It was weird being in Abaven again. Good, but weird. Vali had gotten used to being around so few wolves, and now once again she was amidst a large group. It would take accumilating to again, but the woman was determined about it - she fully believed that she would, and that she would also rise back to her position as a healer.

Not that... position was really important to her. It wasn't, not in the large scheme of things. It did, however, give her the opportunity to teach and to guide, which was something that the older woman found that she enjoyed very much so. That was one of the only reasons she wished to rise in position. The other... well, the other was so she could be more able to assist Bass and be there for him with the stresses of the pack. She could help all the members of the pack any day with simple teachings, but she wanted to be able to ease the burden of the alpha.

The alpha whom she'd not talked to since her rejoining. Sure, they talked some when she joined, but it'd been a couple of days since then. Restlessness drove the white female out into the territory, searching for the alabaster man who was so dear a friend to her. What she even wanted to say, she didn't know; she really just wanted to spend time with him, catch up, see how he was holding up. Maybe she'd be lucky and catch him here, by the river; if not, she'd search him out elsewhere in the lands.

""

art by birmapus

He hadn't really been overly social since everything happened with Hansel, focusing on the more day to day life of alphaship. The further into winter they got, the longer the snow was sticking. He didn't mind, it was better than the freezing rains before. Shivering, he made his way to the heart of the plains to see if the lake had frozen all the way through. Fish had been a pretty steady prey for them as of late, a lot fatter than the skinny animals that survived this harsh year. He wasn't so sure about fishing on ice, but the lake had to be pretty solid for that. Reaching the waters edge, he pressed his paw against the the surface and heard a deep crack within. Mm, not very safe at all. His ears flickered on the top of his head, pinning ever so slightly. Well, maybe the river would be better then. Nodding his head, he left the plains and headed over to the rapids. They had slowed somewhat as the slush clogged areas of the river, making it far easier to fish in than in the spring and summer. Might as well take advantage of it now before it swelled with the melting snow in the spring. As he neared the rapids, he saw the pale form of Vali moving towards them as well. They hadn't spoken much since she had returned to Abaven, and a small smile touched his lips. He was glad that they were back in one piece, he had been worried about them. He knew that it wasn't like Vali or Lillie to just vanish without a trace, and their explination had been enough to prove that. However, he had to punish them in some way or form. While taking small trips was never something he hadn't allowed, maybe he needed a new rule about that. It was a one in a million chance that this would happen, but it had. His tail swished behind him as he pushed the thought away for now, padding to the black marked woman. "Settling back in?" Bass asked softly, peering at her features with only that hint of a smile on his lips. It was pretty clear that he was still upset over the death of his friends, and then to get the even worse news about Quelt. He had yet to tell Quake and carry the message to Qualm, but it was something that he had to do soon. Taking a seat at the edge of the river, he let out a sigh as he fluffed up his fur against the bitter chill of the wind. He had been right when he had said that he was meant to be alone, everyone was dying around him or just leaving him to his own devices. He still hadn't told a soul about Quelt, the weight of it all making him feel much older than six. "SPEAK" "SPEAK ITALIAN"

The soft, drowsy sound of the water was soothing to Vali's ears as she approached. Compared to a normal river, it still flowed fast, but ice made the water much more sluggish by the rapids, though it was only by the edges where the flow of the water didn't come on as strong. She smiled to herself, head dipped down to watch the water when movement in the corner of her eye - that wasn't the rapids - caught her attention, and she looked up to see Bass approach. This time, her smile was radiant, and amusement twinkled in her yellow eyes as she turned towards him. Looks like he'd catch her, instead of the other way around. "Bass," she greeted warmly, reaching forward to greet him with a simple nuzzle on the side of his neck.

His question made her chuckle and shrug. "To a degree," she replied readily."It's a bit weird being around so many wolves again.." she trailed off, before adding quietly, "but I'm glad to be home." That she was - and home was definitely here, in Abaven, with all the wolves that lived here, new and old. Though... they did lose one of their own recently, and it was still felt by the white woman, though she did not truly know the wolf whom passed. It just mattered to her that he had been pack, and also that he had been a close friend of Bass.

"How're you holding up, Bass?" Vali questioned quietly, her gaze demanding honesty and forthrightness. She knew he had to still be dealing with it; there was no way, with his personality, that he was even remotely okay with what happened so soon. Not after what happened when Hansel died, and so she'd check up on him about that. She would wait patiently for a response, though, because she knew that it was more difficult to formulate responses to such... rough happenings.

""

art by birmapus

He nodded when she said that it was odd to be around others, for the longest time it had just been the two of them. One would probably get used to solidarity at that point, and now a large crowd of wolves surrounded her on a daily basis. Adjusting was always a difficult thing, but he knew that she would settle into her skin here soon enough. After all, this was her home. She said that she was glad to be back though, something that brought a ghost of a smile to his lips. He was thankful to have another friend around, that was for sure. Sitting beside the black marked woman, he turned his head towards the river and watched the rushing waters. Vali asked how he was holding up, and without turning to look at her he just shrugged his shoulders. Not well, not with another death added to the macabre pile. His ears pulled against his head, his nose tipping downwards slightly. He didn't really know how to explain it all, these heavy weight of, well... everything. And running into Wren again, seeing at her and screaming. He shuttered at the thought, turning his head completely away from the woman. "I saw Wren again." He whispered, the confusing swirl of emotions touching his words. He still didn't know how all that had happened, the explosion of years of unanswered questions. He hadn't told any of the kids that he had found her again, or that she was still here. Did they even want to know? Or was that only going to complicate things further? There were never any easy answers, as much as he longed for them. Just once he'd like to know exactly to do in a situation like this without questioning everything. The pale man's shoulders sagged, a rattling sigh left his lips. He wanted to tell Vali everything and nothing at the same time, it was almost like he was punishing himself by suffering on his own. He had his kids to lean on, and his friends that were still around. Vali was one of them, now that she was back, and yet he still hesitated. Would it lighten his load, or just burden them as well? That was the thing, he would rather shoulder the weight of the world over having to share it with someone else and dragging them down. He didn't want that at all, so instead he put it all on himself. "SPEAK" "SPEAK ITALIAN"

The smile she got in return was nothing like the one she once would have gotten, and that saddened Vali. She wasn't surprised by it, but it didn't mean she had to be happy about it. At lest, though, he was honest at his answer - though it was more a gestuer. He just shrugged, and she regarded him with sympathy. She wasn't surprised by that, nor the lack of words. It was difficult putting it into words. But gestures... well, she understood what was said there. Not okay. Just 'eh'. She watched as he seemed to remember something, shuddering, and she moved over a bit to lean a bit of pressure against him, her own gesture, except this time one of comfort.

She stiffened, however, when he spoke, and she supressed the growl that she knew wouldn't help. She never liked the woman; not at all, and her dislike had only grown as time went on and the woman just messed with her friend more and more and more. To Vali, it was clear that the woman no longer cared for Bass, and just existed for the sole purpose of deriving pleasure from screwing with both Bass and his children. The latter of that nearly pissed Vali off more than Wren just messing with Bass. She had never been a mother - not that she didn't want to be, just never found the right person - but that didn't mean that she couldn't comprehend just how messed up it was for a mother to abandon her children repeatedly and then... keep reappearing. She didn't know the feel of it, but she could imagine the pain of the children, seeing their mother whom seemingly didn't care and just screwed with their emotions more and more.

Without a word, Vali scooched even closer to Bass, burying her nose in his fur in semblance of a hug. "Why can't she just leave you alone?" she whispered raggedly. She hated this. Hated seeing the wolves she cared about in pain - some of it due to circumstances that couldn't be avoided, but others caused by wolves who just don't care. "Is she trying to just keep you hurting?" Vali didn't even realize she spoke aloud. That's what it seemed like to her, though. That Wren just kept appearing so Bass would keep remembering, keep being in pain, and never be happy again. The same with the children, too. And Vali was tired of it.

""

art by birmapus

She was silent for a moment before scooting closer to him, her words rushing to break the silence. He let out a sigh and flinched slightly, it was actually his fault this time. "I could smell her lingering at the borders, so I erm... I followed her and sought her out..." He looked away from the pale woman, clearing his throat before he went on. "I yelled at her, demanded answers why she just seems to be okay with wandering in and out of our lives. I've never wanted to hurt someone so much in my life... my own mate. Ex mate I guess..." His voice cracked a bit, but he shook his head and turned back towards Vali. "She just stood there Vali. As I asked for answers that I think I deserve she did nothing. Did she even love me? How could she if she's okay with hurting me like this? I just... I finally wanted to know why. But I got nothing, just a brick wall. So I walked away." There was such a clear sign of pain in his yellow gaze, of hurt and betrayal. "Even in that moment I felt that I loved her still, but as she just stared at me with a blank gaze, allowed my words of hurt and anger to just fall flat... it all broke. My heart tore in two as I walked away from her on that beach. All those years together, the moments we shared and our children," Bass' voice broke on the last part, his head hanging down. "They had to grow up without a mother. They learned that just disappearing and reappearing is fine because their mother did it too. And I always welcomed her back. This is all my fault Vali, all of this. Pipit being gone, Sparrow not able to find happiness, it's all because of me." Bass had always felt guilty, and perhaps he was having a little 'woe-is-me; moment, but he had never admitted it out loud like this. Just how much of this guilt had been on his shoulders? Was it why he felt far older than six? He had no idea, and once more he didn't get to have any answers. He was forever left in the dark as his own worst enemy. The man was certain that he would never be able to love again, to never allow anyone into his life as he had with Wren. How could he set his kids up for even more disappointment? He would just have to take what he had; his pack and his kids and die happy. Otherwise he was going to spend the rest of his life being miserable. But he was lonely. His heart ached for companionship, or what was left of it anyways. With a sigh he turned and pressed his nose into Vali's shoulder, his eyes sliding closed. "SPEAK" "SPEAK ITALIAN"

Vali frowned as Bass explained. In her mind, even still, it was Wren's fault; Bass may have sought her out, but she was the one lingering by the borders, when she knows that her scent would be found by someone. Someone that cared for her, once upon a time. Whether it be Bass, or one of their seven children... though some of those children were notably absent now. The frown only grew as he continued on, the words just spilling out of him. She listened quietly, though the more Bass spoke, the more a spark of anger glinted in her eyes.

It was an unfamiliar feeling, that anger. It settled deep in her stomach, heavy and unsettling, and it was mixed with an emotion she wasn't quite sure how to identify. Perhaps... perhaps loathing. It was accompanied by the same intense desire that Bass had explained - the desire to hurt her, in some way, to show some representation of the pain Wren had caused in not only the life of her former mate, but also the lives of her children. It made Vali bloodthirsty, and she wanted nothing more than to feel Wren's hot blood on her tongue.

The injustice of it all struck Vali mute. She couldn't even fathom how a wolf would just... stand there silently. To return and return to wolves lives that she was unable to let go, yet unable to care or say a word in teh face of all the questions that Bass said he asked. How?. Her mind reeled with it. She just... didn't understand. She didn't comprehend any of it. And to continue just staring, even while Bass walked away... how? But then again, Vali wasn't certain how one could lose love for someone so easily; how one could just... stop caring. Every wolf in her life, she cared for. Even the wolves who hadn't been a part of her life since she was young... she still cared for them. That held true even two years prior, when she returned to Abaven after a several year absence. How could one just stop caring?

Her heart twinged as his voice broke, and a strange feeling arose at her at the word children. Some days, it was hard to remember that they were as old as they were, and Bass had children that were... well, adults, and had been for a few years. Man, that made her feel old. At least he didn't have grandchildren yet.

When Bass finished speaking, and he made that admission... "Oh, Bass," she sighed quietly. She leaned into his touch slightly, having absolutely no issues to the touch. She also reached up and nuzzled his ear softly, rasping comforting licks over the appendage. It was her equivalent of a back rub. After a few minutes, not only to help Bass, but also contain her emotional swirl of whatever-the-fuck it was, she stopped, and also leaned away from Bass a bit, before nudging under his chin with her muzzle in a hey, look at me kind of message. She moved to place her muzzle on top of his for a moment, but then realized that... when she did that, she was crossing her eyes to look at him. Yeah, no. A funny look twisted her face and she withdrew, though that was the only reaction - this was that serious to her.

Instead, her nose ended up maybe an inch from where his would be. "None of this is your fault." She spoke with such conviction, that it almost had a hint of anger in it. She shook her head roughly. "None of it." Her eyes were suspiciously bright when she said it, and she blinked away the unshed tears that came as a result of so much frustration, pain, and sorrow. "You couldn't control her actions, Bass. You couldn't stop her from coming and going. You tried - you tried to stop her. I know you did. She left anyway. You didn't cause any of that. You gave the woman you loved chances to come back to the man she once loved, and to the children she bore. You gave your children the chance to have a mother. It's because of her they didn't. If you didn't let her come back after the first time, your children would have hated you. You would have taken their mother away. But you gave her the decision, and she took herself away. Not you." She paused, silent for a moment, searching for the right words to say. "Each of your children... they're all adults now, Bass. You can't give them their happiness. You can't find it for them. Each one of them is different, and unique... and each one of them finds joy in different things. Perhaps some of them are still learning what those things are, and others are learning to accept what they find joy in. You can't be held responsible for that. Sparrow will find happiness. She just has to figure out what she likes, what makes her feel comfortable. But I promise you - I've seen it in their eyes. Every single one of them loves you. Not a single one of them blames you for what their mother did... they blame her. You saw that last year. And every single one of them is learning their path in life. It may take them away from you... it may take them from the pack, and they only return for visits, but they love you, Bass. They love you with everything. That's why, despite everything, they always come back to you... and they stay. They don't drift on the edges of your borders. They come home, to you, their father." She paused, torn on whether or not to say her last thing. Finally, though, she did. She would give Bass honesty.

"Perhaps, some of their paths lay outside of Abaven. But do not take that as them leaving you permanently, and don't blame that on yourself for that. Them leaving can mean that they're finding who they are, what they want to be, who they want to love and what they want to do.  They will always love you." Every word she spoke... she didn't completely speak it while thinking it through. She just spoke from her heart. She wasn't even sure how much of it actually made sense, or how much would help, but she hoped it did. "And they aren't the only ones, either," she added gently. She leaned forward, to almost playfully bump his muzzle. "Don't forget about that."

""

art by birmapus

Bass listened to her words and sighed. He knew that she was right, that everything she said was right. He fought with himself to find the right words, instead just letting out a soft sigh. He couldn't stop his kinds from going anywhere but he couldn't help but think that he had let them down their whole lives. That was something that he needed to deal with himself though, no one else could help him. He smiled when she mentioned not being the only one to love him, leaning against his friend with more earnest. It was just... hard. All of this. But that was life, right? It would never be easy or get any easier from here, not now that aging and dying was becoming a common occurrence. Resting his head on her shoulder, the alpha faintly nodded. "Love you too, Vali. You always know what to say." Bass said softly, shutting his eyes for a moment. He didn't want to talk anymore about things that made him sad. He just wanted to sit here with his longest time companion and just... be. It was a small simple pleasure that he could take out of this crazy life. "SPEAK" "SPEAK ITALIAN"

He listened. Every word she said, he listened, and thought about it. He may not have said anything, but he did listen, and that's what mattered to Vali. And when she was through speaking, and he just leaned against her, she sighed quietly. A small smile appeared on her face at his words, and it was only the lightest of chuckles that answered him. She definitely tried, that was for certain. She took care with her words now, unlike the little spitfire she had been as a yearling. She tilted her own head, resting the top of her cheek against the top of his head, no more words coming from her as she let Bass have his wish - no more words, just... enjoying time with someone who cares and not worrying about the problems of the day anymore.

""

art by birmapus