent, loving, helpful sister, had a male force himself upon her. Where was the fairness? This was her first time away from the pack and that happened. She bit her tongue to hold back the anger that threatened to spill forth and instead hugged Zuriel tighter. Of course the worst part hadn't even been told yet. Her ears flattened against her head as the name Elias flitted to her ears. Elias>! She knew that name and it was clearly the same guy if he'd even admitted that he'd met her. Surely he couldn't have done that to her? He'd seemed to kind, so polite, not .... well not that type of guy. What was even going on? Her mind went back over their encounter and instantly she focused on something he'd said after she'd asked him to show her a few things in fighting. "You're a pretty girl, and mad wolves don't wear their madness on their shoulders for you to see. It lies hidden until they have an opportunity to get what they want, which could be you." So that's what he'd done? He'd come off as nice at first and then used Zuriel to get what he wanted. She forced back the growl that had threatened to erupt from her chest and instead tried to tame the rage she felt. Zuriel was now pleading with her not to go after him. She agreed on one thing - he definitely wasn't right in the head, but that didn't mean he could just get off the hook just cause he was crazy. She couldn't just leave Zuriel to go look for him either though and she had kids. She frowned deeply now. She wanted to hunt him down and make him pay, but leaving any of her family right now and getting beaten up by a guy who'd taken on a cougar and a bear and lived to tell about it - it didn't seem wise. "I'm so sorry Zuriel, I'd had no idea he was like that... I just can't get my head around it. I promise, for right now, I won't go after him. We'll figure this all out. Maybe you're not pregnant, but if you are we'll make it work. I'll help you." Walk, "Talk" Think

A sigh of relief passed her lips once Faite had agreed to not go after him for now. She didn't want her to go after him ever, but for now was a good start. She just kept thinking about those scars that covered Elias from bears and mountain lions and who knew what else. The idea of her sister trying to chase him down just terrified her. She knew she probably wouldn't be able to stop Regulus from it when he found out eventually, but for now she could keep her family safe from him. She refused to consider the fact that Elias may come looking for her at some point. If she even humored that thought for a moment she would never get any sleep. Hearing the word "pregnant" come out of Faite's mouth made her flinch slightly, like someone had come up to her and hit her nose. Something about hearing the word out loud just made it seem so much worse. It was like getting a bad wound and then seeing it in daylight for the first time. It forced her to actually consider the possibility and she didn't have it in her to do it. She had always thought that she'd eventually run into someone that might like her enough to deal with all of her late night herb hunts and constant gathering and sorting and might be able to look past her need to have an herb store in her den, at least enough to put up with her and love her. She had always thought that she'd find someone to be with forever like her parents had been and they would have children together. Of course she had never really picked her head up out of her studies long enough to do any of that, but that had been how she had pictured her first litter in her head. Not as the product of a rape. "Thank you," she replied softly after a few moments. She didn't really know exactly what she was thanking Faite for. She supposed just everything in general. Zuriel wasn't sure if she'd ever get the chance to really grieve for their mother, but for now all she could think about was dealing with her situation. She was so, so tired and she thought maybe she might be able to get some sleep if Faite was near by. Thinking about dens suddenly reminded her of Faite's new pups and Zuriel's eyes went back up to Faite's, asking, "Can... can I see your pups? Just for a second, then I'm going to try and rest for a little bit." She pulled a little smile onto her lips, but it was hard to do. If there was one thing she could comfort herself with it was that if she was pregnant her children would be able to grow up with Faite's. "Talk" "You" Think

Faite could practically feel the relief that Zuriel had when she promised she wouldn't go after Elias right now. Her ear flicked at her sigh and she was glad she could make her feel somewhat better, but it came at a cost. Faite's every instinct screamed at her to track him down and make him suffer for what she'd done. Despite the fact they were the same age and Zuriel was taller, Faite felt like the older sister that needed to defend the younger siblings. She just couldn't help herself. Zuriel was the calm one out of them all. She wouldn't hurt a fly and she pursued healing of all things. Not that Faite would have wanted this to happen to her either, but she would have much preferred herself to be in that situation. She at least had had more training in fighting then Zuriel had. She could have made an attempt to defend herself and then Zuriel would have to deal with any of it. Zuriel flinched and Faite instantly regretted saying the word pregnant. It'd been an error on her part and she knew it was too late to take it back. She didn't want her sister to carry his pups - it'd be a horrible reminder that they weren't pups she'd originally intended to have. Would she be able to look on them, if she really had any, and not remember the horrible encounter? She frowned deeply and shoved the thought away. First thing was first - she was going to hope with all her heart that pups would come out of this and if it did turn out she was pregnant? Well they'd deal with that bridge when it came time to cross it. She thanked her and her brows furrowed slightly in confusion. Faite felt as though she hadn't done much really to be thanked, but she nodded softly all the same. She was just acting with what came natural. She still really wanted to go after Elias, but she put that off. For now she needed to be here for Zuriel and her own kids and leaving wasn't exactly going to be helping matters at all. Her ears perked up when she was asked to see her children and a soft smile spread across her face at the welcome distraction. "Yeah of course. You can sleep in the den with us too if you'd like." It was really the only thing she could offer, but at least if Zuriel stayed with her then she could keep an eye on her to make sure she was okay. Walk, "Talk" Think

ooc: Yeah, here's good~ Zuriel smiled a little easier, if only slightly, once Faite agreed that she could come see the pups and offered to let her stay with them. This was why she should have never left her family. This sense of protection, this feeling of love... She had taken it for granted. All she had cared about was finding herself and seeing the world. She found it hard to believe that was the right decision now. If she could rewind time she wouldn't have left. Perhaps she could have explored more of the west or paired up with someone to go explore further. She never should have left on her own like that though. Faite might disagree with her still, but she was sure. "I don't want to intrude. I'll just stay a couple of days until I can get my own den made near yours," she insisted with a firm nod. She was sure Faite would protest the idea of her being a bother or her intruding, but Zuriel wanted to do as much as she could to not be a problem for anyone with this. It was enough to show back up out of the blue like this with more baggage than she could ever bear on her own. She got to her paws to follow Faite back to her den, focusing on each breath she took to calm herself down while they walked. No need to bring her stress around the pups after all. "Talk" "You" Think

"I don't want to intrude. I'll just stay a couple of days until I can get my own den made near yours," She still didn't quite like the idea of Zuriel being by herself, but she didn't press the issue. She'd settle for a few days and then they could find somewhere temporary for Zuriel to stay until she felt comfortable. There was still the matter of finding out if she was pregnant or not, then telling Regulus (if she even told Regulus) and a whole bunch of other things that felt entirely overwhelming. For the moment she tried to push them out. A distraction was what they both needed and showing her the pups was a good place to start. They'd figure the rest out later. "Well we'll figure out the den stuff later. Lets go meet your nieces and nephews." She smiled softly before padding off to the den. Walk, "Talk" Think